For Darkness is as Light with You
by sidsaid
Summary: Rey has struggled with many things, but when she finds herself being called towards the dark, her struggles only worsen. Torn between the light's warm rays and the dark's intoxicating embrace, Rey finds herself unwillingly falling down a path which not even her master can pull her from. [Based on events after TFA]
1. Chapter 1

**Bonjour. This is my first Star Wars fanfiction *screams and blows a kazoo*. I had a lot of philosophical thoughts whilst thinking up ideas for this, which is why the Psalms excerpt below stuck with me when I happened upon it. I considered that darkness and light goes beyond good versus evil sometimes. A balance is a balance.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars, obviously. Will never own in future. This is also my own work, because I'm not into ripping people off.**

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 _Even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you_

 _-Psalms 139:12_

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 **Chapter 1**

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It was the pity. Rey was adamant about it. From the moment Kylo Ren had unsheathed his saber into his father's chest the brief anger she had felt had turned to pity. Rey had felt the falter in his mind, let alone having seen it reflected in his eyes. When the knight had been hit by Chewbacca's phaser blast, what Rey imagined was excruciating pain had awoken his flaring rage and bloodlust again. It broke what uncertainty Rey had felt in the air around him.

Then when they had fought in the forest, it was his feelings of disgust which bled into her. His unchained emotions filled the air around them and they were infectious, even before their sabers had touched.

Yes, it was pity. It was the pity that had connected them through the Force. Not Kylo's admission that they were similar. _I feel it too._

Rey knew what she was supposed to feel and think. She fought against the connection to the nth degree. She could pretend that any stray emotions she felt were her own. That the rage which she tied down and didn't let explode was frustration at her inability to pick up a new Jedi technique. That her spite was because she was still a foolish child. The pain, which felt self-inflicted, was her tired imagination. That her desire... it was but an extension of her humanity. She was still human, but becoming a Jedi would eventually drive those emotions out.

Training was her answer to everything. Luke could feel what was churning outside of Rey's own mind. He did not need to intrude to see the emotions swirling within. They were different somewhat to the calm efficiency which she usually worked with; As if they weren't her own. Though Rey wouldn't admit to holding a connection with anyone else. Who could these dark thoughts belong to? Luke had his suspicions, but Force connections were rare. He shared one with his sister, not knowing whether that was love or sibling familiarity that had forged the connection. The Force was still strange and unusual to the Jedi master. Even years at the Jedi temple had only just begun to unlock its mystery.

Rey bowed before Luke at the close of their training for the day. She would then wash up before they ate; a tasteless grain and dried seaweed.

'Rey,' Luke found himself say.

She paused, her eyebrow rising. She had become accustomed to her master calling her _Padawan_ , so she was unsure how to react at first.

'Yes Master'

He pursed his lips and looked seriously at her. 'Being a Jedi, it does not mean you let go of human feelings. They will always be real and present, but it is accepting them and becoming one and balanced with them, once you can do that, you will be one step closer to mastering an understanding of the Force. A Jedi acts with balance and justice, but knows to maintain that emotional balance, they must be at a balance within themselves. That is why we meditate; to maintain. Even the dark must do so, a balance of emotions means power, if you have seen different, then you are mistaken.'

Luke paused and gauged the expression on his pupil's face. The swirling darkness that surrounded her on occasion was not her own. He was sure of that. It was transferred: A displaced darkness which she had caught onto the stream of.

'Do you understand?' He questioned.

'So your emotions must not control your actions?' Rey questioned.

Luke shook his head. 'Your actions must be one with your emotions. There must be a balance with your emotions, whilst also a balance between your emotions and your actions, so that all your actions work with the unity of your emotions and the Force."

Rey nodded. 'I understand master.'

Rey bowed again and turned away from her master, making her way to her own quarters. She considered as she went that even Kylo Ren would never be able to fully understand his own potential if he was never at a balance. Perhaps that was the reason why she had beaten him, that as well as his injury. She needed to be better, that is all she knew.

Her quarters consisted of a small room within one of the partially decayed Jedi structures on the planet. The room was not water tight, but it did not have a draft, so on warm days, it was quite pleasant.

She put her sparing sword down in its holder and relinquished herself of her training gear. Rey stood in her tunic, wishing she had some sort of reflective surface to see herself in. She hadn't seen her own face in months. Rey imagined that she had drastically changed. She could feel her muscles grow and shape from daily training and she knew that her mental development must have changed how she appeared, at least to herself: At least an added air of confidence which she may have lacked?

Rey stepped out of her room and took a slow walk towards the open roofed meditation room of the temple. She used the room to meditate in and used the impluvium below the open roof to bathe in. She walked in silence, having learnt to keep her footsteps light and soundless. Rey felt at peace for the moment, the unwanted emotions had left her briefly and she was able to breathe.

Before her training had begun that morning, Rey had emptied and filled the small impluvium with fresh water. The water, though cold, was soothing to her muscles and the memory she carried with her of the sweltering heat of Jakku.

Her bathing was short. It was more as a means of brief serenity, rather than cleanliness. Rey took the opportunity to wash her hair with one of her few possessions; a bar of soap she had kept within her pack since she had arrived on the planet. It would soon run out, though Rey imagined that she would be called back to D'Qar before that.

The war was still real and apparent. Though Rey held no direct connection with any of her friends, she felt in the Force that the fighting had stilled for the time being, whilst both sides recuperated.

She left the impluvium and allowed herself to air dry, closing her eyes and willing the Force to surround her and let the remaining water fall from her skin. Rey had gotten better at using the Force over the few weeks since she had first tried, though she still found her physical skills were superior to her control of the mystical power.

Getting dressed into her tunic again, Rey stepped back into the middle of the room and took a moment to meditate.

She sat, crossing her legs and joining her hands together in her lap. It had taken her a long time to get accustomed to putting herself into a trance. Her mind would so easily wonder back to Jakku, to the events which happened prior to her finding Luke and before she was weighed down by emotions that weren't hers.

Her breathing settled and she concentrated on the Force. How it flowed within her and around her. She could see and feel Luke's Force signature not too far away. She continued on, passing it by and searching further and further for more. It was if she were a bird, able to fly the whole planet and see the small Force signatures of the small creatures that lived there. Her mind went to breach the atmosphere and the Force felt overwhelming. It was too difficult for her to separate out the Force signatures within the star system which she currently remained in. It was like a spectacle, though. Rey could see which planets were heavily populated and which were not. She could feel the murmur in the Force and it was almost like it whispered to her, telling her beautiful things of the light.

Rey felt like she was sitting on a cloud. Or perhaps she had become this system's star, looking fondly at everything within its reach. She smiled to herself knowing that potentially one day she could go even further. Travel planets in her mind, explore without leaving her place.

Just as Rey was beginning to pull back, she heard a whisper and her concentration was drawn to it. She found discomfort in the whisper and despite feeling fearful in the pit of her stomach, she pursued it, hoping to understand what it was.

It was intoxicating; feeling the adrenaline of her fear, but following anyway. Then she paused. She didn't feel the warmth of the light anymore, it was like she had been plunged into ice water and then thrown into fire.

Her eyes opened immediately, yelping as she felt her skin burn. When she looked at her arms and legs, though, they remained untouched.

Rey felt wary. She didn't know what it meant, but in the back of her mind, she felt the allure to try again and be burnt. She shook her head however, thinking wishing pain on herself was illogical. It wasn't what she should be thinking. It wasn't what Luke would want her to be thinking.

She got up and went back to her quarters, taking her evening cloak and exiting the ruins again.

In the now dim light, Luke was already sitting beside a fire, tending to it with the Force. His hand was held out in front of him, as if softly coaxing the fire to life. As if the fire was just a child or small animal needing a loving touch.

Their dinner was slowly cooking above the fire and Rey wrapped herself in her cloak as the night chill came.

'Master Luke,' Rey murmured, looking up at her master.

'Yes, padawan.' He did not glance up at her, he just continued to stir the grain.

Rey swallowed and looked into the fire for a brief moment, wondering whether if she put her hand within the flames, would she be able to avoid the pain through her control of the Force alone.

'No, you would not be able to.' Luke interrupted her thoughts and Rey's eyes snapped back up at him. 'Pain cannot be avoided and should not be manipulated to convince yourself it can should not think such things, child. Those are dark thoughts.'

Rey bowed her head, embarrassed. 'I'm sorry, Master.' She bit down on her lip softly, trying to avoid the idea that this time, those were her own thoughts.

'What did you want to ask me?' He questioned, taking their two bowls and sharing the grain between them.

Rey passed her master a piece of dried seaweed and took her bowl from him, bowing her thanks. 'I wondered whether you would come back too. When my training ends, or something happens in the Force.'

Luke looked out over the expanse of the island and breathed heavily. 'I can no longer hide myself away here.' He looked to Rey then. 'I came here to find the answers in the Force. How to truly find balance between dark and light.'

'Did you find the answers, Master Luke?' Rey asked. She then spooned some of the gruel into her mouth.

Luke shook his head. 'I found that my questions were wrong. Where there is light, there is also darkness. Balance is brief. Like a sunset, dark will eventually overpower the light, but once sunrise comes, light will dominate again. It is a continuous struggle, the fated pair that will always be at odds.'

'Does that mean we are all susceptible-?'

Luke cut Rey off with a nod. 'Even I could be seduced to the dark side. It is our choice, however, to choose the right side.'

Rey nodded in understanding. 'If the dark side is so seductive, why is the light not also?'

He smiled at that, reaching out to Rey and patting her shoulder. 'The light is just as seductive when it is let in. Even someone born and moulded in darkness can be drawn towards the light. Just like the dark feeds off of anger, pain and vengeance even, the light feeds off of joy, love and humility.'

Rey nodded again and found herself mimicking her master's smile and she continued to eat, comfortable silence falling over the two of them.

 **XxX**

Rey bid her master a good night and went back to her quarters to rest. She had always been accustomed to sleeping early and rising early, so training with Luke was comfortable.

She removed her boots once more and slipped onto her small cot, wrapping herself in several blankets which Chewbacca had left before he had gone back to the resistance with the reluctant R2-D2.

Rey was comfortable. The small cot and warmth that she had created with the blankets was far more comforting than any structure she had lived in on Jakku. It wasn't long before she drifted off to sleep, feeling a wave of apprehension as she did so.

As she slept, Rey found herself in an unfamiliar building or house. It was unlike anything she remembered seeing before. The rooms were covered in wood, rather than the metal she was so used to, yet it wasn't a hut. It seemed grand almost. Despite the grandeur of it all, there seemed to be a darkness in the air which spurred on her uncertainty. The curtains which covered the windows were black and she thought she heard someone weeping.

Rey explored, finding herself lost in mazes of rooms, all with the similar design, though fear struck at her when she found rooms which smelled of blood and sizzling flesh. She could not see where the smell came from, but her mind urged her to wake up. Even as she walked deeper within the house, the darkness seemed to close in on her, never touching her, but making its presence known. It was unlike the darkness she had become accustomed to – it felt far more raw and wild than the calculated evil she had associated with the Dark Side.

Master Luke had never spoken in detail about there being different representations of dark and light. At least not yet. This darkness seemed untempered and it intrigued Rey. She wondered what it could mean if a kind of darkness existed which was uncalculated, vicious like a wild animal, yet natural. Was there a light counterpart? Dazzling and striking? If an angel fell, would it be filled with darkness or blinding light?

She paused then, feeling a shift in the air. The rawness of the dark seemed to grow and she smelled sweat and something else…she wasn't quite sure. It was unfamiliar to her, but Rey knew it was not a scent made from fantasy.

Then she heard creaking and guttural moans. Rey thought they sounded like cries of torture and she set off again, to find the source of the noises. As she rushed down a darkened and featureless hallway she could tell there were two different moans. The thought of it made her slow down again and her ears pricked up, working through all of the possibilities of what she would find if she continued.

Her brow furrowed as she continued on and she felt the hair at the back of her neck stand up and the darkness begin to glance off her skin. It was uncomfortable. It was as if it licked at her, stinging her for an incredibly brief moment before sending relief against where it had touched her.

The voices – she knew they were voices now – elevated and Rey could hear heavy breathing once she reached the front of an open door. The jerking sound of two hard surfaces coming into contact and then the rhythmic slap of skin against skin answered Rey's question.

She did not have to look within the room to know what she had happened upon. But she did not understand why she had found this in her own mind?

Her hand paused on the handle, considering for a moment why darkness would surround her in her own dream. Even if she was possessed with dark thoughts which were not hers, she was not so afflicted or plagued by them as this.

It wasn't until she was already peering around the door did Rey understand what it meant. Not until her eyes caught onto the broad shoulders and dark curls of the man whose dream this was. Rey could only see his back, but she knew who he was. Darkness swirled around him, caressing him as his muscles moved beneath his skin. Rey couldn't look away. It was an intoxicating sight. The darkness whispered to her, almost giggled and her hand tightened on the door handle.

Whoever his partner was gasped then and Rey felt almost light headed as darkness slinked around her, touching and burning her. His movements only sped up and more of the darkness drew to him, covered him in its rawness.

Rey understood then, why the darkness stuck so closely to him. She knew in his movements, in how he seemed to bring pain out of the woman; uncalculated…untempered pain. It was lust; something that her master so often called a dark attribute. And as Rey continued to stare and was unable to tear her gaze away, she could feel her own growing too.

Then she heard her own voice. It hadn't even been a word that had escaped her mouth, it was almost a breath, an inhalation.

His head swiftly turned and when their eyes met, Rey felt as if she had been doused in fire, and then she was suddenly blinking awake, staring at the wall across from her, sweat dripping from her amongst the blankets.

He had seen her. Kylo Ren had seen her. Not some apparition. Not some fantastical character her own mind had conjured. Rey had fallen into his dreams somehow. She had felt his lust. She had seen into his mind. The blood…the smell of burning flesh, the distant screaming, it was all forged in his imagination.

The darkness: The archaic representation of it. It had not been his, however. Rey could distinguish that once she had awoken. Kylo Ren's darkness was dirty, damaged and mangled. This darkness which had seared her flesh, which had been drawn to Kylo Ren's unyielding movements and had been tempting, almost unknowingly in its giggling embrace. This darkness was at its rawest. It had been tangible, unlike what Rey suspected light in its purest form would be.

Then suddenly Rey felt cold. She had been tempted. The darkness that had plagued her waking mind through his had reached her through Kylo Ren's dreams, eliciting a reaction out of her that she had not shirked away from. A reaction she had not rejected but drawn towards.

Rey shivered then, realising that despite her best efforts, she was more susceptible to the darkness than she had previously thought.

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	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

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Rey found herself turning her blade in her hand, her finger running lightly over the sharp edge as she watched the fire murmur. She hadn't realised she'd been doing so until Luke put a hand over hers and took the knife from her.

'Pay attention,' he said cautiously, not liking how her mind would wonder; especially with a weapon in her hands.

'Sorry Master.' Rey's voice was hardly audible over the crackling of the flames.

She knew she had been distracted. Her dream from the previous night plagued her most immediate thoughts, to the extent that she wouldn't have been surprised if Luke could sense exactly what gripped tightly onto her attention.

The day of training had left her wrought with more wounds than usual and she had so easily fallen back into her old manoeuvres, leaving herself open to Luke's attacks. Even then, the pain of the practice saber striking her ribs or the back of her legs, did not make her falter more: The pain kept her standing, though she consistently found herself being struck by Luke.

Luke could sense the lack of co-ordination in her attacks. All the training they had completed, she was forgetting within the space of a few hours. He had decided to cut their training short and allow Rey to meditate instead, so she could focus herself more.

Once dusk had come, Luke had set out their dinner and watched as Rey had played with her knife as she stared into the fire. He had been quick about taking the blade from her hands, but that did not divert her attention towards him.

'Do you have something on your mind, Rey? You have been distracted all day.' There was slight annoyance tinged into his voice, though Luke tried to keep his tone level.

Rey looked up at him. It would have been right to tell him what she saw, what she felt. How even as she sat with him, she could feel charged anger in the back of her mind which did not belong to her. It was anger that was followed by pain and loneliness. The feeling of loneliness, however, she was never quite sure was hers or his – Kylo's.

'I had been thinking on what you said yesterday, Master,' she responded. 'About being susceptible to the light and to the dark.'

Luke nodded and allowed Rey to continue.

'Is it truly the light or the dark that calls to you? Or is it your actions? If your actions are affiliated with the dark, do you assume darkness as your ally? Or can it not be like that at all?' She spoke slowly, trying to perfectly articulate her meaning.

Her master did not respond for some time. He seemed to be thinking heavily on what she had said.

'Do you mean that if one revels in anarchy, anger and pain, yet they feel in their heart that they are of the light, they would be?' Luke questioned.

Rey considered his words and chewed on her lip. 'I suppose it is not possible. I just wondered that if you felt you were acting for the light, regardless of what you did, would you be of the light or of the darkness?'

'Whether we believe ourselves to be of light or darkness, it is our actions, their effect, what side we feel grips us wholly and what side we are seduced by, that is conducive to whether we are of light or darkness.'

She nodded. 'So those who are seduced to the dark side are more disposed to developing those horrible characteristics. It influences you, even if the side which you take is against what you might have originally believed in or how you might have originally acted. The fall takes place after the seduction and not before.'

'That is what I believe,' Luke responded. 'Much like you can be born only knowing the way of the Sith and being surrounded by darkness, you may not wholly be of the darkness and may not become truly allied with it.'

'And vice versa?'

Luke nodded. 'Though things can change. There come many stages within our lives when we might find ourselves falling either way, which is why we must find balance within our own emotions. You must know yourself.'

'So being of the light and feeling it within you means your actions will most likely reflect your allegiance.' Rey paused for a moment and looked into the fire again. 'Would that mean, Master, that it is impossible to ever truly find permanence in either the dark or the light?'

'Perhaps, young padawan. We will never know whether even those with the darkest of hearts had moments of light, or whether the brightest of Jedi found themselves compelled towards darkness, even if it were for a brief time.'

Luke straightened up then and picked up his canteen of water. He drank slowly and put it back down and looked squarely at Rey. 'To be a Jedi, a true Jedi in adherence with the code, you must find yourself within the light. There have been many who have been unable to do so, yet have not fallen to the dark either. They found their own balance within the force, but you must know Rey, that those individuals had no interest in control or balance of their emotions. They were not true Jedi, and I cannot teach you anything other than the true Jedi way.'

'I understand, Master.'

Rey stood then and bowed her head before heading towards her quarters. Her heart felt heavy. She knew what Luke had meant when he said he could only teach her the way of the Jedi. He had seen into her conflicted mind, he knew that she was thinking beyond the scope of the light.

She was disappointed more than anything. That she was unable to get a grip on her own mind. She knew she felt the light, no matter how desirous the darkness was, she knew she could never bring herself to inflict torturous pain or anarchy like the darkness wanted, but the light still seemed so distant. Rey wanted to follow her heart and not the Jedi interpretation of the light. She wanted to do what she thought was right, regardless of darkness or light.

As she sat in her cot, removing her shoes, she could sense the anger creeping up on her again. It was frustrating knowing that they weren't her emotions, yet she felt like it deeply affected her. If Kylo Ren's emotions leaked into hers, she could never truly be a Jedi. And what would that mean? Would Luke tell her to leave? Would she have to take that middle line? And truly, it didn't sound like a terrible decision to her.

Rey had lived so long on Jakku fighting for her life that the line between dark and light, good and evil, blurred so often. Was she wrong to beat a Crolute near to death to take back her rations, which had been stolen from her? Was she wrong to value her fist over her words when it came to the outpost? Was it wrong to use underhand methods when the time came for it? To protect herself? To protect those around her who needed protecting?

'I am more than just my actions,' she murmured to herself as she removed her tunic. 'I will not let my actions define my allegiances.'

Rey lay on her cot, stripped down to her undergarments as she stared up at the curved stone ceiling. In that moment she felt the warmth of light amongst the dampness of the dark. It was a strange juxtaposition, yet the darkness she could sense in her room was nothing like the raw darkness she had encountered in the dream the night before. That darkness seemed to become a fantasy, almost. Her mind was anthropomorphising darkness when darkness was merely a manifestation of centuries of thought. Much like the light possibly was. There had to be the same for the light.

She wondered as she looked at her fingers – unwilling to fall asleep and fall into dreams that weren't hers again – whether there was a time before light and darkness and what it had been like. When the Force was just the Force and no allegiance had to be made. When Force-users had begun to label emotions and actions as inherently dark or light, that is when a division had begun. By giving it a name, the true fight began.

Her hands came together against her stomach and she concentrated on that dissonance between the two sides. Rey focused on bringing them together, rather than apart. So she could feel nothing but the Force within her and surrounding her. So she could find a balance within the light and dark rather than within her own emotions. There could be strength within the light as there was in the dark.

It wasn't long before her concentration gave way to her fatigue and Rey fell into a wary slumber. As she fell, she could feel ice against her skin, so cold that it was almost warm and then hot coals at her feet: Both burning her skin. Rey imagined what it would be like to have the feeling of ice under her feet as she walked on the coals and to have the two cancel each other out.

Her eyes opened then and she felt Jakku's blazing sun baring down on her. It was with discomforting familiarity that she looked around her to scope out where she had landed. The ice and fire had melted away and it held no control here. The sand could hold no bearing on flames and the strangely warm ice just as quickly would melt.

There was nothing but dunes around her; no destroyed AT-AT, no Star Destroyer's blistering metallic stern glimmering in the heat of the desert.

Rey wondered why she was here, standing on her own in this huge expanse, no hint of dehydration on her tongue, just a sense of balance around her.

She began to walk, no clear place in mind as she went. Rey could hear echoes, though she didn't understand the words or where they were coming from. She wondered whether it was the darkness, or even the light, attempting to reach her and overpower the other, yet neither could win.

Rey felt the most sure of mind in that moment than she had in many weeks and even as she felt the burn in her own imaginary muscles as she climbed a dune, the idea of home clung fast to her. The desert wasteland was her home, no matter how much she wanted to deny it.

'Here again?'

The familiar voice had Rey frozen in place at the top of the dune. It seemed to appear within her own mind, but as she looked over the slip face of the orange formation, she could see a figure at its base. He was without a helmet and his raven hair blew in the coarse desert wind. His flaringly obvious anger was written into the grim line of his mouth.

'It's a shame I can't kill you here and I can only express my frustration at having you pollute my mind.' He spoke.

Before Rey could say anything or move, his hand moved out in front of him and it tightened into a fist. The dune gave way, dragging Rey into it and she found herself sinking beneath the sand. Rey was no fool when it came to the dunes, she knew how to escape and wouldn't allow herself to be made a fool in her own imagination: Even if he was really there in front of her and not an apparition, even if she could feel his Force signature pulsing within her head.

She slid down the collapsing slip face and landed on one knee at the base, metres from Kylo Ren. He seethed and she remained still and silent.

Whether this was her dream or his, she felt no desire to let his anger and hatred influence her actions. If she couldn't stop his influence outside her dreams, then she would do the most to do so when she was the master of her own emotions.

'How are you doing this?' he questioned, his voice growing tighter at her lack of an answer.

Rey straightened up, looking up into his face and squaring her jaw. She could see his familiar dark eyes skitter and the way his jaw moved as he grit his teeth. He began to charge towards her then and his gloved hand gripped her throat. She could see the darkness swirling around him. It had suddenly surrounded him and she gasped at its appearance, despite his hand trying to squeeze the air from her lungs.

Whilst Rey had not been able to distinguish the dark from the light in this dream world, he had called it to him like a beacon. Was he even aware of it? Rey wondered.

Seconds passed and his grip did not falter, though Rey did not grow weak and she did not feel herself crawl closer to death. All she felt were the tendrils of darkness that surrounded him, licking out at her skin again, burning wherever they touched.

 _Does it not cause you pain to have darkness surround you like that?_ The question Rey had thought was loud in Kylo's mind and his hand loosened.

'Or do you see the pain as a healthy trade-off for your regrets?' she croaked as he freed her windpipe.

His eyes narrowed. 'What pain?' he spat.

Rey tilted her head slightly and his hands released her neck completely.

'Do you not feel the flames against your skin? I can see them, they grow more and more attached the more emotional you get.'

'And you feel no emotion?' he questioned.

Rey took a step away from him. 'I would rather take advantage of my ability to be the master of my own emotions whilst I am here. Not when you poison my waking self with your anger.'

'I poison you?' His voice was filled with incredulousness and he seemed as if he were about to laugh in Rey's face.

Her expression grew more guarded as she saw the emotions shift on his features. Even the darkness licked further out with the outburst and Rey stepped away again, further from the toxicity of his emotions.

'That foolish Jedi ideology that _Luke Skywalker_ has been ingraining into your mind must have driven you mad.' He continued to mock her, but Rey stood firm.

'Do you not feel my emotions?' she questioned. He paused and looked at her, his eyes peering into hers. 'I see now what my Master meant.' Rey smiled as the muscle in Kylo's cheek twitched and she felt her skin cool. 'Being born of the light is in itself your weakness. It takes all your will to fight against it, yet it stays in the back of your mind, eating away at the darkness: To the extent that you can't differentiate between the light which calls you and the light which is reflected from my emotions.'

He grit his teeth again and his nostrils flared. 'You have no place in my mind,' he said through his teeth.

'Then why do we share this space right now?'

Kylo was left unable to answer Rey and her arms folded across her chest.

'I find no comfort knowing your incapability to escape the light. I know that is the reason you killed your father and I cannot say I do not hate you for it, but I feel your hateful emotions whenever I'm awake and it has a horrible influence on me. You are toxic, but I don't know what this connection is or how to break it. So please, sever it. I do not wish to feel remorse if I have to kill you and I do not want to be somehow drawn into the darkness because of it.'

Rey nodded briefly, maintaining her composure so the flames had no interest in reaching her – no interest in attaching to her like they had the other night, merely because of their shared lust. She wasn't a fool, she knew why Jedi's strived towards celibacy. Lust and passion had more hold on a human's basest emotions than anger or pain ever could.

She readied herself to walk past Kylo and continue her dream walk alone when he finally spoke.

'You are wrong.' His voice had normalised. Though it held disdain, it was overrun with confusion and frustration. 'I have no control over this link and I haven't the ability to break it.'

Rey's eyes met his quickly and she tried not to show her fear, but failed miserably.

'You should take this as a sign from the Force. It knows your allegiance, it beckons you towards it. Even if you mask your desire for the darkness here, I felt it yesterday. I saw it in your eyes and the darkness will take you, one way or another; through your body first or your mind.'

She couldn't help herself. Her hands screwed into fists and she found herself hurtling towards him, her arms swinging out and meeting his jaw and stomach. Kylo merely dropped back a step, absent of pain. Then Rey felt the flames lick at her – displace themselves from Kylo and then she screamed.

Rey screamed until it echoed throughout the desert, throughout her mind and then she jolted up in her cot, her throat straining as the sound continued into the real world.

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 **Thanks for reading.**

 **You know I'm going to apologise if anything I write is against canon, in terms of the jedi-code and so on, because my knowledge of it is not as expansive as I would like.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

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It wasn't until Rey could feel Luke's hands grip her arms tightly that she stopped screaming. He shook her gently, worry clear in his eyes and Rey found herself weeping in her master's arms.

'A nightmare?' he questioned solemnly.

Rey left only a brief gap of silence before nodding, lying to herself and her master.

'Are you not able to achieve some semblance of peace before you sleep?' Luke questioned. The look in Rey's eyes was enough of an answer for him, however. She was scared. That fact did not surprise him. Rey had told him over the last 3 weeks what had brought her to find him, how close she was to greeting death and she guessed she would have met him with anger. Her mind was too clouded and it hindered her greatly.

Rey's breathing grew steadier and eventually she pulled herself from Luke's arms. 'Sleep is difficult. Though it has always been difficult.'

Luke nodded. He imagined growing up alone and on the edges of a space junk yard left one constantly fearful of sleep. However, he knew there was something more, though his own connection to the force would not allow him to know.

'I will mix you a tonic if you wish, though nightmares are better overcome than chased away by potions.'

Rey nodded. 'I will overcome it Master, is that not the Jedi way?'

He smiled briefly and nodded. 'One must work through their issues to find a solution.'

'I think I will be fine now. Please go back to bed.' Rey bowed her head slightly and Luke nodded, getting up from her cot and making his way out of her quarters and back to his own.

Rey looked about her and felt the hard rocky ground beneath her feet. The dream had felt so real. Even her throat ached from where Kylo had tried to squeeze the life from her. She couldn't be sure whether it was her own imagination creating that pain, or whether there was some horrifying connection between them. One that went beyond simply sharing emotions.

The flames however. Or what she had felt of the flames, had disappeared. All she felt against her arms and chest now, was a slight tingle, though it did not disturb her. Then her mind went back to what Kylo had said and her fists tightened in anger.

 _You should take this as a sign from the Force. It knows your allegiance; it beckons you towards it. Even if you mask your desire for the darkness here, I felt it yesterday. I saw it in your eyes and the darkness will take you, one way or another; through your body first or your mind._

Rey was stronger than Kylo believed, she knew it. She knew the implication behind his words. That lust and desire would have her first and then the poison would further grip her, tainting the light inside her heart.

'I am stronger than that. The dark cannot compel me towards corruption.'

She closed her eyes and breathed deeply, centring herself through the cold earth against the soles of her feet and feeling the light draft flow around her. Her shoulders relaxed and she let out a long exhalation.

Rey lay back down on the cot, just looking up at the dark ceiling above her and thinking of the friends she had left to come here. She often tried to feel through the Force how they were. Whether Finn was recovered yet and back to worrying incessantly over her, even when she was so far away. Rey wanted to go back. She wanted to be with them. Master Luke was company enough, but the bond she had formed with Finn was what she expected it felt like to have a best friend.

Her skill with the Force was not good enough to even reach where he was, let alone check on how he was. Though her gut told her he was well.

Eventually a dream-less sleep descended on Rey and she was thankful for that.

When Rey awoke she felt much better than she had the previous morning and her concentration was back in her training. Not even a glimpse of anger made itself known, though Rey would be a fool to think that the connection to Kylo had disappeared overnight. What worried her, was despite her gladness that she could not feel his anger and spite at this moment, its disappearance filled her with wariness. A bubble of discomfort rose from her stomach to her throat and her mind strayed when she thought too much on it.

Rey couldn't tell whether it was worry for the man himself, or worry that his emotions had become a stabilising part of her. That having the burden of his own emotions alongside hers, had made her far more balanced or filled with relief that their burdens were shared?

It was no surprise to Rey why she suddenly felt so torn. Her mind had always constantly craved companionship and even when she was a child, she had fallen into faux-friendship, unwittingly falling into the lies of others based on a promise of friendship.

There was a part of Rey that would always seek that out. Would always seek out someone who was as alone as she had always been and that they could share their burdens with each other. Despite her hatred of the connection between herself and Kylo, it had become a companion to her. One she did not want, but one she was made to deal with.

'Without struggle there is no progress.' She whispered to herself as she climbed, a heavy pack on her back.

Rey couldn't be sure where she had heard the saying from, but whenever she had held in Kylo's displaced anger, the words had become a sort of mantra to her. That even to achieve her goals as a warrior of the light, she must struggle with darkness first. Her own darkness and the darkness of others.

Kylo was a test, just like Luke telling her to climb a cliff face with 10kg of rocks on her back, it was all a test.

Once she had reached the top of the cliff, she pulled herself over the edge and caught her breath as she knelt down.

Luke had been meditating at the precipice and he opened his eyes then, nodding to her success. He stood and then held a hand out to her.

'You've worked incredibly hard today. Your skill at fighting with a sparring sword has improved immensely and though these aren't normal circumstances, I think it is time we move onto training with the real thing.'

Rey couldn't hide the smile that appeared on her face. Training with the wooden stick had been nothing like what it had felt to actually wield a Lightsaber, or even a training saber. Up till now, it had felt like she was training to fight like a knight of days of old, with a metal sword, needing brute strength behind it.

'We will start with Shii-Cho blast-deflect training and when I think you are good enough, we will move onto Form II. Though be aware that we will continue the sequence training we have been doing these three weeks, as even though I know we have little time, I want to train you to the best of my ability.'

Rey nodded. 'I understand Master.'

 _When will I get my own Lightsaber?_ The question was on the tip of her tongue. It had been since she had reached this planet. Rey decided not to say it out loud, however, not wanting to hear Luke's obvious rejection.

Luke took the bag from her back and then started to walk back to their camp, Rey following after him.

'We will also see what type of weapon suits you best.'

She couldn't hide her smile and memories of her staff immediately came back to her. The weapon had been useful to her for many years and she had grown accustomed to it.

XxX

The two sat down for their evening meal and Rey ate happily with the knowledge that she was progressing. Despite her improving skills meaning she was one step closer to having to go back out and fight, she felt the pull towards becoming stronger and becoming a Jedi, outweighing her fears. Even if she still wasn't quite sure what being a Jedi would mean.

Luke watched her over his bowl as he chewed on the tough grain. Even if he couldn't read her mind, he still couldn't help feeling out for the Force around her. It was bright. It worried him, still. Luke knew his previous catastrophic failings had led to pain and death, so he wanted to be cautious this time. He wanted to make sure Rey was okay, that she wouldn't stray.

She finished her food as quickly as usual and took to looking into the fire, waiting for her master to finish.

'These days you seem to have a fascination with the fire.' Luke commented.

Rey looked at him and her mouth tightened into a pout. She thought before she answered.

'I suppose I've been thinking about darkness and light. Pain and joy.' She glanced back at the fire again. 'Fire can represent light and warmth in the darkness, yet it's such a destructive force. It gives and takes and so I keep thinking about its allegiance.'

Her mind was thinking on the pain of the fire that seemed to represent the darkness in her shared dreams with Kylo. It had appeared as both ice and fire in its pain, yet it didn't seem right to align fire in that manner.

On Jakku, fires weren't often lit. Electric lights lit the nights and there was no meat to cook. But Rey had always had dreams of sitting beside a fire, taking in its warmth, whilst a slight chill caught on the wind. She imagined waiting for her family by the fireside, at the hearth.

Maybe that was why she was so unwilling to stray away from it? Perhaps she was mistaken and the fire itself was harmless. Or it was all a trick; the darkness taking advantage of her own mind.

Luke seemed to nod. 'First you make a distinction. Fire is much like a domesticated wild animal. It can be nurtured and allowed to grow safely and gradually. But just like any wild animal, it needs to have a figure of authority, the fire cannot be allowed to be alone, for it can be extinguished or potentially grow dangerous and wild. But most importantly, it is treated as something precious, a gift. The gift of warmth and light.

'If fire is taught to destroy, created with destruction in mind, then it will be just that and become a messenger of darkness, of evil. The fire itself has no choice with what we do with it, the fire itself is nothing but an object for us to exploit, and that's the most important thing. Because fire can be exploited for darkness it doesn't mean it can't be controlled again, pulled back into the light.'

Rey nodded, looking carefully at Luke. 'Would you teach me?'

'Pyrokinesis?' he questioned. The art wasn't exactly complex. He had taught his sister in the space of a few afternoons.

Rey nodded, leaning forward. 'I find myself fearing fire more every day as I look into it. If I could control it, keep it safe, I'd feel differently.'

Luke raised an eyebrow and nodded. 'I will teach you, though you must take control over that growing fear. It is unwise to fear objects rather than people.'

'Even the darkness?'

He nodded. 'The darkness shouldn't be feared. It should be understood and overcome. Much like the light isn't something to be feared, for Jedi, Sith and Ren alike, it must be understood and taken in and accepted, or rejected and fought against.'

Rey nodded. Her eyes went back to the fire. She knew to put her hand in the flames would hurt, but that wasn't the darkness. The compulsion, perhaps, but not the fire itself.

Luke put his bowl down beside him and held out his hands in front of him.

'I've taught you how to channel the Force and sense it in everything around you. Feel the Force flow through every molecule in everything. Pyrokinesis is taking those molecules floating amongst us, the air we breathe in and joining them together as if you were creating a fire with a spindle stick and fire board. That friction between the molecules, if given enough attention can bloom into a flame and then grow. Then it's all up to your connection to the Force; your power, which controls how big it can go, how much you can control.'

Rey held out her hands, copying Luke's actions.

In a moment of seconds, he had conjured a small flame in the palm of his hands and it grew. It resembled a small hatchling, warily peeking out from his hands.

'Does it not burn?'

He shook his head. 'That's part of the control. You can make the fire harmless but it can just as easily be made to cause pain.'

Luke closed his hand and the small fire bird disappeared.

'The hardest part is making it grow from a single flame and keeping control over it. This is something even force sensitive individuals can learn to do.'

Rey nodded and focused her concentration into her palms. She willed the air around her to comply and dance within her hands. She could feel a slight tingle along the tips of her fingers, though it did not carry the warmth she wanted.

Luke watched her as she concentrated. The process was very much like meditation, in that it was all within the mind. There was no specific technique, nor level of learning necessary. It was merely having a connection with the Force and speaking to it.

'Maybe you should rest for the day,' Luke started after Rey had been in her position for 30 minutes. 'Your body must be tired.'

She looked to her hands one last time before nodding and she stood, bowing gently to Luke. 'Goodnight Master,' she said before leaving and going to her quarters.

As she walked, she still tried to call the fire to her. The action was far more calming than she expected it to be, so the thoughts came with ease. Even as she sat on her cot, ready to sleep, she looked at the candles within her quarter, seeing if she could affect them somehow.

After another twenty minutes of concentration, the candles flickered and Rey smiled to herself. It was something. The confidence that it brought on distracted her from the reality of the night and she quickly fell asleep, not worrying over what would find her in her dreams.

Rey opened her eyes to be met with the tall canopy of trees above her. Her mind immediately flashed back to Takodana and at the forest she had tried to navigate before she met Kylo. Thinking of him caused her an immediate ache in her chest and she sighed as she sat up from her position laying on the ground.

She looked around her and she was dressed in her training clothing, her sparing sword in the tight grip of her hand. Once she stood, she decided to explore her immediate surroundings. The weather was mild and there was a smell of rain in the air. As she walked, she twisted the wooden weapon in front of her, practicing the Shii-cho sequences Luke had taught her and trying to channel the Force around her.

 _The sword is an extension of you. And you are an extension of the Force. Feel it flow through you and out from the tips of your fingers and toes._

Luke's words repeated in her mind as she moved from step to step, keeping the sword always moving, like wind or waves.

Then she heard the scrunch of leaves and she turned, a dark figure walking through the trees and towards her. Rey's sword was already held out in front of her, though she knew very well who it was.

'Still learning Form I?' There was disappointment in his tone, though his mouth was set in a hard line as he approached Rey.

She kept a distant, backing up as he got closer and holding the weapon firmly in front of her.

'If you wish to kill me, you'll need to learn faster than that. That Form is only useful against the weak, much like you, Youngling.'

'I have no wish to kill you,' Rey responded easily. She almost thought it was a lie by how quickly she responded and without a second thought. But she knew it was true. Even looking at Kylo now, his overbearing presence and the hateful expression he wore, she didn't want to kill him.

Kylo smirked. 'What will you do then? Heal me? Save me?' he laughed.

Rey lowered her arm and tucked the sword into her belt. 'Only you can do that Ben.'

She watched as he grit his teeth together but she could only sigh as she looked at him. Her mind went to General Organa and she pitied her immensely. The son she had tirelessly fought for was an image of foolish darkness and immaturity. He had killed so many, done so much harm, yet he was still so weak. Even as she stared at him, she could see the fire in his eyes, wanting to burst out and strike at her, like some vicious Nexu that had been trapped in a cage for its whole life, yearning for its enslavers blood.

'If you die you won't have any time to feel guilty or to regret what you have done.' Rey said simply. 'You have no control over your own actions, probably even the simplest Shii-cho forms are beyond you.'

As Rey turned to walk away, she could hear the angered and harried breathing of Kylo behind her and she suddenly did not care. What seemed to be the most dangerous of things within her dreams, was the anger and the darkness that came with it. He could hurt her, perhaps, more psychologically than anything, but he could do nothing else.

'You're lying to yourself if you think you are in the light.' He shouted to her. 'You're lying to yourself if you think you are pure of heart and pure of mind, or that you can become that way.'

Rey turned to him again, her eyes narrowing.

Kylo was smirking again. 'You're foolish to think the darkness won't take you with ease. That it can't compel you towards it, that it doesn't know what you want. Have you learnt nothing of the Force yet?'

'I know that the Force has no allegiance and even if I am not of the light, the Force will be my guide. My guide to goodness and justice above all.'

He laughed then, and as Rey's brows furrowed, his mirth only heightened until he was bent over, hand against his stomach. 'You live in a dream world. The Force has its allegiance, and that is power. Pure and unadulterated power. Whoever holds the universe within their hands is who the Force follows. The Force doesn't care if we rip this world to shreds, it will only rebuild and feed again.'

Rey shook her head. 'The Force is not some parasite.'

'Oh yes it is. Though you are new to this Youngling, I wouldn't expect you to know, especially learning the drivel of Luke Skywalker.'

'I am no youngling,' she hissed at him.

He looked almost smug and he began to walk towards her and Rey only watched him, her hands at fists to her sides.

'You will come to see it soon enough. That what you want is power and freedom to use it and that I'm the one who can give it to you.'

Rey huffed and raised her chin. 'So you think I'll suddenly be compelled towards genocide?'

He smiled then and continued forward. Rey found herself frozen in the spot and she wasn't sure if it was he who was doing it, or her. 'You think far too simply.'

His hands reached out to hers, gripping her forearms tightly. Rey tried to pull from his grip, but without being able to use the Force or to reach the wooden weapon in her belt, she was against his strength alone.

'The darkness…the Force, it knows what you desire, what you truly desire.'

Rey shook her head and pulled at her arms. His hands were hot, painfully so and she could feel her skin burn beneath his. The flames did not come from him however, they stood between them, licking at both of their shoes, wanting attention. It was not his darkness, it was the raw darkness that sought her out to claim her.

'It's not this, it will never be this,' she said, shaking her head continuously.

Kylo clucked his tongue. 'You've made a simple mistake Youngling. Forgetting that you are human.'

Her eyes narrowed in confusion, but he was silent as he stared into her eyes, his hands like hot metal, left out in the searing sun of Jakku all afternoon.

'The Force has given me this gift. The chance to bring you to me when you are defenceless, to show you what you really want, where you can't protect your own thoughts.' He smiled then, releasing her arms and stepping back. 'It's fate.'

Rey stepped back, falling on a loose tree root and feeling the welts across her arms. A glance at Kylo's hands and she could see they were the same. The fire between them had dissipated, but she could still feel the distant heat around her, turning rain drops into steam. Their eyes still met and Rey felt sick as her stomach churned. She swore she could hear the whispers again, from that first dream. The darkness whispering and giggling in her ear, compelling her to not look away.

* * *

 **Thanks for reading**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

* * *

Rey immediately sat up from her cot, trying to regain her breath and she looked at her arms. There were no welts, but she couldn't deny that her skin wasn't darker there, as if touched by the sun.

She didn't know what to think. What it meant that they kept on having these shared dreams? How much Kylo knew about her through her dreams alone? When she had been inside his, she could sense every emotion, she could feel his lust flow through and around her. It had felt like hell. So had it been the same for her? These past two nights, had he been able to feel her every emotion, her every thought? Then did it affect him equally?

Rey couldn't help gripping the covers tightly, trying to relieve the tension that had built up in her muscles. It scared her. It horrified her that he could know what she felt, that he could find out weaknesses not even she knew.

Her hands began to rub unconsciously over her arms and her eyes stung, on the cusp of tears.

She should tell Luke, she knew she should. Perhaps he had some tonic or meditation that would help? But then she knew that she needed to overcome Kylo more than anything and if he thought she could come to him, then there must have been the possibility that he would come to her. If it was Fate like he said, perhaps it was in her favour?

Rey wasn't a fool. She'd lived alone long enough to know that hope was a foolish thing to hedge your bets on, but she couldn't help but glance over the thought. If Kylo left the darkside, if he changed, even if he was gone from the equation, it would be easier.

She glanced at the time, noting that the sun would rise soon. Rey got up from her cot, changing out of her tunic and into her training gear. It was her turn to make breakfast, so she decided to occupy her time with that and pyrokinesis practice.

As she sat by the fire, stirring the grain, she concentrated on the flames, feeling them flicker in the air, trying to make them move by her will alone.

If she could do this much, she would be one step closer to understanding the Force. And it would be one more thing that couldn't be used against her. She could welcome it.

When daylight broke, the shadowed figure of her master ascended the small hill and he sat across from her, smiling lightly.

'Good morning, Rey.'

Rey smiled and offered her master a bowl. 'Good morning.'

'You woke up rather early today.' He commented.

She nodded. 'I couldn't sleep well. I was too preoccupied thinking about all of the training.'

Luke chuckled, though his eyes watched her carefully. Though it had dissipated now, he could sense the remnants of this displaced darkness around her. He took the bowl from Rey's hands and picked up the spoon.

'I realised after your question last night, that much of your training has revolved around the physical. I know I have had you meditating each day, and feeling for the Force, but we should be moving much faster with our limited time. If these were normal circumstances, you wouldn't be learning these things until much later into your training. You are not a youngling anymore.'

The word caused Rey to pause and all she saw was Kylo's face flare into her mind, his mocking tone as he called her a child.

'Though you must treat me like I am one?' Rey questioned reluctantly, her voice tainted with disappointment.

'Of course not.' Luke raised an eyebrow and put his bowl to rest on the rock beside him. He put his hands together, looking steadily at Rey.

Though she was inexperienced, she was not a youngling. His mind confirmed that fact strongly as he remembered the blood of the children that was on his hands. If they had been but older, more trained, more…everything, perhaps more could have been done. It was a foolish thought, one that he had been unable to stop dwelling on these 15 years. He had taught Ben nearly everything he knew, he had been one of the eldest and the strongest. Perhaps Ben's turn to the dark side had been triggered by him? He hadn't taught him enough, quick enough?

Rey saw the change in her master's face and understood where she had gone wrong. She reached for the pail of water and poured out some into a cup before kneeling and handing it to him.

Luke took the drink and looked at Rey carefully. 'You are strong, Rey. Stronger than you think. The trials that I have given you are not simple, not something a child yet alone a Jedi youngling would be able to do within even their first three years. You duelled with the person who was once my apprentice, who now has 15 years of all the training the dark forces could offer him and you are still here. In my eyes, you are the victor.'

'Even though he was injured?' Rey asked.

He smiled lightly, balancing the cup on his knee with the Force. 'Remember I call you Padawan, not Initiate, not Youngling. Even though you have no Lightsaber of your own, even with limited training in the Force, I call you so because it is important. In the past, the name was representative of the trials a Jedi had to go through in their early years, learning to fight, overcoming their fears and failures. You have done all of those things, even without a crystal to your name.'

Rey nodded, unable to hide the smile that held on her lips.

'There is no Jedi Order any longer. It is you and I, and I make the rules now, do not convince yourself that you are in the wrong place, or do not belong here.'

'Yes Master,' Rey said confidently. She put her spoon to her mouth, eating swiftly, happy with the thought that she was on the right path, even if she was worried, even if Luke was worried over her. Kylo would not be able to get in the way of that. She was strong.

Luke nodded, a wry smile on his face. Rey's expression eased him somewhat. She had seemed off-kilter, as if she were lost, but it seemed his words had helped her.

'However to continue what I was saying, I have been training you so far in order to enhance your Control abilties, such as breath control, Force stealth and speed, and so on. These have all been basic, though it is important that we move onto Sense abilities and move through it quickly so we can move onto the most important Alter abilities, which will be the life or death of this plan.'

Rey slowed her eating, her brow furrowing. She had an idea of what Luke meant by Sense abilities. Then she thought of the visions she had seen (the most striking being on Takodana), her heightened senses which she thought were just a part of her since she was young and then what was happening between herself and Kylo.

'I should have said so earlier, Master. There are things that have happened, or I have done, which I have not been forthcoming with, concerning this. You know I used mind persuasion against the guard of my cell and I called the Lightsaber to me, but not the rest.'

Luke nodded, understanding that Rey may not have been immediately willing to enlighten him. The last month had most likely been beyond the scope of her imagination. At least it had been for him when he had been thrown into it at her age.

'I have always found my senses have been heightened since I was young. I could hear the click of a phaser's safety from three hundred feet away, found water where there was thought to be none and felt the thoughts of others. When I was on Takodana, when I first held your Lightsaber, I saw him. I saw him strike down the younglings and then swarm around you, even the rain felt like bullets against my skin. Then I saw my own abandonment.'

Her master looked shocked. His eyes grew hooded as she spoke and even Rey could tell that she had triggered his painful memories.

Rey kept her tone strong and looked squarely at her master. 'And when I was captured, I fought against him. I fought against his intrusion into my mind and saw into his own.'

'You saw into his mind?' Luke questioned.

He hadn't been able to see into Ben's mind. Not when he had taken the lives of the others, not even before that. He had always resisted, something Luke imagined the boy had learnt from Leia.

She nodded.

'What did you see?'

'He is afraid, Master. That he will never be as powerful as Darth Vader.'

Rey considered telling him what this meant to her. That ever since that moment, there had been a semblance of pity lingering in her own mind. Even if it was the tiniest of fractions, there was a small part of her that pitied Kylo Ren- Ben Solo, because his weakness had been something so foolish, short-sighted and even childish.

'And he never will be,' Luke answered, sighing.

He had expected this much from his nephew. From the boy who never rested until he perfected an ability, who lashed out at the others when they made a mistake. Snoke's pull on him must have been overwhelming and truly seductive, his lies poisoning his fragile nephew with ease.

Luke took a sip from his cup and then placed it beside his half-full bowl. 'How much do you know of the Jedi? Of the Force? Of any of this?' he asked.

'Nothing outside of what you and Maz have told me,' Rey answered.

He nodded and his hands met together, he took a breath an then began. 'There was a Jedi legend that the Order maintained. It spoke of a Chosen One, born to set balance to the Force. That One was identified as Anakin Skywalker by many. The Sith held a similar legend and many upheld Darth Vader as their chosen one.'

'And they are the same person,' Rey murmured to herself in understanding.

'What I am saying is that Ben may be strong. He is the grandchild of one who many a Jedi and Sith have believed to be the Chosen One, but he is not and will never be as powerful. The Force nor himself will allow it to pass.'

Rey saw the intensity in Luke's eyes. He knew and he expressed that to Rey. Even if he could only know one thing of the future, of the Force, this would be that one thing. That Kylo Ren – Ben Solo would forever be in the shadow of his grandfather and would hate himself for it.

'As I have said before, one can be seduced, but it is not until they fall when their true allegiance becomes apparent. Where it will be hard to come back. Ben was seduced by his only weakness; a fear that he should never have considered at so young an age or with such a history. I often blame myself for training him away from his family, perhaps their presence would have defended against the seduction.'

'But you are his family too.'

Luke nodded solemnly. 'But I was also his Master, his sole connection to the Force in the early days and then a reminder of a foolish legacy. He would often mumble "I must surpass my uncle" during his meditations. Rey, it does not bode well for anyone to dwell on the skills and abilities of others, only to look at yourself and how you can survive to fight for the light another day. You have merely glimpsed at the dark side of the Force, you have not seen the true power that Ben now wields, or the power of his master. Of that I can merely tell you rather than show you.' He paused and then looked at her with sympathy. 'If you do not witness it in your visions and dreams before then.'

Rey looked into her bowl, feeling the burden on her shoulders. She did not consider it often enough; the true weight that was held on both her own and Luke's shoulders. They were in the dark regarding Kylo's capabilities let alone his mysterious master's. They held the upper-hand; Kylo knew Luke well and he knew what the man could teach Rey.

She could imagine the Force abilities Kylo could manipulate even if he didn't try and succeed to use them against her in her own dreams. If he wasn't still recovering from Starkiller Base now, he must have been under the tutelage of Snoke, solidifying his descent into the dark.

'Are you confident you have retained the capacity to replicate those abilities?' Luke questioned, returning back to the subject.

Rey blinked out of her thoughts and nodded.

Luke finally took his bowl back up, eating in silence for several minutes whilst watching Rey before he stood. 'Your connection with the Force is much stronger than I perceived. I will test you on your Control and Sense abilities, if and when you excel, we will move onto Alter abilities. The abilities that will aid you in combat, aid you in resisting another Force manipulator and ultimately destroying them if need be. You have begun thinking on Pyrokinesis, if you manage to master this without much of my input, then many of the others will come to you with relative ease.'

'I understand Master, thank you.' Rey stood, bowing to her master whilst he disappeared to prepare for the day's instruction.

Rey cleared away everything and took to meditating in front of the fire, willing it to put itself out before her lesson began.

 **XxX**

The day had been intense. Luke had not waited to test her and they began with not only testing her combat abilities with her training sword, but also having to battle the cliff climb this time with a heavier weight and blindfolded; relying on her connection to the Force to succeed. Once she was exhausted a satisfying amount, Luke had her attempt to compel two small birds into flying in various patterns and then predict the actions of an army of insects. All without the key sense of sight.

Luke had brought her, her dinner whilst she lay collapsed on a tuft of grass, the blindfold still across her eyes. He recommended she spend the next three days like this in order to hone her sense skills to further perfection, especially since after those few days, he would allow her to begin to use a rudimentary Lightsaber he had made for blast-deflect and combat training.

Rey could still see in her dreams, however. So when she slept that night, she awoke to a scenery she could not remember. A sea shore covered in large boulders and small cliffs. The tide was out, revealing the rocky terrain of hundreds of rough volcanic rocks.

She sat at the edge of a small outcrop, closing her eyes as the breeze lifted stray strands of hair around her face. The smell of salt was strong, which made her question her location further.

It was peaceful there at the very least. If she could meditate in her dreams, Rey imagined she would improve even quicker than she was currently.

Then she heard rocks stumbling from a nearby cliff and she looked up at its precipice to see Kylo standing atop it, his black hair and cloak lifting in the wind. Rey watched him, thoughts of the morning's conversation with Luke coming back to her swiftly.

He had done so much wrong, yet her heart still twisted, a fraction of her still pitied him. There had been so much potential; he could have been for the light, but he had thrown it all away out of jealousy.

Kylo's expression seemed to sour from his general grimace and Rey understood that as her questions being answered. He could sense her emotions just like she had sensed his. At least in this place, where it fed from her own imagination, thoughts and feelings, he could not taint her with his own.

She turned away then, her eyes looking out at the sea one more time before she stood.

'Will you fight me today?' He called to her.

Rey sighed, her hands in fists. She wasn't quite sure what brought on the darkness. Whether it was a part of her – buried deep within, whether it was an unwelcome intruder or came with Kylo without him realising. Could he even see it beyond his own? Could he even feel it?

It hadn't appeared yet and she didn't know what would trigger its arrival.

She heard the sound of the air splitting at the resistance of a moving object and turned to see Kylo jump from the cliff and then towards her. This time his Lightsaber was attached to his hip, there to remind her that she was not yet trained enough to have her own.

'You must fight me.'

Rey's brow furrowed and she looked him in the eyes. 'So you will know how I have improved?'

He smiled; it strangely crooked and unassuming, charming almost. The expression put Rey off guard and her own darkened. Her simplistic human mind had reared its ugly head; and its nature had been made clear.

'Well it would benefit you also?' He questioned. 'As I am your weakness.'

She narrowed her eyes at him. There it was again, the suggestion that she would be seduced by him, that she would fall because of him – for him.

'You act as if you have seen the future, which I doubt. I will make my own destiny and being seduced by the dark side will not feature in it.'

'You have known of the Force for a fraction of the time I have been its subject and yet you think you know? I felt it the moment I saw into your mind, the moment we locked eyes in my dream, the moment we did in yours. The Force compels you and you are compelled towards me.'

Rey looked away from him, sighing heavily. 'And yet you are not compelled towards me?' She turned back to him. 'If what you say is so and that this is our fate, then are you not drawn to me? Do you not wish to bask in my light? To have it enter your soul as if it were my own hand, holding onto you tightly?'

That changed his tune. His brow immediately furrowed and his hand fell to his Lightsaber hilt.

'I suppose we must fight if I am to prove it to you?' she questioned.

A second passed before she closed the distance to him, swinging first with her fist and then following through with a kick. Her leg struck Kylo across the chest and he stepped back, noting that her strength and skill had definitely increased.

When Rey went to strike him again with a right hook aimed at his jaw, he avoided it and his hand grabbed onto her wrist. She knew how to get out of his grip, however, lifting her wrist above her head and aiming two speedy jabs to his stomach and an elbow against the side of his head.

Kylo created distance between them, chuckling as he looked at her. 'You've become rather scrappy, haven't you?'

Rey did not stop to listen however, running at him, whilst he avoided by stepping out of the way. She got several jabs in and split his lip with a wild elbow, but without a sparring sword or her staff, she was at a loss to what she would do if he removed his Lightsaber from his belt.

'I've been taught by the best,' she huffed, avoiding one of Kylo's fists, but taking another to the stomach.

Without their weapons or use of the Force, the fight continued on, only partially injuring each other until Kylo had, had enough, kicking sand at her face and swinging at her. Rey fell off the outcrop, feeling a sudden stab in her rib as she landed on the beach.

Kylo sat upon the outcrop she had been sitting on, looking down at Rey as she lay wounded in the sand. He smirked. 'What do you even know of my old Master?'

'I imagine much more of his heart than you do,' she responded. Rey tried to get up, but even though this was but a dream, the pain in her rib remained.

'So you know of his weakness? His adoration of disarming rather than striking to kill? Even his beloved Shii-cho couldn't corrupt him, a weakness in anyone wishing to master the ways of the Force. I imagine these 15 years he has just been floundering in his own inability.'

Rey couldn't help laughing and she spat at him. 'You speak of weakness as if I do not know your own, Ben Solo.' She held her side as she sat up. 'You yearn to be like a man who turned to the light in the end and gave it all up out of love for my master?'

Kylo's face went red and he was ready to burst out again, his hand reaching for his Lightsaber and immediately removing it.

'You think my master would leave me in the dark about you? That he wouldn't tell me what you were like just to find where he was at fault? What part of you he had left unguarded for Snoke to get his claws into?'

Rey laughed again, mocking him with everything she could.

'You wanted your grandfather's Lightsaber? The Saber he made when he was of the light, that he used to fight for the light and that was taken from him when he fell? With a crystal within it that was anointed by the pure and love-filled mind of Anakin Skywalker?'

Kylo jumped down then, ready to strike and Rey resisted, her hand held out, stopping the weapon by sheer will, managing to finally wield the Force.

'You were loved Ben Solo and somehow, you still are. Yet you are fighting someone who was even abandoned by the ones she loved and still did not make your mistakes. You are a fool.'

He fought to strike again, but Rey kicked at him, overcoming the pain in her ribs to fight him.

'You know nothing, Youngling,' he screamed at her, thrashing at her despite her avoiding him.

'I am no youngling. I am a padawan and I will win against you Ben Solo.'

He dropped his weapon then, grabbing her roughly by the front of her tunic, breathing heavily into her face. 'The only person winning will be me, when you fall to me, when you can bare it no longer, when you seek my power.'

Rey shook her head, pulling herself from him and stepping back. 'I will never seek such horrible power, I will never disregard life like you.'

'You know the power I speak of is not brought by a Lightsaber. When will you ever listen? My presence here is only a precursor to it. The Force wills you to me, then it will torture you until you are unable to resist the seduction, coming of your own volition.' He stepped towards her, leaning into her face. 'For you to fall into my intoxicating embrace.'

'That will never happen.' Rey replied adamantly. She turned away from him, but could not move away as she felt fire at her wrist, restraining her like a rope. It climbed her arm then and when it reached her shoulder, it licked out at her neck, singeing her flesh. She screamed and it was gone. Kylo was too. He was nowhere in sight on the rocky terrain and the pain in her body diminished to nothing.

Rey was compelled to look into her hands and what looked like flames coloured the skin of her palms a deep red.

She sighed in frustration, clenching her fists together and looked out over the ocean. Her feet automatically went towards it, walking until she was waist deep in it and she closed her eyes, trying to harness the Force and free her mind.

When she woke up, there was a dull ache at her wrists and she was jolted by the continued darkness before realising she still had the blindfold over her eyes. She could feel sunlight stream through a small window in the roof against her cheek and Rey sat up, feeling out for her training gear in silence and putting on her boots.

Luke was already preparing breakfast when she climbed up the hill and she greeted him, thankful that he couldn't see the worry etched in her eyes behind the blindfold.

* * *

 **I chose to say 15 years since Kylo left Luke, as after all my research, the internet seems indecisive. Some places it says 15 years and then alternatively 6 (which seems too short) or even 10. If anyone can enlighten me, it would be great.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

* * *

The day of training passed too quickly for Rey, even whilst she was blinded. She could feel Kylo's emotions at the edge of her mind again, so she concentrated on her tasks with every muscle and every molecule in her. Luke seemed happy by her improvements and she had even managed to put out a fire so that eased her mind at the very least. The faster she improved, the sooner she could gain control over the connection; the sooner she could be rid of Kylo's intrusion and the call of the dark.

Rey cleared away the remains of their dinner, finding that her loss of sense no longer hindered her. Luke had decided to meditate for the rest of the evening, leaving Rey with her own thoughts. She sat by the dying fire, dressing her aching limbs and reaching out with the Force again, seeing how far she could go. During one meditation session earlier on in the day, she thought she'd felt Finn. She couldn't be sure, but the thought of it excited her.

When she had wrapped up the parts of her that hurt the most, she went back to practicing Pyrokinesis. After several minutes, she had been able to increase the fire's strength and then put it out, feeling its changing states through the Force. She smiled to herself and decided to finish off the evening with stretches and core training.

Luke had begun to teach her the acrobatic steps to Form IV, deciding that if her body were accustomed to the acrobatics required in the form, she would be able to pick it up quicker. Slipping into destroyed battleships for most of her life had been a benefit during her training so far, as was strong and agile from having to get out of tight situations and spaces carrying heavy space junk.

Rey was eager to learn the new form, as Luke had informed her it was best against a single opponent, which she supposed would be what she needed in the end. Even though she had not been able to use Form I properly against Kylo, she had the feeling he was right and that it was suitable for weaker opponents, those who couldn't use a Lightsaber or the Force. She imagined she would feel more comfortable once she had been trained up to at least Form IV. At least then she could defend herself against most with a defined skillset. She also imagined that her lessons would pick up pace from there, considering that Luke said he would teach her Form III once she had memorised the skills needed in Form II. Rey still maintained that her skill with a Lightsaber or at the very least a sparing sword, was greater than her skill with the Force.

She leant forward on one foot, pulling her other leg behind her until it bent above her head. Holding that pose for several seconds, she leaned into it, feeling the stretch in her back, leg and hips. Though her muscles were sore, the movements eased the ache somewhat and she found that the extra flexibility had improved her blast-deflect training. Luke had warned her that, that part of her training would grow more intense as they moved to more powerful weaponry in preparation for Form III.

Once she had finished moving through her stretches, Rey began to make her way back to her quarters, trying not to think too much about her dreams. If she did not think about it, perhaps she could avoid meeting Kylo?

As she undressed she briefly considered what she would think if he wasn't there and then she shook the notion from her mind, not liking that she'd thought of it at all.

Rey laid in her cot, knowing that she didn't want to dream and him be there, but also knowing that she had to sleep or else it would be a detriment to her training. She sighed, closing her eyes behind her blindfold and allowed sleep and darkness to take her.

And darkness it was.

Rey couldn't tell where she was. She thought she heard running water, but then the ground felt like soil or at least she felt strands of earth and grass slipping between hard rock.

As she knelt on the floor and her eyes adjusted to her surroundings, she noted that there were walls. She must have been inside somewhere. Then she came to the realisation that this wasn't her. It wasn't her mind that she was inside, but Kylo's again. She couldn't even be sure whether he was here too or if he knew she was there, but she knew she couldn't have imagined a place like this.

Holding out her hands, her palms facing upwards, she closed her eyes and willed for a flame. When she felt a spark, she willed it to grow. There was warmth then and she opened her eyes to see a bright flame illuminating the room. It was horrible. There were chains and torture devices against the wall, seeming to drip torn flesh and what looked like blood stains against the harsh grey stone walls. Old bones were strewn about, bent and broken as if ripped from the victim and the large wooden door in front of her was marred with deep, four-lined engravings, the dark wood not letting in any light at all.

Rey stood, approaching the door. Moving the flames to one hand, she willed the door to open with the other. It creaked ajar and she stepped through into the dimly lit hallway. She could see Kylo's darkness swirling in the corners, but it did not come for her. It seemed there was only one kind of darkness that wanted to see her submit.

As she made her way down the hallway, she heard a dull moaning and her mind immediately flashed back to the first time. The first time she had fallen into Kylo's dream and had seen him…in the act. She had not been able to forget the feeling. His feelings of lust and desire and her own temptation. It had heavily affected her at the time, but Rey had not considered that it could have had a long-lasting effect on her.

She felt nothing of the sort now, though. No heated lust, painful in its execution, yearning for blood to spill. It had been unexpected, as a part of her thought Kylo to be cold, asexual, unable to bend to human desire and yearning, but she had been wrong.

Rey continued, her fingers sliding against the damp stone walls, feeling out for him, out for something. She stopped at a metal door with bars across it and she could hear shallow breathing behind it. She could sense him then, a rabid energy about him, as if he had been left alone to simper in insanity. Then there was pain.

Carefully she opened the door's large latch and pulled on it, it taking all her strength to swing it open and Kylo was sprawled on the floor, his black clothing ripped and as she held the flame in front of her, she could see darker patches on his clothes and she guessed it was blood.

He heard as she stepped into the room and his head flicked to her, his lip split and what looked like a broken nose and black eye. He looked terrible. Then she could see his wrists were shackled to the wall just above his head. It seemed as if he straightened up as she continued in and he watched her, not saying anything. She could feel distrust floating from him and she wondered whether he thought she wasn't real.

Rey stopped a few paces away from him and knelt, placing the flames in her hands onto the floor, willing them to stay alight, to grow big enough to illuminate the room.

When she looked at Kylo, the flames flickered, distorting the shadows of his sour expression.

'So you've wandered into my dream again?' he questioned, his mouth twisting into a scowl. His brow seemed to relax, but Rey could still sense his distrust.

She nodded and her hands met, resting against her thighs as she knelt in front of him. 'Even though I prefer the scenery of my own, you being chained to a wall in a cell is a vast improvement.'

Kylo did not reply, he only held her gaze.

'Are you not going to get out and fight me?' she questioned.

He said nothing again, but the tightening in his jaw was clear. He could not get out. This was a self-made prison and she wondered what he had sentenced himself for.

His eyes glanced at the fire Rey had created and there was a shadow of worry in his brow and in the air, before it turned to maintained anger. His arms rattled against the chains slightly, but he made no efforts to free himself. It was as if he already knew his fate and had accepted it.

'It's interesting,' Rey murmured. 'That you are so tortured in your dreams. Your mind is a many roomed house and you are stuck in one room one day and then another the next. I imagine that first time I saw you, that room was better than this. This room seems to be your torment. You can't even muster the strength to fight me, to use the Force.' Rey looked into his face and sighed. 'You are so pitiful, Ben Solo. You left the light to feel like this? It's almost as if this room represents your guilt.'

'I have no guilt,' he hissed.

Rey shook her head. 'It does you no good to lie to yourself.'

'Perhaps you should take your own advice?' he questioned. His tongue licked out at the blood dripping from the cut in his lip and Rey watched him, suddenly his gaze making her uncomfortable. 'That you won't fall for me.'

She smiled then. 'Do you think this place compels me? I can see inside your mind, I know what you feel. You are unsure what you're saying will even come to pass.'

'I know it so,' he growled.

Rey couldn't feel any ounce of fear, especially because of Kylo's chained arms.

'Perhaps you are wrong and you will fall to me?'

'It is more likely that we will fall together than for that to happen.'

There was silence between them. Kylo realised the implication of his words; that he could fall to her, fall for her, but it would be both of their undoing. Rey felt her stomach twist at the idea of that happening, then she was confused as she concluded it was nonsensical. If he fell, she could not possibly fall with him. He would be rising to the light, would he not? There was no other alternative.

'I will win this fight Ben Solo. Perhaps if you are lucky and meditate well enough, a view into the future would help soften the wound of that thought, but I'm sure of it.'

'And why do you think that?' His teeth were gritted together and his eyes flitted at her as if he were assessing her, looking beyond her skills to something else, to something deeper. He was trying to harness the Force, to look into her mind, but it was a weak attempt and it failed.

Rey looked around the cell and then back to Kylo. 'Does this not answer that question for you? You are unstable, you need balance.'

He laughed then, boisterous and loud, the chains rattling with every heave of chortles. 'You think repeating the nonsense that Luke Skywalker prattles off will help you? You are foolish to think that.'

'No, Ben Solo. You might not like to hear it, but Master Luke knows you. He knows the Force better than you and he has fought the dark before.'

'Balance is a foolish means of control, which is why my uncle remains a weak Jedi. You force your power into a box and that will allow you to win? Having access to every emotion, every wild thought leads to power at its most ferocious.' He responded. He smiled wide, his lip cracking more.

Rey considered him for a moment and then she sat back, folding her legs underneath her. 'Like a caged beast? Trained to his master's will, but knowing his master is the only one who will let him out and by sheer foolish nature, does not let his loneliness and abuse out on his master, but on his master's enemies.'

Kylo did not like her response and he glared at her, his arms leaning forward, not fighting against the chains, but seeming like they wanted to break free.

'Don't you remember hearing? I already killed my master.' Kylo snapped, his jaw tight.

Rey nodded, considering. 'I suppose you did, or at least tried to.' She held his gaze and she could feel the hunger in him, to lash out at her. He was frustrated. 'Have you forgotten that death is not the end? Everything lives on through the Force and within our hearts. You may have wounded his heart, but you will feel the weight of those deaths eventually, and it will tear you apart.'

'Do you suddenly think you know anything about the Force?' He responded, a wicked laugh on his lips despite the look of utter destruction on his face.

She smiled then, her hand hovering over the fire beside her. 'I feel it, like you likely felt it when you were young, when you had the world ahead of you.'

'You think you have the world ahead of you?' he questioned, mocking in his tone.

Rey nodded. 'I've found my path, one which will pacify you and your master, one where I'll find the answers to my questions, one where I'll feel I am doing the right thing.'

He snorted then and Rey narrowed her eyes. Kylo licked at his lip again and seemed to look at her with pity. 'I should have expected such a short-sighted view of the world from you. Your innocence is palpable, even if you try and disguise it with this faux wisdom and resistance. It would be easier if you came to me sooner than later and you could dream bigger, be in control of your own reality and not be trapped in the memory of a weeping girl as she is wrenched from the ones she knows.'

Rey couldn't help reacting. She tried to restrain her feelings; of anger, frustration, loneliness and an unwelcome feeling of knowing there was something right about his words. Her brow twitched and she felt her lip move on its own accord, so she looked to the ground, not knowing what to say.

Kylo saw it on her face even if he couldn't feel it in her mind. She was listening to him and taking his words in.

'It is not a crime to set your sights higher. If you still think this is simply a fight between darkness and light, you are mistaken. It is a fight in power and control, things I know you want, but things that haven't been in your reach until now.'

His voice had seemed to soften and when Rey looked back up at him, he had that expression on again; the one she had seen on his ship after he had kidnapped her from Takodana. This time she couldn't see her own pitiful reflection in his eyes, but she could feel his gaze cut at her. It was disarming and she felt a haunting sincerity in the air.

'All you have to do is come to me and I will give you everything you want, everything you desire.'

She held his gaze in silence for several moments before she shook all her thoughts away and moved onto her knees again. He was trying to seduce her; taking advantage of her connection to his emotions and making her feel as if he was right. She knew the intent in his word choice, in the emotions he was giving off.

'Should you not sort out your own issues first?' she questioned. 'Or do you wish to be stuck in this place forever? Imprisoned in your own mind, unable to progress anymore?'

He grit his teeth together, seeming to let go of his advances at her. 'I am on the cusp of achieving my potential, going beyond anything this universe has ever seen.'

'You will never achieve your potential if your emotions are never balanced.' Rey responded, shaking her head solemnly. She found herself edging closer to Kylo until she knelt directly in front of him. 'You transfer your anger and hatred on me, but I can take it because I am not like you.' Rey reached her hand out, placing it against his cheek, her thumb grazing the bruising beneath his eye. 'You are filled with it and it's unnatural. This was never meant to be your path and I can feel it, that the light wants to be set free.'

Kylo's expression did not change and Rey moved her hand away quickly as she stood. She could feel her heart beating quickly in her chest, realising that she hadn't been that close to him before. She had forgotten how dangerous he was. Touching his cheek had been a foolish action.

'If you remain here in my dreams, you are more likely to fall than I.'

His voice was different. Rey looked at him again and his expression had flattened to passivity, but she merely shook her head. She reached for the chains holding him and she broke them with ease, the metal crumbling between her fingers.

He did not get up, however. Kylo stayed in his kneeling position, looking up at her with great confusion. Then he could feel it, a strange warmth interrupting the stagnant metallic environment around them and it chased away some of the darkness.

He shook his head, willing it away to bring back the cold. When he looked at her, she seemed brighter against the darkness of the cell. For a second he feared that this would be harder than he thought. That he could not fulfil his master's requests, that she was growing stronger every day. He was unable to think further as she disappeared, leaving the faintest of auras.

* * *

 **Thanks for reading guys!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

* * *

Rey woke up sweat soaking into the blindfold at her brow. She tried to slow her pulse but remembering the expression on Kylo's face – one of confusion and acceptance – had her continually questioning herself. Questioning whether it was different within his dreams.

She had been frustrated by the fact that he could enter her dreams and fight her and feel her emotions, but she had not considered that her lack of control over herself; over the Force, meant that she was far more affected by _his_ emotions. Far more empathetic, far more compassionate. Feeling his emotions, understanding them and seeing what he did to himself, it made her feel differently. It made her see him as much more like a wounded animal needing care, than the dangerous man he was, and that was a problem. At least within her own mind she could defend her emotions and her thoughts. Inside his…she could believe him. She could believe that if the darkness didn't take her, he could. Not through her body, despite him saying that would happen, but through her emotions, through their connection to the Force. And if she was with him, he would be free, not trapped in the darkness and fear. If she wasn't careful, their connection could merge to the point of familiarity, to the point where she needed to protect it as if it were an extension of her.

Rey realised how foolish she had been by not telling Luke. Or even asking him what a Force connection meant, or could mean. It unsettled her and frightened her. Having this connection to Kylo and having to ask Luke about it and potentially disrupting their training…It couldn't have been right. If he didn't tell her to use it to her advantage, he would try to get rid of it and that would take away from her training. Or perhaps she was lying to herself…that the real reason was because she didn't want to lose it?

She hated it. Her weakness. Her loneliness had brought these reservations on. If she had not been so alone for so long, she wouldn't have been like this she considered. This was a real connection, one she had never felt before, even if it was disastrous.

Perhaps it would always be like this? Seeking someone to share the burden of loneliness with?

She had to tell Luke. Or ask him something. Anything.

As she dressed, Rey went over what she would say to her master. She found it best not to tell him of her connection to Kylo, but to ask him further about what it was to be connected to someone else. If she could figure out what their connection was, then she would tell him if she couldn't sever it on her own.

Luke was sitting beside the fire, stoking it as the grain cooked above it.

Rey approached and Luke handed her their cups, allowing her to fill them with water from the water sac and pass one back to him. He took it with a smile and laid it beside him.

'Did you sleep well, Master?' Rey asked timidly.

He glanced at her before moving away from the fire and taking the bowls Rey held out to him.

'Somewhat,' he responded.

Rey waited as he spooned the grain into their bowls and she took her own, waiting for her master to sit back down before she began.

'Have you avoided any more nightmares of late?' Luke watched her carefully, watched her ticks; the quirk in her eyebrows and lips, whether her cheeks reddened, he searched for any signal that she was lying to him.

She nodded and lifted her spoon to her mouth. 'I think it was just a onetime occasion. My dreams have been the usual, as of late.'

Luke watched her for a moment more before he nodded and went back to eating his breakfast. Her blindness at least made it easier for him to watch her more carefully.

Several minutes passed as they ate in silence and Rey could feel her heart hurrying the longer she stayed silent. She wouldn't have been surprised if Luke could hear the beating of her heart, though she couldn't imagine what excuse she could come up with for it.

'Master?' she began.

'Yes Padawan?'

Rey took a breath. 'As you say, by understanding the Force and its place in everything and everyone, we forge a connection with it. Is it at all possible that that connection can stick? That I could feel out for you in the Force and then be unable to break that connection?'

Luke looked at her warily. He had been waiting for this question for several weeks now. From the moment he had sensed someone else's emotions course through Rey. Now he realised that his thoughts were justified and her method of questioning suggested she was hiding something.

'That would be a Force bond, though they aren't usually formed in such a manner, it is usually something that develops over time or through great association. I have one with my sister, most likely because we are twins and because of our parentage. Though it is just as probable for us to form one over time, as Master and Padawan.'

Rey nodded, gripping her cup in her hand. 'So it is not something to be broken?'

He shook his head. 'Breaking a bond is much like removing a part of yourself. Its absence will not be forgotten and therefore it remains as an open wound within yourself and within the Force. Even death can never seal that wound. To some, the bond can be so powerful that if one were to die, the other would follow soon after.'

The thought unsettled Rey. That if what she shared with Kylo was a Force bond, it could not simply be broken and she would carry him with her in one way or another; as an extension of her or as a noticeable wound. She imagined looking up at her master and seeing pain in his eyes. Rey pondered that he had had other Force bonds, perhaps with his student and master, and their deaths stayed with him through that broken connection.

'I am sorry master, if I have brought up painful memories.'

Luke shook his head, despite Rey being blind to it and then lifted his cup to his lips, taking a long drink. 'It's important to remember the painful memories as well as the good, or we can never advance, we can never achieve balance.'

He watched her, waiting for her to tell him what she was hiding. Luke wanted Rey to be able to tell him in her own time. He knew that forcing an answer out of her would do her no good in the long run.

An answer did not come, however and Rey went back to eating quietly, glancing at the sky every now and then, despite not being able to see it.

 **XxX**

Rey opened her eyes to find she was in the same place as she was the night before. In the hell house that was Kylo's mind and she shuddered as it seemed even darker and more frightening than the night before.

She called a flame to her again and let it light the path towards Kylo. She sensed he was in the same cell and she felt herself sigh at the idea of it.

Though she didn't want to pity him, she couldn't help herself. Even though she wanted to blame him for this connection, she knew it had not been his doing. She knew he didn't have the capacity.

When she entered the cell, his back was to her and the ripped dark clothes from the previous night resembled mere scraps. He was not chained and the shackles still laid crumbled at his feet. His back, however, was torn and bloody. The skin was so mutilated, Rey believed she saw raw muscle amongst the pain.

He moaned. She could feel the sound within herself and Rey even thought she felt his own pain slip through and around her.

She looked about her for something, not able to bear the sight of his exposed back and she backed out of the room. As she hurried down the halls, not knowing what she was looking for, she stumbled upon a kitchen, though it was filthy and it left the aura of rotting flesh around it. Her eyes scanned the cupboards, having no idea what she was looking for. All she found was a bottle of Corellian whiskey and she decided not to question it as she took it with her, going back to the cell.

Kylo was still hunched over in the corner, blood dripping from his back with every breath. He did not seem to notice her, or he was in too much pain to comment on her presence. Rey knelt behind him, however and roughly ripped at the bottom her tunic, coated the material in whiskey and dabbed it against the wounds.

He immediately jumped at the sting, but Rey held him still with one hand as she cleared the blood away with her other.

Neither of them said anything as Rey continued, Kylo just flinching every now and then as she cleared the wounds.

'Why do you do this to yourself?' she whispered. 'You don't need to feel this pain in your own mind. Have you never heard of self-preservation?'

'Why are you doing this?' he questioned, his voice tight.

Rey put the whiskey and blood covered cloth down, though her other hand still remained holding his shoulder.

She imagined if these wounds were real, if they went beyond his mind then she could have known. She would have known he had suffered them. Though she wanted to be scared by the idea of it, she could accept that that was what would happen. Anything real that happened to either of them would eventually leak to the other.

'You know why,' she responded.

The words came out far too easily and there was silence between them again. Rey's hand remained on his shoulder and as time passed, the blood stopped flowing from the deep slashes in his back and they seemed to lessen until it was clear they were closing. When they had healed to the point of being dark pink puckered lines, Kylo swiftly turned to face her. He backed up somewhat when he did and stared at Rey. He saw his blood splattering the floor, her hands and her ripped clothing and his expression seemed out of his control.

Rey's eyes were wide, not understanding what had just happened.

'It's not true, is it?' she questioned, meeting his gaze.

He looked distracted as he looked past her then. 'I told you what the Force desires.' His voice was distant and he glanced back at Rey.

She felt the prick of tears in her eyes, but she quickly squeezed them tightly shut to stop the flow. 'Not like this,' she responded.

Kylo blinked. 'Do you believe me now? The Force's plan for you? That you will come to me?'

'That's not what you said,' Rey said through gritted teeth. 'You never said that we would develop a Force bond.' His expression did not change, so she grabbed onto his hand, holding it tightly. 'You could just as easily come to me.'

He pulled his hand back to him, blood slipping them apart with ease. Rey expected disgust, but his eyes seemed to waver.

'I can take you out of this place,' she said. 'You won't suffer like you do here if you were with me.' The words held a singular meaning, though they both could see that the words in themselves were dangerous. She looked to the shackles and then back at him. 'If I can make that difference, then I can lead you out.'

Kylo smirked then – finally an emotion that she was used to – and he knelt on one knee. 'You think that I am that easy? Just because you can see into my mind and you have a link to my thoughts and emotions? It doesn't mean anything.'

'I think it does. This darkness that you contain in this place, that you keep locked up in here, it cannot touch me.'

His smirk remained and Kylo considered her for a moment. 'Perhaps that is the case for now, but I have felt the darkness around you, especially in your mind. You must have your own brand if it isn't mine.'

Rey's brow furrowed and she stood. As she went to walk away, Kylo reached a long arm out and grabbed onto her hand. 'Walking away does not change that fact.'

'Then I will use this to my advantage.' She put her hand over his. 'You will fall to me and anything else will be unacceptable.'

Kylo pulled his hand away with what sounded like a hiss and Rey smirked, feeling as if she had overtaken his power play. Though when she looked to the floor, she could see the darkness swirling at her feet and its presence did not cause her pain this time. Kylo did not notice it and she decided to step away from it, leaving it to slowly follow her but to not catch her.

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 **Thanks for reading!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

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'I sense that our training here will be cut shorter than expected,' Luke said as they sparred the next day. Rey had removed the blindfold she had been wearing for the last two days and the difference was astonishing. Everything was brighter, her senses were stronger and even her reflexes were quicker.

They were working on Form II and Rey had finally moved onto the training Lightsaber. Though it was at a lower power setting than a normal Lightsaber, it still carried deadly force. She found that her own athletic capabilities suited the Form, which required a user to be fluid in their movements. Luke often described the Form as a dance between duellists and Rey had to agree.

They jumped apart, heavily breathing.

'So you will need to make a Lightsaber sooner than anticipated,' he added.

Luke went to attack again, but Rey was distracted by her elation and narrowly missed having her arm severely injured. He stopped and powered down his Lightsaber, his hands falling to his hips in disappointment.

'You are too easily distracted.'

Rey bowed deeply. 'I'm sorry Master.'

He sighed and clipped his Lightsaber to his belt. 'It will be the last thing you do before we leave, mostly because it requires several days of meditation and I would rather you do that on the ship than using precious time here.'

'I won't be hindered by using a training Lightsaber through the other Forms?' Rey questioned.

Luke shook his head. 'I hope that your ability to use a weaker Lightsaber will mean you will be that much more formidable with the power of a full-powered Lightsaber in your hands.' He held out his hand then, gesturing for Rey to pass him the training Lighsaber.

Powering it on the Lightsaber illuminated blue and Luke held it in front of him. 'We have been moving through the forms in order of my teaching them. Form I or _Shii-Cho_ was the original form of all Jedi. One that was forged in balance, but simplistic and raw. Importantly, it's a form you would use against a great crowd rather than a single opponent wielding a Lightsaber.'

He began to move through the velocities without a partner, showcasing the Form to Rey. Luke seemed to move with the wind, his actions careful and deliberate, wide and deadly. 'This Form was about victory without injury and the challenge of not falling into its emotionally heated combat technique.' Luke stopped and looked to Rey. 'Lightsaber combat at its simplest and most natural.'

'One you favour?' Rey questioned, remembering Kylo's insulting words towards her master.

He smiled and shook his head. 'I would say I lean more towards Form V and perhaps utilising elements from Form IV and III. Though I assume you must think I favour Form I because I spent so much time on it?'

Rey nodded, a weak smile on her lips.

'I've had many students comment on the same thing. Form I is fundamental before you can move on to master any other.' Luke straightened up then and moved into an opening stance for Form II. He had taught her many more of the positions over the last several hours and Rey had made sure they were strongly secured in her memory. 'Form II or _Makashi_ as we have talked through is the basic form of any master duellist. The key being to move as swift and smoothly as a blade of grass in the wind, to be able to dance; your Lightsaber your partner.' Luke moved swiftly but fluidly, ebbing and flowing in front of Rey as his moves were perfectly timed to coincide with another. 'In all it is a form of confidence. You are calm and fluid because you know and believe you will win.' He smiled then, 'I imagine this will not be your favoured form.'

As Luke moved, Rey followed his movements, trying to take mental notes so she could replicate the lightness in his steps and moves.

'Next, Form III or _Soresu_ , which we will move onto when we finish your Control training. This is the form of resilience, the form Obi-Wan Kenobi used to win against my father when nobody else could. It's the pinnacle of defence against attackers and blasters and a form I've always found is perfect to partner with a more offensive form.' Luke showed Rey several defensive manoeuvres, the blade never slowing in his hands, constantly moving with him as if controlled by gravity alone. 'This, I consider, is the most valuable of forms because endurance may save your life one day.'

Rey nodded, enraptured by Luke's movements. He then easily flowed into the next, his arms executing brute strength as he slashed with the Lightsaber, so fast that Rey had to utilise her own sense abilities to catch every movement of its blade. He swung wide, throwing his body along with it and the acrobatics of Form IV that Rey had been learning were executed with perfection by her master. He jumped higher than humanly possible, moved in ways she knew were as a result of the Force and did not slow in his speed or power.

'Form IV, _Ataru_ , is a powerful ally to have. Its sheer speed and strength means weaker opponents can be quickly overpowered. However, it is a form which requires a lot of energy. You are constantly moving, constantly using the Force and each strike has an implied deadliness to it. Any energy you can gain or muster is used as defence or offence. Even a kick to your stomach can be used to gain ground.' Luke stopped, dropping the Lightsaber to below his waist and he took several breaths. 'Alternative to utilising Form III with Form IV, many masters used Form III with Form V; _Shien_ or _Djem So_ , a difficult form requiring absolute strength in order to overpower your opponent. My father used this form and from what you have told me, I imagine Ben uses elements of it as well.'

Rey frowned and met her master's gaze. 'Is it perhaps one to be avoided, then?'

Luke, deciding not to showcase this form considered her. 'It is a form based on strength alone, the original technique of _Shien_ was used to block blaster bolts, but _Djem So_ ; the later incarnation of it, became a powerful Lightsaber combat style, with aggression and domination being key. Perhaps to many Jedi of the past it could have been seen as corrupting, though as it can use an opponent's sheer strength against him, it is a valuable form to learn.'

She nodded and Luke stepped toward her, holding the Lightsaber out towards her as he powered it down.

'What of Form VI and VII?' Rey asked, taking the training Lightsaber from her master's hands.

' _Niman_ is the culmination of the previous forms, very much utilising a dual blade fighting style, therefore I won't necessarily need to teach you it unless you wish it. Form VII, _Juyo_ or _Vaapad_ , however, I will not and cannot teach you. A form with total destruction in mind, favoured by the Sith of the past and requiring a user to revel in bloodshed. Though it is powerful because of its unpredictability, it is a gateway to darkness. I will tell you of it, but I will not teach you.'

Rey nodded and attached the Lightsaber to her own belt. Luke began to lead her away from their makeshift duelling area and sat her down, preparing for the days Force training. Rey's progress in vital Control and Sense abilities were going swiftly, though she was still far from moving onto Alter. He had warned her it was a big jump in skill and that she would need to be prepared to be mentally and physically exhausted.

Luke made no hints as to when Rey would move onto Form III, which Luke promised would occur after she had progressed far enough in her Control training. She thought she was at a high enough level, especially after the removal of the blindfold. Rey was wary to ask him however, especially considering he had told her that those who mastered Control and Sense abilities in the past would be padawans at the end of their apprenticeships. Jedi Knights even. There was a level of impatience in Rey and she knew that if she practiced enough, just like with Pyrokinesis she would be able to master it in a short time. Though she was reluctant to tell her master, she seemed to at least understand how to Force heal by her last encounter with Kylo.

Her mind went to him then. She could feel him thrumming in the corner of it, but unlike in the beginning, his emotions didn't seem to line up with hers. There were moments where she could feel him thrash out in frustration, sometimes she thought she felt his happiness too, but it no longer affected her waking moments.

She wondered what he was doing. Was he training? Perhaps he was in conference with his master?

Luke held out his hand then, passing her a sequence of objects so she could feel for an impression or trace of its origins. Rey found it incredibly easy. She guessed that because she had utilised psychometry when she had first touched Luke's Lightsaber, that her mind already knew how to replicate the action.

Touching a small broken piece of brick from Luke's hand, she could see the desert-like world of Tatooine and how much it mirrored Jakku. It was a piece of Luke's childhood home. The next remnant; a frayed wire, she saw it belonged to the old R2 unit that everyone on the rebel base seemed to speak animatedly about: R2-D2 who had woken to give them Luke's co-ordinates when they needed them most. Another object took a little longer for Rey. In her hands it felt like a broken piece of metal, tarnished and rusty, but as she turned it over between her fingers, she saw what it once was; an ornate hair pin belonging to General Leia.

When Rey opened her eyes Luke was smiling and he stood up, placing the objects in his pockets. 'I want you to spend your spare time practicing reaching for remnants. Through objects or even just through the Force. Meditate and reach as far as you can just like you have been, using every sense available to you.'

Rey nodded, standing and bowing to her master and unable to not replicate his expression. He walked away then and she sat back down, moving to continue her meditation until Luke was ready for their supper.

 **XxX**

'You have found a new location?' Rey questioned. She was watching Kylo sharpen a knife against a sharpening wheel. Unlike before, she had not needed to search for him, but had opened her eyes to see an open door in front of her, leading to what seemed like a workshop. When she spoke his shoulders seemed to fall and he glanced towards her.

'Why are you here again?' he questioned.

She watched him carefully and he didn't seem changed. She was hoping to figure out why he had changed rooms just by looking at him and she could not.

'What does this room represent?' Rey asked, ignoring Kylo's futile question. Neither of them knew and they would just have to tolerate each other until further notice.

Kylo did not respond and continued to sharpen the knife. When Rey looked more closely, she could see his hands were bleeding; his fingertips torn and he didn't seem to pay much notice to the red covering the knife. Her feet seemed to lead her into the room until she was standing over him and he looked up at her. His eyes were strangely passive and Rey didn't know how to react to it.

'Does that not cause you pain?' she asked. There was a strange tightness to her voice and she swallowed, clearing her throat.

He glanced back down at the wheel and then back at her and then stood, towering over her, the knife in his bloody hands. Rey felt her heartbeat quicken with fear, not having seen his height in some time and not expecting his overbearing presence to return after days of being holed up in that cell, weak and injured.

'I can take you out of here,' she reminded him.

Kylo smirked and his brown eyes seemed to want to burn a hole into her forehead. 'You think too highly of yourself.'

He could smell it on her. The Force was flowing through and around her. She was stronger and nothing he did or said could deny that. Kylo imagined that if she concentrated enough, her abilities meant she could even reach across the galaxy. She'd done too much in his dreams alone, if she could heal his injuries, he knew she could do more, even heal his real wounds.

Rey smiled then and he dropped back a step. It wasn't wicked like it should have been; a smirk at one's enemy. It was warm and Kylo didn't like it. It was like a wall, built in order to stop him from being able to take advantage of her weaknesses. Not even the darkness could seep into the cracks between her lips.

'It's my intuition. If you let me, you won't have to be trapped in here anymore.'

'I'm not trapped here,' he responded quickly.

Kylo couldn't deny that a part of her proposal wasn't attractive. He couldn't remember when he had first dreamt of this hell house, though it had tormented him during every sleep until she had come into his dreams. He couldn't escape, he didn't know the layout and every room held some kind of horrid fear.

Even that room he first saw her in. It was just as bad as that torturous dungeon, where his skin was flayed and burned, where he dreamt the wounds without knowing where they came from and awoke in a cold sweat. In that first room where his desire could rear its head – it wasn't a choice. It was like being suffocated within his own mind, where this never-ending lust held no conclusion and seemed to painfully last for an eternity. He hated it the most because the image that thrashed beneath him – in faux pleasure or in faux pain; he had no idea – seemed to drink him in like a demon from hell. The more he let it go on the more he couldn't break free; and the more it seemed to have a hold on him. It meant that his involuntary celibacy in reality was more of a reminder of his nightmares of unfulfilled lust. It meant that even looking at this wisp of a girl in front of him caused him pain in his own mind. A pain that made him want to lash out and draw his hands around her throat as if it were her fault for making him feel as if he needed her to ease this burden of desire.

His eyelids stuttered at the idea of it. Perhaps his yearning would end then? Maybe he could utilise her and at the very least poison her with his own toxicity? Truly corrupt her for his own good despite saying it was for hers this whole time.

'Why are you so interested in leaving this place?' Kylo asked, a weak smirk appearing on his lips as he put the knife down on a nearby table. 'Is this part of your plan to bring me to the light?'

Rey blinked up at him. 'I know you don't want to be here,' she answered simply.

'Now how do you know that?'

She grinned then. 'Are you unaware of just how much I can see into your emotions? Your thoughts?'

Kylo was wary to believe her. She was a novice and even he could not see that far into her heart. He could only grasp the nuance and it was like smoke, passing quickly through his fingers and into the sky, leaving only a remnant behind.

'Do you expect me to fall into your words so easily?'

Rey nodded. 'I expect you to fall into my words, into my way of thinking and especially into my plans.'

She took his hand then and Kylo tried to pull his away, but she held strongly onto his fingers, smearing his blood across hers and causing the small wounds to sting. Very few seconds passed and the pain was gone, replaced by the warm feeling of her hands, just blood left to indicate why she was holding onto his.

'Am I not convincing? Is this not enough to sway you?'

He finally pulled his hands away and stared resolutely at Rey. 'You should be careful. I think you see your constancy to being good; to being pure as resolute and unconquerable. You might think I'm weak and that my humanity, or even my being male is enough to convince me to come to you; as if you can pull me to you through your half-baked seduction, but you'd be wrong. You're more likely to make a mistake as someone with no experience.'

Rey's face quickly fell and her discomfort was clear to Kylo, but he continued to smirk and his aura lingered around her, heavy and overbearing. He moved towards her then, his head moving past her and his lips went to her ear.

'Your virginity is a weakness in itself,' he whispered to her.

She shirked away, trying to move away from him, but this time Kylo grabbed onto her hand and she could feel his warm breath against her neck. 'Do you really think you can go against me in this department?' he questioned. 'When you have this routine of lust having no place in the light, but you still try to seduce me? What if I seduce you? What if I even just try?' he asked.

'No, don't,' Rey said quickly and realised her weakness just by the words falling from her mouth. She was supposed to show a strong front, but she only looked like she couldn't stand two minutes in his close proximity.

Kylo laughed then and let go of her. 'It's difficult to force a rejection to something that is human nature. At least if you came to me, you wouldn't have to fight it anymore.'

Rey hated the implication in itself. That it wasn't just that he wanted her to come to him and fight for the dark, but have it fuelled by this animalistic pull. As if human nature was for him to take her and for her to want that to happen.

'I would rather be torn limb from limb, slowly and over the course of a week than allow that to happen,' she replied sharply.

He smiled, liking that answer greatly. 'All just empty words to me.'

She breathed through her nose and then there was a twinkle in her eye. 'Well one of us has to win, don't they? I think you've just made me realise that there won't be any niceties about it and this will be a fight.'

Kylo was ready to question her, to even agree with her to some extent, but then Rey took his hand and she pulled him with such strength, that he knew she had to have been utilising the Force. Then they weren't in the original room anymore. With a blink they were in a small ready-room; one that resembled what his mother used to use. The place where she sat him on her lap to show him the movements of the rebel forces, where she fed him sweet foods and drew her fingers through his curls. It was dark and horrible here, though. There were no lights; blood and claw marks covered the walls, the strategy table was scattered with years of dirt, dust and dried blood. It smelled of wood rot and vines grew in every crevice possible, twining themselves around whatever they could and squeezing until chair legs snapped, tiles cracked and cupboards fell apart.

Rey could see the panic in his eyes. She could feel it encompass the whole dream world and it tried to suffocate her with his dread. This room held importance to him. Then she noted that his hand had tightened unconsciously in her own, not letting go like he should have, but squeezing until his nails cut into her skin. She held back a yelp and just watched him, feeling for his emotions like Master Luke had taught her, trying to read him despite in reality him being millions of miles away.

Then there was the sound of shuffling and a chair behind a large desk moved and a small raven-haired child crawled from it, his eyes full of tears. Once he looked at them, he cried, screamed even.

Kylo just stared at the child, not able to move or speak. Rey looked to the child and he began to howl for his mummy. She managed to slip from Kylo's grip, feeling her skin tear beneath his nails and she knelt by the child.

She tried to calm him by touch; her thoughts of this being Kylo's dream astray and her concentration on the small child. He must have been no more than three years old. Rey tried to hush him and he looked up at her with wide eyes.

'Mummy?' he questioned.

Rey looked at Kylo over her shoulder and he was still frozen.

'What's your name?' she asked the child.

He wiped at his eyes with the back of his hand and then mumbled.

Rey asked again, holding the child's hand. He looked down, seeing the scratches Kylo had caused and his other hand reached over, running his finger over the marks until they were gone. 'Ben,' he answered.

She felt her arm being pulled then and the child disappeared as Kylo yanked her hard enough to pull her arm from its socket.

She had got him, though. He could not make her forget what she had seen, where she was and that this was one more secret that she had gained, one more point that went to her.

'Get out,' he said, his voice barely above a whisper.

Rey didn't move, though. She could feel his rage building, but it merely masked his pain; pain which was far different from the physical, and she knew it very well, so well that she might have mistaken it for her own if she couldn't see Kylo falling apart in front of her.

Then he was pushing her to the floor. 'Get out,' he screamed.

There was a part of her, as she looked at him, that wanted to comfort him in some way. To perhaps think of some choice words that would reduce his bitterness, but none came. Rey could only watch him as he seemed to break apart in front of her. The last thing she saw before she woke was him reaching to destroy anything he could get his hands on, and she woke up with the sun peeking through a small crack in the ceiling and illuminating the room, and her hands tightly wound into silent fists.

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 **Sorry for the delay, I had so much uni work :3**

 **Thanks for reading ;)**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

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Rey did not see Kylo the next day, nor the day after. When Luke told her they would be moving onto Form III on the third day, she had hardly celebrated, thinking more about the fact that when she slept, her dreams had normalised again, that despite still feeling Kylo's presence in her waking hours, she had not spoken to him.

It was strange that she felt like something important was missing. As if the dreams themselves had given her some balance, and that they were a trial for her to conquer or master outside of reality. The fact that she could sense him meant he wasn't dead, so she wondered what had changed. Had that room really been what had caused the end of it all?

She should have felt relieved. That at least without these dreams, neither could influence the other; that she could be safe from falling, though she was incredibly doubtful it could even come to pass.

Her thoughts went back to the training for the next day as she sipped on the broth Luke had cooked for their dinner. They would begin developing her Alter abilities as well as beginning Form III and Luke had continually repeated that she needed to be careful, that she needed to concentrate with every molecule of her being. But she couldn't in truth. Her mind wandered to Kylo, wondering whether he was still trapped in that room with a mirror of himself as a child; crying for his mother.

'Rey be sure to spend the evening and morning concentrating on focusing your mind. The art of object manipulation is dangerous if the user isn't well-practiced in channelling the Force.'

She nodded. 'Yes master.'

'Perhaps you should turn in early, tomorrow will be a very difficult day.'

Rey quickly finished her broth and stood, bowing to her master and making her way back to her quarters. Once she was out of her training gear, she went to the meditation room and sat beneath the open roofed ceiling beside the impluvium, using the moon to relax her. After an hour of concentration, she went back to her quarters and laid down on the cot, trying not to think too much about what she could potentially dream about.

 **XxX**

She awoke in what had now become the familiar dingy hallways of Kylo's hell house. It was just as she had left it; darkness whispering in the corners, blood and grime coating every surface and the echo of tortured screams reflecting off the stone walls.

Rey began to move through the house as quickly as she could, to the point where she was running, looking into rooms for Kylo. She couldn't explain why she was in such a hurry to find him, yet her feet carried her as if her life depended on it. As if she could just slip out of the dream without a moment's notice and he would be left alone in the void. Then Rey stopped, feeling Kylo's presence behind a door.

Kylo sat in the room she had left him in, sitting on the floor clutching a map of what looked like an ice planet in his hands, and he rocked in silence.

Her automatic reaction was to treat him just like she had his younger and more innocent self. She was already knelt in front of him, searching for his injury by the time she realised what she was doing.

His eyes flashed to her and Rey fell back onto her bottom and their gazes held, neither of them speaking.

 _Take me out of here_.

The words weren't spoken but Rey could hear them loud and clear. They were thought by a man who had no other choice.

Kylo didn't say anything as Rey took him by his hands and helped him up. Nor when she held his hand tightly, leading him from the room and moving them through the house. They passed rooms that were equally as destructive and were no longer conducive to Kylo keeping control over himself. They only stopped when they had reached the entrance hall and the spectres of his mind seemed to catch up with him in order to pull him back into the deep recesses of darkness that the house presented.

Even Rey could feel them. She could feel the darkness – his darkness – whip at her, punishing her for helping him; for bringing him out of his dark cocoon.

 _You won't hurt me._

They seemed to shirk away from her when she thought it. Even if darkness was difficult to escape, at the very least Kylo's darkness could be kept at bay. Sheer will alone could do that.

Kylo couldn't seem to do the same, however and darkness' whips slashed at him, tearing his skin and causing him to drop to his knees. Rey suddenly understood that at the very least, her view of the house was very different from what he saw. This was his own trial, she realised and it could have well been hell itself.

'You have to fight it,' she said, her hand against his shoulder. He didn't seem to respond and his eyes skittered between the demons. Rey reached to her waist, removing the training Lightsaber from her belt and placed it in his hands.

The cold metal seemed to wake him up and he looked at the Lightsaber as if he had seen a Force remnant and despite the darkness not halting in wounding him, he stared at the Lightsaber, turning it in his hand as if he were trying to read it.

Rey shook his arm and glanced at the door that would lead them out of the house. 'If you want to leave you're going to have to fight.'

Kylo looked at her and then back to the Lightsaber before he powered it up and watched the blue blade emerge. He turned to the spectres, which had now taken on the physical form of shadowed shrouds. They ran at him and then seeing Rey, went for her and without a weapon, she could only use her hands as defence. Before she felt any pain, she heard the swing of the Lightsaber and it collide with solid mass.

He had stood in front of her, blocking the attack and splitting the spectres in half with a single swing. They evaporated into the air and Kylo dropped the Lightsaber, it turning off once it hit the floor.

Without another thought, Rey was leading him by the crook of his arm towards the exit. It was more like a gate than a door; made of pig-iron and its curling grates covered in a thick layer of rust. Rey pulled it open and stepped through the darkness into what looked like a small clearing in a dense wood.

When Rey looked at Kylo his eyes were wide and when he turned to the door that had shut behind them, he looked younger. He looked like a young man taking his first steps into freedom.

Rey's hand dropped from his elbow to his hand and she shook it gently, trying to grab his attention.

Before she could meet his gaze, Rey felt herself being pulled away. There was darkness and then she was awake.

Awake and her face pressed tightly into the crook of her arm, her skin warm and covered with a light sheen of sweat. It was just before the sun would make an appearance and Rey's heart hammered as she considered what she had just done.

She had freed him. She had taken his hand and led him from that place.

Rey didn't know what her actions could mean, what kind of repercussions either she or Kylo would face. What would freeing him from his own house of hell do? And did it mean she was winning or losing?

She rolled over, staring at the wall beside her cot for several seconds before getting up and dressing, preparing for the day of training ahead of her. Rey hoped that she could distract herself from the stuffiness growing in her chest, knowing it was the lack of conclusion to their dream and wariness of the future.

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 **Sorry it's a short chapter! Will probably update again tomorrow. Thanks for reading ;)**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Chapter contains mature themes**

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 **Chapter 9**

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Rey fell to the ground at the force of Luke's strike against her training Lightsaber and it dropped out of her hands, hitting the ground with a piercing squeal.

'Get up, Rey.'

Her master's voice was stern and Rey pushed herself up, grabbing for the Lightsaber and taking a defensive stance across from her master. He gestured once more to the modified seeker droid and it started up; shooting blaster bolts at them again, which Rey had to defend against whilst simultaneously defending against Luke's strikes. A bolt grazed her shoulder and she stuttered forward, gritting through the pain and protecting herself from another seemingly deadly strike from Luke.

It had been two days of this and to Rey it felt like she had not stopped. Though the combat had her physically exhausted, the Alter training halted her sleep. Her mind was so overrun with using the Force to manipulate the world around her, that all she could do was meditate once the day was through. It meant she had become much like a zombie and her thoughts of Kylo had reduced themselves to merely feeling glimpses of his emotions in her mind. She yearned for answers in her heart, but her mind was far too preoccupied.

Rey pushed her hand out, slowing a bolt with the Force so that she could move out of the way.

'You need to overpower me, Rey. Utilise the techniques you memorised, what works best against my stance.' Luke pushed, breathing heavily.

Rey searched her mind, blocking another blaster bolt with her blade and then one of Luke's slashes. She parried another of his strikes and then another bolt fired at her and she changed the angle of her Lightsaber, redirecting the bolt at Luke. It almost hit him in the chest, but he stopped it with the Force and a smile broke across his face.

'Exactly. Using the environment against your opponent is a good technique. It is just as much of an ally to you as having the high ground or known terrain.' Luke said, resetting his offensive stance.

Rey nodded and smiled weakly. 'Yes Master.' She took her defensive stance up again; her Lightsaber held just behind her facing her attacker and her free hand held out in front of her.

 **XxX**

The combat training grew tougher and once Luke had asked Rey to combine the elements of the first three forms together along with the Alter training, the lack of sleep drove Rey to confusion. The endurance itself was part of her training, but she wished for sleep in every spare moment.

On the seventh day of Force training and after several hours of combat training, Luke had her try a new Alter ability. She had easily been able to showcase her skills in telekinesis and mind tricks so Luke wanted to see how she would fare with Tutaminis – Force absorb. He said it was a vital skill that would help her against blaster bolts, Lightsabers and even Force lightning; which he hoped she would not come up against.

Rey had thought it was simple enough, all she had to do was concentrate on the energy given off by a blaster bolt or Luke's Lightsaber and so beginning the practice seemed easy, it was just maintaining it that she found difficult.

They had a few rounds of Luke's seeker droid shooting low-energy bolts at Rey in quick succession and she could either dodge them, deflect them or try and absorb their energy. She held a blaster bolt for several seconds before dropping her hands, it blowing past her and carving a hole in a nearby rock.

'Try again, but concentrate on diffusing the energy within you,' Luke said.

Rey nodded and concentrated on channelling the power of the bolt, using all the energy she could muster and she blinked heavily, feeling suddenly immensely weak. Her arms grew weighted and heavy and as another bolt came towards her, it seemed to have slowed down immensely.

She blinked again and then after closing her eyes for a brief second longer, she opened them to see her surroundings had changed and was no longer on the rocky terrain of Ahch-To.

Rey was confused. There was white everywhere; blinding and painful. Every sense just felt bleached, nothing corporeal, nothing to indicate where she was and what she was doing. Even the Force had left her and Rey wanted to scream as she felt emptiness.

Then she was awake and the sun licked at the back of her neck and she had to squint as her eyes opened to the lower dunes of Jakku, not far from Niima Outpost. She got up from lying on her front and dusted the sand off, noting that she was in her old clothing. Her staff was off to her side and she looked at it with great confusion.

Rey picked up her staff and considered herself for a moment before deciding to make the slow trudge to the junkyard, noting that it remained how it was before she had left; before the First Order had destroyed much of it chasing after herself, Finn and BB-8. Recollecting the memory seemed to cause her pain, however and her head ached as she walked beneath the gate like entrance.

There were the usual looks as she walked through. Looks of hunger; both for food and for darkness and violence. Unkar Plutt was in his booth giving out rations whilst his men trudged around the small camp, giving menacing looks to all.

'Have you come back empty handed?'

Rey glanced towards the very familiar voice and Unkar was glaring at her. She had no response.

'You owe us for the destruction you caused and the ship you stole. You must pay for what you've done and then we can send you on your merry way to the First Order.' He leant forward in the booth, knocking several rations onto the floor which were swiftly grabbed by a Rodian.

Her heart felt like it stopped as a lump lodged itself in Rey's throat. She looked around and everyone was staring at her, most expressions calling for her blood and she was confused. How did she get to Jakku? How had they already rebuilt it all? Her mind came up with questions quicker than she could answer them and before she could reply, there was a hand around her wrist, locking it behind her back.

Rey struggled for a moment before thinking back to her training and reigning her fear into something controllable; into action.

She flung her head back next, hoping to injure the person holding her arm and once she was loose, she jumped back, barely avoiding the attacks of Unkar's men as well as others in the camp. She fought with her staff, but there seemed to be a never ending supply of fighters and then she heard the safety on several blasters.

Just as they were set off, she made a run and a jump, sliding across the cleaning table – knocking several pieces of scrap onto the ground – and hiding behind it.

If she had, had a Lightsaber she could have done something, but the Force was lost to her here and her staff couldn't protect her from blaster bolts.

Unkar's goons descended on her so Rey knew she had to move. She counted down from five and then burst out, hitting as many as she could with her staff, trying not to let the pain of bolts grazing her skin stop her as she moved as fast as she could, using what was left of her senses to avoid being hit full on.

'You will not win this fight, girl,' Unkar's voice sounded. He was laughing.

She lashed out, hitting an Abednedo across the face with her staff and then she felt the head of a gun pressed against her spine and she froze. Two others came and locked her arms in place and Unkar gestured as they led her away toward Unkar's shanty hut behind the booth, where he conducted his private business.

They walked her through to the back, chaining her arms behind her back with binders and roughly pushing her through the hut and then out into the back area.

It wasn't particularly private; it had a small perimeter electric fence, but you could see what remained of Niima Outpost and the vast desert of Jakku behind it. The sun was steadily sinking and Rey tried to gauge her surroundings, looking for a means of escape.

As they tied her to a post beside the backdoor, Rey saw darkness descend on her, knowing one of them had hit her with the butt of their blaster.

When Rey woke up again, she could feel her injuries. What felt like a bruised rib, a gash against her cheek; the blood now dried up and flaking from her skin and then the dull ache in the back of her skull.

Night had fallen and she shivered. It wasn't often she was out at night in Jakku and didn't have the warmth of her AT-AT to keep the heat in. She couldn't even wrap her arms around her, which had become numb from being behind her for so long.

She looked around feeling uneasy. How did she get here and why couldn't she use the Force? Then the biggest question of how would she get out?

Rey tried to figure out a way to slip from the binders but then paused hearing footsteps walk through the hut and then the door was opened. It was Unkar Plutt.

'You did not bring my recompense with you? Where is my ship?' he questioned. His skin was orange with anger and his fat hands grabbed her tightly by her shoulder.

'I don't know what you're talking about,' she responded.

He pulled on her arm then, forcing an extra strain in her shoulders and she winced.

'I will get my money in an alternative manner, then.'

He turned away and she watched his large frame go back through the door. She sighed and closed her eyes. Without access to the Force or simply some kind of tool or weapon, Rey feared she would be stuck here, subject to what she could only guess would be torture and then being sent straight to the First Order.

Then there were footsteps again and as Rey looked up after Unkar's retreating back, a man stomped through, a horrible look on his face.

'For payment,' he said with a grin.

Rey automatically felt her feet stand up under her despite having nowhere to go; the rope attached to her binders being only a few metres long.

He wasn't human, though apart from his nose, he looked like he could have been. The appendage was much larger than any human's Rey had ever seen and his nostrils flared. It reminded her of a Reek before it attacked and his grey skin looked like death. Despite being only slightly taller than her, he gave off an aura that chilled her to the bone.

'Don't be frightened,' he said. He seemed to be entertained by his words and stepped closer to Rey.

'Get away from me,' she demanded. She tried to stand in a stance where she could utilise her free legs, though Rey knew her trapped arms would hinder her balance.

He shook his head. 'You think too much about ways out, do not distract yourself from your fate.'

When he was less than a metre away, his face seemed to twitch slightly and two tentacles emerged from either side of his nose. The action instilled what felt like remembered fear in Rey and despite never having seen or heard of a creature like him, she felt like she knew. As if the Force had told her and warned her.

Rey begged the Force to manifest itself, not understanding why she could not utilise anything other than her senses and why she was here.

'The Force has left you,' he murmured with a smile. 'It is much better for me as I'm able to take advantage of your current weakness for my own gain and I do undoubtedly believe that you will taste delicious.'

He was reading her mind, Rey realised. It irked her that she was unable to block him and she wished she was able to fight him head on.

'Yes, you are correct,' he commented and then he grabbed onto her shoulder tightly. 'I don't even think I'll have to bend you to my will, which means this is an extra special day. It isn't often I find such a young powerful sentient as yourself,' he said with a predatory grin. 'Especially one that looks like you.'

Rey pulled at her shoulder and kicked at the man, but he seemed to see her moves coming and he grabbed her leg, forcing her into the sand and making her scream with pain as she felt her shoulder strain again, nearing being pulled from the socket.

His tentacles flicked at her face then, as if sensing the aura around her, not quite touching her. She struggled still, but she could not get her arms lose and her kicks were easily avoided by the man until he was holding them down and looking at her with a keen look.

'Any last words?' he questioned with a wicked smile.

Rey tried to move her legs, but she was trapped and then his tentacles were descending on her and his hands were pulling at her pants.

Then they weren't.

The aliens head turned swiftly, sensing destruction before the red blade of a Lightsaber went straight through him, burning through his heart and destroying him with a single blow.

Rey's eyes skittered and she saw the gloved hand that pushed the man aside and then the face it belonged to; hard edges, pale skin and a faint scar stretching across it.

Kylo's appearance let alone expression was unexpected. It was filled with ferocious anger and Rey imagined he had to refrain himself from striking the dead body several times.

Then he was reaching for Rey, the leather of his gloved hands grazing her cheeks, across the newly opened gash and he pulled her up from the ground to her knees. Before she could even say a word, the binders were broken from her wrists and her arms were free. They did not move to rub at her sore shoulders, however, but reached tightly around Kylo's neck, silent as she buried her face into the woollen material of his cloak, them both kneeling in the sand.

'What are you doing here?' His expression was filled with confusion as he looked from Rey in his arms to the body of the Anzat beside him, his tentacles still twitching in the sand.

'He was going to kill me…I couldn't use the Force, I haven't been able to use it.' Rey responded, muffled by his clothing.

Kylo narrowed his eyes. 'That Anzat couldn't have killed you, have you lost your mind?'

Rey pulled back, looking into Kylo's face and his hands tightened on her waist. He was looking at her with suspicion, which Rey did not like.

'Why would you be here? Like this? Why would you put yourself in this situation?' he asked, growing frustrated.

'I don't know how I got here,' Rey responded angrily. 'It's not my fault I couldn't use the Force. I was training with Luke and then I was here.'

Kylo looked confused again and he pulled Rey up from her kneeling position on the ground and as she did not loosen her tight grip on his shoulders, he was forced to pick her up. It triggered the memory of where he imagined this whole problem began. He began to walk back through Plutt's hut, the place abandoned and he was careful not to jostle Rey too much.

Rey looked around her surroundings, trying to utilise Kylo's body heat to protect her from the cold. It didn't make any sense. How he could be here, how she could be here.

He sensed it then. The absolute manic confusion and why this had happened after he hadn't seen her for nearly a week in either of their dreams. Rey didn't realise she was unconscious, not quite dreaming, not in a deep form of meditation but in an illusion of her creation. He looked into her eyes and saw himself. They were too similar. He had done this to himself too, he realised and now they had caught each other inflicting suffering on themselves. But then why was she suffering? Why was she doing this to herself?

The surroundings were already falling away around them and Rey didn't notice. Kylo couldn't imagine what condition she was in to have created such a detailed illusion and as well as that, what power she could possibly wield.

'You brought me here.' He murmured. 'Your calls brought me here while I was meditating.'

'I didn't call you,' she replied adamantly. 'I called for the Force to help me.'

Kylo didn't respond and there was silence between them as he still held tightly onto Rey and she did not make any moves to escape from his grasp.

He walked through the abandoned junk yard until the sun rose and they reached where Rey used to live. It happened in a matter of minutes, but Rey didn't question anything, she hadn't been paying attention, just staring at Kylo's tensed jaw.

'Thank you,' she murmured finally. It caught Kylo off guard, never having expected to hear those words from Rey.

She finally let go of him, allowing Kylo to put her down inside the turned-over AT-AT and he looked around. Her imagination and memories were definitely vivid, a skill that would definitely come in handy during combat.

Rey began to trace her fingers over her belongings before she looked up at the rigid Kylo and she let out a smile. She felt the cut on her cheek twinge because of the expression and touched it gently still feeling the wetness of blood which she began to stem with the edge of her arm wraps. 'It's nice to be home.'

Kylo couldn't take it anymore and took a deep breath. 'This isn't real. This is all in your imagination.'

She narrowed her eyes then and looked around, then pinched herself. 'Then why does it feel like this? It doesn't feel like a dream.'

'Because it isn't. You likely collapsed or you are being tested.'

'Then how are you here?' she questioned.

Kylo didn't have a response and he watched as Rey's expression soured to anger and then fear.

'Then you are an illusion too?'

He blinked and shook his head. 'I am real, as real as I can be within your own mind.'

'Liar.'

He sighed and then took a seat on Rey's cot. 'I cannot prove it, since this is your illusion. Believe what you wish.'

'You would only ever carry me all the way here in an illusion of my creation,' she responded.

Kylo's eyes snapped towards her and Rey tried to keep her composure through the mistake she had made. It seemed that the frequency of falling over her words when speaking to him was growing by the day.

'This connection…this bond, it has thrown me off, I think. Feeling what your enemy feels seems…'

'A little too poetic,' Kylo finished for her.

Rey nodded and then she made the decision to sit beside Kylo on the cot.

She didn't believe him, Kylo maintained. She truly thought he was in her mind, her conscience perhaps, someone to talk to in the visage of her enemy.

'When I close my eyes I can feel you right in the corner of my mind, and sometimes I'm not sure if my thoughts are mine or yours.' She rested her head on her hands as her elbows balanced on her knees. 'I wish I could make it stop.'

'Then turn away from the Force.'

Rey looked at him and Kylo looked passive. He knew the only other alternative was death, there was no way out of this.

'Or you could come with me, we could be partners and would be unstoppable in battle.'

She laughed then before she put her head in her hands. 'I'm losing my mind. Why do I even entertain you? Why do I listen to you?'

Kylo smiled weakly then. 'Now do you believe I am real?'

Rey nodded from her position. 'I would never be foolish enough to think something like that.'

'Is it really that ridiculous that we could work well together?'

She looked up to find Kylo looking at her and their gazes caught. Several moments of silence descended on them as Rey searched for words and Kylo sought an explanation for the ache in his mind and chest.

'No, it is ridiculous that you think you could convince me to follow you into the darkness and to fight for _him_.'

'This will never end then.'

Rey shook her head, breaking their eye contact. 'Not until one of us dies.' She straightened. 'It's a consolation that you are tainted by my presence each day. I'll live with the hope that it has some impact on you.'

'I didn't think you were one for false hope.'

She snorted. 'Don't pretend that you don't have access to my mind. We know each other's weaknesses, primarily this bond here, but we know what they are. I'll be sure to train hard and take advantage of that knowledge.'

She wouldn't. A part of her thought so, but Kylo knew so. He was riddled with weaknesses, as if a shifty Stormtrooper had been playing target practice with his mind and what was left was peppered with holes. Kylo had sensed her pity on many occasions and even though he wanted her to fall to him – to the darkness, he knew that if she did, he would still be her weakness and not just because of the bond.

They were silent and after several seconds, something seemed to change in the air. It seemed like the sun had set and risen again, but something else had changed too. When Rey looked at Kylo though, he looked the same, even up to the moles that speckled his face.

'Will you truly be able to resist me?'

Rey narrowed her eyes. 'Are you playing a game now?' she asked.

His expression intensified and he breathed heavily through his nose. 'It is no game; I still maintain my original goal.'

Rey laughed statically. 'Do you think I am so weak minded?'

'I think you are newly trained and human.'

'Are you not human also, or have you been a Hutt all along?' Rey responded in mirth.

'One without limits on how I can express my emotions.'

Rey fell silent then as Kylo's hand slipped over her arm, his cold fingers tracing ice on the inside of her wrist and all the way down to the inside of her elbow. She blinked and resisted by pulling her hand and trying to push his chest away, but stopped when his other hand had reached to touch the pulse point at the side of her neck.

His hands were like the darkness. So cold it felt like she was burning and Rey suddenly felt lost in it. In the darkness that grew more tolerable, attractive and exciting each day; that had manifested itself in the fingertips of Kylo Ren when it had ignored him for weeks.

'How are you?...' Her words broke off as he leaned into her and she did not lean away.

His cold fingers drifted across her arm and his rough lips grazed her neck until he had pressed them against her pulse point, causing her to further tilt her neck. Her hand tightened on his chest, feeling the muscles move beneath her fingers and she couldn't help groaning at the unfamiliar feeling in her chest and stomach.

She wanted to resist but couldn't, she realised.

Large hands roamed over her exposed skin, the ice no more than a tingle and feeling much more like a dangerous fire in her heart and she sank into it; into the feeling of full lips and teeth nibbling at her skin; at hands sliding over her body.

'Why have you resisted me for so long?' he questioned as his left hand undid the buckle on her belt and then slipped beneath her tabards to her tunic.

'It's not…it's not right,' she said. Her voice was quiet and then she felt his cold hand against the skin of her stomach and she jumped.

He smiled against her neck. 'Have you not been waiting for this since that first dream?' His lips moved up to her jaw and then across her cheek, not avoiding the deep cut which still dripped blood. The hand slid higher until he reached her breasts and his fingers touched her carefully before his thumb grazed over a raised nipple and Rey bit her lip, willing herself to stop this now before it went too far. His fingers stopped glancing on the skin of her arm and they pulled the tabards from her shoulders and tossed the belt to the side. The free hand reached around to her back, his fingers drawing a line down her spine. 'It was a gift from me.' His tongue reached out, licking at Rey's bleeding wound and soothing the injury.

Rey didn't understand and she was feeling so lightheaded; with desire, with confusion and then something else. It made her anxious as she felt as if something important had been forgotten.

'A gift?'

His lips moved away from her and Rey opened eyes she hadn't realised she had closed and was driven to silence. It wasn't him. No, it was him, but it wasn't.

The whole room was lit in ice cold fire and so was he. Kylo. Ben. He was the fire personified and even by the look in his eye as their gazes caught, the Darkness intoxicated her, knowing what would get a reaction out of her, what would pull her towards it, and it had won.

'My darling apprentice, whatever could be wrong?'

Kylo wasn't here anymore and she had no idea when he had disappeared. It was darkness in some manifestation, some horrific dream creature. It had finally reared its ugly head and had led her off her path; led her astray.

'I won't be…It won't…I am no subject of the dark,' she screamed, pushing the creature away.

It smiled, her blood coating its lips and it reached forward, stroking a tendril of hair behind her ear.

'But I know your desires. For power, for control, for him.'

'No,' she demanded. 'I feel none of that.'

It clicked its tongue. 'You cannot hide those things from me. I see everything, I feel everything, I know your heart.'

'I won't go to the darkness, I won't cause pain and suffering.'

The Darkness laughed then. 'Yours and his will be enough. Ah, star-crossed lovers, it makes my dark heart beat. It's fortunate that you had such an episode this afternoon, or I would not have been able to harness such a hold on you. You seem to have been avoiding me of late.'

Rey didn't know what to say or do but stood, making distance between herself and the Darkness. It reduced her to silence. The fact that it could take on Kylo's form and affect her like this chilled her. They looked identical, the only difference being the flames that wrapped themselves around his body trying to reach out and lick at her skin.

'You should have expected this, child. Do you think this wasn't orchestrated by the Force?'

She shook her head and stepped backward, bumping into a table and she felt the fire then. It was getting hotter and hotter.

'The Force is not your agent alone. Where you are there is always Light and I won't be swayed towards you. The Light will guide me even if you try to divert me from my path with these tricks and use my emotions to gain the upper hand.'

The creature clucked its tongue and stood. Kylo's cloak whipped around it, the edges of the material completely on fire.

'Humans are an interesting species,' the Darkness began. 'Led by emotions, such short life spans and oftentimes an obsessive dependency on the Force, even if they aren't sensitive to it at all. They also make for such weak-minded Jedi, Sith and whatever your dear Ben Solo identifies himself as.'

It reached for Rey. She couldn't avoid its grip on wrist and she let out a startled cry as her skin began to burn.

'Be sure, even if you do not see me again, I will always be here, watching and waiting for you to make your choice. Your humanity will not allow you to avoid me and _he_ will be your downfall, I promise that. The seed has already been sown.'

The flames continued to grow until Rey felt as if her whole body were on fire and the Darkness disappeared into a ball of flame, leaving her screaming in pain.

'Rey? Rey?'

Rey's eyes blinked open and Luke was holding her steadily in his arms, his face full of worry. Her body had gone incredibly hot and then as cold as ice and he had feared she had somehow perished. Rey didn't understand. For a moment she didn't know who she was and what she was doing. It had felt so real and all that remained was the speedy beating of her heart as she looked to her Master.

* * *

 **Thanks for reading and thanks for the lovely reviews! I appreciate them and they motivate me. :D This chapter was a long one to make up for the last ;)**


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

* * *

'Master?' Rey murmured.

Luke sighed and his face grew more relaxed. 'You overextended yourself and fell unconscious.'

Rey blinked and looked around her. It seemed nothing had changed; her surroundings were just like they had been when she had first began to attempt Force Absorb. 'How long was I out for?' she questioned.

'A minute, perhaps less.'

She tried incredibly hard not to react. The idea that all of that had come to pass in mere seconds; that her heart and her mind could feel so laden with anxiety after a few moments outside of reality, frightened her. It had all felt so real; the harsh sun of Jakku bearing down on the back of her neck and the feel of sand scratching her skin as it blew past her. Then the pain…and the pleasure. She quickly thought of other things as Luke let her go, not wanting him to read her aura, to think she were straying.

 _Pleasure is darkness. Desire is darkness._

She repeated the words to herself trying to drill it into her mind again though the aching in her heart could not be stopped.

It was her fault. She had given darkness the power by collapsing and overusing the Force. By calling to Kylo, by not resisting. Darkness had touched her. More deeply than it should have been able to.

Luke helped Rey up and she felt sobered. He suggested she meditate and rest for the remainder of the day and though Rey wanted to get back to training, she accepted that, feeling as if she had lost a part of herself during the illusion.

 **XxX**

Rey could not sleep. She used every effort to make it happen, but she only grew more restless and frustrated. Everything was going wrong. Her attraction to Kylo was getting out of control and if she had not realised that the Darkness had taken on his image, she would have let it go too far. The memory of his fingers – or what should have been – and lips against her skin, still caused a shiver within her, one that reached from her heart to her stomach.

It frightened her. She'd never felt this way towards someone else and she hadn't considered how overwhelming it would feel.

She turned in her cot, looking at the crumbling wall of the temple and calling the Force to her. She willed it to heal, to be renewed and as she watched, it seemed to do just that. When several minutes had passed, she lay on her back again and then stood up, putting on her boots and walking through the passages that would lead her outside.

The nights had gotten warmer and Rey lay on a patch of grass just outside the door to her quarters, embracing the feeling of the world moving around her, the slight breeze against her cheeks and the warmth in the air. Perhaps the reason she couldn't sleep was because she hadn't in a week and it would take a short time to get used to sleeping again.

Her eyes watched the stars, trying to figure out which they were and the worlds that surrounded each of them. Ever since she had left Jakku, Rey had been pouring herself into star maps that had been mostly unavailable to her. Most of her knowledge came from what could be salvaged from abandoned star destroyers and AT-ATs, and what frequenters to Niima outpost would tell her. Rey had thought that most of what they had told her were myths. Leaving that desert wasteland and discovering that Jedi's were real – that good could still exist – made her wonder if perhaps everything she had heard growing up was true.

Rey closed her eyes and behind her eyelids she could see her friends smiling warmly at her. She wondered if they remembered her at all after nearly two months away when she had only known them for mere weeks.

Deciding to meditate and try and reach out for them, Rey sat up sitting cross-legged and sorting through the heavy emotions she had felt through the day. It felt as if her heart were tightening in her chest as the memory of Kylo could not be erased. Even though she knew it was not him, she was poisoned with the thought that it could have been. Rey knew that, that was the Darkness' intention but she could not avoid it.

As she took in her emotions of fear, anger and loss, she accepted that they would go in tandem with her path. If she could seek the light without interruption, then she wouldn't truly learn. Even if it gave her pain and triggered fear within her, these emotions, these happenings were important. Working through this helped Rey immensely and as she felt the emotions break away, she felt the Force fill within her until she could only feel its immense power. Heavy but passive.

Feeling the Force flow within her, Rey was able to seek out everything around her. To be a fly on the wall and travel the planet, to extend herself into the skies and into the vacuum of space. She sought out those she had felt connected to in some manner and she travelled further than she had before. Floating through asteroid fields and nebulae until she felt the warmth of a connection and knew it was Finn.

He was still on D'Qar and she felt his Force signature as if it were like a steady heartbeat in her own chest. As she travelled, she felt Leia there too and she wondered where Poe could be? Perhaps on another mission.

Rey continued to let the Force in, letting go of her emotions and allowing the mystical power to fill her with calm and acceptance. When she finally pulled out from her meditation, the sun had risen and she sat in the warmth of it.

She felt exponentially lighter as she stood up, walking back into her quarters to change into her training gear and take up the training Lightsaber. She had succeeded in doing what she had hoped. She had been able to reach out to her friends and feel them, even if she couldn't see them.

As Rey left the temple, she powered up the training Lightsaber and held it out in front of her. It wasn't very heavy and the dim blue light seemed to absorb the sun's rays. She smiled, thinking about what it would feel like to create her own Lightsaber. Rey had already considered what she would create and she was excited to get to that stage.

When she powered down the Lightsaber she noticed movement to her left and saw Luke walking up the small hill. His hands were pressed together in front of him and his eyes were closed as if in meditation.

'How was your meditation?' Luke asked, dropping his hands and opening his eyes.

Rey smiled brightly and bowed a greeting to her master. 'It helped lighten what felt like a load on my shoulders.'

Luke smiled and gestured for Rey to join him on his walk up the hill. 'I'm glad. Though you discredit your skill in harnessing the Force, you do fall into using it very readily. You doubt yourself too much Rey.'

'I think I'm just in a hurry to get better,' Rey responded as they began to ascend the hill.

Her master nodded and once they had reached the small fire pit, he ignited the wood and began to heat up water.

Rey gathered their cups and took to filling them with water but Luke held out a hand. He reached into one of his pockets and took out a small foiled packet.

'Perhaps this will help since you haven't slept,' he said.

She took the packet and opened it, immediately being hit with the smell of instant caffa. 'How many years have you been saving this for?' Rey asked, amused.

'I wouldn't say saving, but I still had some in my stock as well as some polystarch portions.' He reached into his other pocket and held the packets out to her. 'They aren't the most delicious thing, but they are a change from what we normally eat.'

Rey smiled, taking the packets from Luke. 'I didn't realise I'd start to miss the bland taste.'

The water began to boil and Rey poured some of it out into their cups, then added the caf. She handed a cup to Luke and he took it, waving his finger over his and stirring the contents. Rey copied her master's actions and smiled at the small whirlpool that formed in the liquid.

'How is it?' Luke asked once Rey had lifted the cup to her lips.

She smiled and nodded. 'It still tastes good.'

Luke smiled brightly and Rey put her cup down and poured the rations, as well as their usual grain into the pot. She mixed it with the Force and after a few seconds had passed, the liquid turned solid until it resembled a large loaf of pale bread. Rey reached inside of the pot and removed the loaf and tore it in two, handing one half to Luke.

He bit into it and seemed to approve, so Rey followed his lead.

'I think adding the grain definitely improves the taste,' Rey commented.

Luke nodded in agreement and took another sip of the caf. 'You won't be able to have this again for a while, though.'

Rey nodded and took another bite into her bread. 'What will we be doing today, Master?'

He looked over her carefully. 'I want us to practice Alter abilities again, but I don't want what happened yesterday to happen again. If it gets too much you must stop, do you understand Rey?'

'Won't that halt my progress?'

'Keeping you alive is more important,' he responded.

Rey ate in silence for a few moments and then looked back at her master. 'I want to do as you wish master, but what if I don't improve any faster? You said we can't be here much longer and we haven't even begun Form IV. What if something happens and we must leave even sooner?'

'I understand your fears Rey,' Luke began, placing his caf down. 'Though worrying too much about time will not help your progress. Concentrate on now and do not rush yourself. Too much power in too short a time has corrupted even the purest of minds.'

She wanted to say something, to rebut somehow, but she knew Luke was right or he wouldn't have said it. Her master always spoke from experience and despite her own thoughts she nodded and finished her breakfast.

'We will begin Form IV too.'

When Rey looked to her master, he was eating and drinking from his cup. She couldn't hide the smile from her lips and stood, quickly bowing to her master to prepare for the days training, her fatigue forgotten.

 **XxX**

The difficulties of Form IV were obvious to Rey immediately. Despite having practiced her acrobatics the two weeks previously and gaining the skills of the other forms, the sheer athleticism and use of the Force needed meant Rey was often on the floor, knocked down by Luke.

He had seemed to up his use of the Force in comparison to when they were practicing Forms I to III. At every instance of Rey leaving herself open, he'd take advantage of it; winding her, knocking her off her feet. Rey fell naturally into using Form III defensive techniques, but it did not stop her from receiving several Lightsaber burns on her legs and arms. Luke did not seem to slow despite her injuries and Rey came to the realisation that he would no longer treat her easily.

Luke only stopped to substitute a training droid in his place, watching Rey's form from a distance and instructing her on how she could improve her posture and leg positioning during somersaults and where she could utilise the Force more or where she needed to be wary of her limbs being too wild a Lightsaber could remove them with one swing.

Rey stopped when she felt herself succumbing to the dizziness and her burns began to cause her eyes to water and cloud. She dropped down to one knee, powering down the training Lightsaber and Luke stood in front of her, a pail of water in his hands. She took a long drink and he sat, gesturing for Rey to do the same.

'This is now an opportunity to explore Force healing,' he murmured, gesturing to the black and dark red markings that covered her clothing.

Rey did not mention that she already knew what it took, having been able to heal Kylo even if that was just within her dreams. Though it was an ability that utilised the Force, it seemed as if it fed off emotions too – that it fed off a connection to the Light.

She took Luke's instruction however, listening to his technique carefully and replicating it to the best of her ability. Rey had not healed herself before, though it wasn't much different from healing Kylo, the only difference being that she could feel her skin heal. She could feel her skin knit back together and it was a peculiar tickling sensation that allowed her to understand why Kylo had been so surprised by it.

Once Rey had gone to her quarters that night, tired but healed, she concentrated on sleep, willing it to come and to allow her to rest after being awake for seven nights and eight days, meditation her only solace.

Rey opened her eyes in the wood, illuminated by moonlight. She knew it was the very same wood of Kylo's dreams because the house lay behind her. From outside it looked abandoned and old but benign, it didn't seem as if it could hold the darkness that crawled within its darkest recesses. Then she could see the huddled silhouette of Kylo, his back against a great oak facing the house, sitting and looking up at the moon.

She couldn't help the memories coming back. Of him appearing in her illusions and then Darkness taking his place and trying to corrupt her. Or maybe it had succeeded, because Rey couldn't stop the uncomfortable swirling within her stomach, or the strain in her chest as she looked at him. It was with discomfort that she watched him and she was thankful that being in his dreams, he could not see into her own mind, he could not know what she had seen, what she had allowed to pass.

Kylo looked down then, his eyes meeting hers across the clearing. He seemed to assess her, as if checking if she were real. A hand that was resting against his knee screwed into a fist and he stood, moving over to her with excessive speed.

'You've finally returned, then?' he questioned.

Rey didn't know what to say as she looked up at him. He was standing at his full height and she felt like she could flounder in his presence if she let it happen.

'Where did you go?' Rey asked suddenly.

She received an expression of confusion from Kylo and he swallowed, taking a step away from her. 'I was taken from my meditation,' he responded. 'Though that question seems more relevant to you.'

'This is the first time I have slept for over a week,' she responded weakly.

He guessed the meaning of her words. She had meditated instead of slept and he wasn't foolish enough to think it was to avoid him, but to further her training. He wished that he could have been in her dream then, to sense how much her training had progressed, to understand why she looked at him with weariness and not the usual determination.

Rey looked back at the house, solidifying the knowledge that she had freed him and it had held. When she looked back at Kylo, when she felt his emotions, they seemed far more balanced. She wasn't arrogant enough to believe that she had changed his allegiances, but she could feel that in a sense, healing his mind to some extent had improved his composure.

'Thank you.'

His tone mirrored the one she had used in her illusion and Rey was driven to silent acceptance. She would never have expected the words to come from his mouth, whether directed at her or someone else. It confused her more and she convinced herself that his eyes had not softened and that his aura hadn't become warmer somehow.

They were both silent and Rey looked to the house, wondering how it could have even come to be, but knowing it wouldn't have been wise to ask Kylo. She looked back at him and frowned at his expression. She imagined it resembled Kylo of the past, when he was still Ben Solo. Rey knew that if she thought too much about it, she could imagine that Kylo Ren had fallen away, at least in their dreams.

'I've been trapped there for twenty years.'

Rey looked to him as he broke the silence and his brow furrowed and he gripped the hilt of the Lightsaber at his waist, uncomfortable.

'From the moment I felt compelled to the darkside and it has only grown over the years. To the point where it got out of my control and rather than a place to seek…I don't know…an understanding of my path, it became a nightmare.'

'Why are you telling me this?' she questioned. Why was he giving her more fodder to use against him? Why was he opening himself up?

'I don't know.' He looked at her, his gaze holding hers. 'I feel as if I owe you something. I feel like I have nothing left to hide, you know it all. If you go back in there, you'll see everything you could want to know.'

Rey felt her lip twitch and she was surprised. Was his plan pulling her to his side by using her empathy? By exposing himself, cutting himself open so that she had no choice but to try and heal the wound?

'You know who I am, don't you?' he asked. He seemed to unexpectedly stand even straighter, as if her knowing was something he could take in his stride. 'You can't help but know.'

She shook her head, though. 'That would imply that you know me and you don't, you could never.'

'I know you because we are similar, we feel the same way, the only difference is you chose the wrong side. It's not too late, though. My master is waiting for you to join us.'

Rey swallowed and sighed heavily, her eyes narrowing at Kylo. 'You are so arrogant. You think I will go to your side because I yearn for power so badly? Yes, I want power, but only so I can stop you and your master – so that I can heal this universe that you have tried to destroy.'

Kylo stood his ground though, looking at her squarely. 'Do you really think that it will be any different? That your rebel friends have purer intentions than my master? You need to see the bigger picture. It's more than just this eternal fight between the First Order and the rebels, it's more than a battle between light and dark; a battle which we are winning.'

'Then I won't let it be the case for much longer.' Rey replied, her hands in fists before Kylo.

He smiled, which was a surprise to Rey. 'Good. Keep that confidence. It's why I think it can only be you and nobody else.'

Rey couldn't help frowning and she wanted to punch him to rid his face of his smile, but she didn't move, only stared at him. At the way his dark hair shifted in the slight wind, how his lip twitched as he smiled and how the scar which just grazed the bridge of his nose, stretched across his cheek.

'Let's agree to disagree,' Rey said amicably, taking several steps backward to create some distance between in the hope that it would change something within her too.

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	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

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Rey would be lying if she didn't replay the conversation with Kylo repeatedly in her head. She was still flummoxed by the fact that he had opened himself up to her. Even though they could feel flashes of each other's emotions and more when they dreamed, Rey would have never known anything he told her from that alone. She tried to justify why he had done it, a reason that went beyond her being owed something. It was her heart before her head that answered that question for her and Rey fought against it with everything she had.

Her thoughts followed her to her training and she practically made it a test in which she tried to justify his words with every strike of her Lightsaber. Luke took the successive parries happily, thinking her mind was clear and that's why she could fight so efficiently.

'Master?' Rey started, wiping sweat from her brow and Force absorbing a blaster bolt.

Luke nodded, gritting his teeth as he manoeuvred another jumping slash at Rey. She narrowly avoided the blade and felt her master's Lightsaber singe a hole through the loose pants of her training outfit.

'What is the Jedi sentiment on trust?' she questioned.

Their eyes met briefly before they continued fighting. 'Well the Jedi were trained to trust the Force.'

'I mean trusting others, especially non-Jedi. Is there not some fear that you could be led down the wrong path because you followed someone you thought you could trust?'

Luke considered her with his eyes, though did not stop his onslaught of attacks. 'There is no specific teaching on trust. It is up to you, your belief in that person and your faith that the Force will show you the truth if you seek it.'

'To trust everyone until proven otherwise?' she questioned.

He shook his head and defended Rey's slash. 'I believe in trust through experience. You can believe that everyone you meet is ultimately good, but to bestow the gift of trust on someone, the reason must be deep within you.'

Rey felt her heart constrain, thinking of her own abandonment on Jakku. Trust for her had been inconstant. She had trusted that whoever had left her on Jakku would come back, but after being thrown into everything that had occurred over the last few months of her life, she had been led to believe that it was a foolish dream. To just trust and wait would lead her nowhere. Rey had found herself trusting in so many; Finn, Leia, Chewie, Luke; that she could convince herself that she would never be betrayed again. She hadn't even considered whether they trusted her, whether their belief in her was just based off hope and not trust.

Luke knew betrayal, however and Rey knew that. It was why he had come to Ahch-To wracked with grief and uncertainty in his own path and ability. Whatever he said came from a place of experience and his own sense of heartbreak. When Rey looked to her master, she knew she trusted him with her very being. In him she found the love of a father and the kindness of a teacher; both things she didn't remember having. The thought distracted her briefly, not enough to get injured by Luke's blade, but enough that she felt her sadness burn through her heart to the remembered loneliness and anguish that came with her less than ideal childhood.

She felt him then. Pressing warmly against her in the recesses of her mind; calling out to her. Rey tried to push Kylo away, not seeking his input into her own angst, but she couldn't. He would repay the favour, she realised. Even if she wished to not think about him, think about what she had thought and done in her illusion, it was inevitable. She felt something for him and whether it was real or another illusion created by this connection, it wasn't going to go away any time soon.

'Rey.'

Her eyes met Luke's and he had changed forms so that she could do the same. Rey did not, however and she stood in front of him with her training Lightsaber still held in a Form II stance.

'Do you trust me Master?' she asked, suddenly desperate to know the answer.

Luke stopped then, his hand halting the droid and he looked at Rey carefully.

'I do,' he responded with a curt nod. 'Because you are my padawan and I believe you have goodness in you.'

Rey swallowed and dropped her Lightsaber to her side. 'Did you trust Ben?'

Luke sighed, sadness descending on him. 'I did. I had faith that he would do good and I trusted him as not just my student, but as my kin. Perhaps that's why he didn't kill me on that day. He knew he had broken my trust as both student and nephew.'

'Do you think he still has the capacity to be trusted?' she asked carefully.

'I don't know.' Luke looked to the sky momentarily, his eyes closing and it seemed as if he were reaching with the Force. 'Perhaps his master keeps him safely guarded, never truly sure of whether he will once again betray a teacher. Even though he killed his father for him, Ben had such an imbalanced mind for so long before…before Snoke, that I want to believe that anything is possible for him. If he changes, perhaps this will all change too.'

Rey remained silent in thought. Had she changed him? A part of her believed she had, but then nothing had changed around them. Kylo-Ben might have told her something in confidence, in a sense trusting her with his heart, but it didn't mean he trusted her or that she should trust him. As she had thought before, it could all be a ploy to confuse her path, to distract her from what was truly important.

'What I should say is,' Luke spoke up again, lifting his Lightsaber in front of him. 'Believe in your path and trust in your choices and your heart. You are good, Rey. You are of the light and if you trust that, the darkness can try and sway you, but your own beliefs will lead you back onto the correct path.'

The young woman smiled and nodded, raising her blade again.

She felt the light then. Warm and good, filling her with sunshine and filling her with surety. Luke could feel it too. He could see it reflected in her eyes, in her utilisation of the Force and how she moved when they began to parry again. Rey fought him off again and deflected a bolt which hit Luke's shoulder. He stumbled back, but found his stance again after a few moments. The action made him smile and Rey found herself replicating the expression.

 **XxX**

Rey could feel him niggling away inside her head. Kylo had not let up since she had become sad during her earlier conversation with Luke. It wasn't that she could know what he was thinking, or perhaps even what he wanted to say to her, but he was there. It surprised her that he could be so constant in his approach and even as Rey was eating supper with her master, his presence remained, unusually calm and almost empathetic.

When she finally went to bed after bathing, Rey looked at the ceiling, wondering if it would ever get to the point in their connection where they could understand each other. That it would be more than just colours of sensation and they could have some sense of a conversation. It wasn't that she wanted that, but she wanted to be prepared if that were to be the case.

She waited to close her eyes until she was calm and clear. Her mind was still a jumbled mess because of the last few days and Rey knew she had to swallow her thoughts because if he ended up in her dreams, he would feel what she felt: the repercussions of the illusion, the strange yearning that threatened to become a part of her and her inconstancy in sticking to her word.

Feeling that she could sleep with a free mind, she closed her eyes and let sleep take her.

It was quiet when she opened her eyes to the small clearing. The house stood in silence and so did the great oak tree that Kylo had leant against the night before. Night had clearly fallen here too and stars sparkled above Rey. If she hadn't known any better, she would have considered this place beautiful.

There was movement from behind her and she turned back to the house and she could hear shuffling. After a few moments, Kylo stepped out from behind the house. He wasn't wearing his usual clothing, or at least what he had been wearing in his own dreams. In hers, he would come out in full black; with his hooded cowl and leather Lightsaber belt. When in his dreams, he was stripped down to just his ribbed-sleeved black tunic. Right now, however, it seemed he was wearing his training gear which was comprised of a sleeveless zipped-closed black tunic without a belt or Lightsaber and Rey wondered why.

'Your clothes…' Rey murmured, her words drifting away in the slight wind.

Kylo looked up at her and she saw his jaw tighten, his irritation clear.

Rey carefully approached him, seeing that his bare hands were covered in dirt and specks of red, which must have been blood.

'What have you been doing?' she questioned.

He stood straighter and dusted his hands off. 'I plan on destroying this place.'

Her brows furrowed and she walked past him to where he had come from, seeing that behind the house he had begun to tear at the wooden walls. She considered that he could have just burned the place down, but he seemed to want to destroy it one wooden plank at a time.

'Are you sure that this is the way?' she asked. When she turned, he was standing behind her and Rey took several steps away from him, wary of his proximity and the fact that this was the least clothing she had ever seen him in.

'It has given me nothing, why should I let it stay here?' Kylo responded. His hands were in fists now and Rey could see the tension in his arm muscles tighten.

Rey looked at him and took a moment to feel his emotions and she immediately sobered feeling that his irritation wasn't anger but ultimately sadness and it was her fault. Just like he had affected her in the early days of their connection, she had done the same to him.

She shook her head. 'This place is more than that and you know it.'

'How would you know that?'

Rey sighed. 'Because you told me that yesterday. I was in there; I saw that little boy. If he's in there, if anything like that is in there, then you can't. You'll only be hurting yourself.'

Kylo pushed past her then to get back to the pulled boards, but Rey grabbed his shoulder, halting him and shaking him. He turned swiftly, fast enough that Rey fought he would hit her, but he just looked at her with furrowed brows.

'I'm sorry,' she murmured. 'I didn't mean to…I was just.' She frowned, not able to get the words out properly. 'I didn't think you would still be affected by my moods. It's hard on me and it doesn't seem right to subject you to it too. No matter what this is now.'

His expression relaxed then and they both took a moment; neither saying anything, their eyes just meeting. Rey could feel the tension leave Kylo and the air seemed to lighten as he concentrated on her rather than on the house. Kylo shook his head lightly. 'Don't apologise.' He frowned and his expression became one of compassion. 'I think I just got swept away with it…I hadn't realised it was you more than myself. You just felt so sad and then I…I don't know what I felt.'

Rey closed her eyes. She was embarrassed and felt as if she didn't have a good reason to be sad anymore, that it was a part of the past now and that projecting that onto Kylo made her feel and seem so weak.

Kylo watched her carefully, still reeling from the emotional overload of the past ten hours and realising that he hadn't let himself feel so upset in a long time. He knew that they shared that, he had said it before. They were more alike than Rey wanted to admit, but Kylo felt that similarity so easily that he wondered why she tried to deny it, especially when she looked it with him with something far from contempt.

He reached to his shoulder, taking her hand from it and he held it, watching her carefully. Rey opened her eyes and stopped herself from reacting; from skipping a breath, from blinking too fast, and she took her hand back, holding it in the other.

'You don't have to push me away with such force.'

'That's not what I'm doing,' Rey responded taking another step away. 'I'm making sure we aren't close to start with.'

Kylo watched her walk away, his eyes glancing at her tightly squeezed fists and the tension in her back. Rey tried her most to remain impassive and to convince herself that there was no charged atmosphere, that she could hide even in his dreams. The thought that she was denying the inevitable made her want to scream.

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	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Chapter contains mature themes**

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 **Chapter 12**

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The dreams of the days that followed had been no different for Rey as the night before. Though she was not walking Kylo from the ledge of bad decisions, she was finding it consistently more difficult to stay impassive.

Kylo was different. He was different every day and Rey didn't know where the truth or the lies began. Whether he was pretending to change or he really had and Rey hadn't realised. Perhaps he knew what she was thinking and she was just acting like a fool for pretending there was nothing there. It wasn't like it was a profound change, either, he just seemed less angry and though he told her what he thought she should do and why, he had refrained from being explicit or telling her he would make it happen. Maybe that made it all worse?

Most nights they watched the sky until one of them – usually Kylo – had something to say and he would murmur knowing that Rey could hear it. It was always about something redundant – like what Rey knew of some planet or some food and she never knew and so he would tell her. Rey never considered asking what he had done on those planets, how many he had probably killed and why. She never even asked for justification, she just listened in silence with the knowledge that she was sinking.

As the days passed, the discomfort in herself, in her heart, only grew and she wished she could touch him. That she could feel him like she had in her illusion; his lips against her skin and his hands roaming her body. It was horrible to feel so absorbed in such carnal things when she lived her days trying to be of pure mind, trying to do her best in her training.

Luke hadn't noticed, yet Rey expected nothing else. He did not hold a Force connection to her and she had become exceptionally good at hiding her thoughts and feelings around him.

This new relationship herself and Kylo had, meant it was much easier for her to read him than it had been before. As if because they were becoming closer, their connection grew exponentially stronger to the point where she believed that she could sense his thoughts through his emotions.

Rey sat on the last step of the house's porch, flicking the switch on her training Lightsaber and going through velocities in her head. When she couldn't see Kylo but just sense him, she found it more bearable and it wasn't as difficult to stifle her thoughts and feelings. Even though he wouldn't have been able to feel them in his dream, it made her feel more at ease at the very least. If she wished hard enough, she hoped that this week of being in his dreams would extend longer and longer until her desires were forgotten.

She couldn't pretend that he wasn't here anyway. Rey guessed he was somewhere within the expanse of forest and when he walked out from it, she was not surprised. His mind was a mangled mix of concentration, stress and lust, which wasn't uncommon for him, especially over these past few days. He couldn't hide his emotions from Rey so he didn't try. She knew what he wanted; whether it was for his own gain as a soldier for Snoke or as a human with desires.

He had been back to his usual tunic, having explained to Rey on the third day of their new relationship, that he had been so focused on training that it must have followed him into his dreams.

'Do you wish to duel?' he suggested as he approached Rey.

She looked at him with suspicion and shook her head. 'I would rather duel you with a clean slate.'

'You still plan on fighting me and winning?' he questioned.

Rey narrowed her eyes and nodded.

'You claim you hate me yet with the opportunity to cut me in half with your Lightsaber – even in your dreams – you reject it.'

She sighed. 'That is not equivalent.' Rey attached the Lightsaber to her belt clip and stood up, moving past Kylo.

'When will you build your own?' he questioned.

'I won't tell you.'

'Will you tell me anything?'

Rey turned, mirth bubbling out of her mouth. 'Why are you asking when you know I won't? It is difficult enough with your access to my mind, I won't just hand out information to you.'

'I wanted to give you a chance to give it voluntarily,' he responded.

She observed him carefully, wondering if he would go back to talk of her giving her body to him but he just remained silent, a small smile on his lips and his lust still circling within his emotions, as if mocking her.

'Should I propose a location for our duel?'

Rey made a face and looked away from him. 'Has this suddenly become a joke to you?' she questioned.

Kylo watched her profile and took his Lightsaber from his belt. 'No, I'm being realistic. You aren't seeing the bigger picture and I want you to wake up sooner than later.'

'You should be saying that to yourself.'

He smiled again. 'I wish I was in your dreams so I could see the truth for myself.'

Rey's expression solidified and she willed herself not to be telling, to keep her composure. 'You don't have the ability to do that.'

Kylo smirked. 'To see the truth from your lies? Are you so sure about that?'

Rey frowned and searched for something to say in return, though she had nothing. She was well aware that she was a liar and that it was a frustrating battle to keep herself grounded. There was no cure for humanity and that had become clear a week ago.

When she looked at Kylo again, his face seemed passive, as if he were trying to read her and had almost breached a wall.

She continued walking, hoping that it was another ploy.

'Where are you going?'

'Back to reality,' she responded. Her feet took her towards the trees that had of late, begun to change in colour. Rey ultimately found it peculiar that the seasons could change in Kylo's mind, but the evidence was there in the orange and red leaves. Rey didn't get very far before she woke up, the moon still in the sky and feeling anxiety rise within her. This couldn't continue forever.

 **XxX**

Rey slowly but surely had improved in Form IV. The acrobatics had been the easy part, especially when utilising the Force, it was just mixing that with duelling that she found difficult. It was so dangerous because if concentration was lost, a limb could go with it too. Rey seemed to find her flow and Luke was constantly impressed by her progress. Force training was much the same and Rey had begun to favour Force pushing, especially when used in conjunction with one of the early forms. Luke had warned her though that it wouldn't be as effective on a Force-sensitive individual.

It was a calm and chilly evening for Rey and the atmosphere helped relax her ahead of the night. She kept thinking that any day now Chewbacca would come back with the Millennium Falcon and tell her she must join the rebels again. It frightened her because she still felt so lost in her own abilities and with nobody else to practice with other than Luke and his droids, Rey felt as if she were going in blind; that her first opponent would easily be able to overpower her.

She crossed her arms across her chest to stave off the sudden cold snap – her cloak still packed in her bag – and made her way to her quarters. Changing out of her training clothing she laid back on her cot, finding relaxation in the sound of wind.

When she finally fell asleep, it was with a frightened exhale that she saw the vastness of field land around her and the absence of Kylo's emotions. She was in her own dream and the charade had finally ended.

Rey could at the very least appreciate her dreams for they took her to places she did not know but that the Force wanted her to see. It seemed as if it were a gift for her and it momentarily distracted her from the fact that she was in her own mind and not in Kylo's where she could protect her thoughts and emotions. Here she was as open as the vast blue sky above her.

Sitting up from her position on her back, Rey's eyes glanced over the field's huge expanse and she could not see an end to it. She couldn't even see breaks where there might have been a line of trees or shrubs or even a farmhouse. Rather than being frightening, it reminded Rey of Jakku, though with stretches of grass and flowers rather than a great expanse of dunes of sand.

Then she felt him. It was a slight tingle at the base of her neck and she knew he was somewhere, already sifting through her current thoughts and Rey's hand tightened into a fist, using all her energy to avoid him until she could wake.

The field was huge and she took off walking, hoping that she was going in the right direction but also trying to bury her thoughts. No matter what Master Luke said, Rey was far from mastering any true control over her mind. She ended up slipping on a muddy patch and her concentration waned as she righted herself. Then she could sense him behind her and her throat closed up as she quickened her pace, climbing a slight hill and deciding she would run once she reached the drop.

Rey didn't want to look at him. If he couldn't see into her mind already, then their gazes meeting would definitely mean he would.

She hurried further away from his inquiring gaze and into some deep place in her mind that not even he could reach.

It had been difficult. Meeting him in his dreams and stifling her thoughts, her emotions and consequently her lust. It had become like that without her input and Rey wanted to scream as she walked because she had failed. She had succumbed to the idea, even if she hadn't fallen in action. It was enough to distract her whilst she was awake and asleep. Rey thought of anything but him, trying to drown him with emotions relating to mundane thoughts about her training, about meditation, anything.

'I'm here, it's too late to run away.' His voice was too few metres behind her.

Rey closed her eyes and kept walking, thinking of caf and quarter portions.

'Rey!' he shouted at her.

She stopped immediately, freezing at the sound of her name and her mind grew jumbled at the surprise of it; the first time having heard her name pass through his lips.

Then there was a hand on her elbow and he pulled her to face him. Unlike usually when he appeared in her dream, he was without his cloak or cowl.

His face was strangely passive and his mouth paused mid-word as their eyes met and he knew everything that Rey was feeling. Rey ultimately being plunged in desire as she looked at him. After several moments, his mouth closed and he continued to look at her, his hair lifting in the slight wind and his hand still on her elbow.

'Don't…' Rey began.

'It was inevitable,' Kylo interrupted, though his expression did not turn to one of humour or malice. 'The Force caused this all, you must know that now, don't you?'

Rey shook her head and tried to pull her arm back, but Kylo held on resolutely.

'Desire is darkness,' she said, more to herself than Kylo, but his eyes seemed to ignite at the words.

'Desire is humanity,' he corrected. 'I told you it would not be something easily avoided.'

'No,' she shook her head again. 'I won't be influenced by the dark.'

He snorted then and pulled on her arm lightly and she stepped closer to him, falling into his sphere.

'I've told you. It will be me who influences you, me alone.' His voice lowered as he got closer to her. 'It's right for the both of us,' he murmured.

Kylo was very aware of what he was saying. Though the years of being tortured in that room within his mind swayed him towards this direction, these actions. He had consistently thought about whether the Force had brought Rey to him to heal the part of him which left him yearning; for warmth, for touch, for kinship. She could relieve him of the heavy burden of loneliness and unsated desire.

She closed her eyes, willing this all away, but Kylo's hand burned her at his touch and it did not hurt like it should have. She couldn't let go, she had allowed herself to be poisoned by her thoughts and she found herself making excuses. _This is only in my mind, it would not be the same, it would not be wrong._

His breath was against her neck then, just like in her illusion. Damp and warm, his lips grazing her skin and his hand tightening on her arm. Rey opened her eyes and Kylo's met hers; brown and inviting.

Rey let out a breath she didn't know she had been holding and Kylo's other hand was at her waist and then her hand was gripping tightly onto his forearm as he softly suckled her neck, bringing out a mewl from her mouth.

She curved into his touch, moulding against his body as his lips and tongue drew marks across her throat. Even though there was a chill in the air brought by the wind, Rey felt her body warm and let herself melt into Kylo.

'You don't need to resist,' he said against her skin.

He pulled away briefly, their eyes meeting and then their lips.

Rey felt like she was falling from her own body. Her other thoughts were gone as her arms reached around his neck, drawing him closer to her, their kiss tentative and absorbed in throwing them both into a slow burn of desire. His hands were soft against her, holding her as if she could be broken.

It was Rey who opened her mouth first, when Kylo's hand had snaked around her waist and his other had pulled on her Lightsaber belt, ultimately loosening it. She sighed as their tongues met, the act seeming to draw her further into her disturbance.

Her fingers roamed the material at his chest, finding the fastening of his belt and pulling it enough to unlatch it. Rey's Lightsaber fell to the grass at their feet along with her belt and her outer tunic fell open without something to hold it in place, which Kylo subsequently pulled from her shoulders.

Kylo's lips were at her neck again and Rey moaned, her hands pulling at his tunic, drawing down the zip and then pulling it apart and over his shoulders, leaving him in his undershirt. He undid the small tie on Rey's inner-tunic, though she had no undershirt to shield her nakedness and Kylo's eyes immediately went to her chest.

Without another word, his warm fingers were against her breasts, pushing the material of the tunic to the side, leaving it open so he could see and touch her. Rey closed her eyes tightly as his lips descended down her throat and to her chest and she fought off her moans.

Her hands didn't know what to do other than hold his shirt tight enough to rip the material. Her chest felt overly sensitive when he finally pulled away and met her lips with his again. Rey leaned into him, trying to rid herself of the swirling in her stomach and then his hand was under her knee and he pulled her against him, making her dizzy before they slipped to the ground, Rey feeling flowers and grass graze her neck as Kylo tentatively pressed against her.

She couldn't silence herself and bit her tongue as she groaned, her hands reaching to pull at his trousers as she felt him through the clothing that remained. His tongue slipped into her mouth again as he kneeled over her and one hand slipped into her own leggings and underwear, pulling them down along with her boots. His warm fingers grazed the skin of her thighs, across her stomach and then to her chest. Rey closed her eyes tightly, moving into his delicate touch, not understanding why the hands that were roughened with constant combat could feel so tender against her skin.

They seemed to share both gazes and breaths as they kissed and Rey's hands cautiously moved from his loose shirt to its edge and she lifted it carefully, her fingers sliding across Kylo's stomach and he shuddered at her touch. Their kiss broke and Rey leaned up, pulling the material from his torso and Kylo rolled onto his back, Rey straddling his stomach, her open tunic the only item of clothing she had left on. He reached up, pulling the tunic from her shoulders and his hand spanned the line of her neck, pulling her to him and joining their lips together again.

Rey felt the quickening of her pulse at the intensity of their actions and how Kylo's fingers glanced against her skin as if she would break if he were too rough with her. It was an unexpected feeling and Rey knew he could sense that from her when their eyes met from being closed and she could only feel warmth coming from his brown-eyed gaze.

It was Rey who reached to the waist of his trousers, pulling at them, their eyes not breaking contact. Their hips collided in the struggle as Kylo still lay against the grass and Rey's mind grew hazy at the unexpected feeling. He took the opportunity to turn them back around, their clothes now padding on the grass and when Rey's mind had cleared, they were both without clothes, Kylo kneeling over her and she dared to look down, to make real what they were doing.

He touched her then. Softly and enough that she had to close her eyes and clutch a handful of grass to stifle what would have been an audible reaction. She could hear him chuckle and Rey opened her eyes to see a wry smile on his lips as he knelt between her legs, his right hand in between the partition of hers. Rey moved to say something, but he didn't allow her to speak as he touched her again and this time the hand that was still attached to his chest reacted and she had marked his skin with scratches. Kylo didn't seem to mind the minor injury and only compelled her to sit up, his hand not moving from her but leaning into her until their lips were joined again and his other hand was a solid pillar holding him up. One arm went around his neck whilst the other around his waist and she felt his fingers tease her, lightly grazing her so she had no choice but to moan into his mouth.

The hand that was on his waist suddenly felt brave and it slipped from there to his hip and then to touch him. Kylo paused and when her hand slid from the base to the tip, their kiss stopped abruptly and Rey couldn't help but chuckle at the reaction. He looked at her then, his eyes full of suspicious humour and she couldn't help smirking.

When they didn't speak, things were so much simpler. Kylo seemed to nod in agreement as if he could hear her words, but maybe he could? Maybe this was some insane fever dream on Rey's part where anything was possible?

Finding the nerve, Rey let go and her hand moved to Kylo's hip, but she did not need to do anymore as Kylo knew what she wanted and his hand moved away from between her legs and to her now loose hair, moving stray strands behind her ear and he kissed her as he leaned further toward her, until Rey could feel him pressing against her for entrance and she widened her legs, her eyes tightly closing at the unfamiliar intrusion.

When he finally stopped pushing and Rey felt full of him, their eyes both met and Kylo kissed from her neck up across her jaw and cheek and then to her lips. Rey's fingers were holding onto his waist more tightly than she thought and she struggled to keep her composure.

Their noses grazed against each other as Kylo moved and Rey leant up to meet him, their breathing heavy and in sync. Their kissing grew staccato as they fought for breath and moaned between them. Rey's eyes threatened to close as she grew closer to the brink, but it was like she was under Kylo's compulsion and she could only look at him, feel him, be there with him at the languid pace they were moving at. He groaned and Rey choked out her moan. Her legs wrapped around him, taking the place of her hands which moved to his neck and their foreheads fell together, sticky with perspiration that chilled in the air.

It was nothing like what she had seen in that room. That had seemed violent and frightening, this…this was something different completely. Rey felt the prick of tears as she knew what she was doing was wrong. Perhaps this is what the darkness had wanted? Not for some violent action, but one that felt too good, good enough to blind them both from reality so they could fall into each other. Fall into the desire they should not have felt together. It wasn't pain that darkness wanted this time.

Kylo felt Rey's despair as soon as she had borne it and as tears slipped from her eyes, he kissed them away. Rey moaned again, Kylo catching it with his lips and he increased his speed, causing Rey to forget her woes and feel the utter bliss that Kylo was causing within her. Her emotions only increased Kylo's need for completion, leaving Rey with nothing left but to fall.

Despite being such an unfamiliar experience for Rey, something about it felt comfortable. Perhaps because they were linked or she had mentally prepared herself for this and had not realised. Being so absorbed in herself – in him –, she could take it no longer and her eyes squeezed shut as she fell. The feeling was magnified exponentially through Kylo and as he reached his end, she felt his within herself and her eyes opened in shock, his eyes fluttering at the extent of the pleasure they both felt. It was unlike anything either of them had felt before and their gazes caught, Kylo struggling to gain any composure as he felt the remnants of their joint climax and felt ultimately connected to Rey through their bond and through the shared experience.

There was a lull where neither of them could say or do anything as their actions sunk in. Kylo's fingers were still tight against Rey's waist, one of her legs still draped over his hip. Rey tried to turn away, not wanting to meet his eyes any longer, but Kylo's hand moved from her waist to her jaw, stopping her.

Rey could try to deny it, but they could not erase away what they had done. Even if it had only occurred within their shared dreams, when they awoke, they would know what they had done, they would know that what they had felt was the same as if they had been in the same room.

'Don't deny it with your eyes,' Kylo murmured, his breath tickling Rey's lips. Both of their lips were swollen and Rey resisted looking at Kylo's, as if she would be suddenly compelled to kiss him and start this whole thing over again. 'You know I can feel your emotions; you don't need to feel guilty.'

Their skin felt sticky and cold in the spring air and Rey didn't like that she enjoyed being so close to him, being able to see all of him; the scars that covered his body like craters in a moon and the moles which peppered his pale arms and chest. Without realising, her hand had followed her train of thought and her fingers followed the lines of the carved and marked skin. When she looked up at him again, his expression was unreadable, only his eyes told her anything and they were filled with the same warmth that Rey now felt discomforted by.

Kylo knew, and what was worse was that Rey knew he knew. Her mind was so much more open than his and she could only blame her lack of training. He did know her. He had been right. Despite it being in their dreams, he had taken her virginity and she had let him, she had wanted him to. Now he knew every intimate detail of her. Every scar, every freckle, every delicate part of her. In that moment at the very least, he didn't seem to want to hurt her with those facts. He only held her more tightly in his arms, his eyes grazing over her body as if recording her every feature and when their eyes met again, they seemed to be open and welcoming.

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	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

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Rey was mortified when she woke. Shocked at her actions and what she had allowed. Even if it was within the cage of her mind, it was corrupting. She had not even considered what this would mean beyond the dream realm. How this would change the relationship they had developed and how she could even face her master now. She had betrayed him. Betrayed his trust and keeping this bond from him was corrupting her just as much as what she had done in her dream.

Breakfast passed in silence. Rey could only find the ability in herself to answer Luke's questions with short answers and she felt wrought with guilt. She didn't feel different, yet she knew she was. He had touched her, darkness had got what it wanted through him and this time, it had done what it had originally set out to do – corrupt her. As she sat, she could feel the ghost of his lips against her neck and mouth and she couldn't stop herself from desiring it again.

Despite her lack of speech, Rey managed to complete her day's training without a problem, but the dread of her next sleep began to eat into the corner of her mind. It overshadowed Kylo's presence in her head and she willed the Force to help her to think of anything else.

Rey sat on the edge of her cot, looking into her hands and trying to think of some solution to what was happening. She wouldn't deny what she had done and that it had been ill-sighted, but she had to approach their connection and how she felt in some logical manner. It wasn't conducive to neither her training nor her future and she wished for there to be an easy way out. Perhaps breaking their connection would cause these emotions to disappear too and if that was so, she hoped that there would be a way out for them both.

The one thing she could not break from was that she had liked it. What she had shared with Kylo was so beyond anything she had known that she found herself having to make clear justifications as to why it was wrong. She found her mind floundering towards loopholes in the Jedi code and questioned why it could be so bad. Rey realised incredibly soon why it was dangerous territory, mostly because she was already torn. Her humanity called for it and she was scared that one day it would crave it, all against her better judgement.

When she finally laid down in her cot, she settled her speeding heart and hoped that she could be free of either this connection or the desire that had come with it.

 **XxX**

Kylo was sitting against the oak again, his hand stretched out in front of him, resting against his knee and he held a small stone up, twisting it through the air and watching its rotations. The stone dropped when he noticed Rey and he looked at her, not saying anything.

She walked towards the house, sitting on the lowest step of the porch and avoided his gaze, trying to not feel his stray emotions, but will alone wouldn't stop them and she felt his feelings of satisfaction as he looked at her. It wasn't clear what he was satisfied about; making her crack, having his desire sated, perhaps both? However, it made Rey frustrated because she didn't have the luxury of loose morals in her training. It was important that she followed her masters training and the way of the Jedi, or else she would be a failure. Too much was at stake for her to fail, especially at the death knell of some sexual whim.

Rey expected him to say something eventually, but all she felt was his emotions brush against her and then his eyes glance at her every now and then. She imagined he was recollecting what she looked like without clothing, despite his emotions not indicating the same. His lust had slipped away to almost nothingness and it was replaced with this strange sensation Rey could only describe as magenta. It was an emotion she could not pinpoint and there was no clear indication as to what it could be.

When Rey caught his eye again there was something in his gaze that had to go beyond satisfaction, despite her not knowing what that could possibly be.

Her face turned to the ground and she sighed before reaching for her training Lightsaber and unclipping it. At least looking into the light for a short time could distract her from the steady beat of her heart and the complete unknown that seemed to follow Kylo around. She was envious of him, at the very least; he wasn't as open of a book as she was and the thought continued to irk her. All she could see were these singular emotions or colours and that wasn't everything. It couldn't have been.

Kylo didn't say anything to her, he just continued to watch her, his emotions consistent. They seemed to adapt to this silence so naturally that Rey continuously recited the last words she had heard from him:

 _You know I can feel your emotions; you don't need to feel guilty._

Rey imagined he could feel them now, even when they were in his dreams. Perhaps she had underestimated his true utilisation of the Force? The thought threatened to strangle her because she couldn't see him so deeply. He could eventually become a mismatch of colours which Rey couldn't connect to reality. The thought almost scared her until she realised that if she ever did know him fully, then there would be no way back from there.

 **XxX**

The week continued in a similar fashion, whether it was within her dreams or his, they continued to take each other's presence in silence. They both knew what the other thought of their tryst; Kylo satisfied, Rey assuming both because it happened and that it would happen again. Rey walked the line between being horrified of her actions and scared of her unknown future. She continued to struggle between what was clearly wrong and something which at times felt so right. It was almost like she was waiting for Darkness to make an appearance again, to mock her and strangle her with its icy fingers. It had warned her that this would happen and Rey stayed resolute that she wouldn't stray any further from the light. Her lust could be countered, she believed that.

The almost pure feeling of recollection was eating Rey from the inside out, as she struggled to keep her emotions in check around Luke and he knew there was something wrong. Rey couldn't tell him the truth and her shame led her to silence over all. She couldn't even say that she hadn't thought of it happening again and therefore every day was constant discomfort from being around Kylo and he knew her now, and that was with the realisation that his knowledge was much deeper than she had thought.

Rey went to sleep feeling her emotions bubbling within her. Her Alter training made the emotions worse and two weeks of absorbing herself in the Force as she trained meant her feelings were clearer to her and upset her even more.

They were in Kylo's dream again, the same house and same wood as always and Rey took her usual place sitting on the porch of the house, brushing away the leaves that had begun to fall. Kylo looked up at her, acknowledging her presence before he went back to juggling several small stones in front of him and then crushing them one by one.

Rey couldn't stand his indifference and the fact that she knew he held no regrets. He hadn't said anything to her since it had happened, she could only feel his emotions and that was enough to frustrate her. At least when he spoke to her she could fight back with her words, it made her feel much more in power than she currently felt. Rey felt as if she was losing control of these dreams and that Kylo was happily taking on responsibility. She hated that he was winning now, even if she didn't want to go to his side, she was slipping out of the light and into this greyness.

'Are you not going to say anything to me again?' Rey found herself shouting, her hands in fists. Kylo's expression changed to interest, but he didn't reply. 'You're not going to mock me or tell me I told you so?' she demanded. Kylo just looked at her in silence and Rey grew more frustrated. 'Why do I have to keep coming here if you don't speak? Why do I have to keep seeing you? I just want to be with my own thoughts and feelings, I don't want you getting into my h _ead_.' Her voice broke and she shut her mouth, feeling her throat close up and her eyes sting.

Rey felt the tears slip from her eyes and she willed them to stop, wiping at them quickly, but they couldn't be halted. Her shoulders shook with the weight of her fear and she turned away from him. Thoughts of the illusion came back, how darkness had so easily bent her to its will, tasted her blood and she had let herself fall into Kylo just the same.

She heard him move then, the leaves and twigs snapping beneath his feet and he walked over to her, stopping in front of her and then sitting beside her on the step. Before Rey could say anything, his arms had pulled her into his lap and as one hand wrapped around her waist, the other wiped at the tears falling down her cheeks.

Rey expected him to say something, to say _I told you it would be like this, that you wouldn't be able to escape me_ or even _If you come to me, it will be better. With me you won't have to worry_. But those words didn't come from his lips and even his emotions were filled with strange passivity and this persistent magenta. She leaned into him, her tears dampening his tunic and her hands gripping the loose dark material tightly as he rocked her gently.

 **XxX**

Rey woke up, her cheeks wet and she ultimately felt better. She couldn't be sure whether it was the crying or being comforted which helped her, but she decided not to dwell on the thought too much as thinking about her history of loneliness before had not helped her overcome Kylo's pull. She could admit that he pulled her to him at the very least.

She dressed into her training clothes and was met at the door to her quarters by Luke, a somewhat worried expression on his face.

'This will be our last week here,' he murmured.

'Did General Leia contact you?' she questioned, finding herself brightening at the thought of seeing her friends.

Luke shook his head. 'Call it intuition. I've felt some changes in the Force and my instinct is that those will lead my sister to bringing you back into the fold.'

Rey nodded curtly, understanding her responsibilities. 'Do you think I have progressed enough to be of use?'

He smiled then and led her out of the door and they began to walk up the hill. 'You have gone beyond my expectations, Rey. We have only been doing this for a little under three months and though you didn't come here completely unskilled, your progress with the Force is phenomenal.

'I think much of it comes in part to your dedication to using it whenever you can and meditating as much as possible.'

She chuckled lightly as she looked to her master. 'I wouldn't say I'm very good at meditation, Master.'

He shook his head. 'For a beginner, you are.' Luke sighed. 'Though I would have liked to teach you more on Jedi history and Forms VI and VII, stopping as we are and finishing up Forms IV and V will have to be enough for the time being.'

Rey nodded and knelt by the campsite, shifting the firewood and preparing to start the morning fire.

'I expect that you may not have me as much in the future and it will be up to you to train and practice.'

'Yes Master,' she replied with a smile.

'Regardless, I will be with you for as long as I can be and will train you until there is another calling.'

She nodded again and sat as the fire began to grow. It wouldn't be long before she would see her friends again. Perhaps that and having a purpose would distract her from everything that had happened. If her mind was on fighting, maybe she wouldn't think of Kylo any longer. That she could rid herself of thoughts of him and questions regarding this magenta aura that had suddenly appeared around him.

As Rey watched the water boil above the fire, she felt her heart stir in her chest. She knew it was both a mix of uncertainty and fear. Kylo had become a feature in so much of her training, a part of her was scared that if he were no longer present to her, something important would change.

 **XxX**

Kylo sat on the porch step as if he were waiting for Rey. He looked to the dark blue sky and then when he felt her presence, he met her gaze, his expression unchanged but Rey saw the deep purple emotion emanating from him. She desperately wanted to know what it meant, but couldn't bring herself to ask him.

It was clear by the way she stood as they looked at each other. Her arms wrapped across her stomach and keeping several metres between them. Rey wasn't embarrassed and it was honestly a surprise to her. She had thought on seeing him that she would be filled with such disgust in herself for crying in his arms and allowing him to comfort her, yet she didn't. When she looked to him, she felt anxiety, but she felt some semblance of peace overall. Her heart wasn't as heavy as before, though rather than her feelings, it had been the lies which shrouded her mind in grey. Lies to Luke, perhaps even lies to Kylo.

'Just sit,' he murmured. Rey hadn't expected the words. It had been a week since she had heard his voice and it sounded like something new.

She didn't comply, however, and Kylo decided to stand up and approach her instead. Rey backed up, feeling the fluctuations in his emotions from frustration to worry, all bathed in this peculiar magenta. Rey wondered if she had her own colour that Kylo could not distinguish.

He sped up and reached forward, taking her hand and holding her still. His full height overshadowed Rey and blocked out the light of the moon behind him. Her brows furrowed, but she did not move any longer.

They didn't say anything for several moments. Kylo's grip was light and she felt him sift through uncertainty as he looked at her. He was scared and Rey was surprised to see it in the crease of his eyebrows.

'We can't continue like this,' Rey finally spoke.

'We don't have much of a choice,' Kylo responded. His hand slipped from hers and Rey watched it take its place back by his side. She blinked away her yearning, just wanting her hand in his and that being enough.

'We always have a choice.'

Rey sighed and looked around her again before meeting Kylo's eyes again. They were as warm as they had been since she had noticed and they looked at her intently.

'I don't want this to be different. This feels right.'

Rey felt the air escape her lungs and she couldn't find any words to respond to Kylo.

'Yesterday I realised that. I didn't have anything to say before because anything I would have thought of would have been unimportant. They would have been empty and empty words are useless when it comes to you.'

She swallowed and tried to understand what Kylo was saying, but his emotions began to change so quickly, she couldn't stick to any one idea. He was still worried, still satisfied, yet there was this emptiness and dread that crept in and then anger and this magenta.

'What are you trying to say?'

Kylo paused. 'Being with you. What we did…I didn't know what to say because you silenced me. Perhaps you would understand if you allowed me to show you, but you constantly resist me. I can see it when I look at you and I don't want you to feel that you need to. Just accept it, just accept me.'

Rey sighed heavily, realising this magenta colour that she could not interpret must have been something that formed when they had been together. It had been different for Kylo, as he had been able to see her emotions so poignantly and perhaps that's why he had been so frustratingly silent. He had experienced something outside of her and it scared her that it could be something about her that she didn't know.

'I want you to stay by my side.'

'I won't do it.' Her pause was heavy and his eyes seemed to pull her to him. 'There are more important things than how you feel.'

He frowned. 'It's how you feel too. Why do you keep denying it?'

Rey shook her head. 'I was weak and I let you fool me and convince me that we are similar and that I…that I can lean on you. It's not right.'

'Stop lying to yourself. You can feel this; I know you can.'

'Do you not ever consider how terrible this could be? For the both of us?' Rey responded in frustration. 'I've betrayed my master and haven't you done the same?'

Kylo shook his head then and stood straighter. 'Were you ever truly loyal to him?' The suggestion silenced Rey and he continued. 'I was there in your eyes before him. It's me you have a connection with and not him.'

Rey shivered and her hand turned to a fist and she lashed out, striking Kylo across his face. When he looked back at her, she could see she had drawn blood from a broken nose. It unsettled her almost immediately and she felt her hand shaking as she looked at the slow flow of blood. It was as if she had injured herself too.

'Will you really continue to lie to yourself and say you feel nothing?'

Kylo let the blood flow from his nose, choosing to make no indication that he should stop it. His concentration remained on Rey with resolve and she felt her mind throb as she looked at him. His emotions were so full of determination and frustration, but it did not drown out the pulsating colour. It was beginning to drive Rey crazy with questions about what the magenta meant. She wanted this all to end, she didn't want to see the scarlet blood that poured because of her, she didn't want to hear the truths in his words.

Rey's hand tightened by her side and she grit her teeth together. 'I feel hatred. I hate you for touching me, I hate you for looking at me, I hate you for being able to feel my emotions. I hate you with every fibre of me, regardless of what you say and regardless of what you see.'

If Kylo had been within Rey's dreams, he would have seen the clear dishonesty, despite earnestness in which she spoke. His inability moved him to blinding anger almost immediately, shrouding every other emotion and she expected him to hurt her. He was full of rage and Rey found herself regretful, not enjoying seeing his pain and thinking back to how he suffered in the house, how that little boy named Ben had suffered; feeling alone and hated by everyone around him.

Her hand reached out to touch him, but he was already pulling at his Lightsaber and swinging widely, thrashing at the trees that surrounded them. Destroying them and burning them. The Lightsaber squealed as it tore through wood and Rey felt the colour drain from her face as she watched him.

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	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

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 _5 days to D-Day_

Training had only picked up since Luke had told Rey they would be leaving soon. Despite the added attention she now had to pay to learning Form V and finishing Form IV at the same time, she had been unable to get the image of Kylo destroying the clearing in the wood out of her head.

She had only seen him so angry once before – in the woods on Starkiller; a memory she found hard to stomach when she thought about it. It pained her to realise that it was her fault. Rey knew she couldn't be truthful but then she didn't have to be cruel.

The anger followed Kylo through the day, so much more poignant than any other emotion she had sensed from him and it grew increasingly violent, increasingly profound and palpable. By the time early evening had descended, Rey could feel herself internally screaming for him to stop.

Her fear bled into him just as his anger bled into hers and Rey knew it must have been isolating for Kylo. It was a trigger that made her see just what she was doing to him by pushing him away. She had to, but she had somehow become a beacon for him; someone who knew his soul – even if he didn't want her to – and she wanted to destroy that. He had treated her – touched her, held her, kissed her – with such warmth and care because she was important to him. Even though it couldn't have been right, even if this had been orchestrated by the Force – by darkness even – the connection was very real. They now shared very real emotions, fears and worries. They were both two people alone in a world where they had too many responsibilities.

It made Rey want to cry. No matter how hard she pushed him away, it indeed was inevitable. It was so much more than what they had done together or any shared lust. Rey knew it was wrong as a Jedi in training, but this went beyond that, so far that rejecting it or even just ignoring it felt on equal footing to a slight against the Force.

She willed him to stop, deciding to meditate rather than eat with Luke and she did so for several hours before turning to sleep; to speak to him directly.

When she eventually drifted off, she found herself at the sea, looking down at it from the top of the cliff. It was a cold morning by the cliff side, but the wind was weaker than usual.

After looking around for a few moments, Rey spotted Kylo sitting in the sand below the cliff face, relief filling her. She began her descent, quickly climbing over the precipice and then down until she was beside him.

Rey paused and looked at him with a deep frown. Unlike usual he was in what she suspected was his sleep wear – a loose sleeveless undershirt and pants. Bandages were wrapped around seeping wounds, and bruises and burns scattered his pale skin.

She had suspected that he was unable to heal himself or others and the evidence was in front of her, brought out of reality and into this dream world. Rey was surprised she had not felt the wounds being inflicted, and wondered whether he at least had the ability to reserve pain to himself. The thought tore at her heart and she wished that he had let her feel his pain.

'I'm sorry,' she began. If he had met her gaze he would have seen the sincerity there, but he just sat there, basking in her emotions: Fear, frustration, guilt and broken longing. 'I was wrong to be so cruel when I didn't mean it. I wasn't trained to be like that…I never even grew up to be like that. But you didn't have to be so cruel with your own body, with your own mind.'

'Do you feel purged yet?' he questioned as she stood in front of him. The question jolted Rey and he repeated it.

Rey frowned and looked into her hands. 'You know what I feel, you know I won't ever feel purged.' Her fingers wrapped around the hem of her tunic and she rumpled it in her hands. 'Why did you do it?' she asked, her voice small. 'I felt all that unnecessary violence and why?'

Kylo looked up at her, squinting through the sunlight and meeting her gaze and he sighed. 'The answer is the same as it will be for any question you ask, so stop asking.'

Rey shook her head and knelt in front of him, pulling at his arm. 'Answer me, why did you do it?'

He looked at the overcast sky before looking at Rey again. 'Your emotions are overwhelming. They threaten to suffocate me and I can't allow it.'

'As if yours aren't?' she questioned with a frustrated frown.

'They aren't the same. I try and forget how isolating this bond is and I concentrate on my anger because at least it makes me stronger, it's something my adrenaline can feed off. You don't forget. You carry your emotions with you and because I can feel them, I feel just as terrible as you.'

Rey looked down at the sand. 'It's your fault,' she murmured.

'Perhaps it is,' he supplied. 'But there isn't much else I could do, that I was even compelled to do.'

'I shouldn't have let you touch me,' she mumbled, though her hands were slow to detach themselves from his arm.

Kylo looked into her face. 'I know what you feel, Rey. It is pointless to pretend I can't, let alone pretend it is not there. I've told you before that I feel it too. Since I first saw you, I did. Why do you think I'm pushing to see you by my side?'

Rey bit down on her lip, trying to draw blood. 'That's what the darkness wants and I can't give it what it wants.' She looked at him, her eyes filling with fear that he could clearly feel. 'It feels like it's always there waiting for me and it wants to destroy me, it wants to destroy the both of us.' Her mind flashed with the memory of how the darkness had touched her, had made her feel things she knew were wrong. Catching Kylo's gaze, she knew he could feel what she had felt then, perhaps even see it. 'I don't know what I'm supposed to do when I'm stuck here with you, when we have this bond.'

'You didn't stop it; you didn't stop me.' Kylo swallowed as he looked at Rey. 'You could have told your master and you didn't because you feel it too. You feel that this is necessary and that we were put together for a reason.'

She closed her eyes, guilt washing over her because she had not asked Luke for advice. Before she could open them again, Kylo's warm hand was against her cheek and his thumb was wiping away absent tears.

'I don't think pretending will work anymore. I can feel your heart beating and you can't hide that. You can't hide the way you look at me.' He moved closer to her, finding her height once he was on his knees. 'Nor what I felt when we were together and how much you wanted it to happen.'

Rey shook her head. 'Just because it's there doesn't mean it's right.'

'What's so wrong when we feel like this? When I can feel your heart and I can feel how scared you are of what's in front of you.'

'Because it's not real,' she responded, dejected. Even her words could not erase the speed at which her heart beat and she begged the Force for some reprieve. 'This connection, it has made things that weren't meant to be and it blinds us.' Rey pulled Kylo's hand away from her face. 'These feelings aren't real, none of this is truly real.'

He frowned and Rey knew he was angry again. 'It's real to me and at the very least I can admit that. You need to admit it to yourself.'

Rey pulled away and stood, shaking her head, adamant that she would believe herself.

Kylo followed her. His gaze was overbearing and Rey stepped back, trying to be outside of his sphere even if she naturally gravitated towards it.

'Will you really say you felt nothing real? What excuse can you give for everything that has happened?' he asked and Rey began to walk away. 'You took me out of that house. You healed me, and comforted me. Why would you do that if we're supposed to be enemies?'

She didn't respond and Rey kept walking until she woke, her face buried in her pillow, trying to make his questions disappear. Her heart strained in her chest uncomfortably and she willed the Force to make her see properly.

 **XxX**

It was the same the next day.

After a day of training to use Force barriers, Rey's defences could not help her against Kylo and he found her curled up in her cot in the turned over AT-AT. She knew her anxiety was what filled her mind and by the tension in his jaw, Rey knew it frustrated him.

She turned around, facing away to look at the wall rather than Kylo. Despite sensing him moving towards her, she still jumped when his fingers ghosted across the back of her neck and he pulled her back to face him while sitting on the small chair beside her cot.

'You are leaving soon, aren't you?' he questioned, his fingers moving stray strands of hair behind her ear.

Rey didn't respond, so he continued.

'That's why you are anxious. I never did figure out where you went and now you're leaving so quickly. Your training can't be over; you don't even have a Lightsaber.'

She covered her face uncomfortably with her hands and Kylo's fingers folded over her left.

'I can train you. Better than my uncle and you'll have everything you've ever wanted. We won't have to dream to see each other.'

Rey turned away again and this time Kylo slipped into the cot beside her, his arms wrapping around her and pulling her into him, finding no resistance from Rey. She could smell blood on his cloak and it chilled her with fear. Rey felt for his wounds, sensing a deep gash across his shoulder blade.

Kylo's breathing grew heavier as she healed it, unable to leave him in pain, even when she couldn't feel his emotions; it was enough to just know it was there. The thought brought new tears and she wanted to scream in frustration at her lack of control.

He turned her in his arms and his fingers wiped at the tears coating her cheeks. Before Rey could say anything, his lips were against hers in a light graze. If she had closed her eyes, she could have pretended it was her imagination, but he was there in front of her, meeting her gaze as he leant forward.

'You can't run away from this,' he murmured.

'This isn't what's supposed to happen,' she replied, her voice low.

'But it _is_ happening.'

Rey could see the sincerity in his eyes and it put her further on edge. She couldn't say she felt inclined to go to the dark, let alone leave the light, but his eyes, they distracted her from what was important. It did not help that he chose not to look away from her and that his hand still held her face in his line of sight.

'It will be better for you to admit it yourself.'

She shook her head and tried to push him away but his hands held onto her tightly. 'I wish you would let this stop. I wish you would understand that this will just make it harder for us both. Why are you so short-sighted? Why is everything you do based on how you feel at that moment?' Kylo's brows furrowed. 'It's so frustrating because I feel as if I know you, these dreams, this bond, I've been able to see who you are, but I still can't understand why. Why don't you think about anything you do?'

'I do think about what I do,' he responded, his jaw tight. 'It's all I do and I realised that when it comes to you, anything to do with you, thinking doesn't change anything. If I were to pretend that you didn't have access to my emotions and to my mind to some extent, what good would that do?'

Rey closed her eyes and breathed heavily. 'You should protect yourself to the best of your ability. I am your enemy.'

'Isn't it too late for that already?' he questioned. 'There's nothing I have left to shield from you. You already know everything.'

'Why are you admitting that to me? Why are you leaving yourself so open to me?'

Kylo sighed and looked at her squarely. ' _Because_ it's you. Don't you realise that we are bound or have you forgotten?'

'I haven't,' she replied, her teeth gritting together.

'And what I feel, you feel too. I thought that this connection happened so I could bring you to my side by whatever means, but I think it's more than that now.' He closed his eyes and when he opened them again, his gaze had become more intense. 'I need you. Every part of you and I can accept that because I know this is what the Force wants.'

Rey's expression dropped to a frown again as she tried to catch some sort of dishonesty in his voice, but she found none.

'Do you really think this is what the Force wants?' she asked carefully.

Kylo nodded.

'Even if it will end in our destruction?'

'Even if that is the case,' he answered.

'Just because the Force wants it that way?'

He nodded again and his fingers stroked her cheeks, seeing and feeling that sadness had descended on her. 'We can only follow the Force's plan. That's why it's more than darkness and light, because in the end, the Force is one with both sides, they are both the Force. They are equal and I know you fear the darkness, you said you feel it around you and that it seduces you, but its intentions are all part of the plan.'

'Do you really think that way?'

'Yes and it's how you should see it too. The Force has a plan and we must follow it.'

Rey found herself nodding and Kylo's arm tightened around her waist. She could consider that her path was unknown and if she only had to follow the Force, it would be what was best for the galaxy. The Force was the deciding factor, it was the be-all and end-all and if she could believe in it, it would lead her down the right path. The darkness was only a test and an obstacle and perhaps then, even if it wasn't the light alone that called her, it was goodness and justice. Kylo – no Ben, he could still come to her, he could still follow the Force to her. It wasn't about a seduction any more, they were joined by their bond and that was enough.

'Do you see it now?' he questioned.

She nodded again and her mind seemed to ease. He could feel her relax in his arms and his lips slipped into a minute smile. Rey put her hand against his arm and he expected her to push it away from her, but it slipped to his own cheek and her finger ran down the scar on his face. She didn't see Kylo anymore, she only saw Ben and Rey knew that feeling had been there ever since that dream in the field of flowers.

'The Force knows best.' Her words were barely above a whisper.

Ben nodded and Rey pulled herself closer to him, her arms wrapping around his neck until she was hugging him tightly, believing that he would change, if not for the Force, for her.

* * *

 **Thanks for reading everyone.**

 **I really hope the transition from Kylo to Ben wasn't awkward. I've been thinking about how to do it for a while and this is the way I decided on. So yeah, I hope it wasn't too jarring.**


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

* * *

 _3 Days to D-Day_

The two of them had laid in each other's arms, no more words needing to be passed between them and just their presences enough. It was comfortable for Rey; to feel so close to Ben, to just be able to feel his heart beat close to hers and have his breath against her neck. The magenta aura that she had seen in his own dreams did not slip into hers and she wondered what it meant. There was a moment when Ben looked to her to question the curiosity in her mind, but Rey did not supply an answer.

They passed the night like that in silence, Rey letting Ben sift through her emotions, read her without a shield. She could sense he was grateful for that and Rey felt better at ease. Rey believed in what Ben had said, that if they relied on the Force, on where it led them, that would be what was right. She didn't know whether it would be a sign or just a hunch, but she knew he was right. If the Force had brought them together like this, then there had to be a reason, regardless of whether that meant either of their deaths.

Rey knew what she had to do, therefore. She had to tell her master and stop lying about everything. It had always been out of her control and keeping such an important thing from Luke only hurt her, it did not save her.

She considered when she should tell him and ultimately feeling nervous, she decided on the day before they would leave, two days from now.

There was a big part of Rey that knew she was being a coward by leaving it so long, but she didn't want to halt her training, especially in the last few days.

When the current day's training began, Rey was in good spirits, which Luke chalked up to them leaving soon and contacting civilisation. He had felt out for his sister in the Force and sensed that she had already given Chewbacca the orders to collect Rey.

'Before we leave this temple, I want you to take a moment to look around and truly take in the gravity of your path and the paths of those who came before you,' Luke said as they packed away their breakfast supplies. 'I came here to seek a stronger connection to the Jedi of past days and perhaps find something I didn't know.'

Rey put away their cups and straightened up. 'Do you feel as if you have, master?'

He smiled wryly. 'Though not what I expected, I do feel as if something has changed for the better within me. Perhaps it is just the aura and strength of this place. It is strong with the Force, that is why it was chosen as the first Jedi temple.'

Luke put his hands to his hip, one hand gripping onto the hilt of his Lightsaber. Rey noted that it was the one that she had brought to him. Since she had gotten to Ahch-To and given Luke the Skywalker Lightsaber, he had put it away, using his own green one. Seeing that Rey had noticed the peculiarity, he took the Lightsaber from his belt and held it out to her.

'It's probably about the right time for you to stop using the training Lightsaber, I think.' Rey looked at the weapon and then back up at Luke. 'It's just until you make your own, don't look at it as if it is a burden,' he continued.

'It's your father's Lightsaber, though,' she responded.

Luke took her hand and placed the weapon in her palm. 'It may have been, but it's also a fully-functioning Lightsaber. It doesn't hold as much value to me as you probably think.'

Rey looked at the Lightsaber again and then nodded, removing her training Lightsaber and passing it back to Luke as she attached the antique to her waist.

'Thank you Master.'

He smiled and nodded, then turned to walk towards their training area, his hands tucked in the sleeves of his robe.

'We're going to run through velocities and then you will demonstrate the five forms starting with Form I.'

'Yes Master.' Rey hurried after him, enjoying the extra weight that the Lightsaber provided.

 **XxX**

Training with a fully-formatted Lightsaber was an incredible improvement for Rey. The handling was much better, though Rey didn't feel as if it was exactly perfect. It got her excited for when she would make her own, exactly to her specifications.

Luke noticed that she improved using the Lightsaber, though he also sensed that she was feeling better in general. There seemed to be an ease in her spirit and he was happy that she could leave the planet without a heavy heart.

The day's training went by quickly and Rey found herself nervous at the fact that there were only two more days of training left before they were to set off on the morning of the third day. She felt confident, at the very least, in the first four forms and she imagined that there was still time to improve on her Form V.

Rey went to bed not dreading seeing Ben for once. Even thinking of him, she realised how much she didn't like associating him with the name Kylo anymore. With his grandfather's Lightsaber at her hip, she wanted to call him Ben, she wanted to heal the poisonous part of him.

When she arrived at the clearing, it was as if Ben's destruction had never occurred and the trees and house were exactly as they had been. The season had fully changed and red, orange and yellow leaves scattered the ground, many of the trees now visibly bare, even in the dark. The night was quite cold and Rey gathered some stray twigs and dry leaves, piling them in the middle of the clearing and setting them alight. By the time that Ben walked out from between the trees, the fire had warmed up Rey's bare limbs and she sat beside it, looking into it.

Ben sat beside her, his legs folding underneath him and his hands held out to the fire. 'Your pyrokinesis has definitely improved,' he murmured.

Rey hummed and glanced at him. 'Perhaps.'

'I know you won't tell me anything of your training.'

She looked back at the fire and pulled her knees to her chin, resting it on them.

'You haven't changed your mind, have you?' he questioned.

Rey couldn't be sure what specifically he was referring to, but she guessed by the anxiety that lit within him, it was regarding what he had said the night before – that the force knew best – rather than about her coming to him. She couldn't and she knew she wouldn't change her mind about both of those things.

'I haven't,' she responded. Her legs dropped down again and she saw a twitch in Ben's lip, the magenta emotion coming back. She wanted to know what it meant, but a part of her imagined he would have no idea what she'd be talking about.

Ben turned to her then, their eyes meeting and Rey felt her heart fidget in her chest as he looked at her. Her hand reached out, her fingers grazing his before he took her hand in his. They stayed silent for several seconds before Ben pulled her to him and she sat between his legs, his long arms wrapped around her and his chin resting against her shoulder.

Rey watched the fire crackle and she felt Ben's steady heartbeat against her back. Their hands knotted together and Rey closed her eyes, just breathing in and simmering in Ben's emotions – in his warmth.

She knew what it was then. What the persistent magenta was. It was balance. Emotional, physical and spiritual balance which was restrained in its energy. Not overt, not too quiet. It was everything light, Rey realised and she smiled knowing that no matter what Ben did, no matter what he said, it was evident now that he could not escape the light. It was here now in this deep purple emotion, in the warmth that came from him. It was an emotion of light and love, optimism and compassion.

'You will stay with me, won't you?' he asked warily.

Rey could only squeeze his hand tighter, unable to answer. She didn't know what would happen. All she knew was that she couldn't fight for his side and that she couldn't leave him to be alone again. She wanted to protect his heart, she wanted to protect his light.

His arms wrapped more tightly around her and Rey knew what he felt for her. She couldn't say it did not frighten her, but she could willingly accept it.

 **XxX**

 _2 Days to D-Day_

There was only one day before Rey would tell her master of everything that had passed between herself and Ben. She wrote and rewrote what she would say in her head but it always seemed to come out utterly terrible.

Rey realised as she recited her words, that having kept it from Luke for so long had not improved anything. Even if she could tell him that Ben had changed, or he could still change, she was still so wrong. She had been blind and foolish.

It was only made worse when he looked at her all smiles, believing in her wholeheartedly and considering her progress as something to be proud of.

The guilt followed her through the day and then to her dream, where Ben could feel that guilt entirely, it was unescapable even in the wide expanse of field they had returned to. This time, however, it came with a small cabin at the edge of a small lake in the centre of the fields of flowers and grass.

Rey sat on the porch step, her cheek leaning against the post as she looked out onto the lake.

'Is this your own house full of demons?' Ben asked, his voice low.

She sighed and shook her head. 'It's my dream house more than anything. Where I wish I had grown up, where I wish I had family.'

'Then we can go inside.'

Before Rey could make a comment, Ben's hand was pushing the door open and he stepped inside. It wasn't very different from most homes, he imagined. There was a kitchen and sitting area, there were doors leading to bedrooms and a bathroom and there was a large fireplace with chairs around it.

Rey looked around from the door way and watched Ben as he went through the cabin, perusing draws and cabinets.

'Is there really nothing more?' he questioned, his brow heavily furrowed.

She couldn't help but chuckle, forgetting her qualms for a moment as Ben came to her, taking up so much space as he stood in front of her. They were silent for a moment and Rey's expression sobered.

'I will tell my master tomorrow.'

Rey could see Ben's jaw tighten and he briefly looked away from her. 'What will you tell him?'

She swallowed and met his gaze warily. Rey wanted to say she could tell Luke everything, but she didn't think she had the confidence to do that: To tell Luke what they had done, how Ben made her feel; truly feel. She only felt confident in telling him that this bond existed and it brought them into each other's dreams.

'You don't have to do it if you have no confidence,' Ben said. His tone was flippant and Rey could tell he was responding to her own feelings of anxiety that latched onto him.

'I must, I can't leave him in the dark any longer.'

'Then what will you do?' Ben asked sharply, his voice raising. 'What will you do when he tells you to sever the bond? When he forces you to give up sleep to be away from me?'

Rey's brow furrowed and she struggled to find words as Ben looked at her with his brows deeply knitted together. 'I…I will…if my master says it is the right thing than I…'

Ben cut her off by gripping onto her wrist. 'Have you no mind of your own? Does the universe revolve around your all-knowing Master Luke?'

She frowned and pulled her hand back. 'No, it does not, but that doesn't mean that he is blind to good decisions. I've been…I've been a foolish little girl and I must own up to that, even if I feel so…'

 _Trapped._

Ben knew what she wanted to say, he could feel it in the fluctuations of her emotions and it made him feel betrayed.

'I know what you think…I know what you feel.' Rey murmured, glancing at her boots and then back up at Ben. 'We've both lied about what it means for us to be here, for us to have this connection. It isn't something that I can make disappear, it doesn't matter if I want to or not, in the past or present. I just know that I can't lie to Luke anymore. You might not understand, but the love I have for my master is real and important to me.'

'And what of me?'

The words silenced Rey and she couldn't hide the fear that flared within her which she knew that Ben could feel fully. It seemed to soften his stance and he took a breath.

'I won't lie to you either,' Rey murmured. She knew she couldn't expect the same from him. Her heart knew that, if he felt inclined, he would lie.

'You shouldn't make promises like that,' he responded. 'I feel one thing from you and then you say something different. Won't you stay with me? Won't you come to me?'

Rey could see the pain in his eyes and she felt the prick in hers, tears threatening to build and fall. She couldn't do what he requested, no matter how much she wanted to protect him.

'I won't lie to you,' she repeated. As she blinked, tears splashed her cheeks and before she could swiftly wipe them away, Ben's thumbs were and he was standing mere inches from her. 'I don't know what else I can say to you, you can feel my heart can't you?' she asked.

He nodded and paused as their eyes met. 'I mean something to you, don't I?' he asked, his eyes still wary and hurt.

'Yes,' she said with a breath. 'More than something,' she added honestly. 'That's why I'm so scared. What am I supposed to do when you're so far away from me?'

'But I'm right here.'

Rey closed her eyes, not meaning in distance. They were different, even if it wasn't wholly, that difference was enough to make Rey question everything about herself, about her path and about him. Her reliance on the Force was all she had, and it was beginning to seem as if it was all he had too.

Her hands reached to his forearms, ready to pull his hands from her cheeks, but she did not and could only sigh.

'And you know my heart?' Ben questioned warily.

She nodded. Ben leant the short distance toward Rey and pressed their lips together. Rey felt her shoulders relax, knowing that Ben's kiss was warm and comforting and he had intended it to be like that.

When their lips broke apart, their eyes met and Ben's hands fell from her cheeks and his arms wrapped around her, pulling her tightly into his embrace, which she accepted. The rest of her tears dried against his cloak and Rey took a deep breath.

There didn't seem to be any more words that could pass between them. They both knew where each other stood and the anxiety of Rey telling Luke was felt by both of them. Their shared dreams couldn't last forever and they would likely end sooner than later. Without the dreams, they would still feel each other's emotions but the intimacy that they shared would be gone. Unless one of them made the decision that they were both so unwilling to make; to go to the other.

* * *

 **Thanks for reading**


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

* * *

 _1 Day to D-Day_

Rey woke up with what felt like a lump in her throat. Despite being determined that she would remain honest, her fear was paralysing. She couldn't stop looking at the exact same spot on the ceiling and it was the thought of the next day; when she would be leaving this place, that got her out of her cot.

Luke was already sitting by the fire when she ascended the hill and he was stoking the flames with a stick. Rey did as she always did and filled the pot with water and arranged their bowls and cups for breakfast.

They were both silent and Rey assumed that her master's silence was out of respect for the place that had been his home for so long.

Training was incredibly sobering for Rey. It felt like they were concluding everything, despite her knowing that it would continue when they got back to D'Qar. She didn't even truly acknowledge her master praising her improvements or how well she took to using the Skywalker Lightsaber. The Lightsaber alone made her heart ache and she looked forward to making her own as soon as possible.

It was after she had practiced psychometry and when Luke began to pack away the various items that they had worked with, when Rey stopped him with her hand. It was clear by his expression that he sensed something was wrong and his brow furrowed as he looked at her.

'What's wrong, Rey?' he questioned before looking about them. As if Rey had sensed something ominous before he had.

'Master, I have something important to tell you, which I should have told you long ago and now I fear I am too late.'

Luke gestured to the boulders they had been sitting on and they both sat back down, Rey's head down turned.

'You may have noticed that I was acting out of the ordinary, or perhaps that I still have been at times,' Rey began, glancing at Luke every few moments and feeling her heart strain at the worried expression he wore.

'Do you mean the bursts of anger and the periods of silence?' Luke suggested.

Rey nodded and she twisted the material of her training tunic between her fingers. 'Before I asked you about Force bonds because I have one. I don't know how and I don't know why but I do.'

Luke couldn't help showing his surprise. 'With who?' he asked quickly.

She took a deep breath and met her master's gaze. 'With Ben,' she murmured, her heart filling with dread.

Her master didn't respond immediately. He didn't even reveal his thoughts in his expression this time, though he was thinking deeply about what his Padawan had just told him. He had suspected that there was someone affecting her emotions and training, but he hadn't expected it to be a Force bond and especially not one with his nephew.

'It led to us sharing our dreams. I'm not sure how it happened, but it became like that and as time went on, it has escalated and I still did not tell you. I deceived you, master and I don't deserve to be your Padawan.' Rey spoke quickly, her throat wanting to close and her eyes stinging with the force of unshed tears.

'Why did you not tell me this before Rey?' Luke questioned, his voice thick with uncertainty.

Rey could feel her hands shaking and the calm expression Luke wore frightened her even more. She wanted him to be angry at her, it was the least she deserved. 'I was scared that it would affect my training if I told you. That it would become a secondary priority.'

Luke felt pity as he looked at his student and shook his head with a sigh. He imagined it had been incredibly difficult for her to be thrown into such a connection without any understanding or knowledge. However, her expression worried him. It seemed that she was more worried about telling Luke than the consequences of her bond being with Ben.

'When I spoke to you of breaking Force bonds…why did you not consult further? You could have broken free.'

'I felt that I could use it to my advantage,' Rey stuttered.

Luke sighed and shook his head, seeing the truth in front of him. This went beyond a Force bond; it ran far deeper.

'I am sure that I can change him, Master.' She looked at Luke earnestly, though her master's expression did not change.

'It is not so simple, Rey. He holds a greater hold of the Force over you. It is far too dangerous to rely on your emotional connection to seek the upper hand.'

Rey flushed and shook her head. 'It is not like that master.'

Luke watched the colour in her face and he felt his heart break. She was losing and she thought she was winning.

'Rey, you must sever this connection.'

'You said that only death or turning away from the Force can sever it, Master. What am I supposed to do?'

He shook his head. Luke did not know the answer. The death of his nephew, his former-apprentice and the idea of his current apprentice having to deal the blow and inflict pain on herself was a horrifying thought. Though what else was there?

Luke could see the heartache on his Padawan's face.

'I'm sorry Master, for not telling you earlier. I thought it was for the best and I should have involved you, I let myself get dragged into him and I pity him, master. I can't help but pity him and I see who he is.'

'Do you love him?'

She looked up at him, her brow furrowed. She didn't want to answer. It had felt overwhelming and precious and perhaps that was what love felt like?

Luke shook his head. 'The bond does not create faux emotions, it amplifies them, it shares them between you.' Her master paused and sighed sadly. 'You love him.'

Rey couldn't respond. She'd never said the word out loud, she never even used it when describing how she felt about Kylo, but to say it wasn't true, she knew it would be a lie.

'I'm sorry master.' She looked into her clasped hands and tried to hide the beating in her uncertain heart. Before she could look back at her master, he had reached out and his hand covered hers.

'I know it must have been difficult for you to tell me. Thank you for that.'

Rey felt tears slip down her cheeks and her shoulders shook as she cried. 'I don't understand why this all happened, master.'

'The Force sought to put you two together,' he responded. 'What's the most important is that we stop these dreams. I know the burden of severing the connection would be great, but it is necessary.'

She looked to Luke. 'He's changed, master. I can see the light in him, I don't think he can escape it.'

Luke sighed and nodded. 'But is that enough, Rey? Just because he can be swayed and he feels himself be swayed, it doesn't mean he will come back to the light.'

'I want to believe that he will.' Rey replied sadly.

'Well do you trust him?' he asked.

Honestly Rey didn't know if she did. She felt as if he wouldn't hurt her, as if he couldn't hurt her, but that didn't mean he wouldn't hurt those around her. If she couldn't trust him with her heart and everything that came with it, then she couldn't put her faith in the idea that he would change.

'If I convince him to come back to us, master?'

Luke held her gaze warily and he squeezed her hands before letting go. 'Tomorrow I will find a way to block the dreams, do you understand Rey?'

She nodded and stood, bowing deeply to her master. 'Thank you master.'

Preparing for dinner was done in silent contemplation as Rey thought through how she could convince Ben to come to her in just one night. Her master had given her that much and she didn't know what she would do if he rejected her. The thought made her feel sick.

As they ate, Luke sombrely went through the plans for the next day. Chewbacca would come sometime before noon which left them to eat, pack their things and for Luke to close Rey from her dreams. He made it clear that it may not be permanent, but with a lack of clarity over what exactly their connection was, it was all he could do.

Their last dinner passed with uncertainty in the air and the same anxiety followed Rey to her sleep.

She was relieved to open her eyes to the house in the clearing. Autumn had settled in the leaves which were piled beneath the trees and there was a chill in the air. At least here she could feel Ben's emotions, it would be easier to understand him, to convince him even to come to her.

Rey paced the clearing, waiting for Ben to appear. She glanced at a pile of red leaves at the base of one of the leaves and knelt down, grabbing several leaves and inspecting them. Rey couldn't remember if she had ever seen fallen leaves before. Before Takodana, she couldn't even remember when she had seen a tree.

As her fingers grazed the veins on one of the leaves, she glanced up to see Ben standing in front of the house. He looked passive and approached her slowly.

'He has not taken you from me yet?'

Rey frowned and stood up from her kneeling position, the leaves still in her hand. 'You know it would not be like that,' she responded.

Ben smiled then, full of sarcasm and frustration. 'Because it will be voluntary?'

She did not respond for a moment and Ben's brow twitched as he watched her.

'Must you?'

'What do you expect me to do? Tell you that I can send you off without a complaint?'

Rey took a breath. 'There's a solution to this, if you would just listen to me.'

'It's an impossible solution.'

'Please don't be like this, not now. You must have known this would have to eventually end,' Rey sighed.

Ben huffed and looked at the sky. Rey could feel the frustration building in him and she reached for his hand, but he pulled it away from her. 'You made that decision.'

'I couldn't lie to my master any longer.'

'Not even for my sake?' His tone changed and his eyes softened as he looked at Rey.

The change in his emotions was clear and Rey tried to blink them away, to not feel so absorbed in him. He was so selfish and he couldn't even see it. Rey crushed the red leaves in her hand as she looked at him. He was looking at her like she could trust him, like he wouldn't hurt her. Her eyes looked to the dark house, the one they hadn't been in in weeks and she sighed. Why had she helped him? Why had she taken his hand and led him from that place?

'You need to come to me,' he murmured.

When Rey looked back at him, his hand was tightly gripping the handle of his Lightsaber and she could see the strain in his neck.

'I told you I won't.' Her voice was tense and she squeezed the foliage even tighter, feeling it disintegrate in her hands.

'You must.'

She met his eyes and that expression remained. He never seemed to be able to contain his emotions when his eyes were concerned.

'Why won't you come to me?' she beseeched. 'Why must I come to you?'

'Because if I go to you…' he stuttered and his grip tightened. '…there's only death.'

Rey stared at him, wanting another answer. One where she wouldn't be left with this hole from his absence. She couldn't live without the connection any longer and the thought scared her. What would she do for him? Where would the line be?

She could feel the tears and she turned away from him.

'I could protect you,' she muttered.

'If I can't protect myself, how could I ask you?'

He knew it was impossible now. He knew she would never come to him. He should have known her will was this strong from the beginning but he believed that he could change her. But he was the one who was changed. All he saw was her and their connection, the bond he needed to protect; he needed to protect her. He only lived now with the thought that he couldn't leave her a gaping hole, when he thought death would have been better for everyone, including himself.

Rey wiped at the tears and started through the wood, the Skywalker Lightsaber bouncing softly at her hip. The strain in her heart was difficult to get a handle of and she tried to will the feeling away. His love for her was overwhelming and it threatened to drown her.

It all went beyond a Force bond. It wasn't supposed to feel like this. The connection was fixed to a point, but she shouldn't have felt love, it was only kinship she was supposed to feel, wasn't it? If she wanted to be a Jedi, how could she live like this? It wasn't fair. Why had the Force led them both down this path?

Ben followed her slowly, feeling the fluctuations in her emotions, even if within his own dream, he wasn't entirely sure what those emotions were.

After minutes or perhaps even hours of building silence, she turned around suddenly, holding the Lightsaber out in front of her.

He backed up, seeing the blue blade with surprise, but he did not take his weapon into his hands.

'Draw your Lightsaber,' she demanded, bitterness in her tone.

'What will that change?' he questioned.

She furrowed her brow and held the Lightsaber closer to him. 'I want this to be over. I can't take this any longer. These dreams, it's too difficult to know what's you, what's the darkness, what's wrong. I've tried so hard to avoid temptation, but I feel it every time I'm here with you.'

'Then how will you end it? Neither of us can die here, Rey.' He reached forward, somehow grabbing the Lightsaber and despite the smell of burning flesh, he showed no pain. His other hand took the hilt from her and he tossed the saber to the side.

Rey felt tears as she looked at him in panic. 'You were right, that we would fall together.'

He shook his head. 'No, I was wrong. I thought if I had you, if I made you come to me and give yourself to me, then you would fall, but you didn't. You're too filled with light, even when you say you feel the darkness coming for you.'

'Then come to me?' she asked. Her eyes glanced to his hand, still burnt.

He didn't reply, he just stared at her. His words had been false hope, Rey realised.

She stepped forward then, taking his burnt hand in hers. 'Come to me, come to the light and back to us.'

Ben wanted to take his hand back, but he felt Rey's warmth, her healing touch and he faltered, blinking at her. The wound he had inflicted on himself was gone and she looked at him earnestly.

 _I love you I love you I love you_

The repeated words floated through and around him though he could read it in her eyes and in her heart. And it was her destruction. Both of their destructions.

'I'm sorry,' he murmured.

Rey saw into his eyes, seeing the pain there and her hand tightened in his. He wasn't sorry, not truly.

'I will forgive you if you come to me. I can't…I can't remain like this if you don't. It can't work.'

He nodded, knowing that it would be impossible.

'Perhaps we should bear the weight and sever the bond?' Rey suggested. Her hand had grown far warmer and Ben could feel her pulse, jumping too quickly.

Ben didn't respond, he just looked into her eyes, considering that he could do it, he could take his life for her. Whether that was walking away from the Force and being killed by the Knights of Ren or Snoke himself, or taking his life with his own hands.

'Perhaps we should,' he responded, his mouth dry.

Out of his control, he shed a tear which Rey caught with her finger tips. She didn't know how to react to his tears and she looked into his eyes with confusion. She hadn't wanted him to agree, even if he wouldn't come to her, she didn't want to fight him any longer. Her thumb grazed the shadow beneath his eye and she closed her eyes and shook her head.

Ben reached up, pulling her hand from his face and she looked to the ground. She didn't want him to pull away and take his hand from hers.

'I will sever it,' he murmured. 'I won't torment you any longer.'

He started to turn, taking his hand with him, but Rey held onto him with two hands, using all her energy to keep him there.

'If you change your mind, if you decide that you could come to me, I'll be waiting. Even if you think I'm foolish, I will protect you.'

Ben wanted to hold onto her, to keep her near him, but he knew it wouldn't help either of them. They had been so close to more and they had both resisted, knowing it wouldn't lead to anything good.

* * *

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	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

* * *

In the morning, Rey got up, trying to rid her mind of the previous night. She changed into the tunic she had arrived in and began to pack her few belongings into her bag. She held back her tears as she began to fold down the cot which she had brought to Ahch-To, and wiped the strays with the back of her hand.

She had failed and this would probably be the last time they would speak to each other. All she had now was his simmering presence in her mind, always present but always separate.

When Rey had packed everything, she met her master for breakfast and he had a light expression on his face. It seemed he was somewhat excited to be leaving the temple.

'Have you already finished packing?' Luke questioned as he spooned some grain into his mouth.

Rey smiled wryly and nodded. She wondered when he would ask her how she had fared during the night and trying not to become too emotional, she ate more of her breakfast.

'The Falcon isn't too far now,' Luke added.

They finished the rest of their food in silence and Luke placed his bowl to his side before looking at Rey and sighing.

'Did you not succeed, Rey?' he asked sombrely.

She shook her head and met her master's eyes. 'I couldn't convince him.'

Luke sighed and stood up, gesturing to Rey to follow him. 'At the very least you tried, have pride that you did that much.'

'I just wish it didn't have to be like this.'

He nodded, agreeing. 'In life we must always prepare for when things do not go our way.' Luke began walking toward their training area and Rey followed him. He stopped and gestured to the smooth stones and they both sat. 'I have a means of temporarily blocking you from dreaming and therefore sharing your dreams with Ben. This however, will not have any impact on your bond, unfortunately.'

'Is it a Force power?' she questioned.

'Yes,' he responded. 'Though it's more of a repurposing of a mind trick, so I do not know how long it will last.'

Rey nodded and swallowed.

'Do you consent to it?'

'Yes master.'

Luke leant forward then, placing his hands on either side of Rey's temples and he closed his eyes. Rey could feel him sifting through her head, looking for something. She could feel Ben's anger too, he knew there was an intrusion, but he could do nothing about it. After several moments, Luke let go and looked over Rey carefully.

'Do you feel okay?'

Rey nodded. 'Is it done, master?'

'For the time being, that will be a small defence against those dreams. Though you must stay vigilant when it comes to this Force bond. Do not let his emotions affect you and try your best to block him at moments of extreme feeling. Such instances have caused the death of many and will hinder your ability in combat.'

'I understand.' Rey stood up then and bowed to her master. 'Thank you, I will continue to pack away the supplies, master.'

Luke nodded and stood.

Rey began to pack the rest of the training instruments, the cooking utensils and cutlery away, whilst Luke packed up his droids and began to take them down the mountain to where the Falcon had landed when Rey had first come.

She did so in silence, feeling time slip by her incredibly slowly and Ben gently grazing against her thoughts.

They were moving everything down to the bottom of the cliff and as it grew closer to midday, Rey could feel Chewbacca coming closer and she was delighted to find that he was with Finn. Rey went back up to retrieve another droid, when Luke stopped her.

Luke saw how silent Rey had become. Few words had passed from Rey's lips and he knew she was lost within her own thoughts. If she had only come to him earlier at the very least he could have blocked their dreams sooner. Now she was caught in the midst of both a Force bond and another bond that would cause her deeper pain than necessary.

He reached into his pocket, removing a leather pouch from it and holding it out to Rey. 'These are for you.'

Rey knew what they were before she had undone the fastening and she looked to her master. 'Kyber crystals?'

Luke nodded. 'I promised you that you would make your own Lightsaber once we left this planet and I will keep that promise. Kyber crystals are difficult to find, and these were what I have left from the last couple of decades.'

The weight of the pouch seemed to brighten her spirits and she pulled on the small strings, pouring the contents into her hands. There were three crystals inside, ready for her to imbue.

'I know it will be hard. Your burdens are heavier now and I know it hurts, but this is necessary.'

'I still think there's a chance,' she responded quickly and then looked down to her feet. 'Is it wrong for me to still hope?'

Luke shook his head. 'You can hope but do not rely on that alone, Rey. There is too much riding on your actions and I don't want you being seduced any more. I don't want to see you fall.'

Rey looked into her master's eyes, seeing the pain and worry there. She couldn't betray him too and she wouldn't. Her hands reached out to take his and she held it tightly, pouring every ounce of her being into her actions and words.

'I know who I want to be, Master. I want to do good, I want to help others and I want to do you, Leia, Chewie, Finn and everyone proud.'

He smiled, feeling and seeing her sincerity and Luke nodded before pulling her tightly into his arms, causing Rey to laugh as her master hugged her.

The two looked to the sky to see the Falcon erupt from a large cloud and they made their way down to the landing area with the rest of the gear, Rey tightly gripping the pouch in her hand.

The Falcon made its final descent then and the two waited by the water's edge as the ship lowered before them. After a few minutes, the entry ramp opened and Chewie and Finn came stumbling out, great smiles on their faces.

Rey ran at them both and she was pulled into a group hug that she didn't want to be free from. When they finally broke apart and Chewie approached Luke, Rey and Finn were left to look at each other, Rey happy that she could see her friend happy and healthy.

'How long ago did you wake up?' she asked.

Finn scratched his neck and grinned. 'It's been a while, Kylo Ren really did a number on me, so there was a lot they had to do to get me back on my feet.'

She felt her heart pull at the name and the memory of that day, feeling guilty that things had changed so much now. 'I'm so happy to see you,' Rey admitted, her hand holding Finn's tightly. 'It's been difficult not knowing anything whilst I've been here.'

'Well not much has changed. The First Order has been scrambling, but we're still fighting. Poe went on a mission two days ago so that's why he's not here to pick you up.'

Rey smiled and hugged her friend again, not believing he was really in front of her.

Finn then pulled her back, his hands on her shoulders as he looked at her. 'You've changed a lot, Rey. You're hardly recognisable.'

She pouted. 'Oh really?'

He nodded. 'Yep, you look like much more of a badass now. Are you going to show Chewie and I some of your new skills?'

Rey laughed and stepped back from Finn, holding out her hand in a very _mind-trick_ way and raising an eyebrow. 'I've got the look down, haven't I?' she grinned.

Finn laughed and shook his head. 'I'll just believe that you learnt nothing, then. You sat up there on that cliff and meditated the whole time.'

She smiled and then turned, seeing Luke grinning as he spoke to Chewbacca. At the very least, it seemed Finn and Chewie were keeping any negative news to themselves until later on.

'So, this is the Finn I've heard was wielding my father's Lightsaber?' Luke asked with a smile.

Rey chuckled and pulled Finn forward. The young man seemed suddenly nervous and he bowed his head to Luke.

'Yes, this is the Finn who saved my life on multiple occasions.'

'I think you saved me more,' Finn mumbled.

Luke held his hand out to Finn and the younger man reached forward and took it, their handshake firm, Luke smiling the whole while.

'I'm glad you made it through that whole ordeal.' Luke added, gripping Finn's shoulder with a strong tug.

Rey smiled and looked to the Millennium Falcon again, sighing. It had been a while and she hadn't realised she'd missed the ship. It had become a temporary home and it was really all she had left to remember Han by. All most of them had.

Chewbacca groaned then, indicating to the ship.

'I suppose we should go then, you don't fancy a tour, Chewie?' Rey responded with a smile.

He shook his head, grunting and then started walking back to the Falcon, the others following behind him. Chewie picked up much of the supplies to bring them onto the ship and the others did the same.

'Have you enjoyed your trip with Chewie?' Rey whispered to Finn, who only frowned in response. The reaction elicited a giggle out of Rey and she felt herself become immensely happy suddenly. She grabbed hold of a crate of food supplies, which was mostly made up of grain and brought it on board.

Once they were all packed up, Rey took her time to settle in and started to prepare a corner of the craft that she could meditate in over their three-day journey.

'So as soon as we're re-united you're going to be meditating the whole time?' Finn questioned, a pout on his lips.

Rey chuckled and nodded. 'Master Luke thought it would be better to do so now rather than back at the base. I give you permission to throw crumbs at me if you really get bored.'

'I might take you up on that offer,' he answered and began to reorganise several boxes.

 **XxX**

It was several hours after the group set off and once they were well on their way towards the rebel base when Luke got up from the co-pilots seat beside Chewbacca and approached Rey at the small seating area.

'Are you ready?' he questioned.

Rey nodded and looked over at Finn who was napping on a chair. 'I have an idea of what I want to build and I've looked at the schematics of the training Lightsaber and your father's Lightsaber a few times. I think I know how it all works.'

'And I was thinking of giving you some schematics,' Luke responded with a smile. 'Much of this is just inherent. It comes to you whilst you are in meditation, it's just important that you have the building materials.'

She nodded again and reached into her bag, carefully taking out the parts she would be using. Much of it was broken down from her staff and other parts were collected over the last few months from broken droids and a pile of unfinished training Lightsabers that Luke had. Then as a last material to cover her hilt, she'd taken her old belt apart.

Luke looked over the materials and nodded to Rey. She took that as an okay, and gathered the items back up. She walked over to the small corner of the room, where she had laid down a small square of material and she laid the materials at the front edge of it.

'Thank you master,' she said with a smile.

He nodded his head and Rey sat down, taking the crystals from their pouch and holding them in her hands in front of her.

Rey wasn't quite sure what this required, how exactly it would go off without a hitch, but she had faith that everything Luke had taught her would mean she wouldn't fail.

Closing her eyes, she willed the crystals to float in front of her and placing her hands to balance on her knees, she began her meditation, thinking of the light and imbuing that power into the crystal.

 **XxX**

Rey didn't know exactly what finally brought her out of her meditation. It wasn't like building something with her hands, where she could know when she was done after working through the whole build. With building the Lightsaber, it was more akin to sleep. When you awoke you couldn't be sure how long you had slept until you checked the sunrise outside or the time. She'd known what it had felt like to imbue the crystals. They had eventually begun to speak to her, calling her name and gleaming with such power and brightness in her mind's eye alone, that she knew they were ready. Knowing when it joined within the Lightsaber, however, she only interpreted it as being a moment of clarity. Her mind had cleared fully and there was nothing but an echoed silence, even more a moment. That's when she opened her eyes and saw her finished Lightsaber staff suspended in the air and Luke, Finn and Chewbacca were watching over her.

She could feel the stiffness in her joints and the weapon dropped into her hands. Rey turned it over, seeing how her repurposed leather belt had been stripped and tied taught around the midsection of the weapon to aid in grip. The smooth dark metal from an old Empire security droid shined in the Falcon's dim light and she smiled as she looked over how it had all come together. She could feel the hum of the two kyber crystals from within, as if they were permanently connected to her and she felt the weight of it in her hand, her thumb slipping over but not pressing one of the red buttons.

'How does it feel?' Luke asked with a grin.

Rey stood up and held it out in front of her, twisting it in her hand and moving it from one hand to the other. 'Perfect,' she responded. She twisted the midsection, adjusting the size of the hilt to be longer when using the two blades and shorter when using one.

'Well aren't you going to turn it on?' Finn questioned.

She glanced at him before looking back at her Lightsaber staff and using both her hands, she pressed the buttons with her thumbs. The green blades erupted from the emitters and brightened up the whole cockpit, illuminating Rey's wide grin.

'Congratulations on not blowing us up,' Finn said enthusiastically.

Chewbacca concurred the comment and Luke clapped his hands.

Rey turned off the staff and was ready to attach it to her waist, but found the Skywalker Lightsaber there. She unclipped it to hold out to Luke but he shook his head.

'You might find some use for it yet.'

Rey couldn't say she knew what her master meant, however she still put the old Lightsaber in her satchel, and then looked back at the group.

'How long until we land then?' she asked, the grumble of her stomach making for an awkward conversation segue.

Finn was sitting in the co-pilot chair and looked over at her. 'Not long now, probably another hour. You might want to eat…and maybe nap.'

Rey nodded and before she could turn, Chewbacca was holding out a plate of rations for her, telling her she must eat it now. She did as she was told and watched as the others arranged various things for landing. When she had eaten, and taken some time to clean herself up, she took a seat at the helm, watching the stars zoom by. It led to her eventually falling asleep and she was only woken up by Chewbacca shaking her shoulder.

They had landed back on D'Qar and out of the window, Rey could see life going on as usual on the rebel base. There was a small crowd in front of the Falcon, but most were continuing what they were doing around the base.

She got up and wiping sleep from her eyes, she grabbed a hold of her bag and made her way towards the door.

Luke was already on the tarmac, embracing his sister tightly and Leia seemed to have a tear in her eye. Many of the crew were whispering among themselves as they viewed the siblings reunite. There were a few eyes on Rey, mostly because she followed Chewbacca out of the ship, but it was Poe who approached her with a grin.

'Are you a fully-fledged Jedi now?' he questioned.

Rey smiled. 'I suppose I might be.'

'It's good to see you Rey.' She nodded and allowed herself to be pulled into a friendly hug by Poe, his smile still bright.

Finn hopped down the ramp then and jogged over to them, receiving a pat on the back by Poe with a grin.

'How was near enough a week with the big guy,' he asked, his head gesturing towards Chewbacca who had begun to unload the ship.

'I don't think I'm any better at understanding what he's saying,' Finn responded, pinching the bridge of his nose. 'There was a lot of shouting and I thought he was going to strangle me a few times. He makes a mean spiced grazer loaf, though.'

Rey chuckled and she looked back over at Leia and Luke. Leia met her eye and she moved over to the older woman, who still stood closely to Luke.

'It's good to have you back, Rey. Luke's told me about your progress so far.'

The younger woman grinned and nodded. 'Master Luke is a great teacher, hopefully I can be of some help to the effort.'

'I most definitely think you will be. I've got to debrief Chewbacca and Finn, but they will be hosting dinner in the mess hall in a few, make sure you eat, I know it's been a long journey.'

Rey nodded and Leia left them, squeezing her brother's forearm as she left and was followed by Chewbacca and Finn. Poe seemed to want to join along and Rey was just left with Luke.

'What you've achieved today, Rey. It's incredibly important.' Luke began, his hands behind his back. 'As the trials of the old Jedi ways are no longer sufficient, it is perhaps my call when I deem you fully trained, when I believe that you are fit to be called a Jedi Knight. I am wary of not giving you a title right now, as I believe you are deserving, though there is still much you do not know and much that I want to show you.'

'I understand master,' Rey said with a smile. 'You don't have to explain it to me.'

Luke bowed his head slightly and his hands reached from behind his bac, to take Rey's and he squeezed them tightly. 'There is much more to come, Rey. I hope you are ready for it.'

'I believe I am.' Rey responded. In her heart, she truly was. Even if Rey could still feel Ben's emotions in her mind, like a visitor at the door knocking to see if anyone is home, she could see past him. She could see past her own beating heart and looked to the others around her, all sacrificing their lives to fight for the light. She was home.

* * *

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	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

* * *

Mere hours had passed after Rey had settled into her own small quarters and eaten supper when General Leia called her into her ready room to brief Rey. The older woman looked as if she had sunk into deeper worry and Rey wondered exactly how the galaxy was fairing after the destruction of the Hosnian system.

Rey had a feeling that Luke hadn't told Leia what had occurred between herself and Ben and she imagined he wouldn't. It was something to be kept between Master and Apprentice and Rey appreciated that. She didn't think she could handle disappointment from Leia, or worse, hope.

Leia gestured for Rey to sit and the older woman brought her a cup of caf from a small tray in the corner of the room. She sat then, smiling warmly at Rey.

'Luke has told me about your progress and that your training has gone incredibly well.'

Rey nodded. 'I want to be of use as soon as possible. I feel bad enough not having been able to help over the last three months.'

Leia shook her head and took a sip of her caf. 'Your training is help enough. It's important, vital even to our cause.'

'Has much changed since I've been gone?' Rey asked, her hands slipping together in nervousness.

'The First Order is scrambling but they are still as present as ever. Be-Kylo Ren hasn't been seen since Starkiller, so we are to assume that he is potentially under the watchful eye of Snoke, training perhaps?'

Rey nodded. She knew that much. His anger and injuries did not come from fighting enemies but from killing acolytes and throwing himself into his training. It made Rey feel queasy and sensing Ben peeking into her emotions did not help make that sensation disappear.

'After the destruction of the Hosnian system, many more have joined our ranks, so much of the last three months has been spent training new pilots and our more senior pilots going on reconnaissance missions to see the state of First Order fleets. We believe General Hux to be travelling the Outer Rim, however we are unsure of his intentions, though they can only be terrible. Snoke's movements are unclear to us and what the First Order plans on doing next is unknown.'

Rey frowned and rubbed her chin lightly, closing her eyes and thinking. 'Luke senses nothing else?'

Leia sighed and shook her head. 'He senses a disturbance, but he is unsure whether Force sensitives will be involved in Snoke's exploits.'

'Perhaps the Knights of Ren, then?' Rey suggested.

The General nodded sadly. 'That may be exactly what he has planned. We do not know much about the group, other than their brutal efficiency and capability. Many if not all of them are resistant to the Force if not completely immune to its powers. If our suspicions are correct, Hux and potentially even Snoke may be in the Outer Rim looking to grow the Knights.'

'Is there any planet which seems like a likely base?'

She shook her head. 'We do not know much about many of those planets and the species that live there. Sending a squadron any further into the Outer Rim than we are now, into the unknown regions, could be incredibly dangerous, particularly if they were to run into Force users like the Yuuzhan Vong.'

'Or the Anzat?' Rey questioned, remembering her Force illusion in detail. Perhaps the Force had been giving her a hint.

Leia nodded and her hands joined together on the table, her cup set aside. 'You are capable of much, Rey. However, you are alone apart from Luke. It is asking too much to rely on you. If there were more Jedi we could perhaps think of another means of gaining intel, but we must rely on non-Force means.'

'I understand. What do you want me to do?' Rey asked.

The older woman sat straighter and picked up a pad to her side. She pressed several buttons and a planet was visualised in front of them above the middle of the table.

'For the last month excavation has increased ten-fold on the planet of Abafar and sources have told us that 1 million tonnes of Rhydonium is to be collected by the First Order in two weeks. The shipment leads us to believe it is part of their next advance and therefore it is an immediate priority for the First Order.'

Rey looked over the schematics in front of her of the desert planet's mining operation just outside of the city Pons Ora. It seemed to have been abandoned years ago.

'Much of the fleet has already been around the area for the last month and tomorrow the Black squadron will be on a reconnaissance mission to gain an understanding of the scope of the fleet and the view of the ground. In two weeks, I want you to lead a squadron of foot soldiers to sabotage the collection.'

'Understood,' Rey responded with a curt nod.

'You will meet your squadron tomorrow after your training with Luke is complete. You may train them how you see fit, though I have chosen them for their stealth and long-range weapons capabilities.' Leia turned off the projector and looked squarely at Rey. 'Once we receive the information from Poe on the scale of the First Order endeavour, I will brief you again and make clear of the explosives required and general schematics of the operation.'

Leia stood then and was quickly followed by Rey. The older woman walked around the table and pulled Rey into a strong hug and kissed Rey's cheeks. 'I'm so proud of you. Thank you for everything you have done so far, I know you aren't obligated to do it.'

Rey smiled and shook her head. 'This is what I want to do.'

The General smiled and her hands lightly touched Rey's cheeks before she let her go and left the room.

Rey looked around the ready room and it wasn't much different than the one that had been in Ben's dreams. The thought made her heart ache as if it were her own pain to feel and not Ben's, as if it were her own memory. She took one last glance before leaving the room, squeezing the hilt of her Lightsaber and pulling it from the holder at her waist. Rey still needed to find a better way to attach it to herself and for some reason, she felt more comfortable holding it in her hand, feeling the crystals pulse in her palm.

 **XxX**

Despite all that had passed over the last four months, the base was quite lively and there were always smiles and greetings available to Rey. Her training with Luke had continued as if they hadn't left Ahch-To, the only difference being that they didn't have to eat grain anymore and every now and then there would be interested faces – mostly the children of the rebels – who wanted to watch her train. As Rey had decided to create a staff, Luke began to teach her methods of utilising both blades over one. Rey didn't find it so difficult after years of using her staff on Jakku and therefore she learnt incredibly quickly, fast enough that Luke could teach her more Alter abilities.

The team that Leia had put togther for the attack on Abafar was a small team of five: three men and two women, made up of a Togruta named Jorr, a Klatooinian named Takada, a Sarkhai named Boril and two Coruscanti women called Nadiya and Delina. They seemed to have had experience as spies for the Alliance, but were incredibly aloof about their activities. Rey had no idea what more she could possibly teach them, so she spent an hour speaking with them about the events that she had missed over the past few months.

It was comforting for Rey to be surrounded by so many people now, even more so than she had ever been around on Jakku. Finn was always ready to eat breakfast, lunch and dinner with her and it put her mind off Ben. Thinking of him just made her frustrated and being without him in her dreams made her waking moments feel absent. She had grown so accustomed to those dreams at times, that it was strange to be without them.

When Poe and the Black squadron returned from the reconnaissance mission, thankfully unscathed, Leia called Rey into the ready room again to be briefed, though this time Poe as well as several other high ranking officers sat in on the briefing.

Rey took a seat beside Leia and glanced around at the older officers who looked at her warily. She could understand why. They didn't know her and the only other Lightsaber-wielding Force user they knew of in the galaxy other than Luke, was Kylo Ren. She imagined the Lightsaber in itself did not instil them with much confidence.

Leia sat down at the strategy table and looking over a datapad in her hand, she began to speak. 'Commander Poe's mission has found that the majority of the First Order's squadrons which are patrolling Abafar are on the ground. He noted approximately five TIE fighters, four transporters and no large terrain vehicles, only speeders. We can estimate that a hundred Stormtroopers will be on foot, though the workers on the planet may also be charged with security. A single ship should be able to approach the planet with some ease, as the First Order have currently only placed one lancer-class frigate just outside of orbit. We believe the intention is to underestimate the importance of the load that they will be collecting and to therefore attract less attention. By taking advantage of this, we will be able to slow the First Order down immensely.'

Captain Cypress cleared his throat and looked from Major Brance to Poe. 'Do you still not have any intel on what they will be doing with so much Rhydonium?' he questioned. 'It's uncommon to fuel ships with that anymore.'

They both shook their heads and Poe leant forward. 'At the rate they are working at it definitely seems vital to whatever their next move is.'

'What are other common uses for Rhydonium, anyway?' Admiral Statura asked.

'That may not do us well to bode on that question as they may be using it for something we have never seen before. Much like Starkiller base or the Death Star.' Leia responded.

Rey looked down into her hands thinking. She was unaware of the many uses of Rhydonium and assumed it could only be used to fuel ships. On Jakku, whenever she had found the fuel leaking from ships, it was only ever collected and traded on as fuel for speeders and swoops.

'Regardless.' Rey was brought out of her thoughts by Leia and she swallowed. 'Rey will be leading a squadron to the planet in 14 days to infiltrate the base there and destroy the Rhydonium. Using the recon information from Commander Dameron, we have been able to piece together the general schematics of the base and where the storage facilities will be. Because of the nature of this mission, it is intrinsic that we keep it under wraps and that as few as possible are aware of the details.'

Everyone in the room nodded and Rey looked over the images that Leia had brought up over the centre of the table. The base wasn't of complex design and she imagined that it had not changed ever since it was built. She was somewhat thankful that her first mission did not have to be an all-out war effort and that she could grow accustomed to what she would be involved in, in future.

The officers continued to talk between themselves about specific weaponry and the ship that would be provided to aide in the mission and Rey caught Poe's eye and he grinned at her. It was clear they both did not need to be involved in the conversation and he gestured for her to leave with him.

Rey eventually was coaxed into slipping out of her chair, bowing to Leia who glanced up at her and gave Rey, her blessing to leave, and then she slid out of the room with Poe.

His arm was almost immediately around her shoulder and he chuckled as they began walking towards the general direction of the mess hall.

'I'm glad you got back unscathed,' Rey said with a smile.

Poe winked at her and shook his head. 'My mission success rate is in the high 90s, I would say. That whole abduction on Jakku was a singular incident.'

Rey laughed. 'You don't need to emphasise how capable you are to me, Poe.'

'Why? Can you read my mind now? See my whole past?' he questioned quickly, though Rey could tell he was joking.

She nodded. 'Absolutely. Right now you're thinking about sharing a sizable bottle of Corellian whiskey with me and finding out the true scope of my abilities.' Rey clucked her tongue and shook her head. 'You are just like Finn, you know that?'

Poe laughed. 'I think you'll find it is Tevraki whiskey I want and why else do you think Finn and I are friends?'

Rey smiled and shook her head. 'Tevraki whiskey? Isn't it notoriously easy to get drunk on that stuff? Are you searching for information too?'

'I would never think of doing something like that, how can you think so badly of me, Rey?' Poe responded, pretending to be wounded.

'Call it intuition.'

Poe frowned then. 'Regardless, we require a moment to get to know each other again and I would like to celebrate a completed mission.

They turned a corner just before the mess hall and the familiar gait of Finn appeared in front of them. Poe whistled through his teeth and Finn turned, his eyes narrowing, seemingly offended by being whistled at. Poe gestured to him with the hand that wasn't over Rey's shoulder and then mimed slogging back a glass of whiskey.

'I don't think he'll want to drink with you, Poe.' Rey commented with a chuckle.

'Don't be ridiculous, it's his favourite thing.'

Poe let go then and approached Finn, putting his arm over him and pulling him into the mess hall, Finn almost in a headlock. Rey followed after with a grin on her face and sat down with them.

'Where's this whiskey I was promised then, Poe?' Rey asked.

Finn agreed with a grunt and he side eyed Poe. Poe didn't seem distracted by the expression and he winked at Finn before slipping a hand into his jacket pocket and pulled out a sizable bottle of Tevraki Whisky.

'We had a little pit stop,' he admitted and began to uncap the bottle.

'I'll get us some food then,' Rey said, unable to hide the laughter bubbling within her.

Finn seemed to shake his head as he watched Poe take a swig of the whiskey straight from the bottle and make a satisfied sigh.

Rey gathered up three trays and began to pile them all up with food. She aimed to get a variety and was incredibly preoccupied. Even though the mess hall food wasn't the greatest, Rey had only known rations for so long that the variety of food was enough to take her out of reality. The trays eventually grew difficult to manage with her hands, so she took advantage of her utilisation of the Force as she carried them back to Finn and Poe, set with three cups precariously balanced on one tray.

'You can't be doing that with balance alone,' Poe commented once Rey sat down.

She laughed and shrugged her shoulders, immediately reaching for a spoon from the basket in the middle of the table and she spooned a heap of stewed meat into her mouth.

'I don't think you'll be able to get it out of her,' Finn said. He grabbed his own fork and speared some vegetables, before taking the now filled cup offered by Poe.

'Tevraki Whiskey is a special thing,' Poe replied.

Rey just smiled and lifted her own cup to her lips, smelling the contents and then tasting it with the tip of her tongue. It was sweet but also very strong and she found herself spooning some food into her mouth to ease the burn.

'What was it like training with the _master_ anyway?' Poe asked, drinking back some whiskey and taking a bite of a forkful of greens.

'Fun? Interesting? Fulfilling?' Rey answered.

Poe pouted and poured more whiskey for her. 'Is that it? He didn't make you see the light? Open your mind to another world? Make you see god?'

Rey chuckled and shook her head. 'Isn't that a little farfetched, Poe?'

'Ah you haven't spent enough time with Poe to figure out his obsession with needing to be entertained.' Finn said, spooning potatoes into his mouth.

Poe gave him a glare and sipped at his whiskey, gesturing to Rey that she should do the same. She followed, but made sure to take measured drinks.

'I learnt a lot as you can imagine, but it was incredibly difficult and will continue to be. You both know what it's like to train constantly to improve your ability in something. Or have you both just gotten by somehow?'

Finn nodded and grinned.

'He's been in and out of the infirmary for the last three months. You should have seen him when he was in the wheelchair, the nurse had to do everything for him.'

Rey smiled. 'Oh really? What was this nurse like?' She looked at Finn carefully as if she were trying to read his mind and he caught onto it.

'Are you trying to read my mind?' he questioned, trying to sound angry but seemingly impressed.

She chuckled and shook her head. 'I wouldn't do that to you.'

'So are you saying you can do it?' Poe questioned, his brow raising.

'I think I'll keep that a secret until I use it on you.' Rey answered.

Poe frowned and took a few bites of his food and then looked back at Rey. 'Can I at least see your Lightsaber?' he questioned.

Rey nodded and pulled her staff from its holder and held it out to Poe. 'It's a staff, so it has two blades. Don't hurt yourself with it.'

The pilot looked it over, turning it in his hands and oo-ing and ah-ing about the metal used for the body and the quality of its parts. He was impressed when Rey told him that it was mostly made up of salvaged metal, particularly from old Empire machinery.

'It definitely has a rustic edge to it. Just like you.' He winked and passed her back her weapon.

She grimaced before putting it back into its holder.

Finn rolled his eyes and finished his cup of whiskey, which Poe immediately refilled. 'Are you trying to get us drunk?' he questioned.

Poe nodded casually and sat back in his chair, leaning it backward. 'How else can I interrogate you both?' he asked. Finn seemed to react to it and Poe only blew him a kiss before hiding his mouth behind his cup.

'I do want to hear about this nurse, though.' Rey commented.

Finn pouted and Poe laughed and waved it away. 'It'd probably be better to ask Snap, since she's his girl. He wasn't too impressed about Finn's gaze on occasion.'

'You talk like you know everything.' Finn glared at Poe again.

Poe just laughed again. 'I would hope I do, or why else would they call me Commander?

'Ooh, so she was an older woman?' Rey coaxed with a laugh. 'Too bad Finn.'

The former Stormtrooper rolled his eyes and ate more of his meal. 'Do you really want to be in league with Poe Dameron?'

Rey nodded and smiled wide. 'Where else will I get all the dirt on you from?'

'Ah Jessika.'

Rey looked at Poe and he was waving to someone over her shoulder. When Rey turned, she could see Jessika Pava, one of the other pilots that she had briefly met before she had left D'Qar. The young woman had her own tray of dinner and grinned as she came over to their table.

Poe gestured to the empty seat beside him and Jess first put her tray and cup down and gave a quick salute to Poe, who laughed it off.

'You've met Jess before, haven't you?' Poe questioned.

Rey nodded and smiled at the woman, before she held out her hand. Jessika shook her hand, a wide smile on her face.

'How's it like being back?' Jessika asked, piling her fork high with food.

'Like a culture shock all over again. Poe is trying to get me drunk and hasn't considered that I might want to keep my body free of impurities.'

Poe pouted.

'Do you think when you're done with training that Luke would consider teaching us a few things on the X-wings?' Jessika asked, excitement in her eyes.

Poe cleared his throat, looking offended. 'So I'm not good enough anymore, Jess?'

Jess just laughed. 'If Karé thought for a second that I was giving you a compliment, she'd have me hanging upside down from my fighter. Is that what you want Black Leader?'

'Yes, it's exactly what I want Blue Three.'

She frowned and then looked at Finn, narrowing her eyes at him. 'It doesn't help that you compliment him so much. He learnt some of those fancy manouveres from me.'

Rey chuckled as Poe seemed to ignore what Jess was saying, but Finn put his hands up in defence. 'I say what I see.'

'Absolute showman.' Jess added, shaking her head. 'Now Luke Skywalker was a real pilot. Your master was the best there was back in the day, Rey.'

She sat forward, listening to Jess. 'He doesn't often talk about his pilot days much. I don't think we could even convince him into an X-wing again.'

Jess sighed. 'I suppose an autograph will have to suffice.'

'I'm still so offended,' Poe said. He then picked up Jessika's cup and looked into it. 'What's this?'

'Water?' she responded.

He shook his head and downed the drink immediately, before refilling it with the whiskey.

'This is a day of celebration, Blue Three.'

Jessika took the cup back from him and sipped at the drink, her face immediately showing her pain. 'Celebrating what?'

Poe held his cup to Rey. 'The return of the Jedi.'

Rey chuckled and forked a selection of berries into her mouth before following it with a swig of the whiskey. She squinted at the taste, but went with it anyway.

'You know I was expecting your response to be that we survived another mission unscathed, but no. Of course not.' Jess sighed at her superior and friend, shaking her head.

Poe laughed and then looked at Finn, who had been finishing his dinner and casually ignoring Poe.

'Back to the subject of getting dirt on Finn.'

Rey clapped her hands together and nodded. 'I almost forgot about that. What have you been up to whilst I've been away Finn?'

'Absolutely nothing.'

Jess seemed to find that hilarious and she spluttered out some of her rice before putting a hand over her mouth. 'Didn't you nearly get into a fight with Snap?'

Finn sighed and put his head in his hands. 'It was an absolute misunderstanding.'

'Oh really? Oddy said he had to break up an argument between the two of you,' Jessika responded casually. She spooned more food into her mouth then.

Poe laughed and slapped the young woman on the back, almost causing her to choke. She gave him a glare and he put his hands up in apology. 'I knew you were hiding something.'

'It was resolved immediately,' Finn replied, looking sour. 'And it was about something completely different,' he added rather pointedly.

Jessika raised an eyebrow but did not comment.

Rey pouted. 'Finn I wanted to come back and find out that you've been causing trouble across the whole of D'Qar.'

'Exactly!' Poe agreed, holding up his cup. 'He's young and regained his health. All he could do was worry about you, as if you were in any danger.'

She shook her head and tutted. 'I bet that was just an excuse.'

Finn sighed and scraped a few remaining beans into his mouth. 'Is there nothing more entertaining than my life?' he questioned.

Poe smiled and shook his head. 'You're a complete mystery and it's fascinating.'

Rey and Jess both nodded in agreement and Finn took to downing the rest of his whiskey instead of saying anymore. The action caused the other three to burst out laughing and their laughter didn't seem to cease as they drank their way through the bottle of whiskey, leaving them all incredibly tipsy.

 **XxX**

Rey stumbled back to her quarters that night and when she ended up in her cot, she sighed heavily, losing all will to change into her sleepwear. She could feel her whole-body throbbing from the alcohol, but it was her heart that ached the most. A few tears had been shed on her way from the mess hall to her quarters involuntarily, but here they were free to flow. She wanted to see him, she wanted to feel his arms around her again.

When she closed her eyes, Rey could imagine opening them again on the clearing in the forest, Ben waiting for her, his back against that great oak.

She sighed and took to staring at the bare metal ceiling and whispering to herself as if he were there to listen to her words. As if he could hear her just over her bond. Rey told him she was still there, that she was still waiting, that she could wait.

Then she recalled what he had said; that he didn't want to _torment her any longer_ and she was frightened. What if he decided to truly walk away from the Force or even worse? And Rey wouldn't know until she felt nothing there, an empty place where he had been in her heart and her mind.

Turning onto her side, she could feel Luke's force signature not far away and she wiped at her cheeks, knowing she had to stop doing this for the sake of her master and for everyone else. She was being too selfish.

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	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

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The end of the two weeks came much faster than Rey had expected. She found herself sitting in the pilot's chair of a small cargo ship with her team bustling around her, organising weaponry and in particular, the crates of explosives.

Rey was confident. She knew the skills of the people around her and knew they were capable of the task at hand. The crew were very mixed in personality so much so that she was surprised they got on so well. Jorr was always impatient about going on his next mission, but he was always the voice of reason, making important decisions that the others could not decide over. Nadiya was like his partner in that respect. Though she wasn't more than ten years older than Rey, she mothered everyone, she made everyone better fighters, better thinkers. The two of them were good leaders that Rey questioned why Leia had made her the leader. Boril was the quietest of them all. He had extreme patience when dealing with Takada – the practical joker, the ex-bounty hunter who ignored social cues completely. Delina was probably the one who disliked Rey the most. Rey supposed that she didn't want her stealing Nadiya's attention away from her. It was clear the young girl was possessive of the older woman, almost idolising her in how she followed every word she said. Despite Leia telling her she could train them however she saw fit, their training sessions were much more like ice-breakers, where they could get to know Rey and ask her questions.

As the days had progressed, the questions had grown more specific until they were asking to view her abilities and hear about her childhood. Rey didn't have many answers to the latter as her memories were filled with the monotony of junk-collecting and being always on the edge of hunger and thirst. A part of her, and Rey knew it, but a part of her heart twisted when she realised that her life had meant nothing. It had meant so little that whoever had abandoned her, had not even considered coming back for her or looking out for her. The thoughts had stayed with her over the last two weeks and she pushed all her unanswered questions to the side and found comfort in her friends.

Rey closed her eyes as she gripped the pilot controls on the cargo ship and took several deep breaths. She had become accustomed to meditating in the midst of doing things and she felt it helped her forget that Ben was there with her in every moment. It had taken some time for her to get used to sleeping without dreams in general, but now she was at ease with it. Being without dreams altogether was a peculiar experience. To sleep and wake up knowing there was only darkness, that her mind could not conjure any images to ease her fears or increase them, was strange. Sometimes Rey woke up finding herself standing in her room or walking around the facility in her sleep wear. She didn't feel justified to tell her master because before Ben, when she was still on Jakku, there had been times when she'd woken up shivering on the dunes. Rey always wondered if she had always been this way, back before she had been left on Jakku, had she sleepwalked? She could only sigh and go back to her cot, wishing it could be okay to just dream of Ben. Her friends had made sure to keep her preoccupied, however and their company was welcome. Even though she was busy and always somewhat zapped after training sessions with Luke and then with her team, she enjoyed being around them. It wasn't something she was used to; having friends, being able to laugh and smile with them. It filled her heart, erasing the emptiness that Ben had left her with. She found strength in them.

'I think we're almost there Rey,' Nadiya said as her eyes were trained at the cockpit window.

Rey read the co-ordinates and gave a quick nod before adjusting herself in her seat so that she could bring them out of hyperspace within the atmosphere to avoid detection. They were entering from across the planet where the planet's sun had yet to hit and flew low over the barren earth until they reached a zone they could trek from. As they landed, Rey activated the reflective shielding, as without it, a worker with binoculars would easily be able to see the out of place cargo vessel from the facility. Despite the emptiness of the planet, the flat dry plains did not help when camouflaging.

They landed approximately a mile from the facility and they all noted what direction they were from it, otherwise they could get lost in the planets seemingly endless desert.

Leia had sourced them uniforms of the generic planet workers for everyone to wear but Rey, who would need to be the lookout. The team soon changed and once the gear had been gathered, they readied themselves to set off.

It had been a while since Rey'd felt this kind of heat, not in her dreams or illusions, but actually feeling the heat through her shoes. However, something felt wrong to Rey when her feet touched the scorched earth and her heart twisted in her chest as she looked around. It was something she hadn't felt before, but a bad feeling all the same, one that tugged at her connection to the Force. All she wanted was this mission to pass without a hitch, and she suddenly felt fearful that that wouldn't happen.

The group began to walk towards the facility carrying the explosives disguised as cargo. Rey separated when they were a few hundred metres from the facility, stealthily heading towards it using what shielding she had learnt from Luke. She was to mind-trick the workers into asking no questions regarding her own team's entrance and she would set a clear path for them until they reached the cargo hold. The First Order wasn't due to pick up the Rhydonium until the late afternoon, so by noon the fuel had already been transported all into one place.

Rey did her part without any problems, though she still felt as if something were wrong. She could hear her team over her communication device and they weren't having issues getting through with their crates but she worried. Though she had spent the last week practicing camouflaging herself with Luke, it had its limits and she could only hold it for short periods of time. This meant Rey was constantly moving.

When her team had made it to the cargo hold, they placed the crates in strategic areas of it. They were to each take several devices and place them directly on the oil drums and then leave one by one. Rey watched from one of the large ceiling lightning fixtures as they did so and once they were all out she felt relieved, taking a moment to breathe steadily again. She heard them speaking over her headset and urged that they leave immediately.

Rey jumped down from her place on one of the light fixtures and looked about her for trouble. Rey slipped out of a side door and carefully made her way towards one of the exits. They would blow the cargo once they were some distance from the facility and Rey listened carefully as her team confirmed they had left the location.

'Once you reach the ship, blow it,' Rey whispered.

Rey paused then and it was as if the hairs on her arms were standing on end. Something didn't feel right and she knew to reach for her staff, her hand squeexing the hilt tightly.

'Rey, there's a tonne of First Order vessels dropping Stormtroopers at the base.' Jorr said through the ear piece.

Her brow furrowed but Rey maintained her composure. 'Keep to the plan. Blow the cargo when you reach the ship. They shouldn't be able to see the charges unless they are looking for them. You'll need to hurry, though.'

'Meet you back at the ship?' Jorr questioned.

'Yes, but if I'm held up and you sense danger, leave immediately. Do you understand?' Rey murmured.

There were murmurs of worried understanding and Rey removed her staff, her hands tight around it and ready to fight if necessary. She guessed that the First Order had dropped the troops to aid in the transport of the Rhydonium. Rey shielded herself and ran as fast as she could through the facility, aiming towards the general direction she wanted. It was frustratingly slow going and she knew that with every minute that passed with her still in the facility, the more dangerous it would be for her. There was a reason Rhydonium wasn't used as fuel any longer, it was far too volatile.

She slipped past several workers and then as she went to open a door to the outside, the sound of breathing through a helmet could be heard from behind her.

'You! What are you doing? Who are you?'

Rey realised she held her staff in her hands and was thankful that to the Stormtroopers it probably looked like a long piece of metal or a club rather than a Lightsaber. She turned around, attaching it to her hip and she smiled. There were two of them, their weapons cocked.

'I'm on break,' she responded casually.

'You aren't dressed like a worker, where are your credentials?'

'I'm a warden,' she responded.

'A female warden?'

Rey nodded and she channelled the Force into carefully opening the door, her smile widening when she heard it click. 'We are incredibly progressive here.'

One of the Stormtroopers didn't seem to believe a word and he adjusted his weapon. 'Put your hands up.'

'Must you really do this?' Rey questioned with a frown.

She sensed that the trooper wouldn't stop so she considered what she could say to distract the two of them.

'Hands up!'

Just as Rey went to put her hands up, the earth shook and with it came the crack of a hefty number of explosives. The noise and shaking was enough to distract the Stormtroopers and Rey slipped through the door, running as quickly as possible and wishing that the Jedi had found the ability to fly. The fire and explosions would only grow in size as the charges continued to go off in the cargo hold, so Rey wanted to make distance between herself and the facility.

She didn't manage to get more than a hundred metres away before she was being shot at and she turned to glance at her attackers, seeing the flames and smoke coming from the edge of the facility where the cargo hold was. There were sirens ringing and the two Stormtroopers she had left behind were already calling in reinforcements. She lifted a hand, slamming them into each other and she took off running again. A blaster bolt grazed her arm and she focused her attention onto shielding herself, but knew it was probably doing very little. The sweat dripped from her forehead and she felt her skin sizzling under the sun as she ran. If there were at least variations in the terrain like on Jakku, she'd know where to hide, but it was just flat wasteland here.

Rey glanced back, still running and saw that there were already two TIE fighters in the air and the Stormtroopers gathered by the door she had exited, had fallen back. Foolishly she had left her blaster on the ship and it wasn't long before the TIE fighter pilots would see her running. A blast narrowly missed her but threw her several feet across the cracked earth and her ears rang as the fighters came back around to shoot at her again.

Looking down at her staff, Rey considered whether it was a good idea to use her Lightsaber. Her cover would ultimately be blown; they would know who she was and therefore the chances of reinforcements increased.

As the first TIE fighter came speeding towards her she concentrated on the Force and subtly misdirected the bolts and they slammed into the ground around her. Closing her eyes, she began running again, slightly deflecting the bolts with the Force and despite it slowing her down, the pilots seemed to grow frustrated. When they raced past her for a third time to double back, she noticed a small crater in the cracked ground and she jumped into it, holding tightly onto the edge with her fingers and ignoring that the appendages had begun to burn at the contact with the sun-scorched ground. Rey watched from that position as the TIE fighters dropped lower and lower, until they weren't more than 50 metres above her. They spotted her, most likely thanks to their heat sensing and when they looked to shoot at her, she deflected both their bolts, sending them into each other and sending the fighters crashing to the ground. The debris narrowly missed her and without a second thought, Rey pulled herself from the hole and went running back to the rendezvous. Just as she reached the halfway point, her head light with constant running, she was halted by the heat of the cargo ships thrusters. It hovered just off the ground and a hand reached out to grab Rey, which she took.

* * *

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	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**

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When Rey was finally able to sit down, herself and the team were in orbit, entering hyperspace soon after. Rey was covered in sweat and grime and breathed heavily. She was happy to find that her team looked relatively unscathed, but the ball of worry that had developed in her throat, still had not dissipated.

'What were you doing out there? Playing in the dirt?' Takada joked.

Rey closed her eyes and sighed. 'Running from two TIE fighters. It's harder than it looks.'

The group quietened and then Boril spoke up. 'They don't know who you are, do they?'

She shook her head and then met each of their gazes. 'Good job, all of you.'

They nodded in agreement and Rey went back to taking long intakes of stale air and trying to calm her frantic mind. Ben was as present as ever and he seemed to be inquiring about her emotions, trying to figure out what Rey was thinking or doing.

She closed him out, thinking of other things as she reached for a canteen to take a swig of water.

'Let me look at your hands,' Nadiya said, seeing the blisters across Rey's fingers.

Delina got up from her seat and shook her head. 'I'll do it, just worry about where we are going.'

The older woman nodded and sat back down, whilst Takada spun in his chair, looking Rey over. 'You didn't have to tell us to leave. This wasn't a suicide mission; sacrifices don't need to be made.'

'I had no plan of dying today Takada, I'm sure I would have made my way off planet somehow.' Rey responded. Delina seemed to pull on her fingers tightly and Rey refrained from wincing, then she felt the burn of antiseptic.

'Ah because you're invincible?' he questioned, a humorous tone in his voice. It was unclear, however, whether he was actually joking or not.

Rey swallowed. 'I'm aware of my own mortality, thank you.'

'Just because you would never willingly fight, does not mean the same can be said for the rest of us,' Jorr grunted, his feet up on one of the communication panels. 'Anyway, it would have been nice to butt a few heads together.'

Nadiya turned to them all, looking away from the pilot's controls. 'We completed our mission with minor injuries, we did a good job, that is all that is important.' She glanced at Rey again and saw the blaster bolt burn on her upper arm. 'Do not forget that one Delina.'

'I won't,' Delina responded quickly, immediately bringing the antiseptic wipe to Rey's arm. She eventually put an ointment on the burns on Rey's palms and arm and she wrapped thin muslin bandages around her fingers. Rey nodded her thanks and stood up, moving to sit in the chair beside Nadiya at the helm, but she paused.

The others seemed to be jovial, glad that they had succeeded and gotten away relatively unscathed and Rey wanted to join in on that happiness, but the feeling of anxiety had not disappeared, her skin still crawled and she knew it shouldn't be ignored. Luke had trained her in how to sense disturbances, especially in battle and it felt incredibly imminent, suddenly.

Her eyes watched the passing stars for several minutes before Rey moved away from the cockpit and to the back of the cargo ship, feeling gazes on her. She sat by the hold entry, ready to meditate. Her hands rested upwards against her knees and she searched herself and the Force for calm and clarity.

Rey feared the future. Whenever she had trained in psychometry with Luke, she had feared she would glimpse the future again. Seeing the past was fine, it was set, it could not be changed, however the future was so flimsy and whatever appeared through the Force seemed unchanging. All possible changes were already enacted in those visions and Rey did not want to know.

She limited herself to a few hours of meditation and when she stood to sit back at the console, they were not too far from D'Qar.

'Have you received any transmissions?' Rey asked Nadiya.

The older woman shook her head. 'We don't seem to have been followed either, though I suppose you would have noticed if we had been getting shot at.'

Rey smiled and her hand almost automatically went to her Lightsaber, holding it firmly in her bandaged palm and feeling the crystals pulse within.

'Do you think we have made some difference?' Rey questioned, ultimately unsure. Rey would have liked to know that her actions at least had some impact, that she could do a good job even if she knew very little.

Nadiya nodded. 'Even the small wins are wins, Rey. I think what we've done today will halt the First Order, and even if it stops them for a day, that's just one more day we have to end this all.'

Rey nodded feeling the sincerity from Nadiya. She couldn't imagine what it had been like living like this, fighting like this for your whole life and the people she was surrounded by had never known a life not fighting. Rey felt as if she had faced many hardships, but she had lived such a singular life. Struggling to feed herself and waiting for someone who would never come, had honestly and truly been an uneventful existence. One which would have no impact and one where she was the only character in her story.

'I'm glad that I can do something good, that I can be useful,' she murmured. Rey's hand loosened from her Lightsaber and she took the console controls, indicating that Nadiya could rest and she would take the helm for the rest of the journey.

Piloting relaxed Rey somewhat and seeing the familiar green jungles of D'Qar improved her spirits exponentially, especially knowing that she could see her friends in a matter of hours.

They landed without a hitch and Leia met them at the entry ramp, a wry smile on her lips. The group followed her without a word until they were all situated in the General's ready room, anxious to tell her of the good news.

'I'm afraid an intercepted transmission beat you all here.' Leia began with a smile. 'Were there any problems or injuries?'

'A larger envoy did drop down on the planet just before we blew the charges, however we managed to escape with minimal contact.' Rey responded.

Jorr nodded. 'Rey made sure we left before her. She did the final once-over.'

'That's good news. We have yet to see the aftermath of our actions, though I believe we will have impacted the First Order's movements heavily.' Leia supplied.

There were smiles around the room but Rey couldn't help reflecting on the anxiety that she had felt on the ship. There were still goosebumps across her forearms and her hand strayed to her side again, feeling the crystals beat in time with her heart.

'Are we not any closer to knowing what they intended to create? Or what they will do next?' Rey questioned.

Leia paused, looking over the young woman before she stood up and gestured for the others to leave the room, leaving Rey sitting and looking perplexed.

'Is there something wrong, Rey?' Leia asked softly, moving over to her side.

Rey tried to hide her frown but was unable to. 'Something doesn't feel right.'

'In the Force?' Leia questioned.

She nodded and her hand tightened on her Lightsaber, feeling the leather grip dig into her hand. 'Perhaps I should have stayed on Abafar longer and investigated, perhaps something more was hidden there. I do not think it ends with the Rhydonium.'

Leia frowned, leaning against the edge of the table. 'Speak to Luke about this, see if he agrees. Perhaps something good can come of you both acting on this.'

Rey stood and nodded, bowing her head to Leia briefly before leaving the ready room, unable to let go of her Lightsaber.

As Rey made her way down the halls, she tried to block out the noise around her and focus on this dread she was feeling. If she could pinpoint what it was, she knew she'd be free from the fear it brought. Perhaps it didn't have anything to do with the First Order and it was something wildly different?

She was ultimately disturbed from her focus when Poe's arm went around her shoulder, pulling her into a congratulatory shoulder slap and hug.

'So the General didn't offer you a title?' Poe asked with a grin.

Rey smiled weakly and shook her head. 'I don't think I want one, that seems to bring with it responsibilities. I might also have to be around you more.'

Poe pouted and led them over to the mess hall. 'You're hungry, right?' he questioned, though did not wait for an answer. He simply put Rey down on one of the benches whilst he went to collect two trays of food.

When he came back, he found Rey picking at a small graze on her wrist, most likely gained from when she had run from the TIE fighters. It was unsubstantial, but still raw and he imagined her actions were not soothing any pain there, no matter how slight it might have been.

'Thanks,' Rey murmured and grabbed for a fork. She turned what looked like pasta around her fork and then paused before lifting it up to eat. Her eyes automatically went to Poe and she saw the furrow in his brow and knew what he would ask before he did.

'Is everything okay? I heard the mission went well, or did I hear wrong?'

Rey shook her head and laid her fork down. 'It's just me.' She gave a half-hearted smile and rubbed her temple with one hand. 'Sometimes the Force feels like an incredibly loud neighbour, who, no matter how often you approach to get them to quieten down, they never do. I'm not trained enough to understand it all and so it's frustrating to feel like there is something I'm missing, that there is something wrong, and not know what.'

Poe frowned. 'Isn't that okay?' he asked. 'You aren't an all-powerful god, if your abilities are limited then that's it, isn't it? You can't be blamed for being powerless, you can only do your best with what you have.'

She closed her eyes and nodded. Poe was right.

'I just feel like I should be better than I am.'

Poe shook his head and smiled, forking a vegetable and putting it in his mouth. 'You're doing everything you can to get there, don't put too much on yourself.'

Rey smiled and nodded. 'Thanks Poe.'

He watched her lift her fork to her mouth again and his smile widened when Rey eventually begun to eat. 'Now where is Finn to congratulate you on a good day's work,' Poe murmured, looking around the mess hall.

'Perhaps up to no good like we hoped,' Rey responded with a grin.

Poe mimicked her expression and briefly rubbed his hands together before quickly forking more food into his mouth. He took several swigs of water whilst he ate, but it was noticeable that he had sped up.

'Do you plan on finding him?' Rey questioned, though she maintained her slow eating speed.

'We both should,' Poe replied, his mouth full of food.

Rey shook her head with a smirk and continued to eat. Poe finished far before her and looked unimpressed at how slow she was eating. As soon as she had put the last potato into her mouth, he stood up and took her arm, pulling her out of the mess hall.

'Do you really need to rush?'

'Yes.'

'Do you even know where he is?'

'I'm making an educated guess.'

They hurried down several hallways in the facility until they reached what Rey assumed were rooms used by the X-wing pilots. Considering the array of helmets and flight suits that were hung on walls, as well as engine schematics and so on, it couldn't have been anything else. Rey hadn't been this far down, only having met Poe and the others either outside or in the mess hall.

Poe slowed to a walk, though his hand was still pulling Rey onwards. She narrowed her eyes, definitely sensing Finn nearby, though she could also sense a number of other people she knew, including Snap and Jess. Rey still needed to work on her proximity, considering they could have been anywhere within 200 metres.

'You've not been down here, have you?' Poe questioned. He had lowered his voice and Rey couldn't help but think why.

'It's your area, right?'

Poe nodded and paused at a door. 'Indeed. Authorised personnel only, mostly because there is expensive stuff here that someone might wanna sell.'

Rey raised a brow and then looked from the door to Poe. 'Then why do you think Finn is here?'

He smiled then and his fingers dropped from her wrist. 'I've been keeping a firm eye on Finn whilst you've been gone. Mostly because I think he's keeping something from me.'

'And you can't allow him to have a secret?'

Poe seemed to consider that for a moment and then shook his head. 'Well figuring it out is part of the fun, isn't it?'

Rey chuckled and shook her head. 'So what? Do you think he is sneaking in and stealing your gear?'

'I'm hoping it's not what I think it is, otherwise I will be extremely disappointed and you have my word, I will not defend him.'

'What on earth are you talking about?' Rey asked, her mirth almost bubbling from her mouth.

Poe frowned and crossed his arms, leaning against the wall by the door. 'He's having an indecent affair with Snap's girlfriend.'

'And that's why they fought?' Rey questioned.

She wasn't quite ready to believe that Finn would do something like that, however Rey was aware that she'd only been back for two weeks and Poe had, had three months to figure this out.

'Maybe. Snap isn't an idiot, he might have figured out something was fishy. Finn really was with his girlfriend a lot.' Poe answered.

It seemed not even he believed what he was saying and Rey stared at the door, wondering what kind of secret it held behind it.

'Do you really think it's a good idea, Poe?' Rey asked, looking wary.

'I thought you wanted Finn to be a troublemaker?' he questioned with a new grin. 'Regardless, we can't let him keep secrets, especially in my domain.'

Rey frowned. 'You'll regret it if he really is with Snap's girlfriend.'

Poe waved her away, making Rey realise that he truly didn't believe that was the case and that considering this was Finn, what he was doing in the pilot's area was something completely unrelated.

He hovered his hand over the access pad and tapped in a code. There was a short delay before the door slid open and the two paused at the door, not quite believing what they saw and heard.

For a second, Poe fully believed he was seeing Finn making out with Snap's girlfriend on a battered couch in the centre of the room, but after several blinks, Jessika Pava's characteristic dark hair tied into a braid, was clear.

The remaining seconds before they noticed the intruders, was one of Finn's hand inside of Jess' shirt, his lips latched tightly onto her neck and what remained of a female sigh.

As if their senses were on a 10-second delay, the two finally heard the entrance of Poe and Rey and looked up with wide eyes to see the two of them ogling the couple.

Rey was ready to burst out laughing both from relief and from having caught both Finn and Jess in compromising positions. She could deal with her surprise later, but she was outright filled with elation. It was Poe's applauding that finally got her chuckling and he walked around the frozen pair, clapping as he went.

The younger girl immediately got up from the sofa, her cheeks flushed and a clear red mark against her throat. She seemed outright embarrassed and Rey imagined much of that was because Poe was her Commander as well as her friend and she had been taking liberties with her access codes.

'What did you promise Snap to stop him from telling me?' Poe questioned. It seemed as if the question was directed at Jess, but she just furrowed her brows in confusion. 'Ahh,' Poe said, his expression seeming to brighten immensely. 'You weren't aware, Jess. Finn, you sly dog.'

Finn seemed to be looking as innocent as possible across the room, despite standing strategically for reasons obvious to everyone in the room. Poe stopped circling and stood in the middle of them, Rey still at the door. He looked from one to the other and then back at Finn.

'You're not going to tell us a story, then?'

Rey nodded in agreement.

'I like Jessika,' Finn said simply.

Poe grinned and nodded. 'So Snap was reading you the laws, is that what happened?' he questioned.

Jess looked confused but Finn merely nodded. Rey was thoroughly amused, particularly with how unexpectedly tight-knit the X-wing pilots were, enough that Finn had to receive a heated talk from Snap regarding Jessika.

'Do you like him then, Jess?' Poe questioned, his arms folded across his chest, a smirk on his lips.

'I hadn't really considered…' she replied carefully. Jess then looked to Finn again, whose expression was extremely casual considering. 'This was just the one time,' she added.

That seemed to amuse Poe even more and he moved closer to Finn and put an arm around his shoulder. 'You're growing up so quickly.'

'Must you always embarrass me?' Jessika interjected, looking unamused. 'And ruin things,' she added.

Poe held back his grin and shook his head. 'Honestly, we expected to find Finn in here knitting a scarf or something, sorry that we ruined you taking his virginity, Blue Three.'

Rey immediately burst out laughing and they all looked at her with shock. Mostly because Finn and Jess had hoped that Rey was on their side, but she wasn't helping at all.

'I'm sorry, but Poe's right. The worst we thought we would find was Finn having an affair with Snap's girlfriend. I suppose this wasn't that far off, though.'

'Honestly, I'm just glad we didn't walk in like five minutes later,' Poe added with a nod.

Finn closed his eyes and straightened up, seeming to use all his strength to not react. 'Let's talk Jess,' he finally said and he slipped from Poe's arm, took Jess' hand and they hurried from the room, leaving Rey and Poe inside.

Rey was giggling again as she looked after them and Poe sauntered over to her.

'It's your turn next, Rey, I hope you know.' Poe said casually as he stepped through the door. 'We shall call this place love island.'

As Rey watched Poe walk ahead of her, she felt the chill of guilt. Ben was something she couldn't really ever tell them about, that would be like signing up for her own execution. It made her realise how much she truly kept from them, how much she kept from everyone on the base. What kind of friend even was she?

Poe turned and Rey followed after him and he put an arm around her shoulder, laughing jovially as they walked down the hallway.

The rest of the evening was spent in a similarly jovial manner and Rey found her spirits yet again whilst the four of them sat around a small campfire, chatting animatedly and eating snacks that Poe had managed to wrangle from Snap's vast selection. Finn and Jess surprisingly didn't seem too bothered anymore about being caught and Jess would glance at Finn every now and then as if she were trying to read his mind.

Rey liked that things could pass without her knowledge and that she could just experience the happiness of those around her. Having friends was such a new experience to Rey and to some extent, she imagined the same could be said for Finn, so learning what it meant to have friends was something she held in high regard.

She went to bed with a smile on her face. Despite the anxiety that had plagued her during the day, her friends had managed to wrangle it out of her. It was only when she was lying down looking at the ceiling that she remembered that she had not gone to look for her master. Rey frowned, disappointed in herself, but turned to her side knowing that she would see him for training in the morning.

What met her during her sleep, however, was not the emptiness that she had become accustomed to.

There were flashes of light and Rey had to squint to see anything else. A hand grabbed her wrist and she fought against it without considering who it was grabbing her. When she slipped free, she looked to her hand to see bloody scratch marks up her arm. Rey looked about her again and found that she was in a dark chamber. It reminded her of the room she had been kept prisoner in on Starkiller base.

Her sight was still questionable and the flashes of light were constant, reflecting off the metal work and dizzying her. Rey reached out and her hand felt the edge of the interrogation chair, though when she lifted her hand to her face, she could see red coating her finger tips.

A scream had her turning her head and a nudge left her sprawled on the floor, half-blind and fingers reaching out in front of her. It wasn't cold metal, it seemed to be dirt, maybe even ash or sand. Then as she moved across the ground on her knees, she felt something wet and it stretched out closer to her until her knees were soaked. Rey reached again and felt warm skin against her hand and she tried to feel out who was lying on the ground, blinking to see better.

She screamed, or at least tried to when she saw Finn's face. Her voice was absent, it wasn't as if it were stuck, but as if it did not exist and it made her even more terrified and wanting to scream more. His skin grew colder as her hands touched his face and then she was on her back, pushed to the side and a red Lightsaber obscured her vision and plunged into her own stomach. It felt real. Rey could feel her skin burn against the blade, she could feel her body being destroyed and the pain of death that came with it.

Rey forced her vision to clear past the pain and saw the outline of the wielder; dark hair and broad shoulders. The wielder's hand was against her throat then and she could see the curve in his jaw, the shape of his nose. It was Ben.

He squeezed her throat until she could not breathe let alone scream any longer, but Rey did not feel her vision fade like it should have. It only grew clearer until she could meet his eyes, the cloud lifting and the unbearable betrayal breaking her. Deep hatred was painted clearly on Ben's face.

Rey shot out of her bed, soaked in sweat and looked around her. Her quarters were a mess. Anything that wasn't attached to the floor or walls had been knocked over and even her Lightsaber, which had been underneath her pillow, was across the room. Her hands shook as she realised that she had destroyed the room in her sleep and when she looked at them, she could see that she had torn through her bandages, through to the skin on her palms from her nails ripping the skin there.

She thought she could still feel Ben's hand around her throat and his Lightsaber blade sunk deeply within her stomach.

There was a knock on the door before Rey could hear the code being entered. Luke rushed in, his eyes wide as he looked about the room and at Rey. She began to cry then and Luke moved across the room, pulling Rey into his arms and letting her sob against his chest, his hand patting the tangles in her hair.

'Was this in your sleep?' he questioned sombrely.

Rey nodded against his chest and heard Luke sigh.

'I felt a disturbance and thought there was something much worse, I'm glad that it was just you.' Luke was silent for several minutes and Rey eventually stopped crying, despite not moving out of his arms. 'What did you see?' he questioned.

Rey wanted to shake her head and not tell him. She wanted to lie. She wanted to curl up in her cot and never leave her quarters again, but she couldn't. She'd made a promise to be honest to her master and it was important she kept that promise.

'I don't know where I was, I don't know what was happening and Finn was there…he was just lying there and blood was everywhere.' Rey's voice began to crack and she gripped her hand into a tight fist to maintain at least some composure. 'Then Ben…he…his Lightsaber…and it felt so real, Master, it felt like I was dying and his hand was around my throat and all I could feel was death and all I could see was his hate.'

Luke nodded, feeling the worry flood his heart, but knowing if Rey saw that and felt that, she would only feel worse. It would have been one thing if her dreams had come back again, but rather than this being a nightmare, Luke felt it was much more like a bad omen. It didn't need to be taken literally, but it couldn't be ignored completely.

'I want you to meditate,' he began. 'Meditate until you have calmed down. In the morning meet me in the mess hall.'

'Shall I sleep Master?' Rey questioned as Luke got up from the cot, his hand pressed warmly against Rey's shoulder.

He nodded. 'If you can, I don't think you'll have that experience again.'

'Was it not just a nightmare?'

Luke shook his head. 'I don't believe so.'

Rey met his gaze for several seconds and nodded, accepting that that was enough. Luke squeezed her shoulder and left the room, leaving Rey to look at the walls and check that they weren't closing in around her.

* * *

 **Ask and you shall receive. Might update again later in the week.**

 **Thanks for reading**


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**

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Luke was sitting at one of the tables when Rey arrived at the mess hall in the morning, with two trays of breakfast laid out in front of him. Rey took a seat across from him and he pushed the tray towards her. She began to eat and Luke smiled lightly at her.

He ate slowly, most of his attention on his student and trying to read her emotions in her actions alone. She seemed better than she had during the night. The images she had seen did not seem to have too deeply affected her and that filled Luke with some semblance of relief. It was easier to protect her and give her methods of defending herself than it was to reverse her fears or anxieties.

'Is there any reason you wanted to meet for breakfast, master?' Rey asked.

Luke shook his head and smiled lightly. 'I wanted to make sure you were okay.'

Rey swallowed a forkful of eggs and she found herself smiling lightly. It wasn't that the night before had been completely forgotten, but his words alone were as clear as any of how much Luke cared for her. Even if she was scared, Rey knew she had Luke to ask for help. Rey was mostly thankful that Luke hadn't told her it was something much darker, that the Darkness had made a reappearance to frighten her once more.

Her interactions with it felt like a distant memory since she had left Ben behind in her dreams and had come to D'Qar. Perhaps it was gone now that she had broken her dream connection Ben and she had been honest with her master?

'I also thought seeing you would help me decide with what to do with you today,' Luke added.

Luke continued to eat and Rey watched her master for a moment, wondering what he had planned. She reached for her water and took a long drink before finishing off her food. When Luke had finished, Rey waited for her master to get up and she followed after him as they walked through the facility.

Rather than head to their usual training area, Luke led Rey down a hall way that wasn't dissimilar to the one Poe had led her down the evening before, and they stopped at the door at the end of it. Luke opened it with an access code and instead of a room being inside like she expected, it led outside to a small secluded area. You could just about hear the bustling of the Alliance workers over the tall fencing and it was mostly empty other than a few benches and patches of grass.

He gestured to the largest patch of grass and Rey sat across from her master. Luke rested his arms against his folded knees and held out his hands for Rey to take when in a similar position.

'I've been unsure about what to teach you, mostly because so much I have learnt has been from the old Jedi tomes I have collected over the years and it is difficult to deliberate over logical choices and choosing the right path when you're alone. I hadn't thought this technique would be necessary now that there are so few Force manipulators and abusers, though I've realised that we are as a much of a danger to ourselves than to any other Force user.'

Rey couldn't help frowning. Every time she thought about her own conflicted emotions, she knew she was leading herself down a dangerous path and Luke's words did not help placate that thought. Now even the Force was working against her.

'This meditation technique is a way of shielding yourself from influence and I think it will help stop these kinds of horrific illusions manifesting in you. As it is all caused by you, it is up to you to block it too.'

The young Jedi wasn't convinced and tried not to show it on her face. A part of Rey felt as if she deserved to see such things, that this was her punishment for her lies and her poisonous love. It was a means of teaching herself that she had done wrong and continued to feel wrongly. If she could block them, just like her dreams, then perhaps deep within her heart, she'd feel as if the rules didn't apply to her. That she could have whatever she wanted, as a Jedi or as a woman.

Rey stretched her still bandaged hands out, taking Luke's hands and she followed as he led her through the meditation technique and she promised she would utilise it often, and she would. Even if she would rather suffer and feel that pain, she could not for the sake of her master, she would be useless if she allowed the call to the void to consume her.

The meditation did not help her heart feel any lighter, however and she shivered when she recalled the image of Ben impaling her with his Lightsaber and his hand against her throat. It had felt too real and the reminder of Ben there in the corner of her mind frightened her. Luke said it was an illusion, but Rey was not far from convincing herself that it was the future. Her mind continued to ask the question of _when?_ not _if_ and it made her feel incredibly hollow. Rey had consistently convinced herself that Ben wouldn't do anything to hurt her and perhaps she was far too confident and blind-sided by her emotions to believe that so readily?

Rey finished her meditation training with that in her mind. Did she perhaps depend on her emotions too much? Were they a crutch just as much as an ally? They had been all she had and she had followed them for as long as she remembered. Her emotions had kept her on Jakku and they had allowed her to leave, they had brought her down this path to love and be loved. She wondered if she were to die at this moment, if a meteorite were to fall from the sky and strike her, could she say she had no regrets? Rey couldn't answer her own question and she wondered if that meant she truly did have regrets that were unknown to her.

She had been walking around the facility meaninglessly, most likely not noticing those who had passed her and more than likely had greeted her. It was only when she walked outside and was hit with the humid air and bright sun, that she final decided to think about where she was and what she was doing.

After taking several glances around, she saw Finn carrying several blasters from outside's training facilities towards what must have been a stock room inside. Rey knocked the weapons out of his hand with the force in which she hugged him and Finn let out a yelp of surprise as Rey threatened to squeeze him to death.

'Is something wrong?' he questioned, his breathing shallow.

Rey shook her head and held tighter, making Finn groan. 'I'm making up for all that lost time.'

Finn laughed painfully and pulled himself out of Rey's grip and held her slightly away from him, looking at her carefully. 'You're okay, aren't you? I never did get to speak to you about the mission, I heard it was a success, right?'

She nodded and smiled lightly. 'A few close shaves, but it went okay.'

He surveyed her for a few moments more before bending down to pick up the dropped weapons, Rey also helping him do so.

Rey helped Finn carry the blasters inside and then down several halls until they reached a stock room. There were a few men inside and they took the blasters from them with a nod and Rey and Finn left empty handed.

They began the slow walk back down the corridor they had come from, Rey's arms swinging by her side and Finn with his hands in his trouser pockets. It was a calming silence and Rey couldn't say she wasn't comforted by Finn's presence alone.

'Do you ever think about what would have happened if you had actually gone back to Jakku?' Finn asked suddenly.

Rey looked back at him with her eyebrows furrowed and she shook her head. She had never considered it since Starkiller base had fallen. Everything had changed too much and all that was waiting for her on Jakku was space junk and anger. If she had gone back, she would have never met Luke, she would never have begun her training.

Finn frowned and then folded his arms as they walked, directing them both outside again and then towards the jungle that surrounded the facility. 'I mean before that. When we met Han and Chewie, you could have jumped on an escape pod and gone back. Or even if you hadn't been taken by Kylo Ren on Takodana, if you could have just gone back to Jakku.'

She looked at her friend and felt a lump grow in her throat. 'Starkiller base might not have fallen without us, Finn.'

'Even without that, you said you were waiting on Jakku. Why did you just stop waiting and just follow this path? If there was even a chance that your family was going to come back for you?'

Rey stopped Finn with her hand and she took his in between both of hers. She looked into his eyes and could feel the chaos his mind was in. 'I saw you, Finn.' Rey began, squeezing his hand tightly. 'We might be different in many ways, but the one thing we have in common is that we were abandoned. But even if it was against your better judgement, you did something. You could have stayed as a Stormtrooper, suffering in silence, or even taking your punishment for your escape, but you moved to action and when you thought Poe was dead, you were willing to help BB-8.'

'Well I didn't really want—.'

'No.' Rey shook her head and a wry smile crossed her face as she cut Finn off with a soft tone. 'I could feel that you did. You're a good person in and out Finn and I don't have to have a connection to the Force to see that. I wanted to be more like you and do something other than wasting away on Jakku. Even if the Force hadn't intervened, I couldn't have gone back, there was nothing for me there and there never will be. My home is with you all now. You, Leia, Luke, Chewie, Poe, everyone here.'

Finn sighed then and looked at Rey's hands and then back to her face. 'You make us sound so pitiful.'

Rey grinned and shook her head. 'What do a pair of orphans have but each other, hey?'

He nodded and Rey let go of her hold on Finn and held one of his hands as they began walking again. 'Now you have no choice but to tell me about this Jess thing.'

'Will you tell Poe immediately?' Finn questioned with a frown.

Rey shook her head and smiled. 'You can trust me not to say anything. I've just christened us siblings in arms or have you forgotten?'

Finn smiled, amused and nodded, then began his lengthy story of his love affair with Jessika Pava.

 **XxX**

Only a single day passed before Rey was called back into General Organa's ready room, the same senior officers as well as Poe surrounding the large tacticians table. Rey was the last to enter and she sat at the furthest end from the General and the people around her watched her warily. Poe looked over at her and sent her a wink of reassurance.

Rey felt nervous and she knew her anxiety extended beyond the meeting and to a general interpretation of the Force. There were no longer any bandages on her hands to distract her by twisting the material between her fingers, so she straightened, looking squarely at Leia rather than at the others around the room.

'I've called you all here to speak of the next mission we will be executing. This mission will be the first we've had in a long time which involves troops on the ground.' Leia began. 'After the success and efficiency in which Rey executed the mission we gave her mere days ago, myself, Admiral Statura and Admiral Ackbar have decided to give Rey the authority to co-lead the mission as Captain.'

Rey couldn't help her lip twitching and she felt the eyes of everyone else on her. When she looked at Poe, however, he was listening intently to the General.

'The nature of this mission, as several of you know, is primarily a search and rescue. Over the last year, we've had many join our ranks from the Lothal system as a result of dropping agricultural resources for the local people and consequently the First Order has tightened their reign over Lothal in order to keep harvesting in line. There is an opportunity to not only clear out several villages closer to the First Order harvesting facility but also to sabotage further operations. Much like during the last mission, we wish to destroy the stock the First Order has collected and make the facility out of operation for as long as possible.'

Major Brance cleared his throat and straightened. 'Is it wise to give such a task to a junior officer?'

'I can understand your wariness; however, this mission remains primarily a search and rescue operation. Our operatives in the cities Kothal and Jalath have made it clear that a large proportion of the towns people living adjacent to the facility want to relocate but do not have the means. The nature of the facility itself means it is far less protected than the one at Abafar as the resources seem to be of the least importance. This is akin to a humanitarian mission, one which can give us a further opportunity to make slower the flow of resources to the First Order.'

Rey put her hand up carefully and Leia nodded towards her. 'Is the execution of this mission similar as on Abafar, where we will set the charges and blow the stock?'

Leia nodded and Rey continued.

'Then the evacuation?'

'Yes, this will be a joint effort between yourself and Captain Cypress, who will lead the evacuation and Commander Dameron, who will lead the sky defence.'

Both Poe and Captain Cypress nodded at their instruction, but the confidence which Rey saw in the officers around her, did not do much for her fears. The conversation seemed to continue and Rey begun to lose focus unless her name was mentioned. All she understood was that this mission was somewhat a replication of her last and she would have a month to prepare. The suggestion that she take the same team was clear and Rey hoped that her anxieties were unfounded.

Once the meeting finally adjourned, Poe noticed the worried expression on Rey's face, so approached her with a bright smile.

'Congratulations, I am now officially one of your commanding officers,' Poe began.

Rey met his eyes and briefly smiled. 'I think I preferred being without a title.'

'You can't be a rogue agent forever,' he responded. 'You did your training this morning, didn't you? Let's get a late lunch.'

'A very late lunch, don't you mean?'

Poe waved her words away and started towards the mess hall.

Once they were seated, Poe looked at Rey squarely and put his fork down. 'Finn told you about Jess, didn't he? You'll tell me, right?'

Rey couldn't help herself and despite putting a hand over her mouth, she burst out laughing and didn't say a word, shaking her head as she laughed.

The rest of their meal continued in a similar fashion of Poe practically begging Rey for answers and her denying knowing anything of consequence. Even if it did not cool her anxieties, it made her forget them for a brief time.

* * *

 **Thanks for reading ;D**


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22**

* * *

Luke stood in front of Rey with his hands tucked into the sleeves of his cloak and he waited as her hand sat on the hilt of her Lightsaber. He didn't count down and Rey had a millisecond to react to him drawing his own blade and coming at her with it. Rey immediately put hers into the single blade function and parried and then spun out of the way, avoiding a slash.

He was more aggressive than he had been on both Ahch-To and on D'Qar so far, so the intensity with which he attacked Rey set her off balance for a moment, before she concentrated her thoughts on besting her master.

Rey could say she was happy with her progress. Luke had taught her up to Form VI, despite it being the form he used the least. It supported much of her own skills in wielding her staff and he commended her ability and her decision to create a Lightsaber which had both single and dual blade capabilities. Rey only had perfecting her Lightsaber form left and despite wishing it would happen quickly, she knew that it would be years until she would.

Luke swiftly changed the direction of his strikes and Rey lost her balance, cursing at herself as his Lightsaber skimmed the wraps on her left arm.

'Your concentration on your surroundings needs to be just as strong as on me, Rey.' Luke said lowly, going on the attack again.

Rey pushed away from her master and he jumped at her, slashing down. She blocked the blade, her leg sliding out, tripping him and causing him to land and tumble away. She almost had the opportunity to strike him, but narrowly missed.

Luke lifted his hand mid-attack and a boulder which had sat behind them, came hurtling at Rey. Rather than use the Force against it, she split it in two with her weapon and Force-pushed Luke so that he had to flip backwards.

She attacked him again and caught the edge of his tunic and landed a kick against Luke's chest, which launched him several metres backwards.

He smiled when he regained his balance and went back on the attack, not letting up in his manoeuvres against Rey until their clothes were soaked in sweat and neither could manifest the Force in usefully powerful attacks.

Luke handed Rey her canteen of water and she emptied it in seconds as her master watched her with a smirk. 'You've developed some very interesting strategies, Rey. I'm looking forward to what you come up with when the double-ended blade becomes your mode of choice.'

'I'll be sure to best you within five minutes when that happens, master,' she grinned.

He mimicked her expression, shaking his head lightly. 'Aren't we confident today? I've got a lot of years on you yet, Padawan.'

Rey smiled and bowed to her master, thanking him for his training. He let her go then and as Rey walked away, she turned to see her master sit on one of the remaining boulders, looking out at the jungle with a pensive expression.

There were only a few days left until the mission and Rey was trying to cram as much information about Lothal and the logistics of the operation into her head as possible. By the number of questions she had asked Leia, Captain Cypress and Poe, they were probably very aware of her anxieties. Rey couldn't say she enjoyed being a captain now. Before, she could consider herself a civilian, but now the lower ranks greeted her with salutes and Rey preferred that they didn't.

Her team treated her the same, thankfully. Takada was as dire as usual with his poorly timed jokes and Delina continued to give her the cold shoulder. Rey had thought that after tying up her burnt fingers they would have grown closer, but that had not been the case.

Rey honestly would have preferred if the others didn't have to put themselves in danger this time. For all they knew, the First Order could be preparing for an ambush and they only had stealth and blasters to help them escape. The anxiety she had felt when they had come back from Abafar, though diminished, was still present.

The illusion she had seen as she had slept worried her the most. Rey knew that she could block the images now, yet the fact that it was her anxiety and fear creating them, frustrated her. It was the second time she had create an illusion and both times they had been so horribly violent and she had believed they were real. In those illusions, darkness had been able to take a hold on her mind. Perhaps if Luke had not sensed her and if she had not woken up, she would have descended further into her own imagination. Though the image of Ben plunging the Lightsaber into her stomach could not be easily forgotten, she no longer believed it held any ground in reality. In the first illusion, Ben had been her saviour. The real Ben, her Ben. Even though Rey wanted to deny it and believed she could, darkness was still a lingering spirit in her mind, imagined into a form that at least existed in her head, and it was trying to breakdown her hope. Whether it was because of her connection with Ben, or because she was still untrained, Rey wasn't sure. What she could be sure of was that her own fears were mirroring inside of her and that if she was not sure enough in herself, her progress would be cut off at the root. She was compromising herself by thinking these horrific imaginations into existence, and frightening and convincing herself that something horrible would happen to her and those she loved.

As she walked, Rey tried to reach out as far as she could with the Force. When she'd been on Ahch-To it had been simpler to do so. Just closing her eyes and she could reach the atmosphere, but it was so much harder now. It felt like she was weighted down and the Force wasn't as clear to her as she would have liked. Rey wondered whether it was her lack of dreams and the illusion-blocking meditation that was stopping her from properly seeing or feeling the slight movements in the Force and she wondered whether it would have been better if she had stopped meditating and allowed the dreams to happen. It only took a few more thoughts to realise she was deceiving herself, however, knowing that truly she had just wanted to see Ben and her trepidation when it came to allowing the dreams, was mostly immoral.

As the days had passed and turned to weeks, she had felt her yearning break through into her waking moments, though she could not sense Ben's. It made her think that perhaps it had all been her own deception, that he did not need her, that he did not call out to her. Could he not feel her heart at all and if he did, how could he so easily hide himself and deceive her? All Rey could feel was his presence in that corner of her mind, like a gentle prod of a finger against her temple. Sometimes it felt as if she had imagined it all, with nothing but that connection there to prove everything that had passed in their dreams.

Rey continued on, making her way to General Organa's ready room and she knocked lightly before entering. Leia looked up at the young woman with a smile and gestured to the seat beside her. Once she had sat down, Leia took Rey's hand and squeezed it tightly.

'I know you are worrying. Hell, I can even feel your worry,' Leia began with a smile. 'Though I have faith you'll be just fine.'

'Perhaps you should have left me without a title,' Rey responded, her voice low and a slight frown marring her lips. 'I don't think I deserve it yet.'

Leia smiled and leaned forward, putting a hand against Rey's cheek. 'You have done more than prove that you deserve it, Rey. We all have faith in you, we know your skills, we know what you're capable of.'

Rey nodded and breathed out heavily.

'Now, to give you a final walkthrough before the mission.' Leia sat back, letting go of Rey's cheek and her hand and she picked up a datapad, handing it to Rey. 'You will be landing about one hundred miles from the target point, just outside of the city of Jalath. Yourself and Captain Cypress will lead the transporter ships at a low altitude towards the villages to minimise the chances of detection. Once there, Captain Cypress will begin the evacuation process and you will continue on to the facility.

'Captain Cypress has been doing simulations for the last few weeks to figure out the most efficient method and he has got full evacuation down to forty minutes. This means that you'll have forty minutes until the charges need to be blown. As you see on the datapad, the facility is about 20 miles from the villages. The specs of the Lothal facility show it has a large processing plant in the back and the storage facility faces North. I want the team to blow the stock the First Order have accumulated in the storage facility, but for you to sabotage the plant itself.'

Rey flicked through the schematics, seeing the technology the First Order had installed in the facility and then she paused, seeing machinery that seemed at least thirty years old.

'Are these the correct schematics?' Rey questioned, her brow furrowing.

Leia frowned lightly. 'We've been unable to get updated schematics on the facility and we are using the plans from when the Empire held ownership over the agricultural plant. The people we've had placed in the nearby villages have kept us up to date as much as they can with the general structure, but what is inside, we no longer can be one hundred percent sure about.'

Rey nodded, understanding and being somewhat relieved. As long as the storage hold was where it should be, that was the most important. She could improvise with the plant room if necessary.

'When the explosives are set off, we'll use that distraction to launch the evacuation shuttles and Poe will conduct sky defence, so any incoming TIE-fighters or other First Order ships will be held at bay.' Leia took the datapad from Rey and typed in a few things before giving it back to her. 'You'll be taking the same cargo ship as last time, though naturally because of the terrain, it will be much easier to stay incognito on Lothal than on Abafar. It will be best to leave the planet at the same time as the evacuation is taking place, so I advise organising the logistics of that with your team.

'You'll have open lines of communication with Captain Cypress and Commander Dameron, so if there are any issues, you can consult with them on a solution. Do you have any questions?'

Rey searched her mind for questions as she looked over the resources they would have to their disposal on the mission. There were more explosives and weaponry listed than for the Abafar mission. It was clear that if necessary, everyone would be prepared for open combat if it came down to it.

'I will speak with my team and if they have any questions, I will relay them back to you.' Rey responded, giving the datapad back to Leia. 'There are no expected convoys to Lothal by the First Order, are there?' she questioned, though knew the answer was in the negative.

Leia shook her head. 'It's not on the top list of locations to visit for much of the First Order fleet. The stock is exported directly to fill First Order reserves, though we have yet to find out what location that is.'

'And what of the evacuees? Where will they be taken?' she asked.

'For those who wish to stay and fight, they are welcome to, and for those who do not, we will relocate them to other smaller Resistance strongholds in need of hands, without fighting.'

Rey nodded and took a deep breath before standing. 'I will make my preparations,' she bowed her head and once Leia dismissed her, she left.

Rey couldn't say why, but she was ultimately drawn towards seeing her Master again and when she sensed him in his quarters, she knocked lightly on the door and waited for him to open it.

He smiled seeing her and welcomed her in, already moving to prepare a pot of tea.

'Are you already looking to train again?' he questioned with a smirk.

Rey chuckled and shook her head, sitting cross-legged at the small floor table that Luke had in his room. Her Master seemed to fiddle around for a while as the water boiled and he came back with a brown package and handed it to her as he went to prepare the tea.

'What is it?' she questioned.

'Just open it.' He answered.

She raised an eyebrow but started to untie the small string that held the packaging together and opened the paper to reveal clothing. There was a thick dark brown sleeveless tunic with leather fastenings, grey tabards and loose beige trousers, much like the ones that Luke wore. She pulled the items out, unfolding them and holding them in her hands. When she looked at Luke, he was bringing over two cups.

'What are these?' she questioned.

Luke smiled. 'I wanted to give you something and I thought combat gear would be appropriate,' he responded simply, then gestured to the packaging with the lifting of his chin.

Rey looked down again and saw that she had missed the last item: A deep maroon leather belt, fit with a holder for her staff, a detachable gun holster and a leather tie at the back to tie a water canteen or another blaster to her.

She felt her tears before she could respond to Luke and he only chuckled as he watched her swiftly wipe at her cheeks.

'Thank you Master.'

Luke smiled and put the cup of tea in her hands and he began to drink his own. 'To mark your first mission as an official member of the Resistance…and for a potentially missed birthday.'

Rey couldn't help laughing and wiped the remaining tears away as she sipped at the hot drink. 'Shall I mark today as my birthday from now on?' she questioned.

'If you like, though your friends will not be happy about the suddenness.'

She shook her head with mirth and her fingers glanced across the material of her new clothes. It was the first gift she ever remembered receiving and Rey couldn't say she was anything but happy and thankful to her master.

Once they had gotten through the tea, Rey bid her master adieu and she held her clothing tight to her chest, rushing back to her room to put it away, knowing that she would wear it for her mission. It was the first moment where she felt like she could avoid that corner of her mind that held Ben without qualms, that she would be fine if she never saw Ben again. The love of her friends could fill her.

* * *

 **Thanks for reading**


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23**

* * *

Rey woke up earlier than she had anticipated. She'd set her alarm to go off at 6AM, yet she was wide awake at 5, just staring at the plain walls of her room. Her nerves came back, rattling her somewhat, so Rey distracted herself by working through the plan in her head:

First, they will land near to the villages and the team will travel to the First Order plant at a low altitude. Once there, the team will infiltrate the stock and Rey will sabotage the plant room. When Captain Cypress gives the order, they will blow the charges and escape the planet, Poe giving air coverage as they go.

Rey rubbed her face several times before sitting up and sliding off her cot, deciding to jog on the spot for several seconds before sitting on the solid ground, preparing herself for meditation. Rey fell into the habit easily, thankful that months of training had knocked out any difficulties with falling into the state.

When she finally opened her eyes again, it was because there was a knock on her door and Delina was looking inside. 'I've been told to collect you,' the younger woman murmured.

Rey nodded and Delina closed the door as Rey prepared to dress. She removed her sleep wear and glanced in the mirror attached to the wall across from her cot. Her shoulder length hair was loose and she considered tying it up in the usual three buns, but decided on one, intending to just move her fringe from out of her face.

Her hand slipped against the fabric of her new clothes and she smiled as she unfolded them, first putting on the trousers, then the tunic and the tabards. She'd already attached her Lightsaber staff to her belt and she easily attached it to her waist and carefully adjusted everything in the mirror.

She looked different. At least she believed she did in new clothes and without all her hair tied up. Rey truthfully wanted to feel different. Every day she got closer to being a fully-fledged Jedi and now that she had a place, not only with the Resistance, but within a tightknit group of people, she wanted to be different. A part of Rey wanted that difference to descend into every facet of her being. To the extent that she'd be someone who felt nothing for Ben Solo, that he was just another enemy to fight.

Rey wasn't foolish, though. Even as she adjusted her belt in the mirror and pulled on her boots, she could feel him pressing delicately at her mind, Ben likely sensing the excitement in her heart. The gentle prodding was an addictive feeling that she could probably easily fall into. Rey could imagine being preoccupied by the connection all day, tentatively pressing against it, trying to figure it out and trying to feel more of Ben than she did now. She knew he could, why couldn't she?

Just as she was about to leave, Rey looked about her room and questioned her surroundings. Her eyes stopped on the Skywalker Lightsaber which lay atop a small cabinet and she felt automatically drawn to it. As she put her hand against the hilt, she could feel the light pulsing of the crystals inside and she found herself grabbing it and attaching it to the holder at the back of her belt. It couldn't have been a terrible idea to carry a spare, she thought. The fact that it had helped her in a time of need was not lost on her and she thought imagining it as the presence of her master was calming.

Before Delina knocked again, Rey opened the door and slipped through, allowing the younger girl to lead her outside.

The ships were all being loaded and fuelled and most of the base was outside preparing, even if they weren't being involved in the mission.

Rey found herself slip in between Jess and Finn who were talking about Loth-cats. Jess seemed to want one as a pet and Finn didn't think it was a great idea. Rey was honestly rather thankful that Finn had decided against going on this mission and she felt that at least she only had to worry about Jess and Poe, who were far more capable than even she was.

Rey looked up just as Nadiya waved at her and she hurried over to her team, who were decked out in a lot of weaponry. It seemed that the shuttle had already been loaded and all they had to do was wait for orders. Boril handed her a blaster pistol without a word and Rey nodded her thanks as she tucked it into the detachable holster hanging from her belt.

'You're all decked out now, we shouldn't have any problems,' Takada commented, seeing the second Lightsaber at her back and her new outfit.

Rey smiled. 'Let's call it my amulet of good luck. Can't help to have a backup either.'

'I wouldn't mind getting my hands on one,' Jorr said with his arms folded.

'There's not supposed to be any hand combat for us, Jorr, or have you forgotten?' Nadiya said.

He blinked and waved her away. 'Sometimes it is unavoidable.'

Rey chuckled and then felt the weight of silence as the senior officials exited the base and stood together on the tarmac. Poe caught her eye almost immediately and sent her a wink and Leia gestured for her to come over.

Once she was in the middle with them all, standing beside Captain Cypress, Leia began to speak.

'Now we've worked through this plan several times already. Use your communicators, more so if necessary and keep everything in time. We don't know how long it will take the First Order to react to our actions and therefore we want to be in and out before they bring any war ships in.'

Admiral Ackbar seemed to be nodding enthusiastically at that. 'Let me rest for once,' he murmured.

'You all know the go signals, so keep us and each other informed, understood?'

They all nodded. 'Yes ma'am,' was said in unison and they all began to break apart, going to their respective ships.

Rey felt a hand on her shoulder and it was Poe with a wide smile on his face. 'I'll be watching Captain, so keep sharp.'

She saluted him with a grin and nodded.

As everyone began to board the ships, Rey looked around the freeing space for her master, hoping to see him before they set off. He was standing to the side with Finn, a small smile on his face as he stood with his hands in his sleeves. He seemed to be smiling at Rey's new ensemble and she hurried over to him, a beaming smile on her face.

'It suits you,' he began.

'I'll make sure to make you proud, master.'

He nodded. 'I expect nothing less.'

'Try not to ruin your new clothes,' Finn said simply, looking at his fingernails as he said it.

Rey narrowed her eyes at him, hoping he hadn't jinxed her, and she hugged them both quickly, before hurrying over to the shuttle and running up the ramp after her team. Sorting through the plan again, she sat down in the co-pilots chair and prepared for Jorr to take off.

 **XxX**

The landing was smooth as Rey had expected. They had touched down on one of the planet's expanses of semi-arid savanna and it allowed for some cover for the ship among the grass and spiny trees. It was quite different from the marsh lands that had surrounded the villages where Captain Cypress and his evacuation team had set down on, despite the distance being a mere twenty miles.

The one hundred miles they'd travelled at low altitude had been somewhat helpful in seeing the landscape of Lothal and the various terrains that were condensed into small areas. They'd even passed a small mountain range as they flew.

Rey closed her eyes briefly as she heard the others unbuckling and got up, her hand falling casually on her Lightsaber and she followed several of the others out of the ship and onto the hard dirt.

She had to will her hands not to tremble for what felt like the first time in her life. Even the remarks of her team in her ears, and Captain Cypress and Poe at her hip, did not help stop the shaking. They did their best to hide the ship among the fauna and got set to quickly get to the facility, which sat a mile away from their landing spot.

They began their hike, Rey particularly aware of their surroundings as they walked. She tried to close her eyes to sense where not only her friends were, but where her enemies may be. It helped calm her nerves by concentrating on something.

The bond between herself and Ben, which had settled mostly to a low hum since she had arrived on D'Qar, felt almost numb and strangely she felt that numbness in her heart. Rey was embarrassed to think about it, imagining that she missed him, or worse, that she was heartbroken. She wasn't well versed in love to even begin to contemplate what she could be feeling, thinking it was something emotional rather than physical or Force-related. It had been weeks since she had felt something so poignantly, and she was annoyed that it would happen now, of all times.

Rey willed the Force to fill her as they hiked, to drown out extraneous senses and feelings, so she would be able to focus better.

They approached an incline and the six of them stopped at its precipice, peering over the top towards the facility. Whilst the land had been mostly arid as they walked, the facility was surrounded by less dry conditions and the dust and dried grass that filled the area with a yellow film, dissipated from the air. The facility itself was bustling with guards and Stormtroopers alike, much more than they had expected to be there. Rey counted at least ten on each entrance, of which there were five and she bit down on her lip, considering a new strategy.

'I think it's better for me to go in alone,' she murmured to the group.

There were sounds of protest and she glanced between them all. 'Any other suggestions?'

Nadiya spoke up and readjusted her blaster in its holster. 'You could be a diversion. It would be quicker if us five could set the charges, and they'd be more likely to mobilise if they knew it was you.'

Rey looked back at the guards patrolling and then at Nadiya again. 'I'm just worried that they'll figure out our plan if they see me. I wouldn't just randomly be here, would I?'

The others seemed to understand that and they were silent for a moment, before the radio went off and Rey took it from her side, hearing Captain Cypress over the line.

'Captain, we've just received intel that there may be several villagers imprisoned within the facility. If team two see an opening for extraction, you have the authority, over.'

Rey's eyebrows furrowed and she clicked the radio on transmission. 'Roger that, Captain, is there any intel on why they would be keeping prisoners? Over.'

She glanced at Takada, who was clicking the safety on and off his blaster. Rey wasn't blind to his nerves, nor to the others, who tried to keep as still and silent as possible.

'It's not clear yet, but there is a suggestion that they are the skilled labourers from several villages. Their last known location was on transit to the facility. If they _are_ held, it is likely that they were placed in a makeshift holding chamber. Over.'

'Roger that Captain,' Rey responded, clipping the radio to her hip again and looking to her team.

Takada spoke up first, putting his blaster away. 'So we have to get through fifty Stormtroopers patrolling the outside, set the charges and find the prisoners?' His sarcastic tone filled with frustration.

'The five of you will concentrate on setting the charges and attracting as little attention as possible. I will distract the Stormtroopers without giving away my identity and I'll try and deal with as many as possible. When I gain access to the facility, I'll look for the prisoners because it will be faster if I do it.'

'Then what?' Delina started. 'Will you just lead them all out on your own?'

Rey felt her hand gravitate toward her Lightsaber. 'We have to confirm first and if I have them, we'll swap. I'll blow the charges and you will escort the prisoners out. Remember I still have to find the processing plant and sabotage that too. If I don't radio to you, leave without me and blow the charges within 15 minutes of you setting them. Do you all understand?'

They nodded, however reluctantly. It was foolish to rely so heavily on Rey being able to have the upper hand of the Stormtroopers and the others thought it was a death wish to try and find prisoners too. Even if it was the right thing to do, it would be a waste for them to die trying.

Rey looked out over the incline again and pointed towards a loosely guarded entrance. 'That's the best way to enter. I'll distract the guards and pull them towards the west side of the facility.'

'You'll need this,' Jorr said, removing his backpack carrying some of charges from his shoulder and handing it to Rey.

She nodded with a brief smile and pulled it onto her back. 'Be careful, I know you all have much more experience in missions than I do, but there's something about the amount of personnel that tells me we might not know everything about this facility.'

'You be safe too,' Nadiya said, reaching out to take Rey's hand. 'You've only just been made a Captain.'

Rey smiled and squeezed her hand. 'Make sure you guys blow the charges like last time.'

The five of them nodded and Rey stood, slipping over the edge and descending the hill with speed, trying to avoid being seen until she had reached the base. She decided on knocking out as many Stormtroopers as possible before she reached the building itself and there she would begin the racket.

As she ran towards the first grouping, she sensed the others moving out too and Rey removed her blaster, running at the Stormtroopers and shooting several before they could shoot their own weapons. The sound of blaster bolts and the shouts of some of the troopers led to more arriving and Rey did her best to shoot at them and guide their shots away from her without them realising she was doing so. She shouted as loudly as possible as she did so.

Rey began to make her way to the furthest entrance from the one that her team was going towards, shooting at the door control and running in to get away from the hail of blaster bolts. Several had grazed her, but they did not faze her.

She ran down the hall way, spraying her blaster and ducking behind consoles. It seemed that a majority of the Stormtroopers had been alerted to her presence and Rey could sense more of their footsteps and so she continued to move through the facility, trying to avoid being attacked by too many at a time and all the while looking for some sort of prison as well as the processing plant.

The processing plant came first. It didn't have a door and it was just a giant room off a hallway. There were workers milling around and Rey slipped inside, ducking under one of the large machines to hide as she went about looking for a flaw. The machinery was old and it wasn't hard to find small rust spots or fissures which should have been looked at. She jostled the metal, breaking pieces apart and removed nuts and bolts as quickly as she could, counting down how long she had been inside as she went. When she deemed her sabotage good enough, she set the bag of charges in a small feeding compartment for the unprocessed grain and then slipped out of the plant.

'It's done,' she murmured through the radio as she broke off into a run again. 'I'll tell you if I find any prisoners. Over.'

'Roger that Captain,' Jorr sounded in reply.

As Rey rounded a corner, she paused. It was as if the atmosphere had changed completely and she knew something was different. Her fingers touched the cool metal walls and she felt them vibrate lightly. A large transport was landing, she was sure of it. It could only be more First Order Stormtroopers.

Rey considered taking her Lightsaber out, but she continued running, putting the majority of her energy into sensing for the possible prisoners. She almost tripped when she felt him then. It was like his Force signature was calling out to her making her heart skip and her head begin to throb.

He was here. Why was he here?

Then there was an explosion.

Rey glanced at the time, noting that they were early, incredibly early. The explosions shouldn't have happened now.

'Captain Rey, do you copy?'

Her radio went off and she clicked the transmission. 'I copy. What's happening out there, Cypress?'

There was another explosion that shook the facility and then Rey was knocked off her feet as the wall behind her exploded inward. She held a hand out in front of her, narrowly avoiding getting hit with shrapnel.

'They've sent in a convoy of First Order soldiers, our transports are still evacuating villagers, and Poe's leading Blue squadron on a strike. You've got to get out of there as soon as possible.' Captain Cypress responded.

Rey wiped soot from her face and looked around her and saw scrambling Stormtroopers, seeming as if they were redirecting their efforts from chasing her. 'What about the prisoners?' Sirens began ringing and Rey imagined that the workers were being evacuated.

There was a pause as the transmission line remained silent and then Cypress breathed out. 'If you can get them, get them, if not, come out. Jorr has just told us he blew the charges early. There's something we're missing here.'

'Understood.' Rey responded.

She couldn't think for a moment. He was here. Why was he here? Could he feel her too? Rey took her Lightsaber from her waist and flicked the button on for one blade and began running, seeking the prisoners. They would surely be surrounded by guards, wouldn't they?

Her feet led her down through entryways as her mind concentrated on finding them, her body defending her against onslaught after onslaught. It was messy, she was messy. Her energy was being exerted on sensing out for distress, and her body slashed and blocked without the help of the Force. She continued still, trying to ignore the fact that she knew Ben was here on Lothal.

There was nothing, though. There was no grouping of life forms and Rey sensed she had ran the scope of what was left of the facility. It frightened her that she could be missing something and she feared that perhaps she wasn't as attuned to the Force as she thought she was. The connection that she felt had been affected the last few weeks was her biggest obstacle now. There had to be something else here that was important. Ben was here. If he was here, perhaps Snoke or the Knights of Ren were here and Rey couldn't just let them go.

The bond seemed to fidget in her chest; feeling his proximity and yearning to reach out to him. Rey wanted to follow it, but she couldn't be blind to what was happening around her, to the utter destruction taking place on Lothal: The sound of TIE fighters against X-wings was not lost on her, nor was the constant shuddering as machinery continued to explode throughout the facility. Soon enough the charges that she had left in the processing plant would reach the end of their twenty-minute timer.

Rey's Lightsaber was light in her hands, but her arms were beginning to feel heavy because of the prolonged fighting. Though Rey was utilising her training in Form III, useful especially against the Storm Troopers, she did not know what would happen when she reached the end of this run. Would she have the energy to defend any of the prisoners?

She held the Lightsaber out in front of her, the green glow illuminating the passage ahead of her and she sped up again, her ears quirking to hear anything other than the gun fire reverberating off the walls and the sound of X-wings in a battle overhead.

Rey paused mid-run when she felt a steady heartbeat along with a breath and she knew it was Ben. It felt as if he was right beside her. She hadn't considered before arriving in Lothal what it would be like to be close to him when their exchanges had been through their dreams. They could feel each other's emotions so easily at such a great distance, that now when they weren't even miles apart any longer, it was like they were two pieces in a puzzle.

 _Stay away._

 _I can't._

Powering down her Lightsaber, Rey leant against the stone wall and closed her eyes, pulling herself into a trance, not only to heal her sore muscles, but to reach out for Ben, to know where he was. It was like finding a pulsing heartbeat, the closer she got, the more she could feel it; until she could feel his Force signature; until she was in his mind's eye. He wasn't happy and pushed at her, frustration colouring his thoughts.

Rey pulled back, opening her eyes and her hands tightened on the hilt of her Lightsaber. The blades erupted from the emitter and she trudged forward, following her instinct, determined that she would get to him and face the enemy that lay before her.

As she moved through the building, her steps took on a light jog until she neared a large metal door, sealed shut from the outside. Her fingers glanced across the weld and she lifted her Lightsaber to it, forcing the blade into the metal of the door and using all her strength to rip through it, melting the metal and allowing the door to swing open.

She stepped through, wondering what the dark chamber held but she could feel nothing. The room was devoid of the Force altogether and it made goosebumps form on her arms as she walked through it.

'You have made a grave error.'

The reptilian voice was unfamiliar to Rey and she ultimately stepped back, holding her Lightsaber out in defence, trying to channel her Force abilities into strengthening her sight in the dark. Several moments passed and she made out a figure in front of her, dressed in black. They wore a helmet and Rey sensed they did not wield a Lightsaber, but saw the hilts of two blades, poking from over the person's shoulders.

'Do you wish to fight me?' Rey questioned, analysing her location as her eyes warmed to the darkness.

'No.' It was a woman, Rey was sure of it. 'I wish to kill you.'

Rey almost missed it. The second in which the creature had both thrown a knife at her and unsheathed two vibro-swords, immediately attacking Rey. The speed in which she had knocked Rey for a moment meant only her use of the Force was quick enough to stop the knife before it tore through her chest. The swords were dealt with a split second later, when Rey brought her Lightsaber staff up above her to defend against the downward attack.

She hopped back then, holding herself in a defensive stance as she analysed her opponent.

By the helmet that donned her head and the cloak she wore, Rey could only guess she was a Knight of Ren and she could not dwell on why the Knight was sealed away in a chamber.

The woman ran at Rey again, her movements wild and her swords swinging simultaneously, not ceasing. Rey was immediately reminded of her master's moves when he had taught her Form IV. Every move bled into another until the speed and fluidity in which she did it seemed beyond human comprehension.

'Will you just defend yourself and not fight?' the knight questioned, thrashing at Rey with the two swords held high.

Rey defended herself, keeping her Lightsaber always in front and above her, facing the woman side on. She tried to read the patterns in her fighting style, though Rey was not quite adept at Battle Precognition just yet and she relied on her senses as she tried to tap into the mind of the knight.

'Your tricks won't work on me,' she mocked as a stray sword went low, causing Rey to jump and rebalance herself across the room. 'I'm not so pathetic.'

The young Jedi grit her teeth together, solidifying her stance. The door still remained open behind her, though Rey was under the impression that by opening the door, she had unleashed something meant to be trapped.

'Yet you were welded into this chamber?' Rey questioned. The knight swung at her again and she deflected the blow with a swing of her staff and Force pushed the woman back. Just because she couldn't use a mind trick on her, didn't mean she couldn't use the telekinetic elements of the Force.

The knight screamed and her fighting grew more intense and Rey's eyes, now accustomed to the darkness and with the help of the light of her blades, saw deep etchings on the walls. The woman had fought the solid metal and Rey was surprised her blades were still intact.

'If you were kept here against your will then I am not your enemy.'

Rey stopped, flinging her hand out in front of her to leave a trail of flames that separated her from the knight. She still had her Lightsaber powered, though she stood in a passive stance, her Lightsaber held to her side.

'Everyone is my enemy,' the woman spat out. She took her helmet off then and behind the tattoos that covered the lower half of her face, her green skin seemed pale. Even the black of her hair looked dull and Rey frowned when she threw the helmet at the wall. The sun-shaped tattoos beneath her eyes, the small triangles that dotted her chin and the geometric lines that led from her ears to her mouth looked familiar to Rey.

There was a brief twinge of fear in her mind as she looked at the Mirialan and Rey realised it was Ben, his defences slipping and he was feeling out for her, his uncertainty filling her mind. It distracted Rey momentarily, enough that she was a millisecond too slow and her staff only defended her against one blade, whilst the other sliced through the skin and muscle of her stomach.

Rey parried still, working through the pain and trying to avoid Ben's rage and fear bursting through her and she struck at the Mirialan, deciding to attack despite having reservations about who this woman was in the first place.

The fire was dissipating, so Rey bled the Force into it, feeling it roar as it grew, encompassing much of the room. The Mirialan screamed and Rey felt a flash of pain from her, as if her control over her emotions had grown lax for a moment.

Another knife flew at her and it skimmed Rey's fingers as she caught it. Throwing it to the side and twisting her staff in the air, she jumped and struck down at the knight. The vibroblades held against the force of the attack and Rey kicked the knight, knocking her to the floor briefly, before she had to jump backwards to avoid a haphazard attack.

The pain grew duller as Rey fought, though she could feel the heaviness of her clothing as it grew soaked with her blood. She needed to close the wound or she would lose more energy than necessary. It did not help that Ben's mind did not cool and as she fought closing him off, his own emotions threatened to pour themselves into her. The proximity was far more of a hindrance to her fighting than Rey expected.

She could feel her strikes grow heavy and she pushed at him, begging him to contain himself. It was difficult fighting two opponents on two fronts and she messed up her footwork at her lack of concentration, the Mirialan able to land a blow with her elbow to Rey's chest, winding her and possibly cracking a rib, leaving Rey to take a knee.

The woman cackled and Rey felt herself reach out with her hand, her Lightsaber dropping to the floor and looking without reserve at the knight. Her hands went to her throat as she struggled to breathe and Rey squeezed tighter. Even as she stood, her anger did not pass and the woman was led to the closest wall, Rey lifting her higher as red filled her mind.

 _No Rey. This is not the way._

Rey froze at Luke's voice in her mind and the loss of concentration led to the Mirialan dropping unconscious to the ground. It wasn't him, it couldn't have been him. He was too far. Despite still hearing her heartbeat, Rey looked at her hands, them shaking as she realised what she had just done.

The pain in her chest and stomach snapped her from her conflicts and she knelt down again, closing her eyes to heal as best as she could. It was difficult at first, the Force stubborn or perhaps wary to give her access to the Light and Rey grew sombre.

Why had she choked her? Her master hadn't taught her to use such violence, so why had she gotten so angered out of pain and frustration?

Ben was still there, his fear overtaking his anger and Rey could sense him, closer still and she wanted to reach out to him, feel him close to her. All she wanted was for him in that moment to take her in his arms, for her to stay like that with him.

Rey stumbled up, reaching for her Lightsaber and powering one side up, holding it out in front of her as she stumbled through the facility again. Her wounds were not fully closed, blood covered her tunic and her chest still ached with broken ribs.

Panic rose in the bond and Rey wanted to scream for Ben to leave her be, to keep his emotions to himself.

'Captain, where are you?' the radio went off sharply.

It was Nadiya and her voice was tinged in worry. Rey hoped they were all okay.

'I'm still in the facility,' Rey responded.

'Forget the plan, you need to get out of there! The First Order are readying their cannons to destroy the facility. General Organa thinks they are preparing to bury something.'

Rey bit her lip, frustrated. She had to run to wherever the nearest exit was and the minutes dwindled.

She bent down, taking a breath and then took off into a run, trying to avoid any fire from Stormtroopers that remained, taking a few scrapes as she went. There was an opening that she could see sunlight coming through and she ran for it, attaching her Lightsaber back to her holster. As she ran, the whole facility began to shake and as she beelined for the exit, she was propelled forward, being thrown through the entry way and being hit with debris from the explosion.

As the ringing in her ears settled, Rey turned over, trying to open her eyes, but feeling liquid slip across her face. She rubbed at her eye with the back of her hand, feeling the warm blood against her wrist. Her eye was beginning to swell and Rey touched her brow painfully.

Rey crawled, trying to speed up her healing as she knelt, so that she could do something more than drag herself across the hard dirt. Her head felt swollen with the pulsating thrum of Ben's fear and it tipped her over, until as she tried to stand, she felt her legs give way and darkness descend upon her.

* * *

 **Thanks for reading. This was a gift for the last 2 short chapters :)**


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24**

* * *

Rey blinked awake, the pain of her swollen eye apparent as she tried to get accustomed to the bright sunlight. The air was crisp and the sky still the same greyish-blue since she had last looked at it. How long had she been unconscious? Rey felt around herself, feeling dry earth and grass slip through her fingers and she slowly sat up, squinting. She couldn't have been out for long, as she felt nothing but pain.

As she looked around her surroundings, she was wrought with confusion. This had not been where she had collapsed, that place had been full of ash and fire. Here, there wasn't even a sound. Turning around, Rey could see the smoke and fire coming from the facility at least ten miles away. There was pale yellow grass around her and it looked to be on the edge of a small patch of forest. She seemed to be on the opposite side from where she had originally come from and the distant gurgling of flowing water confirmed that. How had she gotten so far away?

Her arms were tired and heavy and her chest still ached with broken ribs, though the slash across her stomach seemed to have stopped bleeding. She felt for it, pushing away the material at her stomach and seeing the wound, still half-open, cut cleanly. She must have had enough power to stop the bleeding but not to fully close the wound.

Rey crawled onto her knees and pushed herself up, trying to clear her head and sense something, anything. It seemed as if the fighting, at least at the facility, had stopped, and she looked to the sky wondering if they were still in battle in the air.

'It's over.'

Rey turned immediately to the familiar voice, finding Ben standing behind her, dressed in black, in everything other than his helmet and dark leather gloves. He was glowering, his hands squeezed tightly into fists at his side.

She didn't know what to say. What to do. Rey hadn't even sensed him so close to her and now he was right in front of her in the flesh, a few steps away. She wanted to reach out and touch him, to feel his warm skin on her finger tips.

'What do you mean it's over?' Rey questioned, her throat dry and her voice weak.

His eyes seemed to waver as he looked at her, at the arm that was clutched against her stomach and at the dirt and blood that covered her.

'Congratulations. The base was destroyed and Malikeen was freed from her prison. With minimal casualties, the Resistance have set back the First Order by several weeks, but unfortunately lost contact with one Lightsaber-wielding captain.' Ben spoke. His tone was cold and Rey felt the chill in her veins as she watched his expression.

Rey reached for the radio at her hip and found that it was not attached to her any longer. Ben then went within his cloak and pulled the small device from it. She almost reached for it, but he crushed the machine in his fist and then removed his Lightsaber from its holder, igniting it.

'Ben. What are you doing?'

He seemed to flinch at his name and he swallowed, steeling his glare further, twisting his wrist as he held his Lightsaber.

'I am following orders.'

She resisted stepping back. He wouldn't do anything to hurt her, she knew that much. At least that's how she felt when she looked at him and felt his heart beat with hers.

'So your orders were to save me from dying in that fire? You have finally decided to stop running from me,' Rey murmured, finding it painful to look up at Ben through her swollen eye. Her hand touched her brow and she felt the dried, sticky blood. Looking at her hands, they were covered in scrapes and she folded them into fists, meeting Ben's eyes.

Ben looked at the sky, his hand tightening on his hideous and vicious Lightsaber. He did not power it down. He had not done what she had asked. What she had begged. He had remained with his master, hiding his emotions and lying to himself.

'Have you really no control over your thoughts and emotions?' she questioned, remembering how his fear had almost gotten her killed. The distraction had been enough for her to get a slash across her stomach.

'Can you not block me out?' he asked back, his Lightsaber screeching beside him.

Rey looked at the blade and then back to Ben and she stepped forward, waiting for him to raise the weapon at her.

'Have you really not reconsidered?' She stepped toward him again and Ben noticed, looking at her with wavering eyes.

He did not respond and he could only watch as Rey completely closed the distance between them and her hand reached to his free hand and she held it tightly in hers. When he didn't move, her other hand reached to his face, her thumb grazing his cheek as she looked up at him.

Involuntarily he closed his eyes and he felt Rey take the Lightsaber from his hands and when she powered it down, he heard it whip through the air as she threw it. He was ready to open his eyes and be filled with anger, but then the cold handle of a Lightsaber slid against his palm and he looked down to see his grandfather's weapon.

'Come to me Ben,' Rey spoke softly, her hand still over his as he held the Lightsaber. 'We can be together.' She felt like she could be selfish at this moment, that she could forget that she had placed herself in a terrible situation.

'It's over Rey,' he murmured.

Rey shook her head and she met his eyes, her expression serious. 'It won't be over until one of us feels differently.' She paused and her hand reached his cheek again. 'You love me, don't you? Believe in me.'

 _Love_.

His expression darkened at the word and Rey felt her heart twist.

'I love you,' she whispered. 'If I don't accept that, then I can't continue.'

'You have made me weak. We might as well take our blades and end our lives ourselves.' Ben murmured, his tone laced with frustration.

'You have no faith.'

His eyes grew shadowed and he dropped the Skywalker Lightsaber, his hand covering Rey's hand over his cheek. 'Look into your heart, you know I am right.'

Rey looked determined then. 'Then at the very least if I am to die, then I will do what I was trained to do and I will bring you back and kill Snoke first. You will not stop me.'

'I must stop you.'

She was ready to strike him at his words, anger filling her, but as she pulled her hand back, Ben caught it and his forehead rested against hers as he held her tightly, his eyes closing. Rey could feel him reaching out to her, the Force wrapping itself around her as if it were his hands holding her against him. She could feel their hearts beating in sync and she could fill his love pour into her, threatening to drown her. It came with his anxiety and fear and he held her still as Rey felt his pain. Her hands wanted to push him away, but she let his emotions flow from him to her. In their dreams they hadn't been able to be like this, to feel so much of each other at once and Rey realised she didn't want to leave him. She wanted to feel this connection at every moment. Their dreams hadn't been enough.

'Don't do this, Ben.'

Rey opened her eyes and before Ben could pull away, knowing her intentions as soon as she thought them, she pressed their lips together.

He pulled her close, tight enough that her injuries shrieked, but Rey sank into him. Into the emotions that overflowed from both of them, leaving them floundering in pure passion and love. Soft lips and rough hands were all either of them knew and then desperate tongues, seeking something to quench that thirst within each other.

She wanted this and even if she had wished it, Rey could not hide that from Ben. It was clear in how her hands sought the belt and zip of his clothing, how she was impatient and Ben felt dragged into that frenzy. Their kisses alone were different in reality, filled with potency that neither had felt in that field of flowers.

Ben wanted to cry out in frustration. He wanted to pull Rey's hands away and make a distance between them. This couldn't happen, this shouldn't happen, yet he let her take him further into herself, Rey pulling him so tightly to her as if she wanted them to be one person. He wasn't blind to her pain, how she was so weak and doing this, them being like this was working her to her limit.

Rey's fingers had unlatched his Lightsaber belt and it clattered to the floor and then she had pulled at the zip of his tunic, her hands slipping into his clothing and then underneath his undershirt. Ben's hands were wary, however. He was on the edge of rejecting and accepting her, unable to do either.

He'd taken her from the facility because he didn't want anyone to find her unconscious and injured underneath the rubble. Ben didn't want her to be a prisoner he'd be forced to interrogate. He knew he would never be able to do it and that would be the end of them both. Yet he couldn't even do anything more than bring her here, knowing how badly injured she was but unable to heal her. She'd healed his wounds, regardless of how real they had been and he could not do the same for her.

All he could think about was how he had been so frightened when he sensed Malikeen and her rage, how he knew she had to have broken out and it could only have been Rey. The Mirialan was violent and dangerous, Snoke having chosen to lock her up rather than have her run riot across the galaxy. It was his fault too, that she'd been injured. He knew he had far more understanding and control over their connection than Rey did, especially when he could feel Rey reaching and yearning for him and he pushed her emotions away. She was always a distraction to him, at every waking moment, when he had to work so hard to hide his own feelings, especially when one mistake could make Snoke suspicious, yet he had selfishly distracted her, knowing she was less capable.

Ben had known she'd fallen unconscious and he had killed a half-dozen Stormtroopers before finding her, bleeding and bruised. He'd held her in his arms, not knowing what to do now that he had her, that she was real and clutched against his chest. If something worse had happened to her, what would he have done? What could he have done? Perhaps that is what had driven him to killing his own men, the absolute rage at being lost, at having a hole in his chest where she belonged. When he'd left her that day, in the forest of his dreams and he'd thought that he could end it for her, he had to have been wrong. If he truly could, he wouldn't be making her suffer, he would have just left it all behind.

She wouldn't wake up, no matter what he did. If it wasn't for the gentle thrumming of her pulse beneath his fingers, he might have panicked, but Rey was strong and he knew that much. Ben had ended up taking her on a speeder and getting her away from the facility, holding her in his arms and making sure that his eyes could always see her face. There had been no thought to where he had stopped, just that she was far enough to not be found by the First Order or the Resistance and as he watched her unconscious body, he considered it, just for a second; that he didn't have to go back. If it had lasted more than a second, perhaps he would have changed his mind, but it just left him cold and he felt his heart harden as he watched her stir. She didn't need him, she was better off without him.

Rey pulled away from him then, a hand moving from his side and to his cheek, making him meet her eyes and he avoided her gaze, he closed his eyes and Rey could see his jaw tighten. Rey felt her eyes well up and she held it in, but Ben could sense it and didn't have to open his eyes to see the tears which threatened to fall.

When he finally did, however, he pulled Rey's hand from his face and from his chest, zipped his tunic back up and picked up his belt and strapped it to his waist. Rey only watched him, on the cusp of tears and her fingers twitching, wanting to take his hand.

'You know I will not be able to hurt you,' he murmured, meeting her eyes.

Rey reached out to him again, but he stepped back and looked at the Lightsaber at his feet. It had been what he wanted, but not anymore. His hand flicked and the weapon flew from the ground to Rey's arms and he held his hand out, calling to his own. It came to him and he attached it to his belt, moving away from Rey without another word. He could feel her heart breaking, but he did not turn or say any more.

He considered it was better this way and he did not hide that fact

 **XxX**

Rey was alone. As Ben went further and further away until his Force signature was no longer on the planet, she stood where he had left her.

It wasn't that she had expected him to stay. Not completely. She wasn't so foolish to think he would, but it still hurt. A part of her had wanted him to take her with him, regardless of the probable consequences. Being with him, after everything, being so close to him had been everything. Why could he not just come to her? Come to the Light?

Eventually she had to kneel, her injuries getting the better of her and she looked to the patch of forest again. She had few supplies with her; an antiseptic salve, a few rations and a small canteen of water. It would have to be enough for at least one day.

Steeling herself again, Rey stood and made her way towards the woods, easing herself through the pain and trying to heal as she walked. Once she reached, she took a brief rest on a bend of a tree and closed her eyes to meditate and will her bones to heal. After the better part of an hour, she felt the looseness in her joints and the swelling on her eyebrow going down. Her ribs were bearable and the true soreness was in her connection to the Force. She'd reached her limit.

Rey began walking again, looking for shelter or water. She followed the trickle of a stream she'd heard earlier and followed her ears for a few miles before reaching the water. Rey removed her blood and dirt-stained clothing and began to clean them in the water, hoping what remained of the sunlight could dry it or if she had to, she could at least make a fire. She slipped into the cold water after removing her undergarments, quickly wiping away the blood and dirt from her skin and hair. As she looked at the wound against her stomach, though red and raw, it was sealed. However, she could still feel the frilly edge of the wound across her brow bone.

Once she got out of the water letting herself airdry, she applied the salve to her cuts and sat at the streams edge, nibbling at her few rations.

As the night came and it grew colder, Rey collected some firewood and started a fire manually and let the heat wrap around her. She let her clothing continue to dry beside the fire until she grew too cold and put her tunic back on, wrapping it around herself. She frowned at the slash against the stomach, though was relieved it was straight enough to easily be sewn back up.

Rey worked through what she would do once the sun had risen again, telling herself she would search for food and then a way off the planet. If she had considered that this could happen, she would have brought a map or more intel onto what this side of planet held. She decided that her best plan might be to go back to the facility and see if she could either build a makeshift radio or find an aircraft.

The quiet meant it was easy to fall into her thoughts of Ben. She could feel him still, at the peripheries, like the sound of pumping blood in her ears. His presence was constant and Rey wished it could comfort her, but she just felt her pained heart. What if he wouldn't come to her in the end?

She covered her face with her hands, closing her eyes and thinking.

Nothing good could come from him being in the presence of so much darkness. He'd said that Malikeen had been freed, that must have been the Knight that Rey had fought. Perhaps Rey had made a mistake in opening that door?

'The Force is the light,' Rey murmured to herself.

Ben had been wrong. Balance was the eradication of darkness, of all that was evil and it could come in many forms; in her lust, in her anger, but it couldn't claim ownership on those emotions. Rey saw it now and it was with frustration that she did.

Ben was so far away from her; how could she even possibly make him understand that?

Her love for him, even her lust for him wasn't inherently bad and his wasn't inherently good. It didn't even have to have a label if they truly wanted. Rey wanted to believe that above all Ben would do what was right in the end.

* * *

 **Thanks for reading.**

 **Are you happy now guys? Kylo is back...and then gone again.**


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25**

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Rey woke up with the sun, her arms wrapped tightly around her and facing the dying embers of the fire. Her body felt stiff, most likely a mix of being in such an awkward position for so long and the overworking of her muscles, both physical and Force-aligned.

Grabbing for her canteen, she took a long drink and finished the rations she had. She stood and kicked dirt over the fire embers, went to the stream, filling her canteen and prepared herself to go back to the facility.

It seemed without any kind of vehicle that it would be a half day's walk and so she began the long journey. Thankfully the planet was generally mild in weather and so her exhaustion would likely only come from her tired body. Rey knew that just that feeling of tiredness alone meant she was still not trained enough. A Jedi could surely recover in hours, not days after a battle of those proportions. Even if not from their wounds, at least from the aches.

The hours passed with Rey walking towards the facility, not seeing any change; not seeing ships, not seeing troops. She would be surprised if it was completely abandoned considering there was surely something left to salvage. Even so, she carried on, constantly aware of where both her Lightsaber and Luke's were.

Once she reached a mile from it, she put her hand against the weapon, ready to pull it and strike if necessary. The smell of ash and death was strong and Rey's nose scrunched as she continued on, quite disturbed by it. This was new to her and she couldn't lie about that. She couldn't say she was well seasoned in war or what it entailed.

Finding what remained of a southern entrance, she scrambled over rubble and climbed in, directing her search towards the hanger bay. She heard noises within the facility, but couldn't be sure whether it was the creaking of metal and stone breaking apart or the sound of others. Rey hurried her steps, not being comforted by the lack of life until she broke into a jog, wanting to get to the hanger quickly.

The door had caved in on itself. Crumpled under the weight of stone and metal and it took a lot of Rey's concentration and strength to cut through the door and hold the weight from falling until she went through.

Once she let go, it shrieked loudly and she hurried through to the wide, mostly open-to-the-air hangar. It was near empty, with destruction evident in every corner. Of the crafts that did remain, she checked them all, finding different pieces missing from each and considered how she could repair them if there was no whole craft to fix. Most frustratingly, they were transporters and she could only travel so far with them.

Checking the equipment inside did not get her any closer to having access to a radio and Rey began to sweat with worry. She took to climbing the Hanger and slipped through the open ceiling and looked over the facility, trying to spot something of use from there. Rey spotted several downed TIE-fighters several yards to the east and one of them seemed to be in decent order.

She slipped down the side of the roof and took off in that direction, hoping that its functionality didn't change as she went.

Rey reached the TIE fighter rather quickly and she pulled open the access, surprised to find neither injured or dead in the seat. The Stormtrooper must have crawled out and escaped rather than ejected.

She slid inside, checking the machinery and then slipped out again, looking for any breaches on the outside. It seemed to have been shot in one of its thrusters, which must have caused the pilot to lose their bearings and crash.

Going back to the hanger to collect tools, Rey made work of the rest of the day's light and went to fixing the TIE fighter. She wanted to finish as quickly as possible because she was still unsure if there were people around, or troops that would come back.

Just as dusk had settled, Rey climbed into the TIE fighter and started it up, feeling her hunger quite poignantly and bearing with it as she set off. The controls were not too dissimilar from any other small fighter jet and after a brief instance of getting used to it, she set off from the planet, seeing how far she could fly the craft, whether it could reach D'Qar or at the very least, a nearby planet. As she reached orbit, Rey could see the destruction of an air fight, pieces of ships lay drifting in space and few First Order ships still sat just outside of the planet, somewhat damaged.

She went as fast as she could, sprinting by them so they would not notice, or if they did, would not be alerted to one of their ships darting away. The radio went off as she went and Rey ignored it, gunning away from them.

Thankfully she escaped but noted that the spacecraft would not be able to cover the distance to D'Qar. Her quick fixes were superficial and even then, the Resistance would likely shoot her from the sky before she got in close. Rey put her sights on Saleucami, knowing the TIE fighter would have enough fuel to reach it in a day and she could find safer passage to D'Qar.

 **XxX**

Landing down just outside of a large trade and porting outpost, Rey quickly abandoned the TIE fighter and sought to purchase a thin cloak once inside. Despite the incredibly hot climate, she did not want to risk being recognised as she walked through the large outpost, by her face or by the Lightsabers that hung from her belt. She had originally considered landing outside of Teleucami, knowing it was the planets biggest spaceport and the climate was much more temperate there, but Rey imagined that if anybody thought she was a Jedi – no matter how much of a myth they had become – it would not be long before the First Order was on to her.

She had landed during mid-afternoon, so the streets were much easier to navigate in the heat. Rey stopped at the first clothing stand she could find and dropped several credits into the hand of the Twi'lek operating the stall.

Quickly whipping the cloak on, she went to search for transport, deciding that wherever there was a cantina, surely there was someone inside willing to drop her at D'Qar, no questions asked.

Deciding to eat and walk around until the business of night time came, Rey bought what seemed like a fried fish on a stick and ate slowly, trying to speed time up despite being hungry. Though it was very hot, the heat was the one thing she was familiar with.

Rey couldn't say that the outpost was similar to any outpost on Jakku. Here there was a generally friendly atmosphere and though there were still unsavoury looking characters, at least she didn't feel as if she couldn't defend herself. As she walked and looked up at the brightening sky and noted the extra bodies floating through the market, Rey sought out with the Force, looking for her friends and feeling the steady beat of their lives threaded into the Force. Rey knew they had to know she was alive, could they not at least feel her too?

She sighed and started to walk where the stalls thinned out until there was only stone and dust. Rey found a bench and took a seat, folding her legs up underneath her and beginning to meditate, deciding that this was the best course of action.

Hours passed with Rey like that; wishing she was strong enough to call to her friends or Luke and tell them where she was. She could only really go as far as feeling for their Force signatures, she couldn't even go to Kylo, despite having a Force connection with him. It frustrated her that the blockage she had felt between her and the Force was still there and she was beginning to feel as if it was her own incompetence causing it. Though as well as that, her injuries weren't even fully healed yet: The blossom of bruising dusted her brow, her ribs and her forearms. Whilst it was not debilitating, it was present and Rey was very aware of her own mortality.

Late afternoon came and picking up something else to eat, Rey made her way to the first cantina she could find, sat at the bar and ordered something light.

'Is there anyone willing to drop me off-planet for a price?' Rey asked the bartender as she held her drink in her hand.

The Pantoran glanced at her and then nodded his head over to a couple of Grans in the corner.

'Thanks,' she responded.

Rey was ready to get up and approach the two, but was stopped when the doors swung open and three people cloaked in black leather walked in. They carried various weapons, clearly meant for offence rather than defence. Rey felt cold and uncomfortable immediately and looked to their faces, noting one looked human except for the grey skin and the large nose. Her fingers tightened on the metal cup. He looked just like the Anzat from her illusion, as if she had never thought him up by herself. Their eyes met and there seemed to be recognition before Rey looked away almost immediately. She finished her drink, considering in that second what she should do. Even if they weren't already imposing figures, if he was an Anzat like she guessed, it wasn't safe for her to be around him.

There was a hand on her shoulder then and Rey almost jumped from her skin, thinking the worst, but turned to see a semi-drunken man leering at her.

'Hello darling,' he slurred.

She knocked his hand away and he stumbled into the empty stool she left behind. Rey immediately walked to the door and was thankful that the three dark-clothed men were no longer blocking the way.

Rey could just go to a different cantina.

As she walked, she automatically found her hand gravitating to her Lightsaber within her cloak and she couldn't help getting frustrated at the fact that she still wasn't off this planet, that she wasn't with her friends and her master. That she was wasting precious training time by being lost like this.

'Now where are you going?'

Rey stopped at the voice as she rounded a corner. It was strangely soft and it stopped her from breaking into a run. She turned slowly, pulling her cloak tighter around her and bowing her head lightly.

'Can I help you?'

The man with the grey skin sniffed the air, met her eyes as if he were assessing her and then smiled. The two that flanked him; a Human with a heavy repeater cannon and a long knife at his waist, the other, a Thyrsian, had two long, thin swords strapped to his armour-covered back. Whilst the suspected Anzat had a large axe. Rey realised then, that they all held helmets in their hands, helmets that resembled the one Kylo Ren wore.

She grew nervous and the Anzat seemed to smell it on her, his smile widening.

'Are you feigning ignorance?' he questioned.

The other two looked incredibly incensed and Rey wanted to reach for her Lightsaber, though thought that if she were to fight them, she would not win. Her eyes caught the Thyrsian and his lip twitched as he met her gaze.

'I'm sorry, but I'm busy,' she responded.

'You're like a beacon, you must be aware of that. I can even smell him on you.'

Rey felt a muscle in her cheek twitch and could see her fate was set. They knew who she was and she shouldn't have been surprised. Whether there was a picture of her circulating among the First Order and their affiliates or the Anzat just had the capability to tell who she was, for him to know that she was connected to Ben, that wasn't good at all.

'What do you want?' she questioned, putting force behind her question. Even if she was intimidated, she wouldn't show it.

The Anzat looked at the two men beside him and laughed. 'I think you've been mistaken, we're not here to kill you.'

Rey narrowed her eyes and her hand fell against the Lightsaber at her waist. 'That sounds incredibly unlikely. You are Knights of Ren, aren't you?' she questioned.

He smiled and clapped his hands. 'At least for a human you aren't an imbecile.' The Anzat looked to the other two and folded his arms across his chest. 'Now what are the chances we would find one of the only remaining Jedis in a cantina on Saleucami?'

'Probably quite high considering you hunted her down.' The Thyrsian replied, looking amused.

The Anzat elbowed him, but he was hardly fazed by the pain he must have felt. His eyes only stayed on Rey resolutely and she imagined that if she made any wrong moves, the swords on his back would be in his hands at the blink of an eye.

'I say again, what do you want from me if you don't want to kill me?' Rey questioned.

'We have some business to take care of thanks to you.'

'What kind of business could possibly involve me?'

The Anzat smiled. 'Business concerning Kylo Ren and whether or not he'll die. Of any interest to you?'

For some reason, Rey found herself glancing at the human man who had been silent. It wasn't just that they were the same species, she felt the gentle pulsing of the Force flow through him and she imagined that was why he had been inducted into the Knights of Ren. Even if he could not wield a Lightsaber, having a connection to the Force, meant he had his own protection against its wiles. Against her. Rey guessed that mind tricks would work on none of them.

'You must have me confused with someone else.' Rey responded, swallowing to increase her gall and standing straighter.

His expression soured then and Rey watched as the Anzat's tentacles emerged from beside his nose and he stepped forward. 'You've been offered the opportunity to get a quick fix to your problems, so before this turns violent, I advise you come with us. No matter how talented you may be Miss Jedi, I highly doubt that you can overpower three of us. Especially with your injuries.'

Rey's hands turned to fists and she closed her eyes, trying to think of any way out of this. She couldn't die, there was too much riding on her for her to throw her life away and be gutted in an alley on Saleucami. She realised she was trembling then. The illusion she had, had about the Anzat felt like a lifetime ago, yet it had affected her deep enough that she was frightened right now.

The Anzat tilted his head and smiled, waiting for her response.

She nodded slowly. 'Fine. I will follow,' she murmured with her teeth grit tightly together.

'Wonderful.'

His tentacles retracted and he took the lead. Rey felt the end of the repeater cannon in her back as the Human pushed her forward. They took several alleys and the people they did pass either ignored the scene or hurried along after meeting the Anzat's eyes. Rey looked around her, looking for some means of escape but she soon realised that there was no way she would get out of this mess uninjured. The pain in her stomach had just reached a level she could tolerate without thought, but Rey knew it would hinder her too.

Rey imagined that they were leading her to the nearest port and she frowned, frustrated. The man pushed the cannon into her back again, making her stumble and she quickly straightened, glancing behind her and seeing his blank expression.

The port was bustling with people and they continued to pay her no attention. Rey shouldn't have expected any different, why would anyone want to involve themselves in the problems of others? Eventually she was led up a ramp and into a medium-sized freighter. The ship must have doubled as a home considering its size and no wonder, as Rey expected that the Knights of Ren were always on the move, ready to mobilise at a moment's notice.

She stopped at the cockpit's entrance, her eyes finding the bacta tank against one of the walls and seeing the woman she had fought only yesterday. Malikeen was severely burned and Rey guessed she had been caught in the explosion. Rey couldn't help but feel guilty, perhaps if she hadn't left her unconscious, she wouldn't be so badly wounded. Yet at the same time, these people had all helped kill her master's students and were the Mirialan's injuries not at least some sort of penance.

Rey was pushed into a seat by the human and the Anzat spun her around in the chair to face them all and Rey eyed the tank again, seeing the floating woman and wondering what steps she had made to get back to the other knights.

'Ah yes, you know Malikeen. I assumed you were who opened her cage,' the Anzat spoke simply. 'You'll be happy to know that she's the only reason you aren't dead right now.'

She glanced away from the Anzat and her eyes met the Thyrsian. He raised his eyebrows at her and she looked away again, sour.

'Iulus here was exceptionally pleased,' the Anzat continued, nodding his head towards the human who stood the closest to the tank. 'He was the one who suggested we come to this planet, said he had a gut feeling.'

'So what do you want from me? You have your _Malikeen_ , so what else do you need if you don't intend to kill me?' Rey asked, rather exasperated. She could feel her speedy pulse and she grit her teeth as she looked between the three men.

The Thyrsian then turned away at a glance from the Anzat and he went shuffling through several containers and took out a small storage device. He slipped it into a drive on a command station and a hologram of an old and decrepit creature of a man popped up. He sat in a chair and was swathed in a cloak, his frame as thin and feeble as a skeleton.

Seeing her confusion, the Anzat moved beside her, his hand grabbing onto Rey's wrist. 'Have you not ever seen the man himself?' He questioned, relatively surprised. 'Supreme Leader Snoke.'

Rey felt her throat dry somewhat, not having seen the man and she was at least thankful that this was not a live feed. That the Knights weren't just selling her off.

'Press play Finna,' he nodded towards the Thyrsian.

Finna did as he was told and the low raspy voice of Snoke could be heard throughout the room.

 _Unfortunately, Malikeen was destroyed in the blast. We haven't been able to recover her body and Kylo is already tracking the Resistance vessel that sent off the missile. Naturally we will recompense you for your loss. Your payments remain the same._

The Anzat's hand gripped onto Rey tighter until she felt a bone crack and she twitched, wishing he would let go. Even Iulus' expression was no longer blank and he looked enraged before he looked back to the bacta tank and relaxed himself.

'As you see, our supposed master betrayed us. Now when we heard Mal's distress call, we questioned whether it was real. When we found her, almost dead, starved and delirious, we searched the whole facility until we could come up with an answer. Our leader apparently locked her up to fade away until he saw fit to kill her. I suppose your boyfriend also had a hand in her imprisonment, considering you met him yesterday too.'

'I don't know what you're talking about.'

Rey didn't see the strike coming and her head snapped away from the Anzat as he punched her. She felt blood spill from her lips almost immediately and she seethed in her seat. When she looked at him again, his tentacles were descending on her and she found herself automatically moving to leave the seat, but the Thyrsian was already behind the chair, holding her down by her shoulders.

'No, don't,' she said without thinking, hating her weakness.

'What do you think this is?' The Anzat questioned. 'Do you think we are incapable of killing you? Or we have no skills? There may not be any Jedi in this galaxy, but I assure you that makes no difference to us and I'd be just as happy to suck out every drop of the Force you have in your body if it weren't for this proposition that we have for you. Which you should be exceedingly thankful for. Especially when I am incredibly hungry and human Force users are so incredibly delectable.'

She closed her eyes and breathed, calling to the Force and letting it relax her.

'We are all very aware that you freed and fought Malikeen yesterday and then Kylo Ren himself pulled you from the rubble as if he were a hero rather than one of our own and the supposed leader of the pack. Malikeen saw it herself and it was one of very few things she was able to murmur before she fell unconscious.' The Anzat continued.

'Then what could you possibly want from me? I am not a Knight of Ren nor do I have any intention of being one. If you are angry at Snoke, or his underling, or whatever, why am I being involved in this?' Rey questioned, trying to not get aggravated again.

His eyes narrowed at her, his tentacles continuing to twist in the air. He then glanced at Finna and Iulus before laughing. 'Now here we have the new poster-child of the Resistance and she is telling us that despite their goal being to end Snoke's reign of terror, she has no intention of taking the chance when it is presented to her.' He clucked his tongue and shook his head. 'Now what would that old hand bag of a general think if she heard that?'

Rey glared at him and she was met with a cackle. The Anzat gestured to Finna and he let her go. He then grabbed a fold down table and placed it down beside them with a chair for the leader. The tentacled man took a seat and Iulus moved off, seeming to be making a pot of caf.

'Perhaps we began incorrectly. I am Barthius, twelfth of my name. These are my most trusted fighters, Iulus, Finna and Malikeen.' He gestured to them each, even to Malikeen as she floated unconscious. 'The Knights of Ren was a creation of my own as a means to an end. For one, I needed to be fed and secondly, what more fun is there than disrupting the galaxy. Now our friend the ex-wannabe-Jedi, well after the request of our long-term employer, was inducted into this group. He did not face the same scrutiny as those in this room. In fact, if I had it my way, I would have taken my battle-axe fifteen years ago and hacked him to pieces along with all those other stupid children.'

Rey felt her lip trembling, overwhelmed with sadness as he spoke so cruelly of the murdered younglings. Her masters most loved students and children who were taken from this world too quickly and too maliciously.

Barthius snorted as he saw Rey's tears. 'As if you could even think that we'd induct someone as weak as you.' He said, wiping the tears from her face with force and then poking her hard in the forehead.

'So, I was forced to bring him onto this ship and include him. Now after fifteen years, you would expect some semblance of trust, loyalty and respect, from him, from Snoke, but yet we have Malikeen in a bacta-tank and my anger building at the fact that our so-called fifth member, Kylo _Ren_ has misled us along with Snoke. I imagine he was not the instigator, yet I would not blink if given the chance to kill that filthy human. No offence Iulus,' he had added, glancing at the human who was pouring caf into a cup.

'What is it you will do then?' Rey asked, watching as Iulus brought the cup of caf for Barthius. The Anzat lifted it to his nose and smelled the strong drink with a smile.

'Vengeance, naturally. Destroy what we helped build and make sure the deaths that we toll are satisfying.' He sipped at the hot liquid and then placed it down on the table, still holding onto the cup.

Rey could feel the beginnings of sweat against her forehead and she was frightened. 'Just Snoke?' she questioned, her mouth dry.

Barthius looked at her with an amused smirk. 'What? Do you want us to make a deal with you? For Kylo?' he questioned.

She nodded slowly. 'He deserves to be punished for his crimes.'

'Is death not punishment enough?' Finna questioned.

Barthius swirled his cup of caf around on the table and he seemed ready to burst out laughing.

'That's not my decision to make,' she responded honestly, glancing at the Thyrsian. Rey couldn't look at the Anzat any longer. Not a single minute in his presence had passed without her thinking back to her illusion, to how close she had felt to being killed, to being violated. 'I'd rather the family he betrayed saw fit to judge him than for him to die by your hand. Without you, without Snoke, he may have been different.'

Barthius stopped laughing and after a few seconds of silence, he sat up and nodded his head, looking amused. 'Fine, deal. You can have your boyfriend to take in. Though I think you are far too sentimental. He liked killing, he likes the power in his hand.' The Anzat paused and Rey looked back at him. 'I think you should consider it yourself. Feeling the ebbing of life through your hands is incredibly erotic.'

'You disgust me.'

He smiled. 'Ah, perhaps you'll realise eventually. The Force is an interesting thing. It can let you feel so much, feel how it makes up the mind, body and spirit of each one of us and being able to control it…well you can snuff a light out like that.' He snapped his fingers. 'Kylo got curious, power is compulsive in itself, one only needs a little push. I'm sure if you ask, he'll show you exactly what I mean.'

Rey grit her teeth. 'We do not have such a connection.'

These people knew nothing of Ben, they did not understand who he was.

'Uh-huh.' Barthius downed the rest of his caf and then stood abruptly. 'I suppose we're dropping you off home now, aren't we?'

She looked at him again, her brow furrowed. 'That doesn't seem like a wise idea.'

'Fine, take a shuttle then. Though we'll need to communicate.'

Barthius walked off and started shuffling through drawers and cabinets until he found an archaic communication device. It seemed to be running off a small crystal and Rey was rather surprised to see this.

When she looked back at the Anzat he seemed to be aware of what she wanted to know, but unwilling to give an answer. Rey would rather break their relationship as soon as possible and not communicate with him any longer than necessary.

'And I recommend being prudent with this information. A swift death is their forte and not mine,' he gestured to his men and gave her one last smile.

Rey was then pulled from her chair by Iulus and pushed across the cockpit until she was at the entrance of a shuttle. He pushed her in and the air lock closed behind her. She was left in the two-person shuttle and Rey took pause, not knowing what to do other than sit in the pilots chair. Eventually she separated from the freighter and took off into the sky, leaving Saleucami's atmosphere.

She sat there, drifting in space for several minutes, unable to think. The communication device remained in her hand, her wrist still throbbing from what must have been a broken bone. This was a terrible mess and Rey saw no solution for what she had involved herself in.

* * *

 **Thanks for reading :)**


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter 26**

* * *

Rey tried to gain confidence as she guided the shuttle towards a hyperspace lane and put in the coordinates to D'Qar. She repeatedly told herself it would all work out well, that it would be fine, but she felt this overwhelming sense that she was lying to herself. It wouldn't be more than twelve hours before she was back with her friends and the thought left her breaking down. No matter what kind of meditation techniques she had learnt from Luke, it was not easy to accept the last 36 hours of her life.

She had been so helpless and overwhelmed and what good was it? All she was left with were more lies to be kept or else worse than a scolding from Luke would come.

They had underestimated the skills of the Knights of Ren, thinking that much of their power was based off Ben's presence, but it didn't seem true at all. Their hatred for life; it was palpable, and she could see the fire burn in all of their eyes as they had looked at the injured Malikeen. They were kin to the blade and Snoke had wronged them.

Eventually her trembling calmed and Rey closed her eyes as she guided the ship, wishing that she could just wake up from this nightmare. Or at the very least, sleep and feel Ben's warm arms around her and pretend that he had not thrown her away the day before.

Why, even after everything, was she so willing to throw away her life and protect him by siding with devils? Just to save him? For what? A swift execution by the Resistances' top brasses?

The thought made her feel even worse and Rey was reduced to half-meditating/half-blindingly awake as the stars passed her by.

 **XxX**

Rey reached D'Qar's atmosphere in the early morning, offering her access codes and masking her sob of relief. When she finally landed, she collapsed in the arms of her master and when she awoke again, she was in the infirmary.

She glanced up, seeing several tubes in her arm and meeting Snap's girlfriend; Gloria's eyes. Rey's wrist was tightly wrapped and she felt a tightness across her eyebrow, covered in a bandage. The wound must have been sewn shut. She touched her stomach and felt a large patch across it.

Her clothing was folded clean and neat on a chair beside the infirmary cot and Gloria finally smiled.

'I'm glad you're up Rey, we all thought you'd never wake up.' The older woman commented. 'Doctor Kalonia will be back soon, she just went to tend to the others in their quarters.'

Rey narrowed her eyes. 'Others?'

The woman smiled again, looking exceptionally beautiful in that moment. 'Oh, do not worry too much, not many people can heal as fast as you. Takada and Delina received a few burns from the explosion, but they will be just fine. Jorr just has a headache, probably from worrying about you. You had everyone quite worried.'

The young Jedi frowned and tried sitting up, but was mostly held back by how tightly the blankets were wrapped around her.

'You can't leave, not just yet. Master Luke's orders.' Gloria said simply. She then lifted a jug and cup and poured water from the vestibule before handing it to Rey. 'I'm sure your friends and the General will be here soon too.'

Rey took the water thankfully and drank it easily before laying back down fully and staring at the metal ceiling. She imagined that she looked a mess. Covered head to toe in bruises and cuts, with a near broken wrist, cracked ribs and looking absolutely frantic.

Leia appeared several minutes later and Gloria left the infirmary, leaving the two women alone. The General sat beside Rey and sighed with relief, a hand touching her uninjured wrist. 'I am incredibly glad that you made it back, Rey.'

'As am I,' the younger woman replied with a smile. 'I should have been better prepared,' she added sombrely.

General Organa waved her away. 'How were you to know that things would go south so quickly. We still haven't gained any intel about why the Stormtroopers suddenly attacked, why the First Order destroyed their own facility.'

Rey nodded, though was quite sure that she knew the reason. Malikeen. Revenge. It seemed quite clear that Snoke had ordered her to be destroyed so the truth would not come out.

'I'm sorry, General,' Rey murmured after several silent moments. 'My own incompetence put the mission in jeopardy.'

Leia smiled lightly and she adjusted her hand so that it was holding Rey's. 'Don't apologise for doing what you thought was right. You were only in there so long looking for prisoners. It is our fault for being wrong about that.'

'I have not been demoted, then?' Rey asked, a small smile on her lips, but her eyes heavy with anxiety.

The General chuckled then and shook her head. 'Commander Dameron has done riskier things and has yet to be demoted.'

Rey leant back against her pillow, nodding lightly and Leia stood, patting her wrist again. 'I'll leave you to rest, don't worry about a mission for at least a few more weeks,' she said with a grin.

As the older woman made her way out of the room, there was a scuffle at the door and Finn and Poe came storming the infirmary with Doctor Kalonia berating them as they ran past her in the hall. They were at Rey's side minutes later and were met with her inquisitive gaze.

'I wasn't on deaths door,' she commented.

'I knew I should have gone. You just love taking risks, don't you?' Finn started, huffing. 'Look at your face, it's all swollen.'

Rey smiled, amused. 'That's what happens when you get hit with falling rubble and get into a few fights.'

Poe had his arms folded and he was looking down at Rey, shaking his head. 'I had a date all set up for you when you got back, as well.'

That made her laugh and she squirmed in pain as she laughed through her still injured ribs. 'No you didn't.'

He paused for a moment, meeting her gaze before shaking his head and chuckling. 'I'm glad you're okay Rey.'

'So am I.' Finn added, sighing. 'I only just got a sister and you would just abandon me like that?'

Rey beamed at Finn's words and reached for his hand, squeezing it tightly. 'I wasn't in that much danger. I had credits for food and I problem-solved my way all the way here from Lothal.'

'Says the person who nearly got blown to bits by missiles.' Poe said simply. 'If I didn't know any better I'd think that you lived for the danger.'

Finn frowned. 'You're not immortal, you know?'

She nodded. 'I am very aware of that, thank you Finn. However, I can heal quite fast, which is a gift in itself. A few more days and I'll be in perfect condition.'

'I'll get the whiskey prepared for your discharge,' Poe said, his arms dropping to his sides.

'What happened whilst I was absent, anyway?' Rey queried.

Finn rubbed his lips together. 'Poe had an absolute breakdown. Got drunk, started throwing cutlery around the canteen. Had to be taken out by some guards.'

Rey burst out laughing again and Poe just glared at Finn.

'I caught him and Jess going at it in his quarters,' Poe said simply.

'No, you didn't.' Rey exclaimed, looking at Finn with shock.

He narrowed his eyes at Poe. 'As if you have the passcode to my quarters. You think I wouldn't change it often to avoid a situation like that?'

'See, Rey! Absolutely scandalous. He's poisoned my poor Jessika's mind.' Poe said sadly.

Rey grinned, realising the two were both lying about each other. 'Perhaps it is good I came back as soon as I did, so you two wouldn't be bickering and trying to one-up each other in a competition of embarrassment.'

Poe went to say something but he was interrupted by the entrance of Luke. He smiled at the two and they took that moment in which to leave.

This time Rey did sit up, feeling her ribs strain but working against the tight coverings and sitting up to greet Luke.

'Master Luke, I just want to—.'

He cut her off with a hand gesture and smiled, sitting beside Rey. 'You don't need to apologise about taking your time getting back here. You getting back is what is most important and I can't exactly blame you for your delay, considering you were quite injured.' He paused, looking over her swollen face and the bandages covering various parts of her body. 'Are you feeling better? I was quite worried when you collapsed.'

Rey smiled and nodded. 'It was really just the slash across my stomach that had caused me problems, but it's much more manageable now.' She put a hand against her stomach and swallowed. 'I didn't tell General Organa…but I fought one of them…one of the Knights of Ren.'

Luke's brows furrowed and he leant forward. 'Where? Alone? What of the other Knights?' he questioned swiftly.

She shook her head. 'I was looking for the prisoners and there was a sealed door and I foolishly opened it. It seemed she was trapped. She was half delirious and attacked me, that's how I was wounded and delayed in leaving the facility.'

'What happened to her after?'

Rey hesitated as she looked at her master and then shook her head. 'I do not know, I left her unconscious. I assume she was killed in the explosion.'

Luke nodded and was silent, considering many things. 'Why would a Knight of Ren be locked away on Lothal?' he said aloud. 'Perhaps it is best we don't think too much about this now. I will inform Leia, perhaps she can do something with this information.' Luke went to get up before pausing and meeting Rey's eyes. 'Was Ben there?' he questioned.

'I sensed him,' she said honestly, though she couldn't continue. Rey could only do this much, the pain of her abandonment still fresh and the plan she had agreed to with the Knights…they were things she couldn't tell Luke. Even if she wanted to, it was safer that he didn't know. 'I don't know whether he was on Lothal or just in the system, though.'

Her master nodded and scratched his chin. 'He perhaps was out of dangers way and in orbit.'

Rey nodded too and then remained silent.

'I'll speak with Leia. I think you've had enough for the day.' Luke stood up and smiled briefly at Rey before moving out of the infirmary and as Rey assumed, to Leia's ready room.

She laid back down and stared at the ceiling, her thumb nails scratching at the skin beside her forefingers and she sighed. Rey had said she wouldn't lie to her master, but then she hadn't been given a choice. She turned on her side, wishing this could all be over finally. That she could live in some semblance of peace.

 **XxX**

Rey woke from another dreamless sleep to the low lights of the infirmary. It had been almost two weeks since she had returned to D'Qar and Rey imagined she would be discharged. The pain in her ribs had dissipated to nothing and the wounds on both her forehead and stomach were mere rouge scars. The bruises still covered her face, but Rey didn't mind them, appreciating that they were more like battle scars than anything.

She leant up in the cot and glanced around the empty room with a sigh. The communication device was likely still in the pocket of her tunic that lay folded up on the chair beside her. When would they contact her? When Malikeen had healed? What would their plan be? The Knights hadn't given her much of a choice but to blindly follow. Rey imagined that they would have killed her if she had said no, at least now she could at least have some semblance of control over whatever their plan could be.

Perhaps being unable to speak with Ben was better. She couldn't give anything away and he couldn't confuse her.

Doctor Kalonia came in then, a brief smile on her lips and she approached Rey whilst simultaneously pulling on a pair of gloves.

'Good Morning, Captain, you look well,' she commented, before she began to remove the bandages from Rey's wrist.

Rey repeated the doctor's greeting with a smile and then peered at her own injured wrist. It felt fine and didn't look swollen at all. Doctor Kalonia then went to remove the wrap around Rey's stomach and she could see the scar was beginning to soften in colour. The scar on her brow bone had faded substantially and though it left a small spot where the hair would not grow again, it was fully healed.

'How do I look?' Rey asked with a smile.

'Well a mix between my expertise and your fast healing means you'll be able to leave whenever you like.' The Doctor began to remove the rest of the bandages and Rey made moves to get up and change back into her clothes. 'I would advise being careful of your ribs, though,' the Doctor added. 'The breaks were more substantial than the crack in your wrist or the cut on your stomach. They might be a bit weak for a few days.'

Rey nodded and once everything was removed from her, she hopped off the cot and began to change into her tunic again. When she looked down at the stomach, she saw that someone had already sewn up the garment and she smiled.

'Ah yes, your friend seems to have a penchant for sewing, he made it clear he had to be the one to wash and fix your clothes.' Doctor Kalonia said before moving to throw the used bandages away and then sit at her desk in the corner.

Rey grinned imagining Finn sewing up her tunic and she patted the material again. She felt the weight of the device in her pocket still and wondered what Finn must have thought of it. She hoped nothing of consequence. Rey then grabbed her belt from the bedside table and removed the Skywalker Lightsaber from the back holder, looking at it for several seconds before moving towards the door with it still in her hand.

'Thank you for everything Doctor Kalonia,' she said as she passed the older woman. 'Say thanks to Gloria for me too,' she added and after receiving a nod from the doctor, she left the infirmary.

Rey's first stop was to her room and she placed the Skywalker Lightsaber back onto her table and sighed as she looked around.

It was just a waiting game now.

She changed into her training gear and hung her outfit up, remembering to take the communication device with her too. Once she was done, she left the room hoping to find her master in their regular training spot outside of the base. Being cooped up for two weeks had made her feel even antsier and the communicator felt like a huge weight in her pocket. Rey needed the familiarity of training and Luke to at least take her mind off everything she was doing wrong.

Luke was in the usual spot meditating and she sat beside him beginning to do the same. Rey knew she had to fix her connection with the Force and she imagined meditation was the only way to do so. Even if the blocked illusions and dreams were what was creating the issue with her Force connection, she knew she had to work through it as the alternative was unacceptable.

After an hour Rey felt a hand against her wrist and she opened her eyes to her Master, who was smiling steadily.

'Are you up for training?' he questioned.

Rey nodded and stood. 'I feel as good as new.'

'Good.' Luke removed his Lightsaber and signalled Rey to do the same. 'What weapons did the Knight have?'

'Two vibro-swords.'

'And her fighting style?' he questioned.

Rey considered his words. Malikeen's moves had reminded Rey of Form IV with how quick and erratic they had been.

'She was incredibly fast. I was only able to beat her using surprise tactics and she didn't look like she was on top form.'

Luke nodded. 'Let's work on your speed some more as well as disarming techniques. If you had been able to disarm her, that may have served as a better method of controlling the fight.'

'Yes Master,' Rey said with a nod.

'You must overwhelm me with speed and simultaneously aim to disarm me.' Luke said, igniting his Lightsaber.

Rey nodded and as soon as she did, her master came at her with fast and strong strikes. Her body was still slightly stiff from lying in the infirmary for almost two weeks, so it took a few moments before she was back into the swing of duelling.

Luke attacked her continuously, Rey having to find methods of dodging and parrying his swings and other means of attack. She felt overtly motivated by her desire to finish this all, to finally win and end this war. If she was strong enough she could beat all of the Knights of Ren, regardless of what deal she had been forced to make with them. Her master continued to call out her irregularities and give her notes on how she could improve her form as they fought.

Rey saw Luke smile in reaction to one of her attacks and Rey continued on, using all the energy she had to go faster, to strike harder and to think quicker. Though her skills in battle precognition were poor, Rey was confident that they would improve with effort and dedication. She had not even been training to be a Jedi for a year yet and she had already come so far.

After an hour, Luke stopped abruptly, putting his hand out with a nod. 'We'll take it slow since it's your first day back, but you've done well. It seems like some time in the field has tightened up your elbows too.'

'What was wrong with my elbows?' Rey asked almost astonished and she turned her Lightsaber off and looked at them.

'They were a little too loose before, it meant that your sides were weak points.' He said casually.

Rey frowned slightly and attached her staff to her waist. 'Aren't you supposed to tell me that, Master?'

'Of course.' He put his Lightsaber away and collected his cloak. 'That's why I always aim for those areas first. Learning through trial and error.'

Luke moved first and Rey followed him through the forest and back to the base. They walked in relative silence, Luke strolling with his hands clasped behind his back.

Rey took in her surroundings, listening out for the birds and feeling their connections to the Force. For a moment, she could forget the weight on her shoulders, she could ignore Ben's presence pressed firmly against her and she could pretend that she had never met Barthius on Saleucami, that she wasn't waiting for his call.

She breathed, trying to feel at ease, imagining that she was one of the birds, flying through the canopy without so many worries.

'You are okay, aren't you Rey?' Luke asked as they reached the asphalt. He turned to her, his hands tucked in the sleeves of his robes.

Rey nodded lightly, still truly unsure.

'I ask only because I feel your fears, it's okay for you to be scared, just do not hold it in. I am your master and as I've said before, I will always listen to you.' Luke said seriously.

The young woman smiled and nodded. 'I understand Master Luke. I think my time away, in the midst of the fighting, it just made it more real than it had been for me before. It's something I can handle, though, so I don't want you to think that I can't manage.'

He shook his head and looked carefully at Rey. 'I think you're more than capable. I just want you to know.'

Rey nodded and felt herself internally sigh. If she could only tell her master about the Knights it would be so much simpler.

They broke apart then and Rey continued her day with a small meal and meditation in the forest. She felt that being under star and moonlight would make her feel closer to the Force and be at peace. Rey decided to sleep where she had meditated and she woke at daybreak wishing she could still dream.

 **XxX**

The days passed and became weeks and Rey still had no communication from Barthius. She suspected it was better this way and perhaps Snoke had discovered their plan and had had them all executed. At least if that happened, Rey would have some semblance of control over the future.

She had taken quite well to meditating and sleeping in the forest and it was quite relaxing to feel alone again. After years of living without friends and having to take care of herself, it was strange to be so surrounded by people who cared. Even living on Ahch-To with Luke had been different and more like her life on Jakku.

Regardless of how much she thought it possible, her dreams nor her illusions made an appearance during those weeks and Rey was mostly absorbed in training. Leia had yet to approach her with another mission and Rey was somewhat thankful for that. It meant she was less likely to meet the Knights again for the time being.

Rey was having a sonic shower in one of the communal bathrooms after her training when she felt something strange in the Force. It was the first time since she had been so worried about losing her connection to it and despite being happy that it was no longer the case, she knew it would not be good news.

When she was dressed again, Rey made her way slowly to her room, considering what it could be with some fear and when she was sitting on her cot, she saw the flashing light on the small radio.

She closed her eyes wanting to pretend it wasn't real, but her hand reached for it anyway and she clicked on the receiver wishing she could throw the object across the room and smash it.

'It must be something the Jedi have in common. A lack of urgency.' Barthius' voice came through.

Rey wished that the transmission could be intercepted by the Resistance, that she had some way out of this.

'What do you want from me?' Rey asked, her voice tight.

There was a rumble of laughter and Rey closed her eyes, trying to drown it out with her own thoughts. 'I would advise beginning your hike to the Northern part of D'Qar and away from Resistant sensors at some point after dinner time. When you are in range we will collect you, and tell you further.'

Rey clutched the radio tightly and looked at her feet. 'Fine.'

'Remember to bring your manners.'

The transmission went dead then and the light flickered off. Rey wanted to throw the device then but only slipped it into one of her pockets. She attempted to maintain some form of composure but it did not last long and the tears came quickly. Her sobs were audible no matter how hard she tried to quieten herself and then she felt Ben's attention. Even he could not ignore her sadness.

Rey spent the rest of the day unable to make eye contact with anyone, even her friends and she felt the dark aura around her as she went. Perhaps in retrospect she would regret not speaking with anyone, considering she may be killed and never see them all again. It seemed a logical decision to avoid dinner in the canteen altogether and Rey approached the kitchen wishing to take a small packed dinner. Using the excuse of eating in the warm summer air was enough and she took her food back to her room, preparing to pack her small bag.

She packed what little useful belongings she had; first-aid materials, her water canteen, what credits she had and a small photo Finn had given her the week before. It was of them both with Poe's hand trying to block the cameras view. Rey slipped the item into her bag and turned to her training gear that sat folded on a chair. Looking at it reminded her of what she was doing and that she was betraying Luke's trust again. Rey couldn't even consider wearing the clothing Luke had given her, that would have been an even deeper betrayal. How could she be so terrible?

The tears threatened to come again but Rey took a deep breath and attached her Lightsaber belt to her waist, slung her bag over her shoulder and pulled her cloak over her shoulders. She reached for a piece of paper and wrote few words:

 _I'm sorry. You will understand why I did it..._ _if I come back. Please forgive me, Master._

Rey took a breath and looked about the room again before she left swiftly, trying not to regret not leaving a note for Finn.

She used what stealth she could possess to leave the base and begin her way through the forest, being as silent as possible to avoid the sensors and going speedily so that this could be over sooner rather than later.

* * *

 **Thanks for reading. These were two chapters that I combined as an apology for the wait :D I got busy finishing my dissertation.**


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter 27**

* * *

It was six hours of hiking before Rey had reached the limits of Resistance monitoring and she considered that it was past midnight. During the fourth hour, she had stopped to eat what food she had brought with her and fill up her canteen of water. The radio had not gone off again, so Rey imagined that she wouldn't be contacted until she reached where the Knights wanted her.

D'Qar this far away from the base was hardly different and it was hours more of walking before she reached something that differed from the jungle, and this was flat plains. In the dark Rey could see very little, but she continued walking, finding that it was mostly dirt with small tufts of grass and shrubbery. Outside of the jungle it was considerably colder and Rey wrapped her cloak tighter around her.

It was just before 5AM when she saw the lights of the freighter and it landed in front of her, blowing dirt into her eyes. She hesitated for a moment before she climbed the ramp, considering whether if she ran now, could she get back before anyone noticed? Then her mind felt out for Ben and his steady presence moved her to enter the ship.

They were already in the air before Rey had uttered a word and when she walked to the cockpit, the crew were sitting in relative silence. Malikeen was no longer in the bacta tank and she sat to the side, sharpening a knife.

Rey swallowed and Barthius stood up from the pilot controls, which Finna then took over.

'You followed our instructions, wonderful.' He mocked her by clapping and then gestured to an empty seat. 'We've formulated a plan, though I imagine you're exhausted so you are welcome to sleep somewhere.'

She was tired, but Rey would be a fool to just sleep around these people and be completely defenceless.

'I would rather hear what you have planned.' Rey responded.

Barthius shrugged. 'Very well.'

Rey watched him warily as he moved about the cockpit and as Iulus got up, approached a console and pressed several buttons. Planet schematics popped up above the central table and Rey looked at them carefully, not having seen the planet before.

'Now this is where His Imperial Darkness, Supreme Leader Snoke is. This is naturally classified and your friends back on D'Qar probably still have no idea what he has been doing on this planet for the last twenty or so years.' Barthius said.

'What planet is this?' Rey questioned, narrowing her eyes.

Finna turned from the console and met Rey's gaze. 'Cantonica.'

Rey still had no idea and she took a look over the planet again. It seemed to have a single city and no life anywhere else on the planet. 'Why there?'

'Personal connection I imagine,' Barthius responded. 'Also, it's mostly abandoned and with enough money, anybody could make a desert the home of their secret base, no?'

She frowned and Barthius laughed.

Malikeen got up from her seat then, slipping her knife into a holder at her waist and she approached the two slowly. When she reached Rey, she looked her up and down before smirking. 'You're lucky you met me on an off day,' the Mirialan said simply.

'Now now, settle down Mal.' Barthius said with a chuckle.

'Could you tell me of this plan? I want this to be over already.' Rey said sharply.

The Anzat signalled to Iulus and the view became a zoomed angle of the planet. Eventually an open-air base came into view and it was relatively sizable.

'We will enter as usual, you as our prisoner and Snoke will want an immediate audience with us. Now he doesn't know that we have Mal, so she'll stay back and once I give the signal, we will all attack him together. As he keeps the base relatively secret, there are few guards and in his central throne room, there are none, so it shouldn't be too difficult to ambush him, especially with you. The man is too confident in himself.'

Rey watched the image turn in the air and breathed through her nose. 'Could you not have done this without me?'

'Force tricks are always useful, and of course, there is the whole situation of you securing Kylo's life. Otherwise we would kill him too. And don't you want to be known as the saviour?' Barthius enquired, scratching his chin with his forefinger.

She nodded despite being wary. Rey didn't know how powerful the Knights truly were, especially together and considering her Force abilities couldn't even work against them, she imagined that working together to kill Kylo could be done if they wanted to.

Rey bit down on her lip. She did not know of Snoke. She did not know what power he held and the thought of entering into a battle against him without knowing the odds, frightened her immensely.

'How long until we reach?' she questioned.

'A day at most,' Finna said from the pilot's seat.

Rey nodded and turned about her, looking for somewhere to sit and perhaps meditate at the very least. She couldn't be tired for this kind of mission, but she couldn't so easily let her guard down around these criminals.

As she sat in a corner of the room on top of her cloak, she was thrown a shuura fruit by Malikeen and she smelled it warily, considering whether they would poison her. Rey felt as if she had little choice and bit into the sweet fruit, hoping she wasn't wrong in going with the Knights, of completely abandoning her friends and the Resistance.

 **XxX**

Rey was pulled out of her meditation by turbulence and she felt the ship begin its descent. She had managed to meditate on and off since getting onto the ship, picking at the food offered to her and not partaking in the Knights' various methods of entertainment. Despite her wariness, the Knights avoided talking to her and mostly ignored her. She was thankful for that much.

'I would advise clearing your mind if you're not capable of resisting Snoke's probing,' Barthius spoke as he lifted his feet up onto the consul.

Malikeen stuttered out a laugh. 'What kind of Jedi can't even resist?'

Rey frowned, knowing that she still had far to go with her training. 'I am more than capable of defending myself.'

Barthius turned to her and grinned. 'You'll need to make sure he doesn't get any important information from you.

She didn't respond, thankful that she knew very little about Resistance operations and even if the worst were to happen, Snoke would not be able to get anything of worth out of her.

Standing up, Rey took a seat and strapped herself down, not wanting to be thrown about if the turbulence grew worse.

When they finally touched down on Cantonica, Barthius jumped up from his position at the helm and immediately attached binders to Rey's wrists. He pointed to the slight malfunction in them, gesturing that she could break free with a strong tug and Rey nodded her understanding.

The four of them then began to gather their weapons. Iulus strapped his repeater cannon to his chest and then checked the knife at his waist with a nod. Malikeen inspected her vibro-swords and Finna grinned at Rey as he attached his own two swords to his back. Barthius seemed to be considering his weapon of choice, scratching his chin as he looked over several impact weapons attached to one of the cockpit walls. He eventually reached for a vibro-hammer and brought it down, weighing it in his hands.

The set up happened relatively quickly.

The shipyard itself was on the outer edge of the facility, built without a regard for overhead coverage. Rey had expected it to be partially underground, but the decision to build it out in the open baffled her. Though visibility was low from the air—the sand clouds and poor climate allowed for good cover— the base was just open and Rey considered that perhaps Barthius was right about Snoke. He was too confident. Though it couldn't be forgotten that after all these years, after all the subterfuge that the Resistance had been involved in, the planet Cantonica had not been considered, had not even been mentioned on files that Rey had access to.

Rey closed her eyes as a dust storm began and she felt it whip against her cheeks, knocking the few strands of hair about her forehead before she was pushed inside.

Whilst she had sensed Ben as soon as they had entered the atmosphere, it was as they walked through the main entrance from the shipyard that she could feel his heightened closeness. It was like she could feel his heartbeat as well as his Force signature and knowing that he could feel hers too, she felt his heartrate steadily increase.

At least it would be easier to take him with her this way and he would come, wouldn't he? The only thing stopping him was Snoke and if Snoke was dead, he would come willingly, wouldn't he?

They were then met by a few Stormtroopers, a message was sent directly to Snoke and within minutes, they were led through the facility with vigour. As the Stormtroopers gave her wary looks, Barthius had this continued look of satisfaction on his face. Rey was just thankful that he had not taken her Lightsaber and had allowed her to hide it beneath her cloak.

Rey convinced herself as they walked that Ben would come, beginning to lose her concentration on accessing her surroundings, only concentrating on his pulsing presence. He loved her, didn't he? She nodded and was prodded in the back with the end of Iulus' repeater cannon. It kept her walking and for a moment she felt as if this was real, as if she was actually a prisoner being taken to her death.

Despite her knowing that this was a trap, Ben did not know the same and as they moved closer towards him, she could feel his building panic. Rey remained composed, however, and she imagined he was confused by that.

The distance to Snoke's so-called throne room from the ship yard was quite considerable and on foot it was almost thirty minutes before they had reached. Ben seemed to have found a way to calm himself, as Rey felt his anxiety steady and she breathed easier.

They stopped at two large wooden doors and it did not take much thinking to figure out that they had finally arrived at Snoke's 'throne room'. Barthius pushed the double doors open and the Stormtroopers that had escorted them, disappeared back down the hallway.

Rey, pushed by Iulus' repeater cannon, stumbled into the middle of the room and then another knock pushed her to the stone floor. Though she knew it was a show of strength, she still grit her teeth together, wanting to fight the man.

When Rey looked up she paused for a moment, seeing Ben standing beside the sitting Snoke. Though she had known he was here, for some reason she hadn't expected to see him stand beside Snoke, his hand resting on his Lightsaber and his expression pinched. He met her gaze and Rey felt his fear spike, even if his expression told her very little. If she could read his mind, Rey imagined what he would be saying, what he would be asking. _What are you thinking? You'll die here. How could you get yourself in this situation?_ She was here to do what she had been trained to do; defeat Snoke and bring Ben back.

'Barthius, what a pleasant surprise, and you've brought a gift?' Snoke spoke, his voice almost reptilian.

Rey chose not to meet Snoke's eyes and allowed herself to be pulled up to a standing position by Finna.

'We found her snooping around the Outer Rim and she was surprisingly easy to subdue. I wanted to eat her, but Finna suggested that we give her to you to dispose of her as you wish.'

Snoke almost smiled and he leant forward, his fingers folding together. 'You made the right decision.' He paused and cleared his throat. 'Girl, why won't you look at me?'

Barthius struck her against her back then and she fell forward again, feeling the rattle in her palms and knees and she hissed against the pain. The strike alone had hurt a considerable amount, her landing on the floor made her want to fight back.

'Speak.' The Anzat requested.

Rey grit her teeth together. 'Is it not my choice?' she questioned.

The unease in Ben only increased and she tried to push against him with warmth and translate to him that she was okay, even if the Knights were taking liberties. She glanced at him briefly, meeting his eyes and she could see his fear now. If Snoke were to look at his disciple, it would not be good.

'Your death warrant has been signed and yet you are still so cocky?' Snoke questioned. 'You are a foolish girl.'

Barthius nodded in agreement. 'Shall we leave it to you then?' he questioned.

Snoke considered the Anzat for a moment and Rey heard him adjust the vibro-hammer in his hands. Rey readied herself to pull the binders apart and then she felt a knife pressed against her lower back. She looked behind her and Malikeen had appeared, a massive grin on her face.

Rey looked at Snoke and he looked angry rather than scared. Malikeen pressed the knife further and Rey felt her skin break underneath the sharp edge. She tried to pull the binders apart and they wouldn't budge. The fear took over then and Rey realised she had been wrong. This was all wrong.

'What is this Barthius?' Snoke questioned.

Ben's eyes moved swiftly from Rey to Barthius and his hand gripped the hilt of his Lightsaber, now ready to remove it from its holder.

'What do you think it is Snoke?' Barthius questioned.

Malikeen moved the knife and then it was against Rey's throat, nicking the soft skin there.

'What will you do Kylo?' Barthius shouted with a cackle.

Snoke gripped onto his chair and narrowed his eyes at the group of them. 'Kill them all Kylo.' He said simply.

Ben nodded and pulled the Lightsaber from its holder, igniting it immediately.

Rey realised then that the Knights did not have the capacity to kill Snoke themselves and she wanted to scream out in anger. How had she been so foolish to think this wasn't a trap? That they hadn't known what Ben felt for her. Perhaps that had been what Barthius had meant all those weeks ago. That he could smell Ben on her, not because of their physical proximity, but because of their connection. She had been foolish to not understand the skills of the Anzat and now she was paying for it.

She was terrified to breathe, believing that Malikeen would slice the knife against her neck as soon as Ben moved towards them and she still struggled with the binders, knowing that even though she had been betrayed, they were still faulty, she had seen them herself.

Her frightened eyes met Ben's then and before she could think, or even know what he was thinking, Rey felt the thud of the vibro-hammer against her head and she went down in a heap, sprawled and unconscious, blood seeping from her cracked skull.

The Lightsaber in Ben's hand swung and Snoke's head went rolling from his body, hitting the stone ground with a thud and smoke emanating from the remains. Ben's eyes were wild as he looked from Snoke, to the Knights and to Rey, who lay motionless. His heart strained in his chest, sweat beginning to coat his forehead.

Barthius began cackling.

They all attacked then. Iulus, Finna, Malikeen and Barthius, all running at Ben as he lifted his Lightsaber to defend himself. He screamed as he thrashed at them, his eyes unable to tear away from Rey as he fought and was struck continuously. Ben could feel her growing weaker and he could feel a hole forming in his chest and his rage grew and grew.

The rage meant his fighting was erratic and the Knights continuously overwhelmed him, getting in slashes across his limbs and torso, as well as Barthius hitting him successfully with his hammer. Ben threw any method to the wind and just went for brute force. Rather than avoiding the strikes, he met them with his Lightsaber. Iulus went down first, Ben deflecting the cannon fire back at him. It led to a fired up Malikeen screeching as she ran at Ben with everything. Her mistake meant she went down next, half her body sliced away from the other with one swipe, her vibro-swords clattering to the ground, useless.

Ben was knocked down then and before he could be hit with the Thyrsian's two swords, he Force pushed him away and avoided the swing of Barthius' hammer. He grew tired quickly fighting off the two men and he felt himself disappearing with Rey as he fought. His screams did not end as he grew covered in sweat and his clothing and skin continued to tear.

One of Finna's swords plunged into his stomach first and the other was buried into his right shoulder. His leading arm grew weak and he moved his Lightsaber into his left hand, fending off another attack of equal magnitude. Ben felt that this was the end and it had finally come for him after all these years. He fought more, only able to move his left arm as the right began to be coated in warm blood, but another swing of Barthius' hammer caused the Lightsaber to drop from his only usable hand and he was left defenceless.

Ben backed up and Barthius began to laugh.

'Look at how frightened the poor boy is.'

Finna did not look as enthused and Ben did not miss him glancing to the bodies of Iulus and Malikeen elsewhere in the room.

'Have you not lost enough?' Ben questioned, exasperated. 'Just…just leave me,' he looked to Rey again. 'Leave me with her, I will die anyway.'

Barthius' expression soured again and he held the vibro-hammer tightly. 'We've come this far…and honestly, this is what I've wanted to do ever since I met you.' His tentacles retracted them, not wanting to waste a meal in Ben's death.

Ben pushed at the two of them with the Force, but they only slid a foot backwards and Ben eventually dropped to his knees, slipping in his own blood. His hand reached to the stab wound in his stomach and he held it tightly there, trying to stop the incessant bleeding.

His eyes met Barthius' as Finna stepped forward and lifted the two swords to him again, ready to take his life this time. Then Ben felt Rey.

She woke, pulling her binders apart and then the bright blue of her staff lit the two Knight's faces and the two ends were plunged deeply into both of their hearts. They sunk to their knees with rage in their faces, dying moments later.

Rey felt the steady trickle of blood down the back of her neck and her ears rung as her staff dropped from her hands. She knelt to meet Ben, a hand almost immediately reaching the most serious wound against his stomach, over his own hand, trying to stem the blood flow. Ben grew paler and he could no longer support himself on his knees.

'Ben…no…Ben, look at me, open your eyes,' Rey said panicked. Her blood-covered fingers touched his jaw and chin, but he did not react.

She felt his pain circulate within her and she put everything left of her exhausted mind into healing him like she had in their dreams. Her heart ached and her eyes burned with the beginnings of tears.

Blood bubbled from Ben's lips and she felt tears slip down her cheeks as she strained against the pain, against the hole forming within her chest.

'You won't die, you can't,' she whispered.

Her head rested against his shoulder as she willed him to heal until she felt like she would collapse. Ben's eyes remained closed, but she could feel the Force flow back through him, and feel the hole closing.

Ben stirred awake and Rey met his eyes, though his gaze seemed distant. 'This is right,' he murmured, squinting through the pain. His hand reached to move Rey away from him but he was far too weak.

'No.' Rey held his hand down and she met his eyes. 'Let me do this, let me heal you.'

He closed his eyes and his hand held onto Rey's, holding her still. 'Let me go, it's my time. I let this go on for too long.'

She leant over him, her tears dripping onto his cloak and she held a hand against his cheek. 'What am I supposed to do without you? When all that'll be left is this hole?'

'You will have to.'

'I can't.'

Ben tried to push her again but he was far too weak. He felt his own tears cloud his vision and he pushed his pain away, feeling for Rey, knowing that it was her fingers pressed against his bleeding wound, that her tears were hitting his cheek.

Even though he could feel her pain from her own injuries, she pushed through it and bled her love and comfort into him.

He couldn't reject it, he could only take it in and feel her around him. At least if he died, he could die in Rey's arms.

It was dark for Ben then and Rey did not have the opportunity to think about her next moves as she looked about the blood-drenched room. Outside of the room it must have felt like nothing had changed, that inside still contained Snoke, his disciple and the Knights of Ren. Rey knew she had to take this opportunity to get out and attract as little attention as possible. She put her Lightsaber away then, ripping at her cloak to tie off Ben's wounds, compressing the hole in his stomach and she stood, though on shaky legs.

Rey lifted Ben, utilising the Force to help her and she pulled him with his arm around her shoulder as best as she could. Closing her eyes, she tried to clear her mind, pushing away both her and Ben's pain so that she could find an exit. Sensing a way out, Rey moved towards Snoke's throne, pulling Ben with her. Rey's hand drifted against the wall behind it and where part of it felt warmer, she pushed and a small door swung open. She pulled Ben through the dark and empty hallway, hoping it led to Snoke's private quarters or command centre.

Ben murmured something, whether he was conscious or not Rey was unsure, but she felt what he wanted to say. He wanted her to get rid of the base.

'Ben, you have to wake up, you have to tell me where to go.' Rey said hurriedly, her voice as low as possible. Her hand touched his face again and it was cold and damp, though Ben's eyes opened.

He grit his teeth together before signalling to a left-hand path with his head. Rey followed his line of sight, tightening her hold on him. 'You have to…' he struggled and his eyes held tightly. 'The command room…there is a procedure.'

Rey nodded and tried to go faster, putting all her energy into making Ben lighter as she moved through the darkened passage. It was a few minutes before they reached a metal security door and Ben managed to lift his hand to the biometric palmprint panel and the pneumatic doors opened.

The room was filled with Stormtroopers and they looked to the two of them with confusion, before they reached for their weapons, seeing Ben so severely injured and assuming Rey was their enemy. Rey couldn't bare killing them, however and she found herself using the Force to convince them all to go elsewhere. They left through what seemed to be the main door and Rey pulled Ben towards a panel, looking over the dials and buttons.

'Type in protocol Nexu and access code 59482AU12,' Ben managed, his voice tightening. When Rey had done so, he lifted his hand from his side, attempting to wipe the blood from it on his cloak and he placed it on the screen. 'Lean me forward.' Rey followed his instruction and a small sensor scanned his retina.

There were no alarms, however a 20-minute countdown began on the panel screens. Rey supported Ben again and led him back through the passageway and he murmured directions as they went, Rey particularly wary of how much time they had left. Ben grew heavier as they walked and Rey knew he would not be conscious for much longer, so she tried to speed up again.

It was ten minutes before they reached a small hanger bay that held a small command ship. Rey was drenched with sweat and blood, her body wanting to give up on her. At this point, Ben went fully unconscious and he could not be roused again. Rey used what energy she had left to lift him into the ship and strap him down, as she looked at the control panels, very aware that she had little time to consider their escape.

Strapping herself in, she powered up the ship and gripped onto the controls, glancing at Ben and feeling the discomfort in her chest grow again. It was a few more buttons to get the hanger doors open and they took off, Rey putting everything into the thrusters.

Rey couldn't breathe until they were in the atmosphere, minutes before the base went up in flames and she was thankful that there were no TIE fighters preparing to knock them out of the atmosphere. Regardless of the motivations of the Knights, they had been right considering the Cantonica base as incredibly secretive. Snoke must have considered himself safe enough with the Knights of Ren around to protect him.

Looking back at Ben, Rey held onto his hand as she began typing in instructions, hoping to feed what remained of her strength into him. She then selected a route towards the only planet and place she could think. Jakku.

* * *

 **Twas a long one. Hehe. There aren't many more chapters left by the way, readers. Got to finish before December ;)**

 **Thanks for reading xx**


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter 28**

* * *

Ben opened his eyes, squinting at the stream of sunlight that cut across his vision. Through the hair that stuck to his damp forehead, he saw the crown of Rey's head and glanced around his surroundings, recognising where he was immediately. The turned over AT-AT was the same as it had been in her dreams; cramped and filled with extraneous items that Rey had collected over the years. He could smell fresh caffa and hear the gentle pulsing of Rey's generator.

Rey's hand was tight in his, her forehead against his shoulder and she was whispering to herself over and over again as she sat on the small stool beside the cot. He couldn't avoid looking at the bandages that covered his arms and then to the ones wrapped across his stomach and across his shoulder to his chest. There was little of his torso that wasn't covered in bandages, which were surprisingly not stained with blood. Rey must have changed them more than once.

'Is this not against all of your orders?' he croaked.

She looked up at him. There was still blood in her hair and Rey looked as if she hadn't slept in days. Tear tracts covered her cheeks and Ben swallowed, his heart sinking as he looked at her. Her hands were against his face then and her lips against his. Ben did not have the time to think before Rey pulled back, looking broken.

'How could you say that?' she asked, her hand squeezing his.

Ben didn't have to ask to know that she meant his words before Rey had stopped his bleeding. For her to let him die, for it to be over finally.

'I told you before,' he responded, though he looked uncomfortable and guilty. 'I said we might as well take our Lightsabers and end it all ourselves.'

Rey's tears began again and she shook her head. 'Did you think about doing that the whole time? Did you not consider that it wasn't necessary?'

Ben closed his eyes and his free hand clenched and unclenched. 'It is not as if I could bare it, is it? You know I am weak. I am even weaker when you are concerned.'

'You admit it, finally?' Rey bit back, but she could not maintain her spite and her expression quickly calmed. 'It isn't something I caused,' she added with difficulty.

He reached for her, his hand against her cheek. 'I saw you fall and I thought that I won't let you go alone. I'll do what you wanted me to do, what was right and then I would follow you.'

His eyes skittered across her features, trying to gauge whether she was okay, feeling her pulse as her hand lay in his and his fingers slipped across her wrist.

Rey moved from the stool beside the cot to sit on its edge and she shook her head. 'Don't think like that. Don't think like that ever again.'

Ben nodded, wanting to do what Rey said. 'You still shouldn't have brought me here. You should have taken me in as a prisoner.'

'I was being selfish,' she murmured, her eyes dropping to the bandages that were wrapped around his body. Her healing could only go so far. 'And you were far too injured. You weren't yourself, you had a fever and were delirious. You probably can't even remember.'

He couldn't remember. Ben watched her expression carefully and took a breath before asking. 'Will you take me later?'

Rey met his eyes again and she nodded. 'I don't know what they'll do or say, but I don't know how else this can end.' She swallowed and closed her eyes, as if she didn't want to hear her own words. 'You did a lot of things wrong, Ben. I don't know what they will do with you, whether they would want to use you, or they might just want to lock you up and throw away the key.' Her eyes opened again and she looked at Ben carefully. 'But then you'll be near me, I'll be there.'

Ben saddened and his hand dropped from Rey's cheek. 'Won't you execute me instead?' he questioned. His hand reached for her Lightsaber then, though his injuries meant it was easy for Rey to catch his hand and move the Lightsaber across the room. 'I have been an affliction on this universe, a disease that needs to be eradicated.'

'No,' Rey said resolutely.

She got up then, moving to the tiny kitchen and shuffling around for several minutes before she sat back down with a bowl of warm grains in milk. Putting the bowl down at her side, she helped Ben to sit up and began to feed him herself, ignoring how he looked at her; like she was the last thing he wanted to see before he died.

'You have me,' Rey said as she scraped the final spoonful from the bowl. 'Don't forget that.'

'Yet I must pay for my crimes.'

'I know that, Ben.' There his name was again. It filled Ben with a strange elation to hear it again, to hear it from Rey's lips. 'But you're not the same person who was infected by Snoke's whispers; by anger and jealousy. There is still time for you to do good in this world, and I won't believe that, that time is over.'

He shook his head. 'Do I even know what good is?'

Rey nodded resolutely. 'Even if you've tried to deny it before, I can see it in your eyes and I can feel it in you.'

She could see that he didn't believe it, though. His eyes skittered and he closed them, laid back down on the cot and turned away from Rey. Just like he had done in their dream, she laid down next to him, resting her cheek against his back.

'Won't you ever just listen and believe in me?' she requested.

Ben didn't respond and Rey took his silence as uncertainty. Perhaps he would one day?

They stayed like that for several minutes before Ben could hear Rey snoring lightly and he turned to her uncomfortably, looking over her features. He touched the sealed wound against her scalp and he tried to get up, though struggled.

Eventually when there was a sheen of sweat across his forehead, he was sitting up and reaching for the antiseptic balm on the table closest to the cot. He opened the pot and lightly dabbed it across the wound on Rey's head and then took out the dermaseal and sprayed it over the area. When Ben was finished, he looked around the AT-AT and sighed, a hand pressed against the bandages covering his stomach, wondering how and why he was still alive.

He couldn't sleep and he didn't want to. Ben felt nothing but guilt and anxiety as he watched Rey sleep beside him. He'd been filled with fear when he'd seen Barthius strike her and he couldn't hide that sheer desperation drew him to destroying everything he had worked towards for the last 15 years. It wasn't that he wanted it back, but it made him see how much Rey was to him and how close he had been to losing her. He thought he had lost her and he was willing to dive head first into the jaws of death. Now he was wide awake and aware of how much wrong he had done and he was selfish enough to only have changed because he wanted her.

'Ben,' Rey murmured. He looked at the young woman and she was still sleeping, but stirred uncomfortably in her sleep. He watched her for a few more seconds before her eyes opened sharply and she looked about, frightened.

'What were you dreaming about?'

Rey sat up and stood, shaking her head. Then she touched her scalp and frowned. She didn't want to tell him that it was a nightmare, one where she replayed what had happened a few days before: When she had seen his blood crawling across stone and his breath leaving him.

Despite the block that her master had made, since she had come back to Jakku it had been ineffectual, slowly breaking down until the images were beginning to return.

'I'm going to have a shower,' she said quickly, her hands already moving to remove her tabards and tunic as she moved to the neck of the AT-AT, where she had built in a small sonic shower.

Ben laid back down, the pain in his torso threatening to overwhelm him. He had been used to having injuries fuel his every action, but now that they weren't, it was so much more painful. Rey eventually came back, her hair tied into a bun—covering the cut on her scalp.

'I should change your bandages again,' she murmured.

Ben wanted to reach towards her and touch her cheek, but he seemed to have had his fill of unaided movement. 'Are you going to leave me to this cot all day?'

Rey met his eyes and sat down on the stool after putting the bowl on the floor away.

'I can't run away, can I? How many days have we been here for?' he questioned.

She swallowed. 'Four days.'

He frowned and looked down at his body again. The trousers he was wearing didn't even belong to him.

'And your head?' he questioned. Ben couldn't forget the sound of the vibro-hammer hitting Rey. He couldn't forget how it had felt to believe he was going to lose her.

Rey touched the wound on her head softly and tried to smile. 'I couldn't do much more than have a stranger look at it and hope I could heal it myself. I suppose the doctor back on D'Qar would know if I'm going to die or not.'

'Don't say that.' Ben's voice was filled with such profound sadness that Rey felt ashamed and looked down into her lap.

'You carried me all the way here?'

Rey felt her lip twitch into a light smile. 'With some help from the Force.' She took his hand. 'The Force also helped me feed, clothe and clean you…that I had to do a lot.' Ben looked unimpressed. 'It was like looking after a baby.'

'Thank you for mocking the fact that I am an invalid, I appreciate it greatly.' Ben deadpanned.

'Do you know how to joke?' she questioned with a wry smile. 'I feel as if I have never seen you laugh about something that isn't an attack directed at me.'

He faked laughter. 'I'm not known for my humour.'

Rey was silent for a few moments, holding Ben's gaze with a light smile on her lips. 'Neither am I.' She sat on the edge of the cot again and her fingers went to comb through his dark hair. 'Don't feel burdened, Ben. I know you're feeling as if you should, but it's not necessary. You can't expect me to have done any different, can you? Would you not have done the same for me?' she asked, though her voice had dropped by her final question.

'Yes,' he replied simply.

She hesitated for a moment. 'What was that protocol back on Cantonica? I didn't see any ships leave…nobody even came after us.'

Ben swallowed. 'Snoke called it his fail-safe. If it was deemed necessary, he made a protocol for base destruction without notification. I don't think he fully trusted Hux's men and that would have been the fastest way to deal with an attempted mutiny, or even an infiltration. Destruction without warning, with him being able to create the cause.'

'So…it could look like an accident?' Rey asked.

He nodded. 'Though I doubt Hux would believe that.'

Rey nodded and her hand tightened on Ben's wrist as she looked at the wall. Was this their chance? They could just pretend that Ben had died in the explosion too. The First Order would never know.

'I'm sure he'll eventually figure out I'm still alive. Even if he has to dig through the rubble and identify the remains from the ashes,' Ben added in a low voice.

'Then we'll make sure to take advantage of your disappearance until then,' Rey responded.

Ben nodded and Rey helped him sit up again. She began to remove the soiled bandages and assessed his wounds, putting more antiseptic salve across them and rewrapping them.

'I wish I could do better,' she murmured. 'It's all I managed from four days of meditation.'

'You should leave me to healing now,' Ben responded. 'I'm a quick healer.'

Rey stood and shook her head. 'You know I can't do that.'

Then she was flitting around the small space, looking for the rations she had purchased from Niima outpost with some difficulty requiring a disguise and she poured them in bowls, making a small meal for the two of them, set beside two hot cups of caf.

Even though Ben didn't like it, Rey helped him eat and drink, knowing that holding up his right arm was painful with the damage Finna had caused to his shoulder and upper chest. The two spoke in small increments, Ben asking what had happened whilst he had been out of it and what she had left behind on Cantonica.

 **XxX**

The next day Ben was much better. He could move around with relative ease, though Rey didn't want him to in case he reopened his wounds. She made them both meditate for several hours a day and tried to heal him as best as she could before she grew exhausted.

Together they were mostly silent. Rey was worried about what would happen when they left Jakku and Ben could feel her constant anxiety. He didn't want to bring it up and he didn't want to upset her anymore.

As the days continued to pass and Ben worked back towards his usual strength, Rey felt more at ease that he wouldn't just want to run away, that he didn't see himself as purely bad. She felt that her general presence and the meditation was making a difference. Ben even looked different and though to Rey it was mostly that he was out of his black clothing as she had sourced a pair of pale brown trousers and a tunic for him. He could have been anyone, he could have been his father's son.

Soon they'd have to leave, they couldn't stay here forever and she hadn't notified Luke, Leia, Poe or Finn of where she was. They would be worried and Rey wouldn't have been surprised if they were incredibly angry too. She had disappeared like an outlaw after a heinous crime and left little reasoning behind. Her master would have felt the most betrayed. She could have told him and she hadn't.

The two of them sat outside, backs against the AT-AT's giant robotic foot and their fingers entwined as they looked across at the dunes.

'Aren't you scared about what they will say?' Ben asked.

Rey nodded and swallowed. 'It feels like I'm a traitor.'

Ben snorted and Rey looked at him with a frown. 'If they think you're a traitor then it's hopeless.' Rey was ready to respond abrasively but Ben pulled her hand into his lap. 'If you could have, you wouldn't have loved me and anyway, you love being good more than you love me.'

'And you love me more than being bad.'

He paused and then nodded. 'I suppose you're right.'

Rey pulled her arms up to her chest and pulled herself closer to Ben, resting her chin against his shoulder and looking up at him. He met her gaze and Rey smiled, her free hand touching the stubble that had grown across his jaw.

'Am I sufficiently seducing you?' Ben questioned.

Rey couldn't help laughing and it bubbled and burst from her until she was laughing in Ben's arms, the smile on his lips visible as he held her close to him.

They could at least have this. Once they left Jakku this would be a distant memory and Rey just wanted to be able to remember something good, to feel as if there had been a time where they were happy and they weren't scared.

* * *

 **Thanks for reading**


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter 29**

* * *

Rey was sombre as she watched Ben sleep. She'd woken up before him, not knowing what to do with herself but watch him. Her thoughts were focused on the next day; when they would go to D'Qar, when Rey would give him up. She didn't know what to think. Rey knew it was what she was supposed to do, but her heart ached to do it. It was frightening not knowing what would happen in the future and she wanted Ben to be there, always close to her.

Her fingers glanced across Ben's jaw as she laid beside him, and then spanned the scar that ran across his nose. He blinked awake, immediately smiling at her, though it fell when he felt the sober emotions fluctuating within her mind and saw the emotionless expression on Rey's face.

'We could stay, just for a bit more.' Rey suggested.

Ben sighed and shook his head. 'Don't say that.'

Rey closed her eyes and felt Ben's warm kiss against her forehead. 'I just wanted more time before it all goes to hell.'

He smiled wryly and his fingers fell through her untied hair. 'Then treat it like the apocalypse is really coming tomorrow.' Ben didn't let her answer or react, only changed the conversation. 'I felt you this time, are your dreams coming back?'

'Hopefully they're gone forever,' she responded, her hand falling from his face and Rey rolled onto her back, looking at the ceiling.

Ben watched her profile, seeing her eyes fidget. 'You don't mean that. My uncle wouldn't block them again, not when there isn't a point any longer.'

She glanced at him and then back up at the ceiling. 'What's the point of having dreams? In reality I have none, there is just a stretch of grey nothingness.'

'You don't have to lie just to hurt me,' Ben replied. His arms slid around Rey and he pulled her to him, his bigger body eclipsing hers and forcing her face into his neck. 'Or even to protect me. I did this. I did wrong and I don't want you to think that you should share in my punishment, or that you will be sharing in my punishment.'

Rey sighed and her arms wrapped around Ben's waist and he squeezed her tightly.

'I love you,' she whispered against his chest.

Ben let go then, feeling her emotions change and he loosened her tightening arms to see stray tears against Rey's cheeks.

'Please don't,' he said lightly, loosening his hand and wiping at her tears with his thumb.

Rey took a breath, feeling his anxiety as if it were building in her own chest and it stalled her tears, but she still felt overwhelmingly disappointed and regretful. She couldn't decide whether that was because she didn't want to act like this when she was doing the right thing, or that she was regretting deciding to bring Ben to the Resistance.

'Can't you just pretend?' he requested. She nodded lightly and he loosened his grip around Rey and leant back slightly. 'Tell me a story?'

She snorted and met his eyes. 'How about the story of how you abandoned me on Lothal?'

Ben looked at her guiltily and Rey almost laughed at his expression. He knew how cruel he had been by leaving her on that planet with no way off it. But she knew why he did, she might not ever understand but she knew why.

'Aren't you interested in knowing how I got back to D'Qar?' she questioned.

His expression implied that he did want to know and Rey sat up, Ben's arms falling from around her and she crossed her legs, making Ben have to move to keep the small cot balanced. She took his silence and whilst she told her story, she went to removing his bandages.

'Well I was left with very few options thanks to you destroying my radio and taking me so far from civilisation…'

Rey descended into her tale of how she had escaped Lothal, making it as dramatic as was possible for her. However, once she reached to her encounter with the Knights of Ren, she decided not to embellish it. Her tone grew sober and despite trying to make herself sound heroic, Ben could tell she had been scared. He'd even felt her fear at the time, though did not know what she could be so frightened of. It was at this time when Rey had removed the majority of his bandages and surveyed the Force-healed scars; fresh and pink, but healed all the same, that he stopped her with a hand.

'I'm sorry.'

She seemed annoyed by his apology and she pulled her hands into her lap. 'You broke my heart that day, do you know that?'

Ben nodded and he sat up. 'How could I protect you any other way?'

Rey met his eyes. 'It was worse for you to do that. To protect me and then lie that you didn't love me. I would have preferred if you had left me before I woke, so I could have figured it out for myself.'

'You're so stubborn.'

'Then what does that make you?'

Ben didn't reply and he just held Rey's gaze, trying to translate to her that he loved her and he would do anything for her, even if she didn't like it. It would be like that till the day he died and she could be angry or hate him for it, but it was all he had left. If he were to live the rest of his life in a cell, everything he said, everything he would do would be to make sure she was safe.

'How does it feel?' Rey asked once she had finished looking at his scars, happy that Ben's wounds didn't need to be bandaged again.

'Uncomfortable.'

'Not painful?' she asked and he shook his head.

Rey was about to stand and Ben reached for her, halting Rey with his hand. 'You will be honest with me, won't you?' he questioned.

She frowned lightly, her brow furrowing and she looked at Ben's hand in her own. 'About what?'

'About anything. About everything.'

Rey considered him for a moment and then nodded curtly, standing up and disposing of the old bandages. Ben watched her walk around for a few minutes, before she approached him with a pair of scissors and indicated that he should sit on the edge of the cot, facing away from him.

'Don't I have a choice?' he questioned.

She smiled, containing a laugh. 'I won't cut a lot.'

He looked sceptical but did as he was told and allowed Rey to put a cloth around his shoulders and he listened to the gentle snip of scissors as she cut his hair. It didn't take her very long and she hadn't lied when she said she wouldn't cut a lot.

'I wanted you to look neater when your mother sees you again.'

He snorted. 'So, I can be a clean looking prisoner?' he questioned. His fingers touched the ends of his hair, noting that it still reached past his ears.

'Yes,' Rey responded and began cleaning away the hair.

Rey eventually sat at the edge of the cot again and Ben moved to face her, his hand almost automatically reaching to his stomach, expecting a bandage to be there. It was foreign to go without modern healing techniques for so long and Ben had forgotten how truly long it took for the human body to heal, even with the help of the Force. Though his wounds were closed and had scarred over, they were still uncomfortable.

'It will be okay, won't it?' she questioned.

Ben shook his head. 'I made sure it wouldn't be, but that in itself is okay. Not everything can end well.'

'You're supposed to reply with words of encouragement.'

He chuckled and his hand reached to touch Rey's cheek and she leant forward, ending up in Ben's lap and their lips pressed together. Ben held her there, trying to record what this felt like so that he couldn't ever forget.

'What's the plan, then?' he asked.

Rey sighed and her forehead rested against Ben's. 'We will leave in the morning and hike to where I left Snoke's ship. Then we'll fly to D'Qar and we should arrive by mid-afternoon.'

'And you're confident I won't be shot on sight?'

She frowned and leaned away. 'You have no self-preservation? You'd let them shoot you?'

'Don't I deserve that much?'

Rey went to stand but Ben held her in his lap. 'You always think of the worst things to say. I almost think it's a talent of yours.'

'I'm sorry.'

She closed her eyes and shook her head. 'You're not, but I suppose I'll have to tolerate your skill in upsetting me.'

'I don't want to upset you,' he responded quickly. 'Though I can't deny that I am exceptionally pessimistic.'

Rey met his gaze. Her fingers ran through his hair and she tucked several loose strands behind his ear. 'I know it will be difficult and even if I am frightened, I know this is the only path, this is the right way.'

'I know,' he murmured. 'I know.' Ben reached for Rey's hand that still rested against his face and he smiled wryly. 'I'm not going anywhere, I'll do whatever you tell me to do.'

She smiled. 'You don't have to say it like that.'

Ben blinked. 'You're my master now, if you didn't want that, you shouldn't have brought me with you.'

Rey laughed and bit down on her lip to stop her mirth as she shook her head. 'It wasn't long ago that you were calling me a padawan and now I'm your master? Are you really going to do whatever I tell you to?'

He nodded and smiled lightly. 'Whatever you want.'

Rey wrapped her arms around Ben's neck and hugged him tightly. When she pulled away, she kissed Ben quickly, her lips meeting his several times as she smiled.

'Does it make you that happy?' Ben asked, shaking his head with amusement.

'I'll take what I can get,' Rey responded. 'I also like being reminded that you came to me in the end.'

Ben sighed, though his expression was still one of amusement. 'I set myself up for failure the moment that I said you would be seduced by me.' His hands went to Rey's wrists, which were still resting on his shoulders. 'I didn't think that I would end up like this.'

Rey smiled wryly. 'Well thank you for changing.'

'Thank you for making me change.'

She hugged him again and then Rey slipped out of his lap and held her hands out for Ben to take. 'One last tour whilst you're still free?' she asked.

Ben gave her a heavy sigh, but he took Rey's hands and allowed her to pull him up. His shoulder ached slightly, but Rey's touch was incredibly soothing and he imagined it was from all the healing practice.

Rey did most of the work of wrapping Ben in clothing to protect his skin from the sun and dune winds and she handed him a pair of goggles whilst she sifted around putting on appropriate attire. They ended up taking Rey's old speeder and getting some much-needed fresh air, the both of them wanting to make the most of their freedom together.

 **XxX**

Rey felt her hands shake as she piloted the small vessel. Ben knew better than to try and comfort her, knowing that she had done this for him and even if she thought he wasn't a lost cause, it was likely that everyone else did.

He tried to ease her discomfort through his own peaceful mind. He wasn't scared and he'd figured that out days ago. This is where his path had brought him, whatever lay for him on D'Qar was what was right.

The radio rang, seeking access codes and for them to identify themselves. It was no surprise that there was an alarm at a First Order ship wanting entrance to the atmosphere and Rey made herself known. There was silence for a minute before Leia's voice rang through the intercom.

'Rey? Is that you? Rey is that really you?'

Ben felt a barrage of emotions from hearing his mother's voice and he sat in silence, battling with himself and remembering every terrible thing he had done since he'd betrayed his family.

'Yes, it's me. I'm…I'm sorry that I took so long.' Rey managed, fighting her tears. She was wrought with guilt and she didn't know how to say the next words to Leia. 'I've got Ben.'

The line was silent again. 'What did you say, Rey?'

The young woman swallowed. 'I've brought Ben with me.'

The line broke off and they were granted access. Rey brought the ship into the atmosphere, seeing the base below and slowly bringing the ship down. There were already people milling around, most likely having heard that Rey was coming.

When they finally landed, the two of them were silent, Rey's hands tightly gripping the controls. She looked to Ben and he was staring at her, his expression soothing.

'This is it,' he murmured.

Rey nodded and unbuckled herself, standing up as Ben turned his seat to face her.

There were tears in both their eyes, but Ben's broke through first and Rey sniffled hard before kissing his tears and then his lips, pulling away and not wanting to let go of his shoulders.

'I love you,' he said. Rey realised that it had been the first time he had said the words out loud. His expression was one of anxiety for her more so than himself and Rey didn't want to leave the ship, she wanted to stay in this moment with him.

The voices outside became audible then and Rey let go, rubbing her eyes and pressing the release on the doors. They opened gradually, Rey telling Ben to stay put with a hand and she moved towards the exit, stepping out into the humid air of D'Qar.

Leia was waiting, tears filling her eyes and she pulled Rey tightly to her. Rey had expected Luke and her friends, but they were nowhere in sight.

'Is it true? Do you have him?' Leia asked.

Rey nodded and looked down at her hands, feeling terrible.

'We heard that the facility was destroyed by the Knights of Ren and there were whispers saying Snoke was there, I expected that Ben was there too. What happened, Rey? Where have you been?' Leia asked quickly, clearly not knowing what question she should ask first.

Rey took a breath, ready to just tell her everything at once, but she was halted by footsteps behind her making their way down the ramp.

There were intakes of breath, blasters were removed from holsters, and shouts from the men and women surrounding Leia for Kylo Ren to back down, while he held his hands up willingly.

Leia looked past Rey then, seeing her son for the first time in what felt like a lifetime and she couldn't speak. He met her eyes, his guilt so present and palpable that Leia felt her tears spill again.

'How did you?' she managed.

Rey was silent still. How did she get him onto a ship straight to D'Qar? How was he seemingly uninjured and unshackled? How did he look so different? How did he look so much like he had as a child?

'I've come to give myself willingly to the Resistance in order to be charged for my crimes against the galaxy.' Ben spoke, his voice clear and unwavering.

Most of the crowd were shocked, but there were many who did not believe his words and their guns were still held tightly cocked towards him.

Ben looked to Rey then, his shoulders loosening, waiting for her orders and Leia saw it. She felt it around the two of them and in the way her son looked at the young woman. He loved her and he was here because of her.

'Arlo and Streez, take the prisoner to the hold. He will comply,' Leia said, her eyes not breaking away from Rey and her son. 'Send the doctor to check him over too.'

Two of the officers hesitated before they stepped forward and attached a set of binders to Ben's wrists, pushing him towards the hold with their blasters cocked. Rey watched after them before meeting Leia's eyes again and then looking to the ground.

A hand was against her arm then. 'Come with me Rey, tell me what happened.' The General spoke softly and Rey bit her lip to stop her tears from coming. She merely nodded and she followed after the older woman in silence.

She couldn't meet the gazes of those around her as she walked through the facility and Rey wasn't blind to the whispering. She'd disappeared for so long and had turned up with one of the most wanted men in the galaxy without needing to even hold a weapon to his back.

Rey sat in Leia's ready room ultimately nervous. She had left without any permission, joined up with the Knights of Ren and almost gotten herself killed. Then she had decided not to come back for several weeks, disappearing with Ben. At least Leia had called her in on her own, without the other senior officers to disapprove, without Luke.

'What do you have to say for yourself?' Leia asked, her expression severe.

The younger woman took a breath. 'I don't have any excuses, General. I went against orders, I did something foolish on my own for selfish reasons. I nearly got myself killed and I've gone against what you want from me, what everyone expects of me.'

'Rey, just start from the beginning,' Leia said, holding her hand out to calm Rey and indicate that she was listening.

Rey met the general's eyes and took a breath before nodding. 'I've… there were…oh I don't know where to start,' the young Jedi said and she stood, feeling unsettled before looking back at Leia. 'To put it simply for the past several months we've had a connection, through the Force and before Luke intervened, it was through our dreams.'

Leia seemed relatively surprised by that start, but she did not interrupt Rey.

'I knew it wasn't right and though I let it go on for far too long, I let Luke block him from accessing my dreams anymore, but that did not stop the connection we had. I…we…I knew what I felt…and Ben…he saved me during the explosion. I was badly injured from fighting the Knight and the explosion and he didn't want me to be captured by the First Order.

'When I was making my way back to D'Qar, I had no choice but to stop on Saleucami and out of great misfortune I was found by the remaining Knights and they didn't give me much choice but to follow them to their ship. The Knight was there, the one that I had fought, and they said Snoke had said she was dead, but he had merely trapped her on Lothal. They wanted to destroy him and Ben out of revenge and they said they would give me Ben as a prisoner if I agreed to help them.

'I know now that I was a fool to agree to it, but they gave me little choice. They probably would have killed me if I had said no and so I waited for them to contact me again and that's why I left so suddenly. They picked me up and we went directly to Cantonica, where Snoke had been this entire time. I had to pretend to be their prisoner and then at an opportune moment they would strike, but rather than that, they used me and whether they wanted to kill or seriously injure me, I do not know. They used me to coax Ben into killing Snoke and he did. He killed him because he knew that was what I wanted and he thought that I was…and that was the last thing he wanted to do. Be good.'

Leia reached out to take Rey's hand and the young woman gripped onto it tightly. 'I regained consciousness just when one of the Knights had pulled his sword from Ben's stomach and shoulder and I just managed to stop them from killing him and to heal him enough that he wouldn't bleed to death. We left on Snoke's ship and I knew I couldn't bring him here, not this far, not when he was so injured, so I took him to Jakku and did my best to stop him from dying.'

Rey's expression was one of deep sadness and she wanted to remove her Lightsaber and pass it to Leia so that she could strike her down with her own weapon. Saying everything out loud really made her see how much wrong she had done and how much she should have done differently. Even if it hadn't ended completely horrifically, she would carry her failures with her. How could she be trusted by her master let alone anyone else after everything?

Her tears eventually came but Leia held her earnest gaze and sighed. 'Why didn't you even consider telling one of us?'

'I thought…I thought that if I could solve this alone, that I could spare any more bloodshed. It was foolhardy, but I trusted in what I saw and I shouldn't have, I know that now, because I'm still so inexperienced.'

The General nodded. 'You could have died, Rey.'

Rey nodded and swallowed. 'I lied to you and my friends.'

'About Ben?' Leia responded sombrely.

'Yes,' Rey said nodding. 'Even though he isn't the reason I went and did all of this, he is the reason I'm alive and Snoke is dead.'

Leia sighed and brought her hands together. 'That is a good thing. Snoke is gone and the First Order no longer has a powerful Force-user in Ben on their side, though that does not draw the curtain on their operations. Hux is still very much alive and can now command his troops to freely do as he wishes.'

Rey nodded. 'I understand. I'm sorry General.'

The older woman smiled wryly and squeezed the hand she still held tightly from across the table. 'Even though the circumstances aren't the best, thank you for bringing him back. Thank you for seeing the good in him, even when I thought there was nothing left to salvage.'

Rey could only remain silent. There was so much Ben had done, there was so much he had to atone for and be punished for.

'At the very least, I don't think they want him executed.' Rey looked up, meeting Leia's eyes again. 'The senior officers will probably want to use his intel for as long as possible when they find out where his allegiances lie.'

'With me?'

'With you.' Leia confirmed. 'As long as you are with us – the both of you are with us – he won't be executed.' The General took a breath. 'It was you who destroyed the facility, wasn't it?'

Rey nodded. 'Ben thought it would be best, to make sure it was gone for good.'

'Good, then Hux must think that Ben died too and his secrets with him. The information will continue to be valuable to us.'

'What will they do with him?' Rey asked, swallowing and her fingers scratching against the table. 'If they won't kill him, what will they do?'

Leia frowned. 'It will be put to a vote, which I will naturally be left out of. We don't have the capabilities to imprison him here and any device that we could muster up, it is doubtful that it could contain him for long, so we would be relying on him taking his punishment. Yourself and Luke are truly the only ones capable of stopping him from escaping if he chose to, so it is very much reliant on your involvement.'

'He will' Rey said quickly. 'He will take his punishment.'

'He would have to be your responsibility, Rey.'

Rey nodded. 'I know. If you require him to, he will give you the information willingly. You can keep him in the hold or within his own quarters, or with me, if that's what is required.'

Leia was silent for a moment and nodded. 'I will tell the officers that he wishes to comply and that you will take responsibility for him.'

Rey breathed out, thankful that there might be a chance.

'What will you do about your friends?' Leia questioned. 'They might not take this well, you might be ostracised.'

The young woman smiled lightly. She wasn't unaccustomed to loneliness and she would understand if her friends decided to reject her after this. All she could do was continue to do what she thought was right. 'I will have to deal with that myself. Perhaps my actions have been truly unforgiveable, and if that is the case, then I must deserve my punishment.'

Leia sighed and squeezed Rey's hand. 'You take far too much on your shoulders, Rey. I'm sorry that you've had to keep so much to yourself. I'm sorry.'

Rey shook her head and smiled lightly. 'Life is unpredictable.'

Leia nodded in agreement and Rey got up, bowing her head to Leia and she exited the room, breathing heavily and filled with nerves. How could she face her friends? What would they say?

She made her way down the halls, trying to remain somewhat bright as she met the faces of those she passed. Rey felt and understood that there was a general weariness that was felt towards her. Yes, she had fought for them, fought for everyone, but she had fraternised with the enemy, someone who caused the death of so many of their loved ones.

'Rey!'

Rey turned hearing her name and was met with the strong arms of Finn, hugging her tightly. He didn't say a word and just held her, squeezing her.

When Finn finally pulled away, he held her at arm's length. 'We thought you were dead.'

She shook her head, feeling terrible. She should have returned earlier.

'You must think very little of me now,' Rey murmured as she looked at Finn.

He took a moment as he looked at her and then shook his head and hugged her again. 'I'm just happy that you're alive. Everything else…we can talk about it later.'

Rey couldn't help herself and she found herself crying, her tears dampening Finn's shirt. She wiped at her cheeks and when Finn pulled away, his warm hands against her own comforted her. That mixed with the warm comfort of having Ben near her, cooled her fears down immensely.

'Poe…Jess…they don't hate me, do they?' she asked.

'I think confused and upset, but I don't think they hate you.' He squeezed her hands again. 'Even if we can't understand this whole situation, it's you…and you wouldn't do something without a reason, would you?' Finn questioned.

Rey nodded. 'I'll explain it all when you are all together.'

'What about Luke?'

Rey swallowed. 'He knew about most of it, though I broke my promise when I left without telling him. I betrayed his trust.'

'Maybe you should see him?'

She nodded and let go of her friend's hands. 'Meet me in my quarters at 9 tonight, bring Poe and Jess.'

'Yes ma'am,' Finn replied with a small smile.

Rey took a breath and left Finn, looking to find her master. She wrung her hands as she walked, and the slight headache from what remained of her head injury came pulsating back. When she reached Luke's quarters, before she could ring the small bell, the doors slid open and her master was sat in one of the small chairs, a pot of tea and two cups set out on the table.

'Sit, Rey.' He murmured, gesturing to the other chair.

She nodded and warily walked over, taking a seat and trying to look directly at her master, but feeling her heart wrench every time she met his eyes.

'I should have told you,' she began after several minutes of silence and Rey's tears automatically begun. 'I was just frightened that it would be worse if I did.'

Luke swallowed and leant forward, picking up the tea cup in front of Rey and placing it in her hands, before he leant back and took his own cup. He sighed lightly and took a sip. 'There are a lot of things I wanted to say to you. I wanted to scold you, I wanted to beat you to a pulp for doing exactly what I told you not to do, but then what would that change?' Luke rested the cup on his knee and scratched his beard with the other hand. 'You wanted to finish this with minimal damage and I understand that. I do. You likely weren't given much of a choice by the knights I'm sure.' He took a breath again and made sure Rey met his eyes. 'But you were so careless with your life, Rey. I know that you want to say that you'll sacrifice anything to protect everyone here, but then what would you leave? If you hadn't come back, then what would we have done? What would we have thought?'

Rey nodded and put the teacup back down on the table and slipped from the chair and onto her knees, taking the hand of her master and bowing her head.

'If you want to end my training, if you think that I am hopeless just say the word. I will understand, Master Luke. I have made so many mistakes, I have gone against your wishes, perhaps out of selfishness, not just because of my love for Ben, but because of my desire to find a purpose and to help. If it's an affliction I can't be rid of, I will accept whatever you say.' Her voice was tight as she spoke, and she met Luke's eyes resolutely, wanting him to know her sincerity. Rey's cheeks were still wet with her fresh tears, but they had stopped flowing.

He sighed and shook his head, putting his tea cup down and taking her hands in both of his. 'You are foolhardy, you are rash, but you are young and you will make mistakes and do foolish things. I wasn't much different, I jumped into danger and thought every idea I came up with was without issues. Though what's most important and what has kept me alive so long is relying to some extent on those around me. Do you think I would have survived my early days without Leia, Han or Chewie? Even Threepio probably saved me a few times.' Luke stood and brought Rey with him. 'I just want you to understand that you aren't alone and that you can rely on others. You don't have to have the world on your shoulders.'

Rey looked solemn and bowed her head. 'I think you are being too kind to me, master.'

Luke chuckled at that and Rey met his eyes as he smiled lightly. He then patted her shoulder before pulling her into a tight hug. 'I'm relieved that you are alive. Surprised, impressed, maybe marginally elated that you brought Ben back, not just physically. I just ask of you that you promise to at least leave me a more detailed note if you are going to run off and risk your life.'

She squeezed him tightly, nodding quickly. 'I'll do better than that, I'll tell you in person so you have the opportunity to punch me first.'

His mirth continued and when they finally separated, Rey looked at Luke with relief and happiness. The feeling hadn't changed; that he felt like the father she never had and the teacher she always wanted. He was a friend and he was family.

'Now get checked at the infirmary before you start on the whiskey tonight, deal?'

Rey grinned and nodded, giving Luke one last squeeze before she dashed from his room, feeling even lighter than she had felt when she had seen Finn.

* * *

 **Thanks for reading and apologies for the delay.**


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter 30**

* * *

'You are aware that you can die from a concussion, Captain?' Doctor Kalonia murmured as she scanned Rey's body.

'Is that the case now, Doctor?' Rey questioned, trying to peer over at the scanner without moving too much.

Doctor Kalonia sighed disapprovingly and put away her scanner. 'You're incredibly lucky. Though you did have a concussion, there are no long-lasting issues apparent as a result. I will give you some medicine to counter any possible issues just in case. I'm honestly quite surprised and relieved that you didn't return with far more extensive injuries, it seems your prisoner took the brunt of them.'

Rey swallowed guiltily. 'How is he? I wasn't sure if I was helping at all or making it worse?'

The Doctor began to neaten things up in the infirmary before looking back at Rey. 'Though he has healed to a reasonable degree, there are still trace amounts of extensive muscle damage which may cause issues in the future. The sites where there seemed to be broken ribs are healing well, though there is still some bruising on several organs. I'm sure he will be fully recovered in a short time, though with an unknown future, that may be unimportant.'

The younger woman nodded. 'Thank you, doctor.' Rey paused for a moment and then continued. 'And thank you for being plain with me.'

Doctor Kalonia waved her away with a hand. 'I can't do much about the decisions of others, or even this ridiculous thing you call the Force.'

Before Rey could respond in any manner, the woman left the room for her office, leaving Rey sitting on the edge of one of the cots. The young woman sat there for several minutes, taking in her surroundings before she looked at the time.

There was still a short amount of time before she was due to meet her friends, so Rey, bolstered by the interactions she had had since arriving back on D'Qar, went to the hold to see Ben.

As she expected, there were two guards with their blasters to the ready guarding the door and with minimal effort on her part, they let Rey inside, likely understanding that for one she could subdue the prisoner if necessary and also that there would be no worry for escape when Rey had brought him in the first place.

The medium-sized hold held a small cell with a cot and a small cubby that was both a toilet and sink. Ben was meditating on the cot, much to Rey's contentment, and she watched him for a few moments before he eventually opened his eyes.

She sat in front of the cell's bars and he did the same, close enough that they could reach between them.

'Have you been completely abandoned yet?' Ben questioned, though noted that Rey was ultimately relaxed.

Rey smiled and shook her head. 'I'm waiting for the mob, they haven't come for me yet.'

Ben nodded, relieved that Rey wasn't suffering because of him. 'What do you think they will do with me?' he questioned.

She sighed and shook her head. 'I don't know. The General says it all depends on how much of a threat they see you as, whether your information is valuable and how they will contain you. I think you'll be a prisoner for the rest of your life regardless.'

'Even if that life ends next week,' Ben added. Before Rey could comment, in frustration Ben guessed, he continued. 'At least we enjoyed ourselves at the end, right? I could die somewhat happy at least.'

Rey reached forward and pinched his hand lightly. 'Stop it.'

Ben tried to chuckle, but it was a weak attempt and he met Rey's eyes. 'Could you have imagined this situation? Me willingly sitting in a cell that I could so easily walk out of?'

She narrowed her eyes and frowned but Ben just sighed and looked around the hold, as if he were searching for something interesting. His eyes eventually rested on Rey again. 'You should go.'

'Why?' she questioned, looking quite annoyed.

'So I don't ruin your credibility even more.'

Rey rolled her eyes but stood anyway. 'I think it's far too late for that. I wouldn't be surprised if half of the base thinks I seduced you here with my feminine wiles.' Though there was still mirth evident in her words, Ben sensed that she believed her words may have been accurate.

'And that would be absolutely true.'

She chuckled, shaking her head. 'Be serious.'

Ben didn't say anything, but his expression told Rey that he was being honest and rather than continue the back and forth, she moved to the door, looking back at Ben briefly before stepping out of the hold.

 **XxX**

As she walked about the base, just breathing in the humid air, Rey reached out to her friends, sensing their Force signatures pulsing lightly. It relaxed her somewhat and she was incredibly relieved that she hadn't completely destroyed everything. She could handle disappointment, but anger and resentment from those she loved, she wasn't sure how to handle.

Rey was beginning her way back to her quarters to meet her friends, when she heard her name from a familiar voice. She turned to see Finn bounding towards her, Jess and Poe on either side of him. He was smiling widely, but the other two looked somewhat timid.

'I didn't expect you to be early,' Rey said wanting to smile, but holding back her expression for Poe and Jess' sakes.

Poe slipped a hand into his jacket and then pulled out a half-sized bottle of whiskey. 'We were incredibly interested in hearing your explanation.'

Rey nodded, trying her hardest to sincerely meet Poe's eyes. 'Then I suppose we should get comfortable in my quarters.'

They weren't very far from Rey's room, so it was a quick walk before they were all sitting cross-legged around the small table in the centre of the room, glasses already filled with the first round of whiskey.

'Before I begin, I would first like to apologise for withholding information,' Rey started, coddling her glass of whiskey. 'If you want to curse me or hit me, you are more than welcome, now or during the next ten minutes.' Rey took a sip of the drink and the alcohol burned on her tongue.

Jess seemed to clear her throat and they all looked at her, despite her eyes being wide. 'I just had something stuck there, go on, don't pay me any attention.'

Rey nodded and placed her glass on the table.

She begun at the start. Telling her three friends about her difficulties with her emotions during the beginning of her training on Ahch-To and what eventually built to the first dream she had with Ben in it. They were mostly silent, though sometimes Poe would make a sound as if he wanted to protest, but he held himself back.

Rey talked about the dreams that followed, how she had felt unwillingly attracted to Ben, but had been forced in his presence, to the extent that they began to rely on each other as company and as something familiar. The connection that had been forged at no fault of their own, only increased their dependency and bond until they were both floundering in each other, lying to their masters in order to hide what was ultimately a deplorable secret.

Rey hesitated then, thinking back on when her resolve had broken, when the darkness had tried to swallow her whole and trick her, and the fact that it had just set her own desires into motion. She closed her eyes, wanting to rid it from her mind, but found it difficult.

'Nevertheless,' she added. 'I was weak. If I had been stronger perhaps I could have resisted the bond, but my heart followed where my body went.'

Poe and Finn had drunk back several glasses of the whiskey by this point and Jess sat silently, her chin rested gently against her knee.

Rey started on her admittance to Luke and the subsequent ridding of her dreams and her return to D'Qar. Moving swiftly onto the incident at Lothal and her connection with the Knights of Ren. The three looked astounded to hear of her coercion into helping them, but Rey continued, deciding to close her eyes as she spoke of Snoke's death, Ben's near miss and their recovery and return to D'Qar.

There was silence when she finished and Rey opened her eyes, glancing from one friend to another.

'Well…' Poe began, but trailed off.

Jessika's eyebrows were deeply furrowed and she rubbed her glass between her fingers.

'You kept this all from everyone? You didn't need to do that,' Finn murmured, his glass resting on the table as he looked earnestly at Rey.

She nodded. 'Perhaps I was being selfish when I thought I was being selfless. It all eventually spiralled and by the time I realised the mistakes I had made, I was already unconscious and sprawled in front of Snoke and four knights.'

'You're an idiot,' Poe said simply. He chuckled to himself for a moment before he shook his head.

'I think what Poe is trying to say is that he agrees with Finn.' Jess said, sending Poe a sharp look.

Rey shook her head and breathed out heavily. 'It's okay Jess, I was an absolute fool and I know that now.'

'Then what will you do about Ky-him?' Finn asked carefully.

'Won't the Resistance just execute him?' Jess asked, then folded her lips together at having spoken so soon and in front of Rey at that.

Poe drank back his whiskey and met Jess' eyes. 'They could do anything. Kill him, keep him for information and then kill him, or just simply lock him up forever.'

'I don't think she wants to hear that,' Finn murmured.

Rey smiled wryly and shook her head. 'I'm not blind to reality, Finn. Don't worry. I know what could happen and Be-he made the choice to come here with me. It doesn't matter that we are connected, it doesn't matter how I feel.'

Her three friends looked down into their now empty glasses and Rey sighed as she watched them all. 'I just wanted to tell you guys in person, so that if you wanted to hate me, you're more than welcome to.'

Finn smiled then and reached for the whiskey, pouring them all fresh glasses. 'I trust you, and that's what I think matters the most right now.'

'I haven't made up my mind yet, so you're gonna have to get me lucid to get a decision out of me,' Poe said with a grin, seeing Finn's smile.

Jess nodded in agreement, lifting her glass towards Finn with a huge grin.

Rey watched the three of them begin to clink their glasses and she laughed happily as they gestured for her to pick up her own. She hardly noticed the tears that she quickly wiped away as she brought the liquor to her lips.

 **XxX**

The four of them had collapsed around the room; Poe and Finn across Rey's bed, Rey in a chair and Jess on the floor, her face pressed into a small rug. It was only when there was a light knock on the door that Rey managed to stir, her body aching from the amount of alcohol they had drunk.

Everyone else was rather more unwilling to get up, so she pulled herself up, attempting to neaten her clothing and she approached the door.

'Uh…morning Captain.'

Rey blinked several times, her eyes shuffling through the persons features before she smiled brightly, noticing that it was Lieutenant Braut. 'Good morning Lieutenant, sorry about the mess,' she said, gesturing to the semi-conscious young adults behind her.

He smiled and shook his head. 'Sorry to disturb you, though the General would like to speak with you.'

Rey paused, considering what the General could possibly want to speak with her about and she found herself swallowing.

'Thank you,' she said with a nod and the Lieutenant nodded and made his way down the hall.

'Who was that?' Jess murmured with a mouth full of rug.

Rey turned back to the room and touched her hair, checking that it was neat. She then moved around the room, nudging the others to wake up. They eventually did and begrudgingly, they cleared up and left her quarters with goodbye grunts.

She followed them outside and made her way to General Organa's ready room, her hands tightening in front of her as she walked. Rey briefly greeted those she passed, though she walked with firm determination towards her destination.

When she had reached, Leia was already at the open door, gesturing her in.

'Apologies for the early morning, Rey,' she began, not sitting down.

Rey didn't know what to say, so she waited for Leia to continue.

Leia took a breath and reached for Rey's hands, separating them and squeezing them softly between her own. 'It's been agreed that he will not be executed yet,' Leia began, trying to contain her smile.

The young woman breathed out, closing her eyes for a moment. 'What do they intend on doing with him?'

The General frowned briefly. 'You have been relegated to being his personal guard. Rather than keep him in the hold, we will set up a more appropriate place for him to live on a long-term basis, where it will be easier for you to watch him. Right now, the hold is only appropriate for temporary prisoners and the guards there are already growing agitated at their new prison guard status.'

'How long will that take?' Rey asked.

'Major Brance has already given them the order, so at some time today he should be moved.' Leia responded.

Rey's brows furrowed. 'He could move to my quarters; would that not be far easier on our resources?'

Leia opened her mouth to respond, but was not able to find words for a moment. 'I'm not sure what the senior officers decided together, as I was removed from the decision. Perhaps that was brought up, but I won't know until Major Brance returns. Perhaps you can find him on your way?'

Rey was ready to nod, but shook her head instead. She felt that it would be better to maintain some distance, to not appear so heavily distracted by Ben's well-being.

'I would advise against being too rash, Rey. This is only just beginning. Not just the beginning of Ben being here, but of Hux being our sole enemy. Anything could change, whether it's next week, a month later or even a year from now. You need to be prepared for the worse. Both of us do.' Leia spoke, her tone sombre.

'I know,' Rey nodded, looking to the ground. 'I just hope that at the very least he can find his redemption here, with us, with me.'

Leia smiled wryly, a hand reaching to touch Rey's cheek softly. 'Take care of him for me.'

Rey nodded again and lightly pulled her hands from Leia's, moving back to the door. She took a deep breath as she walked, relieved to some extent that it seemed most of the workers had moved out of the hallways.

She decided on going back to her quarters to better prepare for the day with a sonic shower. Rey didn't have any idea of what would happen next, whether Luke would halt their training for the time being, especially with the fact that Rey had to be with Ben for a large portion of the day. Nor did she know whether his information would be useful and whether once it no longer proved useful, would mean his death.

If her old self were walking beside her, she imagined she would have chided her against thinking so pessimistically, yet Rey knew it would always be there in the corner of her mind. Even if she was happy right now in this moment, she couldn't hide that she was scared.

Rey typed in her door code, her heart feeling heavy. When the pneumatic door opened and she saw Ben standing in the middle of the room looking out of place, she didn't move for several seconds, and then she found herself in his arms, her arms around his neck and his arms around her waist. His hair still smelled like Jakku and it felt as if nothing had changed.

'How are you here?' she questioned, looking up at him.

'Naturally I eluded my guards and searched every room until I found one that smelled like you.' He responded, his expression serious.

Rey frowned and poked him. 'Must you make fun?'

Ben smiled lightly, his eyes moving across Rey's features and chuckling when she realised he wasn't cuffed.

'Major Brance said he went to look for you and hoped that I wouldn't cause any issues while I waited. He took the binders with him.'

She narrowed her eyes at him. 'Are you sure you didn't compel him to do that?'

He shook his head, but Rey could read the lie in his eyes. Before she could berate him on the dangers of so outwardly utilising the Force against his imprisoners, his lips were against hers in a sweet and brief kiss.

'I won't do it again. I understand, don't worry.'

Rey sighed and pulled him to her, holding him tightly. 'It's up to you from now, just know that. There's only so much I can do.'

Ben nodded, his arms tightening around her waist. 'I'll be good. I'll be good now.'

She believed him. If there was anything she could truly be sure of, it was that this connection, that their love for each other, could be enough, it would be enough. So when Major Brance's knock eventually came, she could think more readily to the future; when the galaxy could be balanced, when there would be no more Hux or First Order and at least for a while, they could be at peace.

* * *

 **THE END**

* * *

 **Thanks so much for taking the time to read this story of mine. I hope you enjoyed it!**

 **Also I saw the new movie last night (thankfully I finished this today!) And I'm Reylo trash4LYFE. Hopefully new stories come to me in the future. We have two years baby!**

 **Goodnight and Goodbye.**


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